rSlash - r/AmITheA--Hole My Sister Wants Me To Kick Out 5-yo Daughter

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where a grown woman bullies a 5-year-old girl? Am I the butthole for telling my sister that she can find somewhere else to stay if she can't take seeing my daughter? I'm a 27-year-old woman, and I have a 5-year-old foster daughter named Mae. She's been with me for around 8 months now, and I love her to pieces. I'm considering adopting her even. My sister Kate, who's 31, recently suffered a miscarriage, and it took a real toll on her marriage. She's getting divorced from her husband, and she's been staying with me

because she can't bear to live with him right now. Kate, however, has been a horrible guest to me. Every time me asks her for something or talks to her, Kate will burst into tears or yell at her. Kate's a great sister to me, and I understand that she's grieving, but that doesn't mean that she can lash out at May for simply existing. I've told her off multiple times for yelling at May, but it all came to a head when I confronted her this morning. May had asked Kate if she could move so she could get to the SNAT cabinet. Kate snapped at her to wait for a damn second to brat. I overheard from the living room and made Kate move out of the way and told her to apologize to May.

Kate burst into tears, saying that she just couldn't take having May here as a reminder of what she's lost. I told her she's a grown adult and she should know better than to bully a child for her own problems. I told May to go to her room real quick and Kate and I got into a huge argument and I ended up telling her that if she couldn't take seeing my foster daughter then she could find somewhere else to stay. She left to stay at our parents house and told them everything. I've been getting messages from her all day now. She tells me that I'm a horrible sister and said that she was grieving and asked how could I put someone else's kid over hers? Which I think is

a disgusting thing to send to anyone. Personally, I think that she's being insensitive to me and my daughter's relationship. According to my mom, she's been crying for hours and won't stop talking about how I'm such a monster for not thinking about her feelings. Am I the butthole? I just don't think she has a right to yell at my kid because she lost hers. Yeah, this is really, really toxic. I mean, like everyone grieves in their own way, but May has nothing to do with it. And she could have just as easily clung to May and like showered her with affection and

she could have diverted the love that she had for her lost child into May and start working on being a really loving and engaged on. But instead, she becomes toxic and mean, and honestly, yeah, a bully. And like, here's the thing that really pisses me off about stories like these. Fundamentally, what's at stake here isn't this conflict between considering your sister's feelings and considering your daughter's feelings. What this is really about is like what $1,500 a month and rent. Because if your sister really can't stand living with her husband and she really can't stand living with OP's daughter, then the obvious solution is to just get some short term living arrangements. Get an apartment, stay in a motel for a while, something.

Clearly it's okay that she stays with her parents, so why doesn't she stay over there? This is a really common theme in R-slash-am-i-the-butt-hole where someone has to move in to O-P's place, and then the person who moved in doesn't respect the house rules, and they say, oh, how could you possibly choose this over that?

And I can't believe you kicked me out. Well, okay, like if you can't respect the person's house that you're living in, then live somewhere else, man. Live somewhere else. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm proud of you for sticking up for your daughter. And while I am sympathetic that Kate lost her daughter, that's never unexcused a bully a five-year-old child.

So I'm giving her two out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for dumping the truth on my sister? My parents had 2 girls, me, a 17-year-old girl, and my sister who's 14. I've always felt like my parents saw me as a babysitter, as a third adult in the house, and they expect me to be a teenager who acts like a 40-year-old. Meanwhile, my sister was their baby, they spoiled her rotten, they adore her, she's never wanted for anything and they do everything to make her happy. I was expected to help take care of my sister for as long as I can remember, she's not special needs, she was never sick, she wasn't even a preemie either, but that was the dynamic

that was set up. I remember I would come home from school and my mom would have me help feed my sister. She would have me watch her when my mom was out of the house. I would be told that I had to play with her if my sister was ever upset. My sister would miss me, and my parents would insist that I dedicate my time to her once I was home. We'd go out as a family and my sister would want something, and they'd get it for her. But if I wanted something, I would be told to act my age.

