rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole For NOT Sleeping with My Cousin's Husband?

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where OP refuses to cheat with her cousin's husband. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online. Because of COVID, I pretty much have to shop online because yeah, I don't want to catch COVID and die. But on top of that, I read stories for a living, so I can't afford to sound like this for three weeks straight. Don't you hate it when you get to checkout and you don't have a code to put in that little promo code box? With honey, you never have to leave that box empty.

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Get Honey for free at joinhoney.com r slash that's join honey dot com slash r slash Am I the butthole for exposing my cousin's creepy husband to my entire family? I'm a 22 year old woman my cousin is a 24 year old woman and I met her husband who's 26 slash July for their wedding. They live several states away So in addition to meeting him for the first time, it was also the first time that I had seen my cousin in a few years. I instantly got a bad vibe from her husband, and he made several comments that rubbed me the wrong way. He told me that I seemed like a wild child, and he said that I would bet that I'm a bad girl at my college. Since meeting him, he's followed me on Instagram and sporadically sends me reels which I don't

open. And comments odd things on my posts like, lookin' good cousin, thumbs up emoji. He even DM'd me once. Hey, I'll be in your state this weekend on business. Low. Which I never replied to either. All of this definitely creeped me out, but I didn't feel like I could say anything about it because my cousin and I aren't close, and I've always felt like she looks down on me because

she's a devout Christian and I'm not. Fast forward to this week. One of those fake accounts on Instagram popped up with some of my pictures asking for money for X-rated pictures. The bio was in broken English. The pictures were poorly crop screenshots of my two most recent posts, and the cash app was a random string of numbers and letters. The account just looked very fake, and many of my friends sent it to me and reported the account.

Of course, the one person who apparently fell for it was my cousin's husband. I then got a very long, nasty DM from my cousin telling me that she had been very tolerant of my sinful lifestyle, whatever that means, but this time I'd gone too far. She said that she didn't care that we were family and as long as I was posing a threat to her marriage, I was no longer welcome in their lives. I calmly and politely responded that this account wasn't me, and I apologized for the apparent disruption to her day. She responded that she didn't believe me, and said that she pitied me for having such low self-esteem and would keep me in her prayers.

At this point, I lost it. I called her stupid for falling for an account that was so obviously fake and said that her husband was such a blatant creep that it was embarrassing she even married him. I sent her screenshots of all the DMs that he sent me that I never responded to and concluded by saying, if your marriage is so easily threatened, get a divorce. Don't take your insecurities out on me. Shortly after, I got angry phone calls from my mom and my grandma, saying that my cousin made an honest mistake

and that my response was cruel and unjustified. Apparently, my cousin showed everyone our messages and is humiliated by what I said. My mom is worried that our relationship with that side of the family is permanently damaged. And now I may not be welcome at future family gatherings because my grandma doesn't want the drama. I really don't feel like my response was out of line, but since no one else agrees with me, I'm not sure.

So am I the butthole? Okay, something, something's fishy here. You guys, I smell, I smell something fishy. If your cousin was embarrassed by this, then why is she telling this to everyone in the family? Typically, when someone's embarrassed, they're not like, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. I hope no one finds out.

Here, look at this, tell me what you think about this. Isn't this embarrassing? I'm so embarrassed, look at this thing. Look, Look at it. Look at this thing that's embarrassing me. Like people don't do that. People hide shame. People hide embarrassment. They don't tell it to everyone they know. So, I think what really is going on here is that your cousin is intentionally trying to manipulate your family to get you cut out of the family because that's easier than dealing with the actual problem which is her husband's a cheater. Right? She's just bearing her head in the sand and treating you like the bad guy because that's so much easier. Also, like, what did you do? You didn't sleep with her husband? You didn't make an account that stole your pictures?

