rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Kicking Out My Pregnant Sister?

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP's girlfriend has a pregnant sister, who moves in with them after her boyfriend kicked them out. For some reason, the pregnant sister starts to immediately have a...n issue with OP's cat. She's constantly criticizing the cat, and she even intentionally takes the cat out into the middle of nowhere and leaves it there. Luckily, OP is able to find the cat, and he promptly kicks the pregnant sister out of his house. Now everyone is calling OP the butthole in this situation. What do you think? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup salad and garlic home Welcome to our slash a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit today So ready is our slash am I the butthole where opi reveals it as wife is a liar in front of her friends Am I the butthole for having my wedding ceremony in sign language? friends. Am I the butthole for having my wedding ceremony in sign language? I'm a 24-year-old woman who's deaf, and growing up, my parents got me bilateral cochlear implants and forced me into mainstream school. They never taught me sign language, and never immersed me into my culture as a deaf person. They were actually pretty against me using American sign language at all. Well, I took ASL in high school against my parents' wishes and then I got into a deaf university.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Although I couldn't sign fluently when I started, I finally felt accepted and understood and the deaf community was nothing but welcoming. I became fluent in ASL after a few months and stopped wearing my processors completely as there was no need for them anymore. I honestly didn't realize how alone that I'd felt. I also met my fiance at college. He's from a very large family of deaf people. Everyone he knows, even in his far extended family,
Starting point is 00:01:13 is deaf, and everyone is fluent in sign language. I love his family so much. We've been together for four years now, and he proposed last May. We've been planning the wedding and decided to have the entire ceremony in American Sign Language. The pastor at our church's Deaf program agreed to do the ceremony. My extended family of hearing people is very small. Just my mom, dad, sister, brothers, aunt, uncle, and cousin.
Starting point is 00:01:38 On the other hand, my fiance's huge deaf Sign Language Speaking family will be there, and also, most of our friends are deaf and know how to sign. We decided to get an interpreter for the hearing people though so they know what was going on. Our wedding invitations mentioned that the ceremony will be in ASL, but we have an interpreter for those who are signing impaired, which was just kind of a joke. But my mom started texting me and trying to convince me that it should be in English,
Starting point is 00:02:04 and we should have an ASL interpreter. I feel like it's our wedding so we should have it in our first language. But my mom thinks that we're in America so English should be the first language and anyone who doesn't choose to get cured should get an interpreter. She also said that it was disrespectful to say signing impaired. I don't think she realizes the irony because she always refers to me as hearing impaired. During that entire conversation she kept repeating, I should have never let you go to that school. My mom also says that deaf people should be used
Starting point is 00:02:36 to having interpreters, whereas she never had one before so it will make it harder to understand. Should I just have the ceremony in English because I guess that's the more normal way of communication even though we consider assigning our primary language? O.P. Stories like this are so funny because American Sign Language is actually more American than English's. As everyone knows, English originated in England, but American Sign Language originated in America. So your mom's argument that you're in America so you have to speak English is just stupid. And more importantly OP, it's your wedding so it's your rules. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I'm giving your mom 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Down in the comments, whiner desk has it best. What your mom is saying is like having a bride and groom who can hear and speak English, but have the ceremony done in French, which they don't speak because a handful of attendees don't speak English. When you take American Sign Language out of the mix, it sounds ridiculous, so why is ASL any different? Yeah, I agree with this person.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Like your mom's main argument seems to be that it'll be hard for her. Okay, so, cry about it, I guess. Am I the butthole for finally telling my sister that I asked to move in with my dad to get away from her? I'm a 24 year old girl, and my sister, Hannah, is two years older than me. Growing up, what there was fine until she turned 10, and then her personality just switched. Everything was an argument. I have no idea if it was really triggered by her dad leaving the country and going back to Honduras or mental health issues. I never asked because she never wanted to talk about it. While Hannah and I share a mom, we do not share fathers. Our mom wasn't with either of our dads
Starting point is 00:04:22 romantically for very long and I don't judge her for that, it's just how things were. My dad stuck around and wanted everything to do with me. Hannah's dad was around until he left, got married, and then he rarely called. I went through a lot of instability, and I told my dad how miserable I was. My mom couldn't focus on both of us, and sometimes my dad would pick me up and take me for a week. I would come back to my things ripped up and Hannah clinging to me, or her shouting at me that she hated me and that she wanted me to go away. My mom didn't know how to make it stop, and I seemed to be the target of Hannah's jealousy
Starting point is 00:04:57 and emotional fits. So when my dad met my stepmom Judy and they talked about moving to her hometown in Portland, I begged to come with them. At this point, I was living with them almost full time. Most of my things were at their house, because Hannah liked to just destroy my stuff for fun. Dad would take me to school, and I would see my mom on the weekends, but even that might be cut short.
Starting point is 00:05:20 My mom agreed after I said that it was for the best. I was already miserable. And then she could focus all of her time on Hannah. And it worked out. I had a family where I wasn't constantly attacked for simply existing. And Hannah had all the attention she needed to have therapy and work on her problems. But I guess my mom told Hannah that my dad got custody because he made more money. Two years ago, Hannah was visiting me in Portland, and she asked if I ever resented the courts for not letting us grow up together.
