rSlash - r/AmITheA--hole for Not Buying My Sister a House?

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash, Am I the butthole? Where Opie calls the cops on his brother? Am I the butthole for calling the cops after my brother dropped his two kids off of my workplace? I'm a 31 year old man, and my brother, who's 36, is a single widow dad of two kids. My nephews, both under the age of 10. He used to hire babysitters, but ever since he met his new girlfriend, he stopped hiring any help, because his girlfriend claimed that she wanted the kids to warm up and get used to her as

the only woman in their life, which is confusing. So he started asking me to watch the boys whenever he had something to do. I would help if I'm able to, but I work a demanding job and I need to cover full time. He, for whatever reason, refuses to acknowledge that. Days ago, he was going for lunch with his girlfriend to meet her friends, and he wanted me to watch the boys. I told him I had to work, but he begged me to take the day off. I refused and went to work. At 11 a.m., a coworker of mine entered the office, and behind him were my nephews. I

was flabbergasted, and my coworker told me that my brother dropped them off so they could stay with me. I was in a state of disbelief, but also furious. I felt stuck and terrified that my boss would see this and I would get in trouble. I couldn't even take time off because of how busy I was.

Out of frustration, I called the cops and explained what happens. They got a hold of my brother and he was forced to come take them off me, and he also got in trouble with the authorities who spent hours talking to him. My boss eventually found out, and I had to leave work early and go home. In the evening, my brother called and started screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names, and saying that I not only ruined his meeting with his girlfriend and her friends but caused him to get in trouble with the cops. He called me a vile son of a b-word and said that I could have had the kids with me for a couple of hours or even took them home and

took the rest of the day off. We haven't been speaking, but his girlfriend is constantly shamey me for what I've done, saying that she treats the kids better than I do and that I should be ashamed for this. Okay, first off, as someone who has a brother, I have to point out that calling your sibling a vile son of a bee is calling yourself a vile son of a bee, because your siblings, man, that's how siblings work. But outside of that, what your brother did was insanely irresponsible and disrespectful. You know, it's not like, I don't know, it's like his girlfriend was hospitalized and someone had to watch the kids It's not like his house was on fire. This was a lunch date with his girlfriend's friends

Hardly an emergency and he's expecting you to completely rearrange your life to accommodate his kids Which are his responsibility by the way not yours Then he dropped them off at your workplace Which could definitely get someone fired. And he doesn't even confirm that you're working there. I mean, what if you went into work, but then you had to go to some other location because some jobs require you to travel. And then it's up to, who, I guess, your co-workers to watch the kids who are dropped off until

you come back, that is insanely irresponsible as a parent. Oh, Pete, I think that what you did here is perfectly reasonable. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes, I'm giving your brother three out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for refusing to help my step-sister with her house purchase and telling her and my step-father that it's because of how they treated me as a child? I'm a 29-year-old woman. When I was about 10, my mom married my stepfather. I have an older brother Luke who was 15.

My stepfather had Amy and Ada who were 12 and 11. We didn't come from a privileged background. My mom was a minimum wage worker and my dad was absent. Our stepfather had a very good income. My mom and my stepfather's deal was that they wouldn't combine finances, and they would each contribute equally to the household, and then each takes care of their children with their spare money. So, my mom never had anything for us, and my stepfather was spending big on his kids. This included vacations, which Luke and I were excluded from.

My stepfather would pay for my mom, but not us. Luke and I also shared a room, even though Amy and Ada had their own rooms. And we also had a guest room, because my stepfather insisted that he was paying more towards the house, so my mom shared would only get her one room for the kids. Luke and I were constantly teased about this by the three of them as we grew up. My mom always said that we should be thankful because if it wasn't for our stepfather, we wouldn't be living in a nice home in a good neighborhood. Anyway, Luke and I became determined to be able to take care of ourselves so that we wouldn't need to take

nonsense from anyone. We've both done quite well with our careers and finances and we're both in a very good place. Since turning 18 and moving out, my relationship with my stepfather and his two daughters has been very limited. I wouldn't call us friends, but we can coexist peacefully if we're in the same place. I visited my mom recently, and my stepfather mentioned that Amy wants to buy a house now that she's pregnant. He asked me if I'm able to help out a little with the deposit.

