rSlash - r/AmITheA--hole for Seducing the Neighborhood Karen?

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where OP tries to seduce the neighborhood Karen? Am I the butthole for making sexy poses while my neighbor kept recording me for no reason? My dad passed away recently, and he left me in my sister's house. I'm a 26 year old guy, and my sister is 31. It's super unkempt, so I've been doing lots of yard work outside in the mornings. I'm out there watering the grass in the mornings and evenings. Every single time I've done this, the neighbor right next door, who's like this older granny, comes out to her porch and straight up watches me without even hiding it.

I introduce myself to her once, saying that me and my sister are the new owners after my dad passed away, but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk. Next thing I know, she started coming outside with her phone, porting the camera right at me. I'm like, is there a problem? She says, no, there's no problem, as long as you're doing what you're supposed to do.

I asked her, why are you recording me then? The neighbor lady says, what's the problem with me recording if you're not doing anything wrong? It's so effing weird that I don't even know how to respond to this situation. As soon as I finish up and go back inside, she goes back in her house too. This happens every single day that I'm outside watering the grass. It's always the same excuse that she wants to make sure I'm not doing anything else, and if I do, it's on camera. So yesterday I got fed up and I decided to do something different. When she came out with her phone, I stuck my butt out and put my hand on my hip looking right at her. At first she was like WTF, but then she got really mad when I started wetting myself with the water hose and touching

my neck while literally looking directly at her. Was it stupid? Yeah, but she put her phone away and started cussing me out for being a pervert. My sister told me later on that she came to the house when I was at work talking about me sexually harassing her and making poses in provocative ways. My sister knows that she's a pain in the buds, and she probably has nothing better to do with her time. But, I still shouldn't have stooped to her level by making her uncomfortable right back. I feel like I'm in the right on this one, and it wasn't even that bad.

But also, I can be stupid sometimes, so I don't know. You guys tell me, was I the butthole? Look, OP, if you want to do a strip tease in your own backyard, then you have every right to do that. As long as you don't show any naughty bits, if you want to take off your shirt and spin it around your head, are bent over provocatively as you pick up a watering hose, then you can do that. And hey, if it stops the nosy old lady from recording you in the process, then you can do that. And hey, if it's off the nosy old lady from recording you in the process, then that's an added bonus.

Opie, you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your neighbor two out of five buttholes. Also, it kind of makes you wonder, who's the pervert, the person who's sexily waters their grass, or the neighbor who records that neighbor sexily watering the grass? Because I think the neighbor's the that neighbor sexually watering the grass. Because I think the neighbor is the bigger pervert there.

Am I the butthole for making a pregnancy jar? My husband and I have been married for six years. We still don't have kids. We want them, but it's just not happening. Friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon, but it's obviously something that we can't control. We wish that they would stop, but to no avail. So what I did was come up with this idea, stupid I know, which is to have an empty jar

and call it the pregnancy jar. I carry it with me in my bag whenever I'm with friends and family, and every time someone asks about when my husband and I are gonna have a baby, I pull my jar out and ask him to drop a dollar in there for asking. I would get puzzled looks, but they would reach for their pockets or purses, pull out a dollar and put it inside the jar. It actually worked because most of them stopped asking after four months. Last week we had dinner at my parents house. My brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month, and while we were eating, he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. My husband

paused. I got up from my chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question that he asked. He stared at me, and then laughed nervously, asking if I was being serious. Everyone was looking at us. He said, no, he didn't have to pay me, but I told him that he didn't have to ask either, so here we are. I could tell that he felt embarrassed, so he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and put a dollar in my jar. I made my way back to my seat, sat down, and resumed eating like nothing happened. It got awkward afterwards.

