rSlash - r/AITA My Step-Dad Wants to Be My Gynecologist

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:07 Purity checks 6:08 My bully 10:05 She left me 13:02 Skin tone acceptance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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To be super clear, I'm not laughing because this is like, not a big deal. I'm laughing because this is a coping mechanism to deal with how crazy these people's lives are. Oh my god, Bucklin, this is gonna be a terrible post. Hey everyone, I'm stuck in a weird and kinda gross situation right now. I'm an 18-year-old woman finishing up high school and still living with my mom who's 34. So a few months ago, my mom started dating this new guy who's 50. Okay, age gap weirdness aside, things got super awkward for me personally.

About three months ago, my period started getting super bad. Like, we're talking unusually heavy bleeding and major cramps, and just a lot of pain that I've never dealt with before. Obviously I was like, okay, time to go see a gynecologist because I haven't been to one since I was 15. And this is not something to mess around with. Also, it's time to get a routine pelvic exam anyways. I told my mom, thinking she'd be supportive and help me make an appointment. We live in a pretty remote, rural area right now. My high school has literally like 50 students. And it's like an hour drive to the nearest urgent care. Also, the insurance I'm on sucks, and I need her to help me with the copay. But nope! The next day she's like, guess what, my boyfriend can do your checkup! Yeah, turns out he used to be a board certified gynecologist,

but he got his license yanked away a few years back. And why does she want him to do it? To save money on the copay since our insurance kinda sucks, and to avoid driving two hours to see a doctor in town. Now, let me be clear, this guy gives me major creeps. He's done stuff like not knocking before entering my room, making weird jokes that are definitely not okay, and just giving me those vibes that scream, stay away. So the thought of him being all up in my business for a pelvic exam?

Hell no. Well, I said as much to my mom, explaining there's no way I'm letting her boyfriend anywhere near me like that, and she lost it. She said that I was being insulting, assuming the worst about her boyfriend, and that I hurt his feelings by suggesting that he couldn't be trusted. She said I was essentially implying that he's a pervert. It ended with her saying that I'm grounded for even thinking he was some sort of creep. So here I am, feeling stuck and kind of violated by the mere suggestion and punished on top of that. Am I the butthole for standing my ground and not wanting her boyfriend to do the exam?

Okay, I gotta point out something that should be obvious. Gynecologists make a lot of money, so does anyone else find it a little bit suspicious that despite this guy presumably having been a doctor, he can't afford a copay for a pelvic exam? So either this guy lost his license because he's not to be trusted as a doctor, or I think more likely, he's lying about being a doctor in which case he's definitely not trustworthy. Then same day OP posted an update. So I got home from school today and my mom was waiting in the living room for me sobbing. Her boyfriend, The Creep, is standing right there next to

her. For background, for the past two years she's been a really religious born-again Christian type. No boys, curfew, the whole nine yards. I've never passionately hugged or had a boyfriend. So in between sobs, she tells me the creep talked to her today and told her that based on my symptoms, heavy bleeding and period cramps, and my disrespectful behavior, he's sure that it's from me passionately hugging.

Not even from an STD, but from having intercourse that was so intense it injured my insides. Okay, there's no way this guy was a doctor. There's no way, man. I've literally never heard of this before, and I looked it up later and it's not even an effing thing. Meanwhile, the creep is sitting there mostly silent, nodding along with what my mom is saying.

I tried to get a word in, but that's when the creep started on me, telling me, don't even bother denying it. I've been a gynecologist for over a decade. I tried to get a word in, but that's when the creep started on me, telling me, DON'T EVEN BOTHER DENYING IT. I've been a gynecologist for over a decade. I know this when I see it. Yada yada yada. My mom then starts yelling at me like, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? And so on and so forth.

