rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Banning My Racist Mom from My Wedding?

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is a Latina woman who has fallen in love with a white guy of Irish descent. As a result, OP's fiancé doesn't grow much facial hair. This is a point of constant criticism from OP's mother, who thinks that only real men can grow a full beard. Things eventually blow up when OP's mom buys the fiancé a shaving set as a way to mock his lack of masculinity. OP flips out and bans her mother from the wedding. Does that make her the butthole? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Am I the Butthole, where OP has an encounter with the Nipple police. Am I the Butthole for telling another gym member to wear a bra? I'm a 25-year-old woman and I effing hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra, and I got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways. I recently started going to the gym again and working out bra-less. I should point out that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra.

However, in the middle of a set of squats, yes, Midsquats! A guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I got really irritated because why the heck was this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me? I got really annoyed and tried to finish my set, but then this douchebag literally grabbed the bar as I ascended and re-racked it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last wrap and then he came over to make sure I could do it. Then he noticed my nipples.

I was really effing pissed off at this point and I told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the F was he looking at my chest in the first place. He said that he was going to spot me but then he noticed my chest and he thought that it was inappropriate. I pointed out the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted that people at gyms look out for each other, and going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable, and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats.

I'm literally the only girl at the weight section of the gym at the moment, and the other guys who were trying to squat and fail never had to worry about this kind of harassment. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy who I've never spoken to in my life thinks that he's helping me and then has the oddacity to tell me how to dress. So I tell him, you have bigger boobs than nipples than I do. Maybe you should wear a bra so that people don't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats. He then got really defensive saying that he was just trying to help and he called me a B word.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm so kind of pissed off so maybe that's clotting my judgments. Am I the butthole? Opie, what? Since when two gyms have nipple police? Uh, hey, ma'am, excuse me, but I'm this gyms nipple cop, and if you don't cover up those pokies, I'm gonna have to issue you a citation. Opie, I don't know what Jim you go to, but I'm like 99% sure that if you go to management

and say, hey, that guy came up to me mid squat and started talking about my nipples, then he's the one who would get in trouble, not you. Opie, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. He gets 2 out of 5 buttholes. One for each of his giant, poke nipples. Am I the butthole for telling my sister that her infertility isn't my problem? I'm an 18 year old girl and I'm 34 weeks pregnant. My sister is 35 and suffers with infertility.

She has no kids and she's starting to look into adoption. When I told her I was pregnant, she immediately started going crazy. She said that it's not fair that I'm abusing my fertility and that I should give my baby up because I have a life to live. It's been like this my entire pregnancy. Most recently, my sister started asking me if I want to try a co-parenting relationship with her where I give her my baby two days of the week and make her a legal custodian. I said no to this one too. She keeps asking if she can adopt my baby and it's just not happening. She came over for brunch this morning and once

again brought up the idea of adopting my child. This time I snapped and said to her, I don't understand what it's like not to be able to have children but your infertility isn't my problem to solve and I am not giving you my child. Please don't push me! Everyone in the room thinks that I'm the butthole for this, and my parents are giving me the cold shoulder for being so insensitive. Am I the butthole? Okay, so let's just get one thing out of the way first. No one should really have to go out of their way to say, no, you cannot have my baby.

Please stop asking. Secondly, your sister is being extremely disrespectful and not respecting your boundaries. My guess is that the main reason why everyone else at the table got so upset at you is because they weren't aware that your sister is constantly harassing you. They probably just saw this happen once, and then you react so harshly, and they're like, wow, calm down, why are you being so uptight about this?

Meanwhile, she's been harassing you for months, so you're completely justified in reacting that way. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your sister 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Also, word of advice OP, never, ever, ever leave your child alone with your sister. Am I the butthole for telling my mom no apology, no wedding invitation after seeing the wedding gift she gave my fiance? I'm a 25 year old woman and I'm getting married to my fiance, Kevin next month. My family loves Kevin and Kevin loves them. However,

my mom is the brutally honest type who constantly dishes out her opinions and thoughts about what people wear, how they look, how well off they are, etc. It's mostly negative, tasteless, backhanded comments. She says she can't help it and then no one should be offended when she's just being honest. When she met Kevin, she kept making comments about him, his car, his degree, etc. With time and strict conversations, I was able to get her to show some respect. But she kept annoying Kevin by constantly talking about his hairless face. His face is really clean.

