rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole My Friend Won't Give Me $12,000!

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole? Where O.P.'s friend demands $12,000. Am I the butthole for canceling a check of $12,000 that I wrote for my infertile friend for her next in vitro fertilization cycle over a joke? I'm a 35-year-old woman and I'm infertile. My ex-husband and I have tried everything to have kids, but it's just never happened. He divorced me, went and married someone younger who was able to give him a kid, and from what I gather, they're expecting a second child together. It hurts like hell seeing someone else have what I couldn't. I get frustrated with myself sometimes, and with family blaming me for basically everything. I turned to my friends for support, especially Alicia. She's in the same

infertility boat as me, but she and her husband are currently trying IVF hoping it'll work. Alicia asked me to help pay for her upcoming IVF cycle. I agreed to ride her a check of $12,000. I really wanted to help her, and the money came with no strings attached. I wrote the check and gave it to her last week. She was very appreciative of it. The very next day, I got a sudden message from a mutual friend Carol with a screenshot of a conversation that she had with Alicia. Turns out, Carol and Alicia were talking about the next IVF cycle, and Alicia said that she hope the cycle would work because I don't want to end up divorced and having my husband go marry someone younger and have a baby with them and another one on the way. Meanwhile, OP is alone and doesn't have a family at the age of 35.

For context, Alicia is 32. I was stunned and hurt, but I didn't confront Alicia. I simply contacted my bank and canceled the check. That evening, Alicia called to ask me why I canceled the check and I told her. She went nuts saying that she didn't mean it that way and that she thought this was kind of an inside joke between desperate and fertile women. She came over with her husband the next day, begging that I write another check, but I refused. An argument ensued, and her husband thought that I wasn't being supportive of her like when she supported me throughout my struggles.

She left crying, and we haven't talked since then. Her husband keeps reminding me of the date of the next cycle, while repeatedly calling Carol a toxic snake. Some friends think that I'm being overly sensitive. Carol's on my side, telling me to tell them to go to hell, but I feel so bad about it. What I've done might just damage our 15 years of friendship. Maybe I shouldn't have canceled it, but I just felt so offended by what she said about me and how she basically mocked my unfortunate circumstances.

So, am I the butthole? If you ask me OP, she's the one who jeopardized 15 years of her friendship by mocking you to other friends behind your back. Like, an inside joke is between the two people who are making the inside joke, right? So if she's making the joke to Carol about you, it's not an inside joke. That's just her mocking you. And like, besides, at the end of the the day what really matters is it's your money So if you don't want to give it to Alicia, then you don't have to give it to Alicia. Down in the comments I'm gonna read this reply from Mean Macaroni. Not the butthole. Let the friends calling you two sensitive open their checkbooks

I agree. Opie, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving Carol also zero out of five buttholes. Your friend, Alicia, gets two out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for ordering takeout after my husband tricked me to cook for his kids? To give some context. I'm a 35-year-old woman who's been married to my husband, who's 37 for six months. He has two kids from two different uninvolved mothers and they both live with us full time. The kids are 7 and 10. I work long hours and it's a demanding job time wise. My husband thinks that just because I work from home that I

can pause whenever, but it's untrue. He'd ask me to do things for the kids or him during work hours, but I told him I'm working and I'm unavailable during those hours, and that the kids are his responsibility until I'm done working. Yesterday, he told me that he wanted to go attend a friend's engagement dinner and asked if I could take time off work to make his kids dinner. I told him absolutely not and insisted that he cook for them or order takeout. He said that he had no time to cook and takeout was off the table since he doesn't want them to eat fast food. He later said fine and that he was going to cook dinner

and then go to the party. Two hours later, the kids came in and said they were hungry. I was puzzled and asked if their dad cooked them dinner and they said they didn't. Moreover, he told them to come ask me to cook for them at exactly 7pm. I was so pissed to find myself in this situation. So I left the meeting that I was in and ordered takeout from the nearby restaurant and fed

the kids, then had them watch TV and go to sleep. My husband came home at 11pm and went off on me after he discovered that I didn't cook like he was counting on me to do. Not only that, but he yelled about feeding the kids' takeout. I argued back, saying that I had no choice after he basically tricked me into cooking for them, knowing that I was busy. So, I ordered food and made sure the kids were fed while I focused on work. He ranted about how I care more about work than my step children and called me selfish,

then went upstairs and refused to talk to me. He's still sulking about it today and says that I need to get my priorities in order because they're messed up. Opie, you need to get your priorities in order. Excuse me? Oh, well, I don't have time to cook for my own children who I created with my own ball sack. So that means a cheer responsibility. I'm just so busy, I literally don't have time to take a slice of bread, put peanut butter on that slice of bread, then get another slice of bread, put jelly on that slice of bread, and then put the two slices of bread together, and then put that sandwich into the fridge.

