rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole My Coworker Hates Me Because I'm Muslim

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

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Welcome to our slash, Am I the butthole, where O.P.'s daughter almost kills the family dog. Am I the butthole for making my 15-year-old daughter get a job to pay for our dog's vet bills? I have three daughters, Phoebe, who's 19, Allie, who's 18, and Jamie, who's 15. We also have a two-year-old Chauenae, a Chihuahua weiner dog mix named Pebble. We were in the middle of a heatwave two weeks ago with temperatures hitting 107. Small dogs are more sensitive to heat, so we don't let them go to the backyard for long periods of time, and the deck is off limits because there's no shade on the deck. The problem is, Pebble loves the deck because you can watch the cars, people walking on

the trail behind our house, and can see our neighbor's chickens. Jane doesn't have a first period at school, doesn't leave for school until 10 a.m. a few days a week. Both Ali and Phoebe leave at 9.30 a.m. so it's Janey's responsibility to make sure Pebble is inside. The fans are on and he has water. Two weeks ago, in the worst of the heat wave, Pebble was crying at the deck door. Janey got annoyed and let him go out onto the deck.

Then she left for school and forgot him on the deck. Ali came home a few hours later and started looking for Pebble. She found him passed out on the deck and called me sobbing. I left work early, took him to the emergency vet and they treated him for heat stroke. He had to stay at the vet for a few days and Ali was inconsolable while he was gone. She was constantly crying, she wouldn't eat or leave her room and she had a panic attack every time the phone rang because she was terrified the vet was telling us that Pebble was dead. Pebble made a full recovery, but now we have an expensive vet bill and

Ali still has the extreme anxiety around losing pebble. Cheney's upset because Ali hasn't spoken to her since she forgot pebble on the deck, and Phoebe rarely speaks to her and doesn't hang out with her anymore. Cheney was upset about pebble when he was at the vet, but now she's very nonchalant about what happened because he's fine. My husband and I have been talking about what to do with Janie. We decided on making her get a job to pay for Pepples' vet expenses,

which are close to $2,000 after insurance. Janie's very upset about it because she has to quit swim team to get a job and she says that we're ruining her life over a mistake. Now I'm starting to wonder if I'm the butthole for making her quit swim team to get a job. So the comments on this one are super, super divisive. It seems to boil down to one campus saying that 15-year-olds are old enough to have a degree

of responsibility and to care for another living thing, so expecting her to work off the bill is pretty reasonable. The other campus saying, no, 15 is too young, their brain is still developing, so you can't fully expect her to be 100% Accountable for the dog that should be OP's job and like I understand where both sides are coming from So I think you have like a spectrum of responses here and on the weakest end of the spectrum you have Ground janey giver a stern talking to maker volunteer at shelters or something so that she understands what she did was not okay. And then at the harsh end of the spectrum, you have forcing a 15-year-old to work to pay off a $2,000 debt.

And I think it's probably the case that this full spectrum is like acceptable, like both are okay. It just kind of depends on individual interpretation as to which you prefer. I think probably for me making a 15-year-old work of a $2,000 debt is a bit harsh. Unfortunately, OP doesn't say how much that $2,000 is impacting the family. It could be that OP could just easily write a check for 2K, it's not a big deal, or it could be that losing $2,000 will set them back considerably. And if that's the case, like if their family's really really hurting from that $2,000,

then I think it's fairly reasonable for OP to expect her daughter to pay off the mistake that she made. So, I guess I'll say I understand both camps, but personally, I probably wouldn't make that decision. I probably do something a little bit milder if my daughter made that mistake and I was looking for an acceptable way to punish her.

So, I'm gonna give you, I suppose, zero out of five but but holes OP, but if anyone in the comments disagrees with me and says OP does deserve a but hole score, I wouldn't really disagree with you on that one. And I guess I'll give Janie like 0.5 out of 5 but holes because yeah, she did endanger the family pet, but like 15 is like right at that age where you can really start taking on more responsibilities, but you can't fully expect them to be totally competent in those responsibilities. So I feel like she's kind of in that great area where she gets a pass

because of her age. Am I the butthole for reporting a coworker to HR and getting her transferred to another team? I'm a 26 year old woman who's Muslim and Moroccan, but I'm not obviously Muslim, I guess. I don't wear a hijab. First of all, my first name is a name that's common in Western countries too. Think like Sarah, Lena, Nadia, Miriam, etc. My last name I came to learn is actually a Jewish name. I have a Jewish ancestor, but it's a very common name in my country. So just by my name alone, you wouldn't think that I'm Moroccan. Then since I'm'm Imazia, I'm Moroccan native, I'm very light skinned with light hair and eyes. I am not what you would think of when you hear the word African.