She's convinced that I've been going out having intercourse with boys from school when I've literally just been seeing the two or three friends that I have. So then they explained that they decided together some consequences for what I allegedly did. That I'm grounded, they're gonna switch out my iPhone for a dumb phone so that I can't use social media. I'm not allowed to see my friends. And this is the crazy part. The creep is gonna perform a weekly, yo what, a weekly purity test invasive vaginal exam to make sure that I'm not actively having intercourse until they can trust me again. And the first one is gonna be this weekend. I am totally effing lost here. Obviously I'm not going through with this, but I have no money at

all and nowhere I can stay for even one night. I'm leaning on making up some excuse to avoid the purity thing and keep my smartphone until I can sort something out. Any other ideas are appreciated. All right, the comments is just everyone begging OP to call the cops, call a helpline, call a women shelter, something like that, because OP needs to leave this household immediately. There's no way this guy is a doctor. He just goes around saying, you know, I'm an expert on vaginas. I can take a look at yours if you like. And OP's stupid mother is dumb enough to believe it.

Like, this guy may as well be walking around the house with FBI, female body inspector, and she's like, oh, I see. He's an expert on female anatomy. How nice to have an expert living with us. OP, you gotta get get outta here, man. Zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your parents five out of five buttholes. Which, coincidentally, is more than the number of buttholes

this guy has seen in his career as a gynecologist. Am I the butthole for telling my mom that she's dead to me if she mentors my bully? So, I'm a 16-year-old guy, and my mom, who's 40, is a teacher at my school. Our school has a special elective you can take, which is being a teacher's aide during your elective period. It's mostly stuff like grading papers for them, making copies, mentoring, etc. It's pretty much always just the teacher's favorite student at the time. I found out at the beginning of the

semester that my mom chose Dave, a 17 year old guy, to be her teaching assistant. Dave has made my life a nightmare since middle school. He's bullied me mercilessly both physically and emotionally since sixth grade. I don't want to get into everything he's done to me, but everyone is fully aware of it, including the school and my parents. There have been countless meetings with school administration and suspensions on his end, but it never stopped him. Since we've been in high school, I haven't had to see him as much, which is a relief. But the times that I do are always terrible. When I found out that Dave was

my mom's teaching assistant, I was obviously very hurt and confused. I asked her, why would you want to spend extra time with someone who made my life so terrible? She said that she had him in one of her classes and that he really isn't such a bad kid, but he has a really terrible home life that she can't tell me about that makes him act out. For the record, my mom has always had a soft spot for kids who come from bad homes. I reminded her of all the things that he'd done to me and she said that she understands, but he really needs help right now. I told her, I get that, but why does it have to be you?

We have a huge school full of teachers and staff who can mentor him. Why does it have to be you? She told me to stop being selfish, and that some kids have it harder than I can imagine, and she's just trying to help. I was honest with her and told her that if she continues to have him as her aide, she was dead to me. She was choosing him over me and she would no longer be my mother. I said that I would no longer talk to her the minute I turned 18, that I was moving out and she would never hear from me again. She rolled her eyes and said that I was being dramatic, but after a couple of days of ignoring her, I was grounded. Oh my god, I should have seen it coming. That didn't

change my mind, and my dad then tried to force me to talk to her. I still refuse, so they pretty much took everything away from me for the past few weeks. I no longer have my car, computer, guitar, and most recently my art supplies. And I go straight home to my room and I'm not allowed out except for dinner until I start talking to her again. They don't realize that this is just strengthening my resolve. I'm gonna sit in this empty room every day silently until I'm 18 and then they'll never see me again. My mom keeps coming in crying begging me to talk to her, which makes me feel kind of bad but she still won't remove Dave as her aid. Am I taking this

too far? I just feel so betrayed. Honestly OP, I kind of feel like even if your mom did remove the bully it's too late. The damage has been done. You very calmly approach your mother's like hey this doesn't make me comfortable. This is my bully. Can you please stop supporting my bully and don't pick him over me? And she's like, tough luck, kid. The bully takes priority over my own son. So if my mom did that to me, I don't think I could ever look at her the same way again.

And then doubling down and keeping her as aid in your class. Yeah, Opie, I'd be out of there. Considering you're going to have so much free time in your class? Yeah, OP, I'd be out of there. Considering you're gonna have so much free time with your parents grounding you, you should start working on an exit plan, OP. Maybe even get a job. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom, gosh, 4.5 out of five buttholes.