The house she wants to buy is 500,000 pounds and she needs a 150,000 pound deposit. She has 100,000 pounds so far. 25,000 pounds of her own money, 25,000 pounds from her mom, and 50,000 pounds from her stepfather. He was asking if Luke and I can help cover the extra 50k and he said that he would pay us back as part of the inheritance eventually. I said no! He insisted that Luke and I both own our houses outright and with our incomes we should be able to help. I said whether I can or not is irrelevant. My answer is no. He reminded me that Luke and I each gave 10,000 pounds to our cousin for buying a house

as a gift. He said that Amy's my sister and he's offering to pay us back. I said that was our choice then, and this is my choice now. He insisted that we should be willing to help out our family if we're able to, and I replied back. Like how you helped out me and Luke when we were kids? Everyone just went quiet when I said this. After a while, he said that if he could go back in time, he would have done things differently, treated all four of us equally. I said,

that's good of you, but that doesn't make you entitled to my money now. He said that he knows that he's not entitled. That's why he's asking and promising to pay it back. I said the answer is still no. He's not entitled to a loan either. My mom later told me that I could have turned him down without being a butthole or bringing up my childhood, which he already feels guilty about. Am I the butthole? No! What am I reading? Why is this a post? OP. You must be dealing with some trauma here. Some deep trauma, which I don't blame you for, but I can't even believe that you have come to the internet to be like, internet. Have I done something wrong here? No! No, you haven't done something wrong. I could not believe the part where he made you and your brother share a room. But he preserved a guest room,

a guest room which just sits empty for like what? Probably 360 days out of the year. Your stepfather is cold as ice OP. I don't really know if I can blame necessarily his kids for teasing you growing up because obviously if their father is teasing you then it's kind of natural for them to tease you as well It's still awful like they shouldn't tease you. I'm just saying they had a really bad example because their father is a piece of garbage So naturally they grow up to be kind of pieces of garbage themselves, right? But the actual audacity this guy has to cut you out of his life and then come back later begging for money Give me a break man. I'm giving your stepdad four out of his life and then come back later begging for money. Give me a break, man. I'm giving your stepdad four out of five buttholes.

He's the classic Disney evil step parent. Also, I can pretty much guarantee you OP that if you give him that money, you are never going to see it again. Oh, but he feels guilty after emotionally and financially abusing you for like a decade? Okay, yeah, sure, I bet he does. Also, I think I gotta give the mom like, I'll say, man what's a fair score here? Three out of five buttles, maybe more, maybe four out of five buttles? Because yeah, she wasn't the one abusing you, but she married a man who abused you

and allowed him to abuse you. I can't believe that this woman would go on vacations with her husband and her husband's kids but leave her children behind because she couldn't afford a ticket. If I were poor and I had kids and my wife were rich and she was like, hey, let's go on vacation, I'll bring my kids, I'll bring you but I'm not going to bring your kids sweetie unless you can pay for them. I'd be like, okay, well, you can go on vacation with your kids but I'm not going it'll be me and my kids or it'll be just you and me is like a married couple thing but I can't go on vacation with you with just your kids but leave my kids behind that is that is deeply

deeply unfair and painful. So either you need to wait for like two years for me to save up enough money because I'm pouring this scenario or you need to spring for my kids years for me to save up enough money because I'm poor in this scenario or you need to spring from my kids. One of the two. Right? It's just so toxic and unfair and she allows this toxicity to exist in her family so she definitely deserves a butthole score. Yeah, I think I'm giving both her and your stepdad 4 out of 5 buttholes.

Opie, you and your brother get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm a master even talking to this guy anymore. I don't even understand why this is an issue. If she wants a new house, why doesn't she just get her daddy to pay for it? Am I the buttoll for wearing white to my wedding? I recently got married to the love of my life, Jay. We had a perfect wedding, except for one thing. My mother-in-law's freak out when she saw my dress. When we had gone dress shopping, I invited her and I found my perfect dress. My husband's family has a tradition of always wearing blushed dresses on their wedding day.

