rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Disowning My Own Son?

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is an older woman who has an incredibly irresponsible son. The guy is a womanizer who would rather sleep with random women than raise a family. So when her son inevitably knocks up a woman and abandons his child, OP steps up to take care of her grandchild and help her daughter-in-law. Then, OP's son has the audacity to get upset at his mom for choosing his baby-mama over him, even though he's the one who already abandoned his family. Who do you think is the butthole here? Get Honey for FREE at joinhoney.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-slash, am I the butthole where OP disowns her own son? Am I the butthole for telling my son that I would rather have his ex-wife as my daughter than him as my son? After he got cut out of the will? 16 years ago, my son Matthew had a daughter with his now ex-wife, Josie. I've always thought of Josie as my own daughter, so when they divorced seven years ago, due to my son cheating, I was conflicted and disappointed. Josie wasn't particularly close with any of her family, so my husband and I naturally took her in.

Josie was an angel. She insisted that we didn't have to lift a finger more than before we had taken them in, and even though she was heard, she remained civil around Matthew. My husband and I had a huge hand in raising their daughter, Ruth, because Matthew remarried less than a year later, and now has a four-year-old son after disowning Ruth. Two years ago, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, and it was hard on everyone, especially Ruth. They were extremely close.

She told him about her girlfriends and boyfriends before anyone else and had always wanted him to be the one to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Matthew rarely ever visited and didn't answer our calls, saying that we had other kids, so it wasn't like my husband was going to die lonely. Last night, Matt stopped by to talk about inheritance. He never even mentioned Josie nor Ruth, and he hinted that he thought that he should get more inheritance in his siblings the entire time. My husband and I shared awkward looks until my husband decided to cut in. He explained that everyone would get a piece of the inheritance, but he would focus more on Ruth

and Bonnie one of our other grandkids. Matthew got angry and said that Ruth was just a bastard and that his son deserved more than her. My husband became furious after that and left the room, saying that he wouldn't include Matthew in the will at all. Matthew yelled back and turned to me saying that Ruth wasn't worth it because she would just grow up to be a whore. Jesus! Matt yelled back and turned to me saying that Ruth wasn't worth it because she would just grow up to be a whore? She's ZUS! Matt yelled back and turned to me saying that Ruth wasn't worth it because she would just grow up to be a whore like her mother. I told my son that I would rather have her mother as my daughter than him as my son, and I insisted that he leave. I'm getting phone calls from Matt's wife and family friends

saying that my husband and I overreacted and he was just angry and we were playing favorites. Am I the butthole? This guy who abandoned his wife and daughter to go start a brand new family is upset at you for playing favorites. This guy who calls his own daughter, a whore? How old is this girl? 16 years ago he had a daughter, okay, 16 years. He's calling his 16 his own daughter, a whore? How old is this girl? 16 years ago he had a daughter,

okay 16 years, he's calling his 16 year old daughter whom he abandoned a whore after he cheated on her mom. Okay wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, okay. Honestly OP, I don't blame you in the slightest. If I were in your shoes, I would also prefer having Josie as a daughter than Matthew as a son. I don't even know how you can give basic level respect to someone who abandons their own child. OP, you, your husband, Josie and Ruth all get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your son, Matthew, gets 4.5 out of 5 buttholes.

I'm a 35 year old guy. Am I the butthole for telling my half brother, who's 13, that I don't want to be his friend and actually want nothing to do with him at all? My mom got remarried to her current husband 14 years ago. He's an okay guy, but my dad will always and forever be my number one. When they announced me that a baby was on the way, I freaked out. I told them then and there that I don't want to ever be involved in this kid's life. I find it super weird that he's 22 years my junior.

I mean, I'm old enough to be his damn dad. Why did my mom even need to have another child at 42? That baby fever was strong, apparently. I found the entire thing disgusting to say the least. The years go by, and when my half-brother was around 10 years old, he started saying how much he wanted to meet me. After a lot of nagging for my mother, I said, whatever, screw it, all right, I'll do it. From our first encounter, he basically clung to me. For the past three years, he has constantly tried to make me like and accept him, but I just can't do it.

He's a nice person and all, but I still find my mom's actions nasty. So I involuntarily associate him with that. I can't help it. I never wanted a sibling. Yesterday, he was over at my place, and kept asking me to watch a movie with him, which I didn't want to do. I ended up going off on him, and I told him that I don't want to be his friend and actually want nothing to do with him at all. He immediately started crying and apologizing to me, saying that he doesn't have any friends and he gets bullied

at school for his introverted nature, and he just doesn't understand why I despise him so much. He said that he's so tired of feeling rejected all the time when Ollie does his be good to everyone. He said sorry to me one more time, and then said, despite your huge hatred towards me, I still love you, admire you, and respect you a lot. Then he ran out of the house. He hasn't reached out to me ever since. Uh, oh P, what is wrong with you? Seriously, like, what is going with you? Seriously, like...