Same thing for your dad. The fact that he's backing her up is ridiculous. It's ironic that you said your mom has a soft spot for kids who come from bad homes when clearly you come from a bad home because your parents are awful. Unfortunately, that soft spot doesn't extend to you. This is r slash from the future. After sitting down to record today, I saw that OP posted an update. So here's the update. A lot has actually happened since last week. And while nothing is really fixed

I think things are going in the right direction. On Friday I got called out of class to the guidance counselor. When I got there my mom and the assistant principal were there as well. The counselor asked me to sit down and said that me changing tracks from college to trade like I mentioned in my last post was a big decision and she wanted to sit down with my mom and me to figure out if this was really the best for my future. She first asked me if I would fully explain why I wanted to switch. I explained the whole situation from my perspective and about how I was being punished. I said that if this is how I'm going to be treated from now on, I wanted to become independent as soon as possible, and going to college would have me relying on my parents for longer than I would like.

She then asked my mom if she had anything she would like to add. My mom tried to downplay the whole situation at first and make it look like I was just being stubborn and disrespectful, but as the counselor asked her more questions, it became pretty clear that my side was the truth. After this, the assistant principal stepped in and said that a teacher's aid wasn't worth all this turmoil and that Dave would be switched with another teacher. The counselor then asked me if this would help me to start working things out with my mom. I said, not really, because it wasn't even her choice and she

hasn't even admitted that she's done anything wrong. She then asked my mom if she was willing to apologize for anything that had happened. My mom gave a half-hearted apology where she said things had gone overboard and she never meant to hurt me so much. The counselor asked if I would like to apologize for anything as well and I said not really but nobody pressed me on it. The counselor then explained that it was too late in the semester for my transfer. What she suggested is that my mom and I and possibly my dad should go to a family counselor for the rest of the semester. I would stay in my current classes, my parents would give me all my stuff back, and we would see if we could come to some kind of peace before next semester. She then asked my mom if, after that, I still hadn't changed my mind. Would

she accept the class changes? My mom said no at first because she wanted me to go to college. But I told her that she had already failed me as a mother once. Please don't do it again. She got really quiet and said that she would agree to it if that's what I really wanted. When I got home, my stuff was returned to me. I also started talking to my mom again. I just kind of felt like there wasn't a point to ignoring her anymore. I don't treat her like a mother or anything anymore, but I'll

answer her if she asks me a question. It just feels like that now that I have a plan, a lot of my anger is gone, and I just see her as a person who happens to live in my house. We haven't scheduled our first counseling session yet, but I don't see it changing much anyways. The damage is done, so I don't see myself changing my mind. That's pretty much it. I probably won't update again unless something crazy happens or something. Wow, OP, it is both depressing and inspiring that your counselor and your assistant principal are better parents to you than your actual parents are. I guess I'm glad that things mostly worked out in the end, but I think you're making

the right call by keeping your mother at arm's length. Because if she hurt you that badly before and doesn't even realize it, then she's bound to hurt you that badly again if you let her. Am I the butthole for laughing when I found out who my girlfriend left me for? I'm a 19 year old guy. My ex is 19 and her ex-boyfriend that she went back to is 22. I've been dating her casually for a couple of months, and she told me the day before Valentine's Day

that she's been talking to someone else and wanted to break up with me to be with him. I asked who, and she said that it was her ex. This made me involuntarily laugh, because from what she's told me and from what I've heard from mutual friends that know him, he's A. A diagnosed narcissist, B. Unemployed and lives off his parents and her when she was dating him, and C. He initially turned her down when she asked him out, asked out another girl, was rejected, and then decided to date her.

Additionally, I've seen him and he's honestly not very attractive. So the sheer stupidity of going back to him made me laugh. Breaking up with me is one thing, and fair. But how stupid you have to be to go back to that? She got angry at me for laughing, and said that I was just trying to make her feel bad because I'm hurt. I thought about it for a second, and realized I wasn't hurt. Normally, if my girlfriend left me for somebody else, I would have been hurt. But in this case, the fact that she's going back to him, of all people, made me realize two things. First, she's making an objectively really stupid decision, and that level of stupidity is

unattractive to me. So I didn't feel that I was losing anybody I respect or find attractive on a level beyond physical. Two, her making this stupid decision says more about her inability to judge what a good boyfriend would be more so than my attractiveness. I told her that and she got angry and stormed off. Some mutual friend said that I was a butthole for belittling her decision and laughing at her, but I think some decisions deserve to be laughed at. Okay, hold on. So your girlfriend dumped you for another guy that she's been talking to, possibly even having an emotional affair with or maybe even a physical affair,

and you can't even laugh at the absurdity of it? You're supposed to sit there gracefully and say, oh, wow, I can understand why you dumped me for him. He's an amazing guy. I wish you the best of luck. Nah, man, when someone dumps you, you're allowed to be bitter. That is a God given right.

