rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole for Not Giving Up the House I Inherited?

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash. Am I the butthole? Where someone demands OP's house. Am I the butthole for not giving up a house that I inherited? I'm a 29 year old woman, and I was raised in a Christian household. With that came gender roles that were ingrained in me at a young age. My granddad, however, hated that my parents taught us this way, and as I got older, I did too. Because of this, I became very close with my grandparents instead of my own parents. I also have an older brother that my parents labeled, the second king of the house. My grandparents lived in a beautiful house that had no neighbors, many trees, and a garden. They paid off the house after years and years and it's very special to them.

My granddad also had bad problems with his back and a condition that would get worse until he couldn't go on anymore. After my grandmother passed away, he got worse and he ended up needing at home care. He didn't want a stranger in his home so that wasn't an option. My parents preached that it was a punishment for all of his sins so they wouldn't take care of him and they were planning on putting him in a home. I decided to stay with him since it would just be easier. My job can be worked effectively at home and he would get taken care of from someone who isn't a total stranger. In the time that I took care of him, we filled his home with the love and laughter

that my grandmother brought to it. As my granddad got worse, we didn't get a single call, not from my mom or dad or my brother. We were joking about it once and he said, maybe I should just give you the house instead of your dad. He's just gonna give it to your brother anyway. He laughed after he said it. So I assumed that he was just joking.

Fast forward a bit, and the worst happened. I was the one who found him. I had to make the call. All of it, as much as I was pushed away from my parents, I didn't want them to find out the news from a random person. The funeral was the first time that I ever truly connected with my parents in years. We hugged and cried together, and we were all vulnerable. But then it came time for the will.

Now it wasn't some tele novella with all the dramatics, but it was intense. The house that was supposed to be my dad's became mine, as well as many other things that my dad planned on giving to my brother. I was accused of manipulating my granddad into him giving the house to me, and the whole time my brother was just yelling. A week later, my brother came to the house in tears. He was begging me to give him the house

since his was too small for his wife and baby. He argued that because it's just me and my husband and we don't want kids, I don't need it. I told him to leave and felt horrible. I feel like a butthole and my family thinks that I'm a butthole too. He's right. I don't need the house. My job pays me good money and I could easily just live somewhere else. On the other hand though, my granddad wouldn't want him or my dad to have it, so I'm at a loss here. Am I the butthole? Okay OP, if your brother wants the house, there's a really really simple way for him to obtain the house. Buy it! It's really simple. He just makes you a reasonable offer, you accept the offer, and then you sell him the house.

But no, what he wants is a 6 figure handout. Maybe even 7 figure handout. I don't know how expensive this house is, but considering there are no neighbors and it's surrounded by trees and it has a garden, I wouldn't be surprised if we were tipping into the 7 figure range here. And they're going to accuse you of manipulating your grandfather, but like manipulate him how? By spending time with him by loving him by being a good granddaughter by taking care of him What a joke man. O.P. you get a rock solid zero out of five buttholes here You did nothing wrong. You just loved your grandfather. I'm giving your other family members four out of five buttholes They sound toxic and hypocritical. I say keep the house O.P.

Clearly your grandfather made the correct decision. Oh also the grandfather could zero out of five buttholes. He made the right call. Am I the butthole for selling my late husband's home out from under his parents? Last year, my husband died in a car accident. We were separated for about a year prior, but not officially divorced, so I was named the administrator of his estate. I have my own home and I'm financially independent. We have two kids together.

In late summer of last year, I learned that his parents were the beneficiaries and received a boatload of money. Since his death, his parents have told me that they wanted to buy my husband's home. I've been waiting for them to go through with the purchase since August, and I've been paying the mortgage on his home ever since. In February, I warned them that I was sick of paying for two mortgages, and that I needed them to go through with their purchase. They've dragged their feet ever since, and told me that it was in their lawyer's hands, and they had no control.

But my lawyer hasn't received any kind of formal offer from them, other than their lawyer saying that they were interested. Last week, I was approached by a gentleman willing to pay good money for the home. I warned my in-laws hoping that it would make them move forward, but they scoffed and told me that I just needed to be patient and wait. It's been an entire year of waiting, of them letting me pay the mortgage on his home and support our children while they go on vacations, make large purchases and pay off their debt with the life insurance. Am I the butthole for accepting an offer

from someone that isn't them? Is selling the home of their dead son wrong? So one thing I'd like to point out that seems really, really important here is that your husband actively decided that his parents are the beneficiaries of the life insurance. However, he did not make special considerations for the house that he owned, which would imply legally that he expects you to inherit the house. So legally, ethically, morally, that's your house to do with as you please. Right? If your husband intended his parents to have his house, then he could have made the same like preparations that he did with the life insurance, but he didn't.

