rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Calling the Cops on My Fiance?

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP and her fiance only have 1 car, which they share between them. OP's fiance asks to borrow OP's car so he can blow her off and hang out with his friends on New Years. She shuts him down because she needs to go to work nightshift that evening. Her fiance then secretly steals her car to go party with his friends, and when she calls him out on it, he basically says "Too bad! Just call into work sick." So, she calls the cops on him to get her car back. Is she the butthole here? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where OP calls the cops on her fiance? Am I the butthole for calling the cops on my fiance? I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I've been with my fiance a 28-year-old guy for three years. I used to live close to work and I used public transportation, but after I moved to this house, which is hours away from work, I bought myself a car since I'm a nurse, and also since there aren't any hospitals close to where I live that I could transfer to. My fiance's car hasn't been working for close to two months now. It requires so much money to get fixed, and he refused my financial help when I offered it. Instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then, and I agreed as long as it's when I'm not working. Besides, he would only use it for trips to like the supermarkets.

On New Year's Eve, he told me that he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate, but I declined because I had to cover a night shift and I needed my car to travel to work. He insisted, and he even suggested that I take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse, but I couldn't do that last minute. I thought he dropped it, but when I went to the shower and got out, I couldn't find him nor my car. I freaked out and started calling for half an hour,

but he didn't answer me. I kept calling him until one of his friends picked up. I demanded he give the phone to my fiance, but the friend said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and he told me that my fiance said that I'd better skip the shift and he would be back with my car later. I couldn't take it. I felt so enraged.

I had my fiance on the phone telling him that I did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with his friends and I told him that I would call the cops to get it back if he refused to come back with it. But he didn't take me seriously, so I ended up calling the cops. He and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then they were taken to the police department. I went to go pick up my car, and then I drove to my shift.

My fiance was released hours after I left, and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how I was out of my mind to call the cops on him and put him in the situation. I didn't respond to him. When I got off work the next day, we got into an argument, and he said that he couldn't believe that I would do this to him. I told him that he made me do it, to which he responded that I was petty and callous, because not only did I ruin his new year celebration, but also all of his friends aren't speaking to him after I put them in that situation, and now he's giving me the silent treatment. I did consider this a form of theft, especially since he went behind my back after getting a firm no for me. But he was shocked that I

would even imply that he was a thief, and he said what yours is mine and vice versa. So I shouldn't be using the terms theft and stealing. Okay, so first of all OP, this is theft and it is stealing. Secondly, even if it weren't theft, the problem still remains that he completely disrespected your wishes. He lied, disrespected your wishes, and then just left you hanging so we could go hang out with his friends.

I mean, this is your job that we're talking about. You could have been fired for missing your shift. Also, if he wants to go out with his friends so badly, why can't he just get an Uber? And then, to make matters worse, the original reason why he was going out was because you were working that night, so it makes total sense for him to go hang out with his friends because he can't hang out with you. But by stealing your car, he made it harder for you to go to work, which meant that he was also blowing you off on New Year's Eve as well.

OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. This was totally justified. I'm giving your fiance 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my co-worker that I'm going to report him after he announced my pregnancy during lunch break? I'm a 33 year old woman, and I've been working in this company for 4 years. I have a great relationship with my co-workers and one of them is named Austin. Austin is incredibly sociable and easy to adapt with new co-workers.

We talk about all kinds of stuff while of course keeping it professional. I married and recently I found out that I was pregnant but only my husband knew about it. I haven't even told anyone in my family or friend's circle. The other day at work, me and my co-workers were on lunch break and Austin was with us. We talked, then he suddenly got up from his chair and asked for everyone's attention for a minute. I didn't know what that was about until he loudly announced that I was pregnant. I was stunned, like mouth open, eyes not moving, just staring at him. As he and others rushed to

congratulate me and flood me with well wishes and parenting jokes and advice. I was in utter shock. I asked how he knew and he said, remember when you gave me a ride the other day? I saw your pregnancy test results on the dashboard. My first action was lashing out at him in front of everyone asking why the hell he just shared private medical information at my workplace. He just said that he was sharing our joy with everyone else since only him and I knew. But I angrily told Austin that he was way out of line and that I'll be reporting him to my superior for this and stormed off. While Austin just stood there. My female co-workers came to tell me how rude I was towards Austin's nice gesture, and they said that I heard him and that I overreacted, especially for saying