He doesn't have a beard or a mustache, which he can be very insecure about. He comes from Irish origin, so he's white and has no facial hair while I'm Hispanic. My mom makes jokes with her husband about how unmainly it is to not be able to grow a beard or a mustache. These comments hurt Kevin so much. I had a very very stern conversation with her and she said, oh, I didn't realize those remarks were offending him. I was just teasing him. You know me, I'm just giving my humble honest opinion so he shouldn't take it personally. He should just learn that this is how I am.

She ended up sincerely apologizing to Kevin, and we left it at that. As the wedding approached, Mom decided to give Kevin a wedding gift, and also to let him know how sorry she was for her past behavior. She invited the whole family for dinner, and decided this was the perfect time to hand Kevin his wedding gift. He thanked her, but she insisted that he open it right then and there and show everyone what she got him. He opened the box and found a set of shaving tools with shaving cream.

Kevin stopped for a second and kept staring at the gift. My stepdad took it and showed everyone, then my mom and other started laughing while my stepdad kept saying, you get the joke, Kevin, you get it. And my brother kept running around the table laughing with everyone. Kevin got up and walked out. I was so mad that I lost it on my mom, asking why she did that and why she humiliated Kevin in front of everyone. She told me, relax, I'm just messing with them.

But I said she knew how he felt about this topic and demanded she apologize, but she said no, because she wasn't responsible for his reaction and thought that he was going to laugh also. I angrily said, no apology, no wedding invitation, period, and walked out. She freaked out and called me trying to say that we overreacted to a joke, and my brother said that I was crazy to exclude my mom from my wedding over something so stupid. He said Kevin should get over it since it was a joke, but I refused to send my mother an invitation unless she apologizes. They think that I'm being unreasonable choosing this to be my hell to die on, and they called me disrespectful for how I treated my mom. Down in the comments, I'm going to read this reply from DmyRosh. Not the butthole.

Tell your brother, mother, etc. that the whole wedding was rescheduled to another venue. Then, when they complained that they missed your wedding, just say, it was a joke! You should get over it! I was just messing with you! This is a perfect example of bullies who just say, oh, we're just messing with you. But if you did the exact same thing to them, they would flip out. I wonder how friendly your mom would be if you were your husband tried the same brutal honesty to her. Now, to be clear, I, R, Slash, don't really believe the things that I'm saying here. These are just examples. Wow, mom, it's really a shame

how much uglier women get as they get older. You were so beautiful when you were young, but what happened to you? Just look at your face now. Mom, do you still feel like a woman now that you're old enough that you can't have any kids? You must feel awful feeling so old and shriveled up, unlike me. What's wrong? Why are you offended, Mom?

I'm just being brutally honest. Mom, are you positive you got that shaving kit for my husband? Because it looks like you might need it. Now that you've hit minipause, I'm noticing a little bit of a mustache there. Alright OP, let me back you up on this one. This absolutely 100% is a hill worth dying on. Because the hill that you're standing on isn't some prank, it's your husband's basic respect and integrity.

Like your family is straight up being racist to your husband. I'm just gonna say it, they're being racist. So you saying, no, this is not cool. This is my husband. I don't appreciate it. Either you treat my husband with respect or you're not gonna be in our lives. This is a completely 100% reasonable stance to take.

In fact, it's not just reasonable, it's required. He's gonna be your husband, so you have to be in his corner. Overall OP, I'm giving you a rock solid 0 out of 5 buttholes. If I were in your shoes, I also wouldn't invite my family to the wedding. I'm giving your family 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. They're being really toxic and racist. Just think OP, if they're gonna be this disrespectful of your husband's race, then how much respect are they gonna show to your child who's gonna be mixed race?

Am I the butthole for canceling my niece's college fund after discovering what she's been doing to me and my wife for months? My wife and I struggled with infertility for years. We're still trying more options, but we're beginning to lose hope. I have a 16 year old niece that's like a daughter and a friend to me. Considering that I'm doing well financially, I've decided to take care of her education and start a college fund so she could attend a college of her choice. My brother and his wife, my niece's stepmom, are of course aware of that and they appreciate it very much. They always talk about

what a generous loving uncle I am unlike my younger brother. Anyways, I've been dealing with a series of unusual, unexplainable events like receiving texts at work from someone pretending to be my wife and forming me of big news like her being pregnant. Or finding mysterious envelopes in my car when I'm at my parents and the envelopes contain letters from someone also pretending to be my wife and again telling me that she was pregnant.