My mother pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that I embarrassed my brother in front of his wife and family, and I should quit acting childish by running around with a jar and demanding that others put money in it. I told her they should quit asking then. She went on about how they're just worried for us, since we're in our mid-30s, and we don't have much time left if we went at least one healthy baby. I got upset and she started arguing. My husband and I left and we haven't seen them in days except I got a call from my sister

basically siding with my mom and the others saying that I'm being childish. So am I the butthole for this? Nah OP, not the butthole. If anything, it sounds like you forgot to get a dollar from your mom at the end there, too. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your well-meaning family members 0.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for Canceling Mother's Day celebration that I arranged for my wife? After hearing what she told my son, I'm a 37-year-old guy, and I have a 13-year-old

son. I was a widower old guy and I have a 13 year old son. I was a widower when I met my now wife. My wife has a 16 year old daughter from another relationship. Our family is often on pretty good terms. My son is the quiet one in the house and he keeps to himself a lot, but not to the point of being concerning. My wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposite. They both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. My son complained about having to be

forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. I spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked him to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. They apologize and promise to let him be. As Mother's Day was approaching, I wanted to throw my wife a surprise Mother's Day celebration. However, it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads up so she could prepare. Yesterday, I got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done. I had the key, and while I was entering the house through the front door, I overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son.

My wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with him to the restaurant to celebrate. I paused and decided to keep listening. My son asked why, and she told him that his introverted and socially inept attitude will make her family uncomfortable, and it'll ruin the mood. He promised her that he would be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone, but she said that she wasn't buying it. He kept reassuring her, but she snapped and told him that technically she's not his mom, so she didn't understand why

he wanted to celebrate Mother's Day with her so badly. My stepdaughter threw some kind of backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. Both of them just stared at me without saying anything. I told my son and stepdaughter to go to their rooms, then told my wife that the celebration was off, canceled. She tried to argue asking why repeatedly and I told her why. She tried to argue asking why, repeatedly, and I told her why. She tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that, and that I only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. I told her I was done arguing, and the decision was already made. She yelled, asking what she was going to tell her family, and said

that I was making a huge mistake with her. I ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after tantrum. Early this morning, she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. I haven't had a single caller text from her so far. The situation is full of tension. I'm still upset, but I'm more hurt to be honest. I mean, yeah, I did say that I was going to have this celebration, but I thought that what she said to my son was just too harsh to ignore. Hold on, Opie, did you say you divorced your wife? You're a widower? Okay, so your son has a dead mom, and your wife's response is to say, listen kid, I'm not your real mom, so I don't even know why you want to spend Mother's Day with me anyway. Why don't you go cry, you're dead, mommy's grave, huh?

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but for real, this is like Disney villain evil. It's the evil stepmom. It's actually the evil stepmom. If you ask me OP, this is not the first time they've done something like this. This is only the first time you've caught them doing something like this. This is straight up emotional abuse. OP you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your wife gets 4.5 out of 5 buttholes. Your stepdaughter gets 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. She's basically just copying her mother's behavior, but still she deserves some accountability

here too. Am I the butthole for putting a private conversation on loudspeaker which cost my brother his 18-year relationship? To begin, my brother, Ben, who's 39, has been in a relationship with Abby, who's 39 for 18 years. They've been engaged for 8 years, and they almost got married 3 years ago, but months before the wedding, Ben chickened out. They went to therapy, and basically because our dad left us, he has issues with commitments. We thought over the last year that he was finally gonna step up for Abby and be the partner she deserves. He did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day, but he assured everyone that he was

okay. Today they were meant to get married, but as Abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church, Ben was nowhere to be found. Everyone tried to calm Abby down, saying that it was traffic, or he probably had a monster hangover. Well, an hour passed, then two, then three. Then after the four hour mark, Abby said, Effet, she was going back to the hotel and a caller when he finally showed up.

My family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to bin of the groom's men who hadn't arrived yet. My other brothers and in-laws went looking for him, thinking that he got hurt or arrested the night before. I went back to the hotel with a very broken looking Abby. We drank in eight food for another hour before I got a text from my brother in law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him

into going to his own wedding. My sister called her husband and we could hear Ben in the background. He was literally acting like a five-year-old who didn't want to go to the doctor. Honestly guys, at this point, I'd had enough. He had messed with this girl for too long, and frankly, leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel. So here's where I might be the butthole of the century. I walked into Abby's room and told her to be quiet. Then I rang my brother-in-law, put him on loudspeaker, and asked him what was going on. And then I asked him to put bin on the phone. This drunken fool started saying things like he didn't think that Abby was the one and he was