that I'll report him since he was just sharing happy news with everyone, and that I was just being too sensitive. But I felt like my privacy was violated. Plus, I wanted to tell everyone on my own terms. Still, my co-workers tried to talk me out of it. Not just that, but to apologize to him for lashing out like that. Am I the butthole for my reaction? Oh my god, OP, what was Austin thinking? First of all, he sees a pregnancy test and he just assumes that it's yours. It could have been your sisters or a friend like he doesn't know who else drives that

car. It could have been anyone. I mean, yeah, it is kind of logical to assume that it's yours, but he doesn't know if it's yours He doesn't know if it's fresh for all he knows that's been sitting there for like three years Also, miscarriages are not uncommon. So what happens a week from now if you have a miscarriage Do you now have to go through your office and tell everyone? Oh, just ignore what Austin said I have a miscarriage so I guess I'm not gonna have a baby now. Like what he did was so far over the line that in my personal opinion I think he should be fired for it. And then on top of everything else, it's just plain disrespectful.

Like the dude said that he wants to share our joy. Like dude, it's my business, not your business, and certainly not our business. I can't even wrap my brain around what he was thinking when he decided he was gonna stand up in front of everyone and announce that news. My guess is that he just likes being the center of attention or he's just like an irredeemable gossip

and he can't keep his mouth shut, but either way way that is completely disgusting behavior. O.P. you get zero out of five buttholes. Austin gets 2.5 out of five buttholes, and all of the other co-workers who are trying to back Austin up get 1.5 out of five buttholes. I flipped out on my fiancé for selling the gaming chair that my brother gifted me to pay for her gym membership. Am I the butthole? I'm a 33 year old guy and I lost my 27 year old brother to cancer a couple of months ago. We were so close and we had a lot in common. He was a gamer and he had all types of gaming

gear, including a gaming chair that he wanted me to have before he died. It's devastating because we were really hoping and we had plans to spend Christmas 2021 together. I consider that chair special because it was my brother's favorite of all of his gear and it reminds me of him whenever I sit in it. I don't really game anymore. It just brings me closer to him to a degree. I can't explain it and it brings me so much comfort. I keep the chair in my office, and days ago I found out that my fiancé, who's been out of a job and complaining about no longer being able to attend the gym, took my chair and sold it online to be able to pay for her next-munch gym membership.

When I found out, I flipped out hugely and had a very negative reaction. She told me she was desperate for money and after selling all she had, she had no choice but to sell the chair. I reminded her of who this chair belonged to, but she said that I already have tons of keepsakes from my brother, so I shouldn't act like this was the end of the world. She also vented about her past eating disorders and her anxiety when it came to keeping fit and claimed that I was dismissing that she was struggling. I yelled at her and called her inconsiderate and selfish and told her she should have never, ever took and sold any of my stuff for a gym membership when she literally could have kept working out from home. She started crying as we argued, then she went to stay with her mom,

who tried to give me a stern talk about my attitude. But I didn't respond to her, and I haven't been talking to my fiance since then. Things have not gotten better, and I got called over dramatic for reacting that way, and treating my fiance that way over a gaming chair. I feel guilty, because I've never yelled at her in my life before. Am I the butthole? Was I too hard on her? Okay, OP, let's get one thing perfectly clear. This is not about you reacting this way over a gaming chair. This is about your fiance disrespecting both you and your brother for completely selfish reasons. She said that she had to sell your gaming chair because she didn't have a choice.

Of course she had a choice. The other choice was, don't sell the gaming chair. I mean, maybe she would have an argument if you guys were so poor that she literally needed the money to put food on the table. But we're not talking about paying the rent. We're not talking about buying groceries. We're talking about a gym membership.

A gym membership is a luxury. And if you can't afford that luxury, just go run around the block. Do pushups, do sit ups. Sure, it sucks to have to work out without a gym, but it's not like it's pure torture or anything. You're fiancee thinking that it's okay to steal from you, to steal a keepsake from your dead brother

is absolutely insane, absolutely nuts. Then, after you get mad at her, she's giving you the cold shoulder and trying to guilt-trip you saying that you overreacted, give me a break OP. This is, okay. OP, I don't like to say this because relationships are very nuanced and people can mess up and fix things, but for real OP, dump your fiance. I am super close to my brother.