What is going on with this post? Why are you so angry? Why are you so disgusted by your mom that she remarried some other dude and had a baby at 42 like so? So what? Why is that disgusting? I mean, yeah, 42 is a bit old I guess to have a baby, but it's not disgusting, it's not immoral, it's just slightly behind the curve. That's it. Also, what right do you think you have to tell your mother that she shouldn't have more kids? You've got this weird sort of like, I don't know what to call it, possessiveness, entitlement

over your mother's body that is honestly kind of creepy and weird. Then okay, you decide to hate your mom because she doesn't want to just shrivel up and die alone. And then you decide to take this out on a child and punish him and avoid him by not meeting him for 10 years and then when you finally do meet him, you criticize him and yell at him and say, I didn't want to have her. Okay. you criticize him and yell at him and say, I didn't win ever. Okay, look, okay. I don't know what's going on with this post, OP,

but you honestly sound like one of the most, I don't even know what to say. Repulsive, unappealing, mean, heartless, cruel, unpleasant, unlikable people that I've ever read on R-slashamay the butthole. You're just mean for the sake of being mean, and I don't even understand why. OP, you get five out of five buttholes.

Do yourself a favor, go to a therapist, and show them this post. Am I the Butthole for refusing to leave my boyfriend's birthday party that I arranged for because his doctor friends wanted to discuss medical stuff? So for context, I'm a 29 year old woman I arranged for because his doctor friends wanted to discuss medical stuff. So for context, I'm a 29 year old woman and my boyfriend who's 34 is a doctor. Most of his friends are from work and they all seem to dislike me in act distance.

Maybe because I'm not a doctor too? I don't know and honestly, I don't care. Since we started dating, they've been asking to hang out without me, and they leave at any event that I'm attending. My boyfriend said they're just taking their time to get used to me. Anyways, his birthday was days ago, and I had a range for a party and paid for everything. It wasn't a surprise since the party was held at the restaurant, and he needed heads up so he could invite his doctor friends. We got there and his friends started arriving. They came to greet him and started shaking his hand and hugging him while completely ignoring

me, even though I was standing right next to him. The tension started when one of them started making remarks about the way that I was dressed. I sucked it up, but another friend started interrogating me about my degree, then implying that I was ignorant for my food choice. An hour later, another onelying that I was ignorant for my food choice. An hour later, another one asked if I could leave because they wanted to discuss work stuff and it's confidential. I was so shocked that I laughed, asking why he thought that it was appropriate to discuss work during a party.

And he replied that I had an attitude, an argument ensued, and they demanded that I leave, but I said absolutely not. My boyfriend finally spoke up after it escalated and asked that I keep the peace and go home. But I refused and reminded him and let his friends know that I'd arrange for this party and paid for it. So they should leave since they're just guests. He pulled me aside and begged for me to go home, but I still refused. They left, all of them, and the party was cut short. My boyfriend was upset, and started complaining

at home that I ruined his birthday the minute that I started arguing with his friends. I told him they were being disrespectful to me, but he said that I was wrong too because they said they wanted to discuss medical stuff, and I should have respected that and not made it personal. He's not speaking to me now. I was so hurt that I couldn't argue anymore. I felt like I ruined his birthday by making a scene like he said and acting passive aggressive. Am I the butthole? Down in the comments, I'm going to read this brilliant post from Gentess.

Use that red flag as a cape and fly away, not the butthole. Yeah, so obviously you're not the butthole here, but what's more confusing to me is, why are these people acting this way? Like I actually don't understand why they have so much animosity towards you, the girlfriend, like why do they care? This almost makes me wonder.

And of course, this is complete 100% speculation, but it makes me wonder if your boyfriend is bad mouthing you to them, which is why they have such a bad opinion of you. Right? Because what else would explain it? Why would a bunch of different doctors randomly hate one of the other doctors girlfriend for no reason? So I don't know what's going on here OP, but something smells fishy

and I don't trust it. In any event, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes, I'm giving the friends 2.5 out of five buttholes and I'm giving your boyfriend 3 out of five buttholes. I can say this much for certain. If my wife invited my friends to my birthday party and my friends started trashing on my wife in front of me, they would immediately be uninvited for my birthday party at the bare minimum. The fact that your boyfriend just let his friends trash on you at a party that you set up and paid for is honestly kind of unforgivable. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey.