My sister would get to hang out with friends whenever she wanted, would have really amazing birthday parties and sleepovers that I was never allowed to have. I also never got to attend sleepovers at other friends' houses. There were times that my parents would take her to do really amazing stuff, and I was just left behind. Over time, my sister started to get annoyed by my pulling back when I was around 15. I kept to myself, I was moody around them, and I didn't really engage with the family. I would rather be punished than do chores because no chores were ever assigned to my sister.

My parents hate that I won't be the little housekeeper they wanted. My sister has told me that I'm a brat and ungrateful for not helping our parents who are amazing. Over time, it's gotten worse. Then she overheard me making plans to leave with my friends in a couple of months.

She was so pissed that I was going to leave the family behind and that I hadn't told the family anything. She talked about how mom and dad had saved money for us to go to college, but I just want to run away. Something broke inside of me when she said that. I told her, she has a college fund waiting for her, but I don't. Just like she can get anything she wants while I'm told to act my wage and not want anything. I told her she expects me to be a maid when I get nothing and she gets everything.

I told her that I'm not much older than her, but everyone else expects me to be an adult. I asked her how she would feel if she was supposed to juggle a younger sibling, taking care of the bulk of the household chores, schoolwork, and not getting any time with friends. That the only reason why I have anything is because I work, but it leaves me exhausted because I already have so much going on. I told her this is my life, and she doesn't make me want to stay here any more than our parents do. To cut this short, my sister is upset, and I was called a butthole for being so mean to

her. My sister said that I was a butthole for dumping all that on her shoulders. Am I the butthole? Okay, OP, here's the problem with this story. You weren't mean, you were just honest. You're right, OP, you basically are the family made. You have no special privileges and treatment, but you do have a long list of chores. This sounds like one of those really typical scapegoat slash golden child relationships,

where the parents treat one child as the scapegoat for all problems, and the other child as the golden child who can do no wrong, which in my opinion is child abuse. So no OP, you aren't the butthole for being abused by your parents. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I think I'll give your sister 1 out of 5 buttholes because even though it's not exactly her fault that she was raised incorrectly, still 14 is like old enough where you can start to realize, okay, maybe my sister is being mistreated, maybe I can be sympathetic to her, so I'll give her one out of five buttles.

Your parents, on the other hand, get 3.5 out of five buttles. They basically stole your childhood from you and gave it to your younger sister. Am I the buttle for returning my stepdaughter's birthday gift because she didn't save a cupcake for my daughter? I'm a 33 year old woman engaged in my fiance, a 36 year old guy. I have a 4 year old daughter and he is a 16 year old daughter. He comes from a conservative family, so we didn't move in together until after marriage. So far, we're on good terms as a blended family, but I noticed that my stepdaughter acts

kind of distant towards my daughter. Every time I try to talk to my fiance about it, he tells me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other. My stepdaughter's 16th birthday took place on Sunday. Since she's into baking, she decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake. My daughter and I went over to my fiance's house to attend the party, and I brought my stepdaughter a gift, which was an iPhone. We sat down, and she started serving everyone cupcakes. Then it was my daughter's turn and she bluntly said that she was sorry but she didn't save any for my daughter. I felt confused and I asked if she made enough cupcakes and

whether there were guests that came uninvited. She said no and that she just didn't make one for my daughter. I asked why, and she refused to say, I was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter's behalf. I got up and told my fiance that I wanted to leave. My fiance tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter, but I refused to take it. On the way out, I grabbed the gift that I brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched.