My wife and I had no idea who's been playing us like that. We knew that it was someone close to us, and we suspected that it might be our brother and law. Last week I was visiting my brother's house and my car was parked in their driveway. I was sitting with my brother and sister and law, but my niece left for a few minutes and then returned. I finished my coffee, said goodbye, and left. When I was approaching my car, I noticed a sign on the windshield.

I looked at it and the sign read, I'm pregnant, written in large letters. I was confused because I knew no one from this neighborhood and I suspected someone who knew me did it. I called my wife and she again said this was false news. I took the sign and went back to my brother's house to figure it out. He said someone must have left it on the wrong car, but I explained that this has been happening before. He just shrugged, but my sister-in-law pointed out the sign and said the writing looks similar to my niece's writing style. My brother told her to stop, but I called

my niece to come downstairs and asked her. She denied it at first, but then she got nervous and admitted to leaving the sign on my windshield, as well as sending and leaving letters and texts pertaining to my wife. She said she didn't have any ill intent, and she just did it for laughs. I blew up at her and told her that she was out of line to mock me and my wife's suffering and playing us for months. I said that I was mad and disappointed, and I won't ever be able to look at her the same way. I informed her, my brother and sister-in-law, that I was mad and disappointed, and I won't ever be able to look at her the same way. I informed her, my brother and sister-in-law, that I officially canceled the college fund

that I started for her due to her cruelty and disrespect. My knees broke down, saying that she meant no harm or disrespect, and she was just teasing and messing with me. My brother said that I can't actually make this decision based on a small mistake my knees made. He said that I was giving up in her decision based on a small mistake my niece made. He said that I was giving up in her future and my decision would have a lasting impact. I cut the conversation and left after my brother tried to talk me out of giving her this harsh punishment.

But to me, this was no punishment, just her realizing that she didn't deserve my hard-earned money. My brother said that I exaggerated. He actually thinks that punishing her by taking away electronics and having her do work around the house should be enough punishment. Not canceling the fun that I started for her, but I already told him that canceling the fun wasn't a punishment. It was a reaction from me upon finding out that she's been doing this for over two months. Also, she did apologize profoundly and said that she regretted what she did, but she still insisted that she didn't do it out of hate or ill intention. She loves my wife and my wife loves her.

I'm the closest to her and the whole family from when she was younger, and she's always said that I'm like a second father to her. Down in the comments, I'm going to read this post from Jeepers Creepers. Not the butthole, but it probably wouldn't hurt if you sent to a few mysterious text messages that said, you want a scholarship just for laughs. OP, I think you're completely justified here. At the end of the day, it's your money, so it's your decision what to do with it.

And prank or no prank, what your niece did was extremely disrespectful to you and your wife, and it played with your emotions. Now, that being said, I'm giving you a 0 out of five butthole score, OP, I think you're completely justified. Still, that being said, I do think your reaction is a little bit harsh here. Your niece is a dumb teenager who did a stupid prank, and yeah, she does deserve punishment. Personally, if it were me, if it were my niece,

I would think that punishment is a little bit harsh, and I wouldn't want to overly damage a relationship between my niece, my brother, and my sister-in-law. So again, like I'm just agreeing with you because I would have handled it differently but I don't think that just because I would have handled it differently that doesn't make you the bottle, right? You're totally in the clear hero p. I just yeah maybe tone it down a little. I think it's a little bit harsh to saddle a girl with however many thousands and thousands of dollars in debt because of a stupid prank a 16 year old makes. You

know what I mean? Just feels a little bit harsh to me. Anyways, I'm giving your niece two out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for calling my fiance lazy for wanting to be a stay at home wife? I'm a 42 year old man and I'm engaged to the person who I feel is the one a 33 year old woman. We'd been dating for just over three years and I'm engaged to the person who I feel is the one, a 33-year-old woman. We'd been dating for just over three years, and I proposed last month. Last night, after another session of wedding planning, my fiance asked if I would be all right with her being a stay-at-home wife. At first I laughed because I thought that she was joking, but she was being very serious. She told me not to laugh, and said that she

wants to be a stay-at-home wife. I asked her why because we both make pretty good money at our jobs and we can't afford our current lifestyle with just one income. She says it's because I make a lot more, which is true, I make about 40% more than she does, and we could just scale back our lifestyle. She said, it's been on my mind a lot and I think working 9-5 just isn't for me. I asked her if she was being serious and she confirmed that she is. I said I'm not comfortable with that idea and said maybe if we have kids she could be a stay-at-home mom. But I am not cool with her being a stay-at-home wife.