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I don't remember what exactly I was told, but I always knew that I would be expected to move out as soon as I reached 18 years old. I've been working in savings since I turned 13 and I have a respectable amount in my savings account. Now, to be fair to my parents, they have provided for me financially. They were distant emotionally, but they've never been abusive. A week before my 18th birthday, they sat me down and asked if I'd found a place to move into yet. I said yes, and that was the extent of the conversation. I was planning to live in an apartment with four other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement

with separate access for a very cheap 150 bucks a month. Utilities included. So I jumped at the opportunity, even though I knew that it was a pity offer. It's relevant to mention that both his family and mine are of Indian descent. I moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. I admit that I didn't reach out to them either. Yesterday my dad called me to invite me to dinner. It was awkward even before they asked me to move back in and they said that I don't have to pay them rent or anything. But here's the thing, I like my new living situation. It lacks the awkwardness intention that I didn't have to pay them rent or anything. But here's the thing, I like my new living situation. It lacks the awkwardness and tension

that I didn't even know was there until I moved out. When I politely said no and thanked them for their offer, my mother started crying and left the room. While my dad started scolding me, saying that their friends are excluding them because of the rumor that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. I said, but that's exactly what happened. And it's not my job to save them from the consequences of their decisions. So now my whole extended

family is calling me non-stop saying that I'm being the butthole. So am I the butthole? Okay OP, you are a young adult. 18 years old, you are just now going out into that big, wide world to explore what it has to offer and forge a life for yourself. I want to be perfectly crystal clear here. You are not the butthole. Don't let your parents manipulate you. Don't let your extended family manipulate you. OP abuse comes in many, many forms. They don't have to physically abuse you for it to be abused. They don't have to emotionally abuse you for it to be abuse. But raising a child for 18 years and showing them little to no love and affection, giving them no support structure, yeah,

that is a form of mild abuse. They don't want you OP, they want their reputation back. The fact that they're using their own child as a way to get out of trouble is disgusting. I know it might be tough to stand up to them O.P. But please stand strong, especially if you actually enjoy this other family's house more than your own family's house. I will say though O.P. it sounds based on this story that the relationship between you

and this friend's family is completely informal. I'm guessing you don't have a contract, so just be aware that they can pretty much kick you out whenever you want. So obviously it's a fantastic deal. 150 bucks a month is amazing. However, I wouldn't count on them allowing you to stay there indefinitely, so I would strongly recommend that you keep a plan B. OP, you get zero out of 5 buttholes. Your parents get 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. That friend's family also seems like amazing people.

I give them 0 out of 5 buttholes. You should ride that train for as long as they'll let you OP. Am I the butthole for not wanting to name my son, Jong-Hoon? Me and my wife, who's 32, are expecting our first bundle of joy. We're absolutely thrilled. I personally can't wait to be a dad. The due date is April 21st, we're from Ireland. My wife has been a huge fan of the South Korean boy band Shinee since 2008.

Their music apparently got her through a lot of tough times. Jong-Hoon was a member of this group. He unfortunately passed away in 2017. From what I've read online about him, he seems to have been an amazing guy. My wife was devastated when she found out about his death, and she told me that when we have a kid, if he's a boy, she's gonna name him John Cune in his honor. At the time, I didn't really take her seriously. The time has come, though, and she's very serious about it. She was not joking. She even picked out the meaning

because it actually depends on the Chinese characters you see. John, which means lineage, ancestry, ancestor, clan, and Hyun, which means virtuous, worthy, good, able, et cetera. She speaks Korean, I don't. I love how the name sounds. I like the nickname Jong and the meaning behind it, but the issue is we're both 100% white. I'm literally blonde with green eyes and she's ginger with blue eyes and fair skin. We are legit as white as they come.

I told her that, I don't think this is appropriate because we have zero Korean blood in us. And she said that's not a problem since it's cultural appreciation and not appropriation. She told me she doesn't want to compromise when it comes to the first name. And I can just pick whatever middle name I want and she's going to be okay with it. She said that this name means too much for her to give up on it. Jong-Hun is her favorite singer who was born in the same year as her and our son is gonna be born in the same month as him. Um, so I kind of feel like maybe your wife should stop thinking about what she wants and start thinking about what sort of life her kid is going to live by growing up with the

name John Hune in Ireland as a white person. I feel like in the last 20 years the attitude and discord around how people like engage with cultures that aren't their own has changed dramatically like really really really fast so to make a decision like that today, I don't really feel like I would be super confident in 20 years that that decision would be respected. Right? Like 20 years ago, I think the phrase cultural appropriation didn't even exist, did it? I certainly never heard that phrase. So in another 20 years, who knows how the landscape is going to change? And besides that, even if you ignore

the whole like, you're white and this is a Korean name thing, naming a kid is a very simple two yeses one no scenario. Both parents should agree, and if one parent disagrees, then the name is gone. It's that simple. So honestly, OP, this feels like a no butthole situation. It's perfectly reasonable for you to feel a bit cautious about this name, but at the same time, it's understandable that your wife wants to honor her favorite artist. It doesn't make her a butthole, it just maybe isn't the best idea. So for this story, I'm giving everyone involved 0 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow

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