Honestly, OP, you gave them a full year, which was more than generous. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes, your in-laws get 1 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my son that I don't like him? I love my son more than anything. I have three and they were all raised to respect everyone regardless of their differences. My 21-year-old and 19-year-old sons have that down great, but my 16-year-old son, however, is bullying a gay boy in his class, and I was less than happy when I found out. His cousin told me, I gave him the chance to invite the boy over for dinner and apologize, but he refused. He wouldn't say sorry at all. I get it, it's embarrassing being told off in front of your friends, but I don't care, I wasn't happy

with his treatment. I ended up grounding him, but it didn't seem to be affecting him at all, and he clearly wasn't learning his lesson. I contacted the family and let them know what was going on, and they agreed to meet up for dinner, and again, I gave my son a chance to apologize. He got extremely upset and angry, maybe both, and said that nobody even liked that f-word. Of course, I apologized to their family, and they left. My son and I got into a big argument when they left where he said that he wasn't sorry and again that nobody likes this kid. I told him that I don't like him very much right now either.

He got quiet, apologized, and went to his room. I have now been told that he's apologized to the student that he was bullying and his grounding has been lifted, but he's still hiding in his room and we very rarely speak. My ex-husband says that I shouldn't have told my son that I don't like him and there's no excuse for that behavior. I understand that it may not have been the nicest thing to hear, but he wasn't listening to a word that I was saying and he was being a downright bully. Am I the butthole?

A lot has happened since I made my post, so I figured that I just popped in to let people know how it unfolded. I've had a little chitchat with my son to get to the bottom of his behavior, and it turns out that he had asked his victim on a date, and he was turned down. Instead of acting like a normal human being, he decided to be spiteful and started bullying the boy. He's still making up for it, and we've had a talk about consent and the fact that nobody is obligated to date him. He knows that I understand that he was hurt, but he should have spoken to me.

After all, it's what I'm here for. My ex is also openly homophobic, and he no longer wants to visit him on weekends. So hopefully my son's father will no longer make such a great impression on him. I also want to thank everyone for their kind words to this mama who thought that she handled a tough situation very, very poorly. I appreciate all this kindness. Oh man. So I was really, really against this kid at the beginning, but now that I understand the full picture,

I can see why he reacted that way. Because clearly he was struggling because he has a homophobic father, right? And he's either by or homosexual himself. And he probably had to build up so much courage to reach out to this other boy in class to try to go on a date with him. And then when he got turned down, it probably brought up all these insecurities and made him feel like, man, I can't even imagine what he felt like. So I'm not excusing his behavior in the slightest because he still shouldn't have bullied that other boy, but I do understand why he would lash out because the fact that he had a homophobic father and he himself is homosexual has to mess up a 16 year old's brain. Like how could it not? On top of that, Natalie is his father homophobic, but he's also the type of father who would be like,

oh my son's gay? See ya, never gonna talk to you again! Anyways OP, I think you handled this really well. I mean yeah, in an ideal world you wouldn't have had to say that to your son, but clearly, your son needed to have some sense knocked into him, and the fact that you could do that with a hurtful sentence that was repaired afterwards, I think that's probably okay. So OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving your son, let's say, 2.5 out of 5 buttholes because the way that he reacted, even though he's in a tough situation, is not okay. I'm giving your ex 5 out of 5 buttholes because the way that he reacted, even though he's in a tough situation, is not okay. I'm giving your ex 5 out of 5 buttholes. No, it's not a man's gonna be a home of sexual. Come on, dude, it's 2022. Grow up. Am I the butthole for not being happy that my sister

is pregnant again? My sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of high school, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every other year or two. So now she has four kids at the age of 24. She's a stay-at-home mom, even though she was brilliant, and she could have gotten a free ride to a great university. Since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of Christ. They gush over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement.

Problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even before COVID. And now it's barely limping along. My sister doesn't work and my parents have limited income. So guess who's constantly being told to lend them money for stuff like school fees, car seats, car payments, a new stroller, et cetera. They don't even ask, my mom just text me, your sister needs money for the kids and I'm supposed to cough it up.