I came to the US when I was 14, so I don't have an accent. During the pandemic, I was hired by a company to work remotely 100% of the time. It was only recently that I started going to the office. I have a coworker, Lisa. Lisa and I have been sort of friends. We both belong to the same team, and even while working remotely, we used to have friendly chats sometimes. When we started working on-site, she was so happy to have a friend to chat with. The first day back, she wanted to share our lunch with me. I declined, because she wasn't able to tell me for sure if the pain that she cooked the

chicken in was used to cook pork before. So she said, So you follow kosher to the letter, huh? And I replied, Actually, it's a law for me. She was obviously confused. Then she grasped the situation and she became cold on the spot. I'm sad to say this, but I'm used to

that reaction. And my mind, all I heard was, another one bites the dust and I moved on with my life. But since then, Lisa started acting very hostile towards me. For example, if she sees that I'm in hearing distance, she would make blatantly Islamaphobic comments. She follows me around the office, and when other co-workers ask me out for a coffee with them, she would loudly say that she won't be coming with us because she's going. It's making me and everyone else very uncomfortable. The last straw was Thursday. I was going for a coffee run. We take turns, and I didn't want to take my bag with me. It was a big tote bag. Well, Lisa threw a fit and said that either I take my bag or she will call for security and ask

them to go through it. When I asked her what she meant by that, she told me God knows what I have in my bag. And, your people aren't exactly known for harmless bags. Everyone was shocked. They said that she went too far. I just went directly to HR and reported her. A couple of co-workers did too. HR called her in on Friday, then they called me in too, and I said that I can no longer work in the same space as her. Today, I received an email that she will be transferred to another department, and I felt relieved. But my mom said that I know better than to do that, that I should have dealt with it without impacting her livelihood.

So am I the butthole? What? Lisa certainly didn't have an issue trying to affect your livelihood OP, you know, the whole creating a toxic work environment and trying to turn your coworkers against you thing. And like not only just the baseline level of, hey, let's not be like really nasty to people that you work with.

There's also like the element of the company doesn't want this to happen either because if it keeps going on, you can and should sue the company for allowing it to happen, which is a huge lawsuit and they don't want that. So it's really just better for everyone involved at least it's just gone from the team. If you ask me, gone from the company as well, but clearly they didn't go that far. I wouldn't worry about it, OP. Lisa's a terrible person. If she doesn't want to get transferred, maybe she should stop being racist, or is it racist? Religionist? I give you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I give Lisa 3 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for being honest about honeymoon passionate hugging?

My fiance and I are taking an eight day honeymoon in Brazil, which is where he's originally from. This trip has been in the works for a long time. And a few weeks ago, I learned that his parents were hoping to stop by and visit us during our honeymoon and even asked to stay with us for two of the nights. I said absolutely not and my husband agreed. He told them no because we won our privacy. His parents, who I've grown very close to, sent me a separate text asking in a lighthearted way if it was really a big problem and I agreed with him and I said yeah, I did agree. His mom asked me why and I was honest. I said that I want to be able to be open and free with him without having to think about house guests. She said, so this is about passionate hugging.

I thought she was still being lighthearted. I replied, if I'm being honest, I'm going to F is brains out in every room of that house. No response. So this has become a whole thing. My mother-in-law thinks that I'm disrespectful, and my father-in-law thinks that I'm a succubus. My husband thinks that I went way too far. Am I the butthole? Do I owe them an apology? Okay, so down in the comments, most people have your back.

And like, yeah, I'll agree certainly that your in-laws have absolutely no business coming to your honeymoon. However, if I'm being honest, the way that you replied to your mother-in-law is pretty vulgar. I mean, maybe that level of vulgarity is required because they seem to think that this invasion of privacy is okay so they need kind of like a wake-up call, but I'm kind of getting the sense from this that like you could have handled it in a different better way. So I'm giving your in-laws 1.5 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving you 0.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my mom that I won't

put my future on pause just because she decided to start over? I'm an 18 year old woman and I'm my 41 year old mom's first and oldest child. She and my dad weren't together and I lived with my dad from a very young age because she was busy with her career. So while she was around for my younger years, she wasn't as present as she told me she would have liked to be. She has a husband who's 38. He's a nice guy, and he treats her like a queen, so I'm happy that she's met him. He and my mom wanted a kid of their own, so they ended up having my little brother earlier

this year. I loved my brother, and I like spending time with him, but I'm very aware that our age gap is gonna make a normal sibling relationship a bit unachievable. I'm a dual enrolled college slash high school student, so I got my associates the same time that I got my high school diploma.