only with her because they'd been together too long and he was scared to be alone. I let Abby hear everything. I won't lie, I felt like a monster when Abby started crying. Abby then grabbed the phone and told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good. Long story short, Ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and Abby took off her dress, then left the hotel alone. So he ended up being left at the altar and she went to the honeymoon alone. I've been disowned by everyone except for two sisters,

and I had to get Abby's maid of honor to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel because my mom dumped it out when she found out. I'm taking the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me. Yo, hold up, OP, hold up. Your brother strings a girl along for 18 years. He stands her up on her wedding day twice. Then all you do is literally press a button on your phone and you're taking

the blame for this? What about Ben? OP, you are definitely not the butthole here. Your brother is super toxic and your family is, I don't know, deluded. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your brother 4 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving the family members who don't like you 3 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for saying that I won't play mom with my exes of Fair Baby? My ex husband denied divorced 4 years ago because he cheated. He had an affair baby, Juniper, a three year old girl with the other woman,

but Juniper's mom passed away when she was one. Aside from her ex-husband and his family, she doesn't have anyone else because her mom grew up in the system. My ex-husband and I have four kids. Joshua, who's 20, Cassidy, who's 16, Nate, who's 11, and Jacob, who's 8. When we divorced, Joshua cut his father off, and Cassidy followed him soon after. They don't visit their father anymore, and they've never met Juniper. My ex has always blamed me for that, because I kept his children away. And yeah, he might be an awful husband and partner, but he's an awesome dad, I'll give him that much. Nate and Jacob still visit their father and they're close with his baby. I tried once to take the three of them out when she was younger, but it just wasn't for me.

I know that Juniper is blameless, but I can't separate her from my ex's betrayal. So now, every time I pick Nate and Jacob up, I try not to engage much. If she says hi, I say hi back. If she waves, I do too, but nothing more. Now every time I pick them up, she starts to mumble, mama, mama. I tell her things like, no, Juniper, I'm not your mom. Call me my name, I'm fine with that. Last time she actually ran at me calling me Mama and began to cry when I didn't pick her up and took her with me. Listen, I don't think that my ex is telling her to call me Mom, but that's how Nate and Jacob act. Specifically Jacob, he runs at me saying, Mom, Mom, and he hugs me, so I guess she's just copying his behavior. Yesterday, my son spent Easter with my ex's family, and Juniper ran at me again.

I said hi, and my ex asked to talk to me for a second, so I said yes. He basically told me that Juniper seeing me picking up the boys, being affectionate and loving with them is confusing and hurting Juniper. She's a baby, and she doesn't understand what's happening, so he asked me if I could just take her with me for a few days like I do with the boys and maybe over time let her call me mom. I said absolutely no that I'm sorry for Juniper but that I won't be playing mom with her and that I'm only keeping a relationship with both of them because of our sons. She called me heartless and pointed out how she cries when I leave

without her. But I said that wasn't my problem and that he should deal with that. He later sent a video of Juniper crying by the door and said, I hope you're happy. So am I the butthole? I mean, I know it's not her fault, but it's not mine either. Okay, so like, you two aren't in a relationship anymore. You and your ex. So you coming over to pick up your kids, that would be like, you know, if the neighbor across the street came over to pick up her kids from his place.

And he's like, listen, my junior perkets really confused when you pick up your kids. So I would really appreciate it if you would treat my daughter like your child. I mean, I don't want to be overly harsh to Juniper because Juniper is obviously a child and she's 100% blameless in this. But like, what's the logic? Just because OP is like a maternal woman in the general vicinity of Juniper, that means she has to be Juniper's mom? No, that's not how it works. Your ex cheated on you and he's expecting you to raise his affair baby and then manipulates

you with guilt-trippy videos. Honestly, Opie, I almost want to say you should remarry him just so you can divorce him a second time. What a douchebag. And to anyone out there who feels sorry for Juniper and once Juniper to have a better life, keep in mind that she is her father's responsibility. So he has to raise her, and if he wants a mother in her life, then he has to go out and find a girlfriend who's okay with that. You can't just shove off a child to a parent

who doesn't want them and expect that to develop into like a loving relationship. O.P., you get zero out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your ex-husband the full 5 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.