Well, I mean, technically, I don't think you were bitter. What I'm saying is, OP has a right to say something snarky when you get dumped. I mean, it's not the nice thing to do, but it's reasonable. Do we really believe that if he dumped her for his ex-girlfriend, she would have been like, oh well, I understand Goodbye. Nah, she'd be angry. She'd be angry pissed off yelling screaming crying like most people would in that situation

OP you have an impressive amount of wisdom for a 19 year old boy I was once a 19 year old boy and I was a dumbass I don't know if I would have had this level of clarity OP you get zero out of five buttholes I'm gonna give your girlfriend one out of 5 buttholes. I'm gonna give your girlfriend 1 out of 5 buttholes, not for dumping you, I mean she has a right to dump you if she wants to, but for getting angry at you because she dumped you and you laughed at her decision, that's just stupid. Am I the butthole for telling my sister to accept that her daughter is white?

I'm 33 and my sister is 27. We're both Caucasian Latinas. However, she's always been more tan than me, a fact that she's always been very proud of. For reference, my skin tone is close to Aubrey Plaza's, while hers is close to Gina Rodriguez's. When we were younger, she would constantly talk about how European I look compared to her. How my hair looked more blonde than brown, which no one has ever agreed with. And how certain colors that I like to wear looked awful on me due to my skin tone. I almost never said anything, because I was six years old and I had better things to do.

Also, while I did have many insecurities, I never doubted that I was beautiful. Fast forward to now and we both have kids. My husband is a little more tan than me, and both of our children, an 8-year-old boy and 3-year-old girl, have the same skin tone as their father. My sister's ex, her baby daddy, however, was a very pale Swiss guy. My niece, who's 5, is a fair-skinned girl with dark blonde hair, while my daughter is more tan and has dark brown hair. Everyone agrees that both girls are beautiful, but their skin tones have always bugged my sister. She insists that both girls are beautiful, but their skin tones have always bugged my sister. She insists that both girls are equally tan, that her daughter's hair is light brown,

and that my daughter spends too much time in the sun. Last weekend, we all had dinner at my father's place. My son brought his notebook and drew pictures of everyone at the table. He colored my daughter's skin a darker shade than my niece. Orange for my daughter, light pink for my niece He also gave my niece yellow hair and colored my daughter's hair black when he showed us the drawings my sister frowned She said that he was exaggerating his cousin's features and that he could at least make her hair darker when my niece said that she loved the drawing my sister told her that it looked nothing like her and

When my niece said that she loved the drawing, my sister told her that it looked nothing like her, and insisted my son was doing this on purpose. Before the kids could get upset, I pulled my sister aside and told her she was being ridiculous. We had a very small fight in the next room. Near its end, I said something along the lines of, Listen to me, your daughter is white. We're all white. You need to accept that that and stop comparing the girls if you don't want your niece to become insecure. We left shortly afterwards and none of the kids have brought anything up again. My sister is pissed at me. She

told both of our parents who are divorced about the fight. Our father thinks that I shouldn't have commented on my niece's appearance and wants me to apologize to my sister. Our mom thinks this is dumb. I agree, but says that my sister is overreacting. Am I the butthole? Yo, OP, man, your dad is so dumb, so it's okay for your sister to comment on your kid's appearance but you can't comment on her kid's appearance? UGH.

I can't figure out for the life of me why this lady decided to procreate with a white Swiss guy if she was that obsessed with Latina skin tones. What did she expect? OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. You're right, she is going to give your niece insecurities. I'm giving your sister two out of five buttholes. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.