The college I transferred to has a study abroad program that I got a full ride scholarship for. I'm set to go next year and I'm seriously so excited. My dad was really happy for me when I told him, and so was my stepdad. But my mom didn't see him all that excited about it. She told me later that she doesn't think that me going to school in another country is a good idea. I thought at first that maybe it was just her worrying about me being alone or something, so I tried to reassure her by telling her that my friend was in the same program,

so we'd be together. She clarified that her biggest concern was how much time I'd be spending away from home, seeing as how it wouldn't be practical for me to fly back for all the holidays when I would have visited if I were in the same country. She said that me going away during my little brother's earliest years was going to make it difficult for the two of us to really get to know each other. I told her that it's not like I'd never come back or anything, and by the time I'm home again, he probably won't even be in school yet, so I'd still be around for his early years.

She insisted that it wouldn't be the same, and that I should want to stay here anyways because a good sister wouldn't want to leave her little brother. I got upset at that and I told her that I never asked to be a sister, especially not this far into my life, and that it's not fair for her to want me to put my future on pause all because she decided she needed to start over again with motherhood. That really upset her and I didn't feel like arguing anymore, so I just went over to my dad's house and I've been here ever since. I did tell him what happened and he said that I should choose what I feel is best for myself and that no choice that I make about this would make me a bad older sister or even a bad daughter. That did make me feel a little better about it but I still feel kind of awful. I love my mom. I love my brother too, but I

don't want to throw away this opportunity. Still though, am I the butthole for what I said to her? Alright, yeah. I went down to the comments if other people were getting the same sort of vibes I was getting, and it looks like it. So I'm going to read this post from California Jade, because I think he's onto something here. Maybe I'm being cynical, but it sounds to me like she's been counting on you to be her built-in babysitter. This is an amazing opportunity for you. You've worked hard for it. A full scholarship is no joke.

Let your mom think what she wants. You're seeing the bigger picture. Choose yourself here. Not the butthole. And yeah, I agree with this person, OP. I kinda also get the feeling that, like, the reasons why she's giving you that she doesn't want you to leave isn't entirely accurate.

I think it probably is babysitting. She just wants you to watch the kids as she can go, you know, do whatever. And also, it's super hypocritical for her to be all, how could you possibly leave family because family is so important when she was basically a no-show for your childhood?

Opie, I'm giving you zero out of five buttles. I'm giving your mom 2.5 out of five buttles. Trying to sabotage your daughter's scholarship just because you want someone to babysit your kid is pretty awful. Am I the buttle for making my husband fly coach while I flew first class? My husband's company recently chose him to attend a conference in Miami. They chose just him and a few of his co-workers out of a ton of candidates, so it was quite the honor.

The company told them that they were allowed to bring their partners, but they wouldn't be buying plane tickets for us. So if they wanted to bring us, they would have to buy tickets out of their own pockets. My husband asked me if I wanted to go, and I am fatically told him that I did. I had never been to Florida in my life, and I thought it'd be a fun trip. He told me great, but when we went to the website to buy tickets, he asked if I'd be okay with flying coach, even though he'd be flying first class on the way there and coach on the way home.

I asked him why we couldn't just fly together and he replied, first class is just so expensive. I feel bad, but we just can't afford it. Especially if we want to go out and have fun in Miami. The flight is only a few hours. This really, really bothered me. I understand that a first class ticket for me would strain our budget, but what kind of man lives it up in first class while his wife sits in coach?

I asked him just that and he responded, Come on, I'm taking you along on my work trip. I earned my first class seat by working hard, it's my reward. But I insisted that if we truly couldn't afford a first class seat for me, even though we could have, that he, as a gentleman, should have given first class seat for me, even though we could have, that he, as a gentleman, should have given up his seat for me. We argued, but he ultimately agreed to give me his seat. We had a good time in Miami, but he's been a little mad at me since, saying that he earned

his first class seat. That it was free and cost us nothing, unlike my plane ticket, and that I should have just let him enjoy what he'd earned instead of gilting him out of it. I think that he's being a baby, and that he should have put his wives comfort above his own, especially since he's the one who made the choice to be cheap. We're very close to his parents, so we've taken this argument to them for mediation, but they're split. His father agrees with me that he wasn't being a gentleman while his mother

thinks that he earned his first class seat and that I should have let him have it. So I'll ask all of you, am I the butthole? Yes, OP, yes you are. This is like the thing you don't seem to understand. Your husband was being a gentleman by offering to bring you on the trip and for buying you a plane seat. But apparently that wasn't good enough for UOP, you also deserve the 5 star luxury treatment even though you did absolutely nothing to earn it. Your husband earned that seat, he literally wanted it's his. This is like, I don't like an NFL player, winning a Super Bowl ring, and then his wife being like, oh, if you were a gentleman, you would let me wear the Super Bowl ring.

Huh? But you didn't earn it. He did. OP. To be honest, you sound like a high maintenance nightmare. If flying first class is so important to you, then why don't you buy the tickets? OP, I'm giving your husband zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving you two out of five buttholes.

Also, I'd like to point out that just 5 days after posting this, OP deleted her account. So, despite being so enthusiastic about going to Miami, OP clearly can't handle the heat. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.