I could hear her yell, Dad, she took the iPhone while I was walking out with my daughter. My fiance tried to get me to go back inside, but I refused. Later, he came over to my place and we had an argument. He said that I overreacted and that I know some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation, so I shouldn't have taken it personally. I said she excluded my daughter and didn't save her cupcake, but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake, and he said that I should have accepted it and called it a day. He said taking the iPhone, which was supposed to be a gift back, was poor taste, and it might

hurt my relationship with his daughter. I refused to give it to him so that he could give it to her since she was crying about it. He left and was mad at me. We haven't talked since then except by a text. Alright OP, why do you want to marry a guy who's allowing his daughter to bully your daughter? Right, that's literally what it is, it's just bullying. If that special brand of teenage or cruelty, which is just mean for the sake of being mean, it is her birthday. So if she doesn't want to give a cupcake to a 4 year old girl, then hey, that's her prerogative. But here's the thing, if you don't want to buy an iPhone to the birthday girl

who's disrespecting your child, then that's your prerogative. Like, 16 years old is that age where everyone needs to understand that actions have consequences. And disrespecting the child means that parent is not gonna be happy with you. This is really, really basic stuff. So for her to snub your four-year-old daughter

and then expect you to buy her a $1,000 iPhone, nah man this doesn't add up. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. If anything, I'm proud of you for standing up for your daughter. Your stepdaughter gets 1 out of 5 buttholes for being a mean teen. Your fiance, on the other hand, gets 2.5 out of 5 buttholes for being hypocritical and for allowing his daughter to be a bully. Am I the butthole for kicking my sister in law out for eating my order? My husband's sister moved in with us after a major argument about her baby's name. They're expecting and she's 7 months pregnant.

She's known to be picky and refuses to eat what we normally cook. We only cook our favorite food, which I can't eat because of allergies. Every day at dinner, I have to figure out what to eat, since she only eats food that I'm allergic to. Last night, my husband agreed that he would cook for her and cook for us together separately. I got home after a long day at work and found out that my sister-in-law convinced my husband to only cook the meal that she wanted and cancel on the meal that we planned to have. I saw them eating together in the kitchen. My husband apologetically said that his sister convinced him to eat with her and not cook the meal

that I wanted us both to have. I said it was fine, then went to order some food from a restaurant. I went to take a shower and did some work on my laptop Then came downstairs to find my order placed on the kitchen counter. It was open and someone ate the majority of it I turned around and there was my sister-in-law saying that she woke up hungry and couldn't resist the smell that was coming out of the box I lost it and yelled at her asking why the hell she did that but she said that she did save me some which isn't true because there was only rice and dressing. We started arguing and I told her that I couldn't take this anymore so I told her to pack her stuff and leave first thing in the morning. She began crying and my husband got involved and

defended her up and down repeatedly saying that she's pregnant and is eating for two, basically. He suggested that I go make myself something quick from the fridge and let it go, but I refused and a bigger argument ensued. Am I the butthole for kicking her out over this? Um, man, I don't know, ah, jeez. I read so many stories from R-slashamay the butthole, and every single time, you know, someone's being a butthole and like, I don't understand why people are so mean, so pointlessly mean. Why? Why would the

sister-in-law convince the husband to not cook for you? Like, what's the incentive? Just to intentionally rob you of a meal in your own home and then why? Why would your husband agree to that? And then would you get home just be like, sorry, I mean, I had nothing to do with it. My sister convinced me so it's not my fault. I mean, I could have cooked you the meal like I said I was going to, but I decided not to. And after I decided not to, I could have ordered you food so that you'd have food waiting for you when you got here like you expected But I didn't do that either and then why would you steal someone else's food? It's just so rude and then consider it like if you're married to someone why treat him like garbage man Okay, that's a little extreme. I don't think the husband is treating OP exactly like garbage here

But clearly the husband is not handling the situation correctly. The sister's just a douchebag, right? I think I'm getting a sense for why she got kicked out of her house after the argument about the baby's name, because she's, you know, just a shitty person. But as bad as the sister-in-law is, the husband's even worse, because it's his job as the husband to have his wife's back. So he didn't do what he told his wife he was going to do. Then he left her hanging by not ordering her a backup meal. Then when someone stole the meal that she got for herself, he defended the meal thief and told her to calm down. Like what?

OP, don't just kick out your sister-in-law, kick out your husband too. Maybe you should give him some time to think about who's really more important, you or his sister. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your sister in law 2 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving your husband 3 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. day.