So, like, whoa, what did you do? Opie, you're the victim here, not the butthole. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your cousin, and her husband, 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and finding a job instead? My husband's father passed away recently. He grew up on a large farm in Kansas, and him and his mother inherited the farm. I'm a 21-year-old woman, old woman and my husband John is 24. We met while he was living in New Orleans attending two lane on an athletic scholarship and I was

working as a waitress. We fell in love and he proposed quickly. We married a few months ago and I'm currently three months pregnant. We've been living in New Orleans, but since his father's passing, his mother needs help with the farm and he suggested that we move there because it would be better for the child to be raised on the farm anyway. I didn't really want to do that, but I agreed because I knew how much it meant to him. When we got there, I was surprised at how big and isolated the farm was. My husband and I share one car and his mother has another. The other day, I asked to take the car to go to town and look for jobs, but he sat me down and told me that it wouldn't be very practical for me to have a job at the moment

because we only have two cars for three people, and they can't spare one for me to take for eight hours a day and they can't drive me to and from work when there's so much to be done on the farm. I wasn't very happy about that, but it made sense. So I looked for some jobs online, and when we were eating dinner, I said that I was looking for some online jobs, but I would need a stable internet connection, and I asked if there was any way that we could change providers. The internet here is a bit slow. My husband told me that all work from home jobs are a scam, and he doesn't want me falling into a trap, and that he needs a laptop available at all times to communicate with his customers.

I was devastated, but I didn't want to argue and I understand that his work is currently supporting all of us, including his mother. We had a small family gathering and his sister and sister-in-law asked me why didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom. I explained everything to them. They told me that I should think of my family first that all all kids in this family are raised by stay at home moms, and I should

just go with it, and everyone would be happier. I said that I would get bored doing that, and I needed a job to help support us, but they kept telling me that I should listen to my husband. When everyone left, John came to our bedroom and we had our first massive argument. He told me that I am barest him in front of his family. He told me that he can't believe how heartless I'm being and that I clearly don't care enough for our baby to stay home and raise him. He called me a butthole and told me that it's best if I slept in the guest room for a few nights.

He hasn't spoken to me since and his mother told me that I hurt him and all of them by refusing to carry on the family tradition of being a stay-at-home mom, and that I'm bringing shame to him by showing that he can't support his family. And now, I'm torn. I thought that I knew what I wanted, but everyone is telling me otherwise, and my head is a mess. Am I really the butthole for wanting to find a job? Is it really that wrong of me?

I thought that I was right, but now I'm doubting myself. Okay, so the fact that you were like so innocently searching for a job would lead me to believe that not once while you two were living in New Orleans, did he ever tell you that he expects you to be a stay-at-home mom? This was just like some assumption that he had in his head that he clearly never communicated to you. And then to make matters worse, he starts lying and manipulating you into

getting what he actually wants, which is for you to be a stay-at-home mom. Oh, well, we only have two cars. Okay, well, we can buy a car, can't we? Oh, well, I need my laptop for work. Okay, well, can we get a second laptop? Then he sends his mom and his sister to guilt-trip you into doing what he wants. Like, OP, okay. I know that you're pregnant and you're newly married and you're moving to a new state where you don't have family, but like... We're seeing some red flags here, OP. We're seeing some real scary red flags. Like, hold on, let me think about this for a second.

You are trapped in another state where you have no friends or family, you have no car, you have no money because he doesn't want you to get a job, and presumably he controls the money, and then you have a baby. The word trapped comes to mind. The word trapped. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttles. I'm giving your husband four out of five buttles. I really can't emphasize this enough OP.

His behavior is sending up some major red flags. Am I the buttle for asking my team member where she was when I noticed her away slash offline status when she was work from home? My team does 4 days of office work and one day of work from home. This is because we work with sensitive physical paper files, so we have to come into the office. One of my team members, Sarah, appealed to do two office days and three work from home days instead on the basis that she has two kids to look after. Other team members also have kids, and Sarah had no problem coming in five days a week before the pandemic. But I agreed to her request after she became upset, accused me of being inflexible, and

started crying in my office. I also checked with the rest of my team to make sure that they were okay with it. Lately, I've noticed that when Sarah is working from home, she has a tendency to go offline or away on Skype during office hours. She's usually offline or away for more than one hour each time. Yesterday, I finally asked her about it and told her that other people, including clients, have come to me for work matters that she's handling because they couldn't find her. One external stakeholder even told me that Sarah was on leave. When I