They told me about this before, and I respectfully said that I would wear whatever color dress my perfect dress was. Once I finally found it, it was white. My mother-in-law asked me to ask if they could alter it to make it blush, or to find a new dress if they couldn't. I said I would ask, but if they couldn't, then that was that. Long story short, they couldn't, and I showed up to my wedding in a white dress. All through the ceremony, my mother-in-law was seething. During the reception, she pulled me aside and asked why my dress was white. I told her that I didn't want to find a new dress and they couldn't alter it.

She said it was a tradition and she was disappointed that I'd broken it. She also said that he was disappointed when I walked down the aisle in a white dress. Was I the butthole for this? I could have just changed my dress. Um, it's really interesting that you said you had a perfect wedding except for one thing and that one thing and that one thing was your mother-in-law's freak out over the dress. But it's not two things with the second thing being your husband saying that he was

disappointed with your wedding dress. What an amazing memory to have of the happiest day of your life. Your husband being disappointed after he first lays eyes on you in your wedding dress. Mmm, that's gonna really make a girl feel good about herself. The only blushing here would be your mother-in-law and your husband when they read these comments. OP, not the butthole. You're wedding, you're wedding dress. Also, what makes this so messed up is it's his family tradition, not yours.

I could kind of understand her being upset if like she had a daughter and she expected her daughter to wear the blush dress Even though still the daughter could wear whatever she wanted to but like you're an outsider You're not you're not part of that family. So why is it your tradition? I don't know if she's aware of this but everywhere else the tradition is a white wedding dress So why is her tradition more important than your tradition? Opie I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your mother-in-law 2 out of 5 buttholes for the audacity, and I'm giving your husband 2 out of 5 buttholes for the disrespect.

Am I the butthole for telling my sister-in-law that she was being a B word when she kept correcting my dad and reminding her that she only speaks one language for context? Both of my parents are Mexican, and although they both speak English very well, my dad sounds a bit like Gloria from Modern Family. So, whenever we're with them, my siblings and I only speak Spanish. My older brother, who's 26, got married to his wife, who's 28-2 years ago. None of my siblings are I really like her, because she believes that she's the smartest girl in the whole world and is always, always correcting us on something. Mrs. Smarty Pant only knows one language, so when she's dining with us, my parents speak English. Yesterday, my mom made a bomb dinner

and invited my brother, his wife, and my sister to come eat with us. My brother and I were talking about Pangaea, and as soon as she came through the door, she corrected us on the pronunciation. Even though we said the word in Spanish and not English, we just rolled her eyes and said nothing because we didn't want to spoil dinner. My parents said hi, she made some more condescending comments and we all sat down to eat. We are not a quiet family. We can all talk together or we can talk in groups. Since my sister-in-law was there, we were all talking in English. My younger brother and I were talking to my dad about a movie where the guy escaped on a boat, and my dad was saying boat as bot. My brother and I didn't care because it was pretty obvious given the context. But my sister-in-law said,

it's not bot, it's a boat. My innocent dad tried to say boat, but again, he did it with the bot sound, and she said, no, boat, not bot, boat. My dad was obviously embarrassed, but he tried it again, and she just sighed and said, bote, it's, but I cut her off and said, you're being a B word, he can't say it, so what? He's not talking to you anyways. Both my brother and my mom looked at me, but my sister-in-law said, I was just helping, but I said, no, you're being rude. How many languages do you speak to be correcting someone?

My dad took my hand and smiled, but things got awkward and they left. My brother's demanding I apologize because I was the butthole. My dad doesn't think that I should do it and my mom isn't sure, so I don't know. Am I the butthole? I'll be, here's what you do. Here's what you do. You call up your sister-in-law and say, you know what sister-in-law you're right? That was disrespectful of me. I shouldn't have done that. Then, then, during the next family event, you guys just talk in Spanish. That way, your sister-in-law won't have to listen

to you mispronounce words, and she can experience immersion learning. Anyone who's learned another language will tell you that the best way to learn that language is through immersion. So just have her dive into the deep end and only speak Spanish around her. After all, if she wants to learn Spanish, that's the best way to do it. Like that's what's so rude about the situation.

You and your family are being considered by intentionally including her by speaking English. And she's punishing your consideration by being condescending towards you. So like if that's how she wants to be, so be it. Just talk in Spanish OP. Nothing of value will be lost. towards you. I'll put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.