If my brother died and left me a keepsake and someone stole it from me and then sold it so they could pay for a gym membership, I would literally cut them out of my life forever, even if they were my fiance. The one and only conversation I would ever have with that person is to try to figure out who they sold the chair to so I could get it back from them. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your fiance 4 out of 5 buttholes.

Also, down in the comments, I have to read this reply from Jammer G-Sunk. Not the butthole. Sell the engagement ring you bought her and buy back your brother's gaming chair. Proceed based on her reaction to that. Am I the butthole for not being Irish? I have Irish great, great grandparents. I live in England, as have all my relatives since 1910. I've recently started to have an American live with me and she introduces herself to people as Irish. Now I know Americans do this weird thing where they believe they are where their ancestors came from. We Europeans find this hilarious but what are you gonna do? Recently I've

been researching my family history and she got involved. She is now saying that I should go around saying that I'm Irish, otherwise it's disrespectful to my ancestors. The problem is, I'm not Irish, I'm English. I don't know Irish culture, I've never even been to Ireland. I'm English. I would argue that she isn't Irish either since she's never been to Ireland, nor knows Irish culture, but still, she can introduce herself however she wants. She has gotten incredibly upset that I'm refusing to say that I'm Irish, and she's even started to introduce me as her Irish friend. I told her to stop and she got annoyed. I mean, where do you draw the line on ancestors anyway?

Should I introduce myself as African since all my ancestors started out in Africa? No. So am I the butthole for not saying that I'm Irish? All right, hold on Opie, I kind of want to map this out. Great, great, grandparent. So if your parents, that's 50% half, grandparents, that's another 50% so 25% and now we've got four grandparents, great grandparents. So we have that again to 12.5% and we double the ancestors to eight. Great, great grandparents. So we have that again to about 6%, 6.25% and we double the ancestors again to 16. Okay, that means that you have 16 great, great grandparents.

Of those 16 great great grandparents, two of them are Irish. That means that you are approximately 6.25% Irish OP and the other what like 93.75% of your heritage is everyone else, so presumably English people. So using her own logic, wouldn't that mean that if you introduce yourself as Irish, you'd be disrespecting your other 14 great, great grandparents who are English, right? Like, isn't this logical? Does that not make sense? Also, let's put aside the math up in it? My guess, and this is just a guess,

but my guess is that she's deeply invested some part of her identity in being Irish and she puts a lot of positive value on it. So the idea that someone else would like reject being Irish is an insult to her for that part of her identity because she wants that to be like a positive thing where people say, oh Irish, that's cool, that's valuable, that's interesting.

So the fact that you're rejecting it, kind of in her eyes, devalues her own identity that she's associating with this. But that's, I don't know. I don't know what she's thinking because either way, this is dumb, stupid, makes no sense. Just mind your own business lady.

Why, like, why care so much? Who cares? Though I will say that I care much, much less about heritage than the average person. I don't know if I've told this story. I don't think I have on this subreddit before. It's kind of a kind of an odd one. My grandfather on my father's side, his last name was Stelarsik, which is a Polish name. However, back like, during and after World War 2, he had a really hard time finding a job because people heard the last names to Larson and they thought that it was a German last name and they're like, oh well you must be one of those German sympathizers, so I don't want anything to do with you, but you know never mind

the fact that he's actually Polish. So apparently one day while just like walking down the road, he saw this billboard for this company called Bailey's Tires, so he was like, screw it. I'm just gonna go with last name Bailey because that sounds appropriately British and so he changed his name legally. And now I am Dabney Bailey instead of Dabney Stelarsik. Unfortunately, I never got to know my grandfather

because he died before I was born. But apparently he was, you know, according to my dad, a major, major badass. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened between him and me because I am not a badass. Apparently this guy literally ran away from home when he was like 14 years old.