What is that? Like, 40 steps? I can't do that. I'm just way too busy. Like to put it simply, Opie, let me, let me phrase this in a way that is as accurate as possible. Your husband could have made his own children dinner, which would have resulted in him showing up at the engagement party five to ten minutes later.

But instead, he decided it was more important to show up to the engagement party on time and deceive and manipulate his wife into handling his responsibilities. I mean, honestly, I just literally don't believe him. There is no person on earth who is so busy that they can't take what, three to four minutes out of their day to make two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and put them in the fridge. He's that busy with his day? No man, OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. Your husband gets 2.5 out of five buttholes.

He lied to you, manipulated you, and then when you called him out on it, he tried to guilt trip you about it. Am I the butthole for missing my father-in-law's funeral after my mother-in-law booked my husband first class? but me economy, I'm a 31 year old woman, and my mother-in-law and I don't have a close relationship. She's civil towards me, but can be a bit passive-aggressive at times, and we tend to disagree often. We live in a different state. My father-in-law passed away suddenly, and my mother-in-law told me and my husband to come attend his funeral.

She booked our tickets to fly to her state. But the issue started when my husband told me that we couldn't sit together in the plane, because his mom had booked him first class, while I got economy. I was flabbergasted by this. I tried asking him why, but he told me to suck it up. We'll talk about it later. In that particular moment, I felt so much humiliation and contempt. I felt like my mother-in-law was treating me as less than, even during her hard times. I decided to just not go and go back home. My husband was shocked by my decision to go home, and tried to convince me to just go, but I declined. My husband went alone and I ended up missing my father-in-law's funeral.

My husband was livid, calling me and texting me nasty things, calling me petty and spoiled. He said that I should be grateful that his mom paid for my ticket to begin with, then said that she didn't owe me a goddamn thing. I argued about how she could have just booked us both in economy if money was an issue, but he called me pathetic for thinking about that when his dad just died. He said that it was cool for what I did, and that his mom and family will never forget that I missed the funeral over ridiculous reasons. Am I the butthole for going home over this? Okay, this is a really clear, everyone sucks here situation. You suck, OP, because you put your own petty, vindictive feelings over supporting your

husband when his father died. Like yeah, I get that you're upset because what the mother-in-law did to you was kinda sucky, but you're really gonna abandon your husband in his time of grief in his time of need just to make a point to the mother-in-law? So for making your father-in-law's death all about you, I'm giving you 2.5 out of 5 buttolls. Your mother-in-law also gets a buttoll score, because yeah, she did buy you a ticket, which is nice, but by intentionally separating her son from you during the flight, it is definitely

like a snub. She should have either gotten you both first class or both economy. She should not have split you up. So for that, I think I'll give her like one out of five buttholes. Because still, an economy plane ticket is an economy plane ticket. That's still nice of her. Your husband also gets a butthole score because not only does he allow his mother to trample all over you, but he also calls you names, which is not a way to have a healthy relationship. I'm giving your husband 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for canceling the family vacation because my husband gave our kids tickets to his widowed cousins' kids?

I'm a 33 year old woman, and my husband, Chris, is 36. We plan to one week vacation to an out-of-state ski resort with our two kids. His cousin, Martin, who's 38, lost his wife to cancer six months ago. She left behind two kids, nearly the same age as my kids, six and nine. My husband is devastated for his best friend's loss.

They're so close that he sees him as a friend, and understandably so. He's tried his best to help Martin and his kids, but in my opinion, he's been doing a little too much for them lately. He suggested that we take Martin's kids with us to the resort to get their mind off the grief a bit. I apologized and said that we couldn't do that since we barely have budgeted enough to cover our own kids. He insisted and tried offering compromises, but still I said that it wouldn't work. He was obviously pissed, but eventually dropped it. Two days before the trip, I found out that my husband booked two tickets for Martin's kids instead of our own kids.