She said that I was being manipulative since we're both child-free. But I just said that as hypothetical since I am not at all okay with being the sole breadwinner. That devolved into a pretty heated argument with her saying that I should support her dreams. She never before said that she wants to be a stay-at-home wife, even though I have asked her. So this is where I may be the butthole. In the heat of the moment I said, where is this coming from? Why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? Is it your dream to be lazy? She got really upset at that and left to her mothers and said, we'll talk more when you calm down.

I'll be real here. I do not want her to be a stay-at-home wife. I'm not okay with being the sole breadwinner. And I don't wish to support this dream. I want a partner in life, not a dependent doing nothing productive with her days. Am I the butthole? Okay, so first off, I don't think it's really right to shame her dream because I think everyone on earth has a dream to not work nine to five every single day. Right? Like, no one dreams

of waking up, putting on your work clothes, driving through the commute traffic, going to work, doing what your manager tells you to do, do all the stupid work that you don't care about Drive home and it takes up most of your day like work sucks, right? It just does a select few people out there probably less than 5% actually genuinely love their jobs I'm kind of lucky. I'm one of them. I really love my job if I could retire I wouldn't but for most people work sucks, right work works work blows so But for most people, work sucks, right? Work, work, work blows. So, so when she says, it's my dream, it's my dream to never have to work again for my entire life. It's like, okay,

I get it because that's most people's dreams, but you can't say that the way that you get your dream is someone else has to pay for it. You know how normal people achieve that dream? They go out, they work, they invest, they save up enough money that they can eventually retire. Oh by the way, sweetie, I don't want to work anymore. Can you please pay for all my expenses for the rest of our lives? Thanks. And I don't want to shame that type of relationship.

There are plenty of couples out there where one person completely supports the other, which is fine. If that couple wants to do that, then that's totally cool. However, you can't come into a relationship with the expectation supports the other, which is fine. If that couple wants to do that, then that's totally cool. However, you can't come into a relationship with the expectation that the other person is gonna work nine to five, 40 hours a week, every single week, until death, basically, so the other person can, what,

sit around and watch Netflix all day? If you had kids, yeah, it would be a completely different matter because my wife is currently working right now as a stay-at-home mom, because we just had a baby about four four months ago and it's a lot of work. It is a ton of work. She probably puts in more work into raising the baby than I do as like being a YouTuber. She works more than I do. It's really crazy. It's a ton of work. I think the only logic response OP would be to tell your wife, you know what, sweetie? I've been thinking, and I also want to pursue my dreams. My dream is to just sit on the sofa all day and play video games, so I think we should

completely scale our life back by a single tiny one room apartment that way we can both afford to live our dreams of doing absolutely nothing for the rest of our lives. I mean, that's kind of a joke, that'll never work, obviously we'll just lead to another fight. Realistically, OP, this is what's going on here. You love your wife. That's great. But your wife is showing you a very clear red flag.

Not your wife, your fiance. Your fiance is showing you a red flag here. It's up to you to decide if you think this red flag is enough of a red flag to not get married to her. Because I have a very, very strong suspicion that no matter how you work this out, what's eventually going to happen is if you get married she's going to find some way to achieve her dream anyways. Like if she says, oh you're right sweetie, you're completely right and I was wrong, which I don't think will happen by the way. Then let's say six months into the marriage she'll say,

oh no, I've been fired, I guess I'll look for new work. And then she looks and looks and looks and doesn't find anything because I just think she's not going to try to work anymore. I think it's especially weird that after dating for three whole years, this is only coming up the month after you get engaged. Honestly, OP, I think she's dating you because she sees you as her ticket to never work again. And now that you're engaged, she's throwing all her chips on the table and saying, yeah, this is who I am. I'm lazy, I don't want to work, I want you to support me. So, tread cautiously OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving your fiance 3 out of 5 buttholes. She's intentionally deceived you for 3 years, and now she's expecting you to do all the happy lifting in their relationship, which is completely unfair. My final bit of advice OP, don't marry her. She's finally shown you who she truly is, and fundamentally who she truly is, and who

you are are not compatible. That was our Sasha Mitha Butthole, and if you like this content, you can sponsor my podcast to unlock extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.