And then he started professionally boxing, probably not at the age of 14, probably closer like 18 or 20, but he taught himself boxing and he made money that way for a while. And apparently at one point in his life, someone pulled a knife on him on the street and he beat the guy and

Through him over a car also because he was raised on the streets He had this like really strong sense of empathy for other people who were down on their luck and my dad would always tell me these stories About how when he was really young his father my grandfather would you know be driving them around town and My grandfather would see some random hitchhiker and my grandfather would intentionally drive as, be driving them around town and my grandfather would see some random hitchhiker and my grandfather would intentionally drive as far out of his way as was reasonable, then buy the guy a meal, give him like 20 bucks which back then would have been probably the equivalent of like, you know, a couple hundred dollars probably and just wish him luck. And the hitchhikers were always just stunned at my grandfather's generosity.

I'm not really sure why I'm telling these stories. I just think that the guy lived a really, really interesting life. He had this real like, do what you have to do mentality, and uh, and another weird story. Okay, so my, the details on this are a little bit fuzzy, but this is a, this is a cool story, actually. So my grandpa and my grandma apparently at some point he had to go ship out with the military to Panama I want to say and because my grandma worked for the military to or something she got to go as well. I guess it would have been World War II I guess would have been the timeline. They had to

they had to apparently turn off all the lights at their camp at nighttime because if they left the lights on then they were bombing targets. But my grandfather was like a real man's man who liked to drink and smoke and gamble. So he and his friends would completely cover this one building like head to toe in blankets and black paint so that they could have lights on inside and it wouldn't be visible from the outside. That way they could spend all night drinking, smoking, and gambling, and playing cards with the lights on while not getting bombed. And keep in mind, this is in Panama.

This is close to the equator, so it would have been hunt like over 100 degrees. And they're in this hot box with all the windows closed and covered in blankets and just sweating to death basically and playing cards all night. And at one point, my grandma got upset because she didn't know where my grandfather was, like he was supposed to be home by midnight or whatever, and he wasn't.

So she started angrily, because she was a really feisty woman, just angrily stomping through this camp, trying to find my grandfather and ripping the blankets off of this building, trying to figure out where he was so he would come home and go you know, go to sleep. And then they both got scolded because they were reeling lights,

which might have risked them getting bombed. I don't know, I'm a little fuzzy on the details, clearly because I haven't heard this story in like over a decade, but you gotta be pretty balzy to risk getting bombed during a war scenario just so you could drink and smoke and play poker or whatever. Man, how did I even start going off in this tangent?

Oh right, we're talking about Irish heritage. So yes, that's a little bit of R-slashes family heritage. My grandpa was a real badass. I am not, I wish I could claim that level of badassery, but somewhere between my dad and me, that just completely vanished. Because I'm kind of a wimp, to be honest. I have never been in a fight in my life. I've never punched a guy. I've never been punched. And to be honest, I'm perfectly happy to keep it that way.

My grandmother, when she was like 80, it was winter time. And the street outside of her house was like covered in ice. And my grandma always had a dog. And my dad practically begged my grandma not to go out on the ice and walk the dog, but she did. And she fell and she broke her hip. And she was so mad, not because she fell, not because of the extreme pain radiating out from her hip, but because her own son told her not to go out on the ice.

And she did. And she fell. So now she was going to have to listen to my dad say I told you so. So she got so angry at that, she basically used her own willpower and anger to stand herself up. She walked with a cane, keep in mind, to stand herself up on the icy pavement and walk home with a broken hip and then call an ambulance so they could come repair her broken hip. And the doctors were like, how on earth did you get home after you broke your hip?

And she was like, I walked home. And the doctors were like, how did you walk home? This hip is shattered. But she was like, I was just so angry. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a glimpse into my grandparents on my father's side of the family. I have no clue whatsoever if this is interesting to anybody,

but here you go. Actually, here's a good one. This one's super sweet. When I was very, very young about probably six years old or something, my grandma took me to the bank. We live in a really, really small town back then. So it was very safe and reasonable for me to be out on the main road playing and just not in the bank

with my grandma. So there was like a park across from the bank and my grandma let me go play in the park while she went into the bank. And while I was playing I found just a single rose just on the ground. So I picked it up and I gave it to my grandma. And my grandma immediately yelled at me because she thought that I had picked the rose. Then I started crying and I explained that I didn't pick it. I just found it on the ground.

And then she felt really guilty and sad that she'd yelled at me when I did nothing wrong. So she went home and she planted the rose and the rose bloomed under her care into a rose bush. And throughout her entire life, until she passed away, she had a rose bush next to her house, which was very, very sweet. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. by the butthole. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put

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