If I complain, they accuse me of being jealous because I don't have a husband and family even though I'm older, but I'm only 26! So, over Easter, I notice that my sister isn't drinking, and I think, oh God, here we go again. Sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been insinminated with yet another precious miracle. Everyone's gushing, and I just try to stay quiet and out of the way. Later, she asks me if everything's alright, and I try to play stay quiet and out of the way. Later she asked me if everything's alright and I tried to play it off but she pushes so I asked her if she and her husband

could really afford another baby. She very snippily replies, God will provide like he has so far which really pissed me off. I yelled that no actually God didn't provide for her babies I did. And I wasn't going to give them any more handouts. It's evolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically I've been banned from my family unless I apologize. I haven't apologized. It's been radio silence, except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries, it's

my fault for stressing her out. I asked if my sister was showing any symptoms, but no one will answer or tell me. I don't know. I don't think that I'm the butthole, but I don't want to be the reason that she miscarries. Also, I think that I might be the butthole because secretly, I think that it would be better if she did, even though I would never say that to her. Alright OP so just on a really simple level your sister's finances are not your responsibility. So if your sister wants to spend all of her money on kids then that's her prerogative

but it's not your problem. Secondly your family is mega toxic. They're gonna try to blame you for miscarriage just to try to guilt rip you into giving them money. That is MEGA TOXIC. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. I will say that you're timing on this probably wasn't great because this was like a happy announcement thing and I can understand your frustration, but maybe this was like a private conversation that you should have had with your sister, not in the middle

of some sort of family event. It seemed like this might have happened over Easter. So I could maybe see giving you 0.5 out of 5 buttholes just because you turned this like family event into a fight when there was really not a reason to necessarily, but outside of that, you're 100% justified in saying what you said and delivering that message to your sister and like setting boundaries and saying I'm not giving you money anymore. Your family, however, gets 3.5 out of five but holes for basically treating you like a living ATM.

Am I the butthole for exposing my ex to his mother about our kids? I'm a 45 year old woman and I'm currently divorced from my ex to his mother about our kids? I'm a 45 year old woman, and I'm currently divorced from my ex, Thomas, who's 47 from a 30 year relationship. We ended up seeing a lawyer to help with dividing stuff up. Everything was pretty much wrapped up until he said that he no longer wanted

any part of our kids' lives. We have a five year old son and a 12 year old girl. I didn't argue with them about it, since I already know what it's like having a parent who doesn't want you around or wants to be in your life. I asked what he wanted me to tell the kids, and he just said, whatever you think is best, I don't care. I don't want to be a parent anymore. Everything was in agreement, and he signed over custody with no fuss. A few weeks later I get a call from my ex-mother-in-law asking if we could meet each other. When I came over, she broke down crying, and begging to let my ex see his kids again. I was confused about

what he meant, because not once did he contact me after meeting the lawyer. She went on about how my ex said that he really missed them and that I was just being a petty b-word for taking full custody. Also, she said that he had been crying for days about it. I told her my version of events and she called it BS saying that her son wouldn't lie like that, especially not about his kids. Then I decided to call my ex-husband in front of her. He didn't know that she and I were meeting that day. I said, hey, your son has a soccer game in a few days, and I was wondering if you wanted

to go. I know he'd really love it, and he'd be happy to see you. He instantly said, no, I already said that I'm not doing this anymore. I raised my voice a bit saying, well, what about holidays and birthdays because we never discussed any of this and your family might still want to see them? He just said, my family already thinks the kids aren't mine anyways, so it doesn't matter. I asked, well, how do you think this is going to affect your mom? She's over the moon about them.

He just said, she loves me more than the kids, so I doubt this will be an issue for her. After a bit more talking, we finally hung up. My ex mother-in-law was straight faced and nodded at everything that just happened, saying, hmm, okay, she asked me if she could leave and said she would be in touch. Later that day, I got a call from my ex saying how it's MY fault that he was kicked out of his mom's house and possibly will be taken off her will. Also, that none of his family members will talk to him because of what his mother heard. He threw a lot of insults at me before I hung up, and now him and his friends keep calling

and texting me. My friend is saying that I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and I ruined his life. Yeah? So? So what if you ruined his life? It's okay for him to ruin his kids life, his mother's life, but you have to be careful about ruining his life.

I mean, yeah, technically he did have the right to sign off the rights to you, which he did. But just because he's removing himself from the kid's life doesn't mean that his mother has to be removed from the kid's life as well. And it's not fair for him to spread lies about you and make you the bad guy when he's the one who's the deadbeat parent. I gotta say, OP, it brings my heart, tremendous joy to find out that he's been kicked out of mommy's house and taken off the will.

Sucks to suck, I'm giving him 5 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. Also, I gotta say, major round of applause to the grandmother in this situation, because it takes a lot of courage to disown your own child because they're a bad parent to your grandkids I'm also giving her zero out of five buttholes Also, oh man. I just realized this this guy abandoned his children Then he has the audacity to get all upset and wounded when his parent abandons him Oh man, this story is nuts

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