clarified that Sarah was not on leave, the stakeholder was bewildered, but she's been offline the whole morning. Sarah was defensive and sarcastically apologized for not being there to reply to messages immediately. She then added that as long as she got her worked on it didn't matter when she was online or offline. I told her that she didn't have to be online for the entire 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. duration but at least from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. That way people reach her if they need to, and other team members don't notice and start following her example, particularly since Sarah is senior to the others. Sarah was unhappy about that.

And since then, I've become aware that she was saying things about me to the rest of the team, including that I'm a dinosaur, still working according to former working norms. So, am I the butthole? Okay, so first things first OP, the fact that you gave special treatment to one of your co-workers, but not that same treatment to the others does actually make you a butthole. It is completely unfair of you to give Sarah three days of working from home, but everyone

else only gets one day of work from home. Like why is Sarah so special? Because she cried in your office? So what? So for that and that alone, you do deserve a butthole score. However, when it comes to getting upset about Sarah's performance, fundamentally, she's not doing her job.

Like, if you can work from home, great. One of the benefits of working from home is that you don't have to be shackled to your desk and she's taking advantage of that, which is fine. However, if like other people at the office are just sitting around waiting for her to return to her desk and they can't get work done because she's off, I don't know, watching TV or something, then it becomes a problem. Look, I am as pro-work from home as you can possibly be.

I work from home. My editor works from home. If people want to, you know, hang out with their kids or walk the dog or work from their backyard or take a bath or just take some time off Whatever who cares man as long as you get your work done But if you're slacking up and not getting your work done then that's a problem So you're not a butthole there you just are a butthole for giving Sarah special privileges when you should be fair to everyone Opie I'm giving you one out of five buttholes. I'm giving Sarah a 1.5 out of five buttolls for not doing her job.

Am I the buttoll for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam? I'm a 23 year old woman who's been married to my husband who's 26 for a year. I'm in my last year of university and I've been so, so busy for the last two weeks with many projects and finals looming.

My husband complains about me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. I told him that it's not gonna last forever, and I need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. The day before my exam, he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. I refused because I was busy preparing for my exam. He pleaded with me, saying that it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if I'm not there. I said no and shut down any further discussions. He got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. Before I went to bed, I set my alarm clock like

I always do because I'm a heavy sleeper and I stayed up late studying. The next morning, I woke up at 9 a.m. and I literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found out that it was set to go off at 9.30 a.m. I had no idea how this happened until my husband told me that he did this to repay me for refusing to take one hour to attend the party, so he took one hour from my time. I couldn't believe it! I absolutely blew up at him, just yelling and screaming at him left and right! He just stood there, shocked from my reaction and my rage. I quickly got dressed and rushed to the university. They didn't let me into the exam hall. I had to deal with a lot of hassle to get them to reschedule the exam, especially since I had no legit reason as to why I was late.

It was awful! I went home, and my husband and I stopped speaking to each other. He kept acting as if I heard his feelings and traumatized him by yelling, and that I deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past two weeks. I might be wrong for not considering going with them, but I think that my exam should be a priority. And his way of teaching me a lesson was not right. Okay, Opie, so like if you're in like a healthy relationship with a mature partner who actually understands how the world works and how human emotions work. The way that you deal with someone who upsets you isn't to secretly get revenge against them and try to ruin their life. It's to sit down and talk to them

and be like, hey, this thing you did really upset me, this is how it makes me feel. Can we please work on, you know, not doing this in the future? And then you work on some sort of compromise so that everyone is, you know, happy moving forward. What this guy did was, was really toxic, really toxic. I can't believe this guy's 26.

I would expect this behavior out of like a 16-year-old, not a 26-year-old. O.P., you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. If anything, you didn't get angry enough at what he did. I'm giving your husband 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. He's pretty toxic. That was our slash in my The Butthole. And if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.