I was the one who had been paying for this, but he had insisted on handling the booking and making reservations. I was stunned! I called him out on it, and he apologetically talked about how Martin needs some time away from the kids, how the kids need a breather, and how they need this vacation more than our kids do. I flipped out on him, asking, are you seriously okay with prioritizing other kids over your own? He said that it wasn't about priorities, but doing what's needed to help those kids out.

I asked him how his own kids will react once they find out, but he said, I'm sure they'd understand. I said no, and canceled the entire vacation altogether. He freaked out on me, saying that I can't do that and make him look small in front of his cousin and family since they praised him for his nice gesture. I refused to negotiate it, but he called me horribly selfish and cruel towards grieving kids, and said that he'll make sure our own kids know how I'm behaving towards the other kids by robbing them of the fun that they need and so much deserve. We haven't been talking anti-so pissed and keep throwing fit after fit about it.

He claimed that I ruined it for everybody when I canceled. I feel bad for the kids, I do, but I don't think what he did was right. Am I the butthole for cancelling? Oh man. So why do people do this? Okay, there's a really simple solution here. Oh man, so why do people do this? Okay, there's a really simple solution here. If your husband wants his cousin

and his cousin's kids to come on this vacation, then he can buy them tickets. It's really, really simple. I mean, I'm of the opinion, and this is how my marriage works, which is, you know, even if I want to buy something with my money that's expensive, I still talk to my wife about it. And if she wants to buy something with her money, she still talks to me about it

You know, so it's kind of like just you know showing your partner base level respect and letting them know that hey I'm gonna spend a lot of money. Are you okay with that? But no, he didn't do that. He expects you to pay for his cousin's kids and to make it worse He stole this gift from his own kids. Then when you call him out on his toxic behavior, he's trying to use your own children against you by saying that he's gonna... What do you say? He'll make sure our own kids know how I'm behaving towards the other kids

by robbing them of the fun they need and so much deserve. So not only would he be using your own kids against you in emotional guilt, but also like when he says that to his kids, what he's saying to his kids is listen kids, you can't even be sad that I robbed this vacation from you because if you do, that means that you'll be showing cruelty to these other kids. O.P. you get zero out of 5 buttholes. Your husband gets 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for leaving my girlfriend stranded when she chose to ignore me?

I'm a 27 year old guy, and I went to a pumpkin patch with my girlfriend, who's 22 and a bunch of her friends. I was told that it was a couple's thing, but I was the only guy there. That's fine, I get along well with her friends. I'm past the whole cutesy date thing, but I like making her happy. But then, she and her friends started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my girlfriend, I got frozen out, like I was intruding.

I asked her if she wanted to go to the corn maze with me, and she acted like I was some creepy guy at a bar. She said that they all had to come along with her, like I was trying to separate her. I totally was, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Anyways, they all decided to split up in the maze, and my girlfriend went with them. F. This, I could go watch the Seahawks game if I left, so I texted her that she had five minutes to respond to me, or I was going to go back to town to watch the game and she could get her ride back with her friends. I was literally watching the second quarter before she responded. It took her that long to notice that I was gone. She said that her friend would have to drive

really far out of her way to drop her off and that I should come get her. I was definitely over the limit and told her to get an uber and that I would pay for it. She said never mind and spent the night at her friend's place instead. I just woke up to about 50 texts from her and her friends calling me a butthole for leaving without telling anyone. But I did tell her she just chose to ignore me. I'm kind of pissed that I wasted all that gas and time and we never even got to actually spend any time together. I'm upset with her and her BS friends. Am I the butthole? And for context, we've been dating for about 6 months. Yeah, this is pretty straightforward. Your girlfriend treated you like a chauffeur, not like

a boyfriend. What she did was disrespectful and rude. Also the fact that you had time to drive home, watch one quarter of a football game, including all the commercials, and then part of the second quarter of a football game, means you had to have been gone for like, what, probably 45 minutes an hour maybe, depending on how far away you were from home. So like, how can she be upset that you left when clearly she didn't even miss you? Opie, you get zero out of five buttholes. Your girlfriend gets one out of five buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole.

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