Starting point is 00:05:49 I asked her where she heard that. I then said, I love you, Hannah, but I moved in with my dad because you treated me like garbage. It recently came up that Hannah is back in therapy because she keeps remembering the comment I made and feels terrible about it. Am I the
Starting point is 00:06:05 butthole? Nah OP, I can't blame you at all for trying to escape that horrible situation you were in. I'm not sure if I can blame Hannah too much because clearly she suffered really badly when her father left her. Obviously that led to abandonment issues and then jealousy that she took out I knew because you did have a father. Still, Hannah has to have some accountability for how she treated you. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving Hannah two out of five buttholes. Ready to get your money working harder?
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Starting point is 00:07:45 we are and she doesn't have the money to buy this or that. The thing is, we're both doing well financially. We have decent jobs and our combined salary is roughly $125,000 a year. As of today, our net worth is more than $1 million but less than $2 million. I had saved and invested a lot before getting married, so I gave us a good head start. I control the finances and take the lead financially, but we both agreed to living a very modest life. For example, we both still drive our college cars, Ahonda and Atoyota. She knows everything about our finances, because at least once a month, I tell her when
Starting point is 00:08:21 I deposit money into our investment accounts or our kids college funds. For banking, we have an emergency fund and I budget everything else to go straight into investments. We basically stay right at $10,000 in our bank saving account and 500 in our checking account after bills. A few months ago, we had dinner with her friends and they talked about buying a new car. My wife said something like, I wish I could get a new car, but I'm always broke after
Starting point is 00:08:45 paying the bills, we still have our college cars. To be clear, my wife does not want to buy a new car. Then she went on to talk about if she did have money she would buy such and such cars, and it always makes me feel ashamed. This I'm so broke story has been happening for years when we were driving home I asked her about it. She understands that we have money, but she says that it's just how she feels because her bank account is always low.
Starting point is 00:09:11 I said that I can increase our budget or keep more money in our bank if she wants. Since we're doing so well, I'm okay with spending more. She said no and again was happy with our finances. I explained that when she says that we're broke, it makes me look bad and I feel ashamed. It's as though I can't provide for my family or I'm bad with money. She doesn't see it that way. That same conversation has come up numerous times about us being broke. Recently, I reminded her numerous times and it makes me feel and look bad in front of friends and family. I told her that if she keeps saying stuff like that, I'm gonna reveal how well we're
Starting point is 00:09:47 doing with money. I gave her a few reminders that I'd eventually do this, but she kept going on with that I'm broke story. At a dinner with her sister and parents, that same, I'm so broke story came up. I piped in and said, it's weird to hear a millionaire say their broke. My wife said, haha, I'm not a millionaire though. And I quickly said, we are millionaires and you know that. We go for our finances every month. Well, the I'm broke story stopped out for that and the night went on as usual. A little later, the same things happen with our friends and I use the same
Starting point is 00:10:20 line. Now my wife is mad at me for using that line and we're feeling roughly how much money we have. She said it seems like I'm gloating. I said that's still better than making me look like I'm running us into the ground financially. So am I the butthole for revealing our net worth when my wife says that we're broke? Alright OP, so I have a suspicion that what's going on here is that your wife is kind of blind to the gender stereotypes and gender norms here. Now to be clear, I am not saying that it's a man's responsibility to be the breadwinner
Starting point is 00:10:51 for a family. However, a lot of people really do feel that way. So when your wife complains about not having enough money, a lot of people would read that as her complaining about you, OP. There's a possibility that your wife is unaware of that subtle pressure that men feel to be your provider, so that's why she's dismissive of your feelings. But regardless of why she's dismissive of your feelings, the reality is that she's still dismissive of your feelings. OP, she was doing something to hurt your feelings. You asked
Starting point is 00:11:19 her to stop politely, you explained why it was bothering you, and she kept doing it. OP, I think you had every right to stand up for yourself, especially after you warned her multiple times. Admittedly OP, I do wish you could have resolved this behind closed doors with your wife, but if she kept pressing the matter, what other choices did you have? Just keep biting your tongue and being insulted in public, that's not fair to you at all. So OP, I think I'll give you like 0.5 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving your wife 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for kicking my
Starting point is 00:11:51 fiance's pregnant sister out? I'm a 27 year old guy who has a cat named Billy. Billy is my best friend and he's so funny and adorable. He's always making me laugh and he comforts me when I need him. My fiance, who's 26, had her pregnant sister stay with us after her boyfriend kicked her out. This is causing me to work more since I pay for everything. My fiance is currently looking for a job, but she hasn't found anything. The problem started when my fiance's sister started complaining about Billy. She would yell at him to get out whenever Billy was in the kitchen of the living room. She'd spray him with water whenever she wants him out or throw his food away.
Starting point is 00:12:29 One time I saw her do it with my own eyes and I asked her to respect Billy as a resident of my home and to stop hurting him. My fiance said that her sister never had a cat so she doesn't know how to treat them. Which is nonsense because animals just want to be left alone. And my fiancee's sister seems to be doing it deliberately. Yesterday I came home at 6 p.m. and Billy wasn't in the house. I went to look for him and eventually my neighbor brought my cat to me saying that he saw my fiancee's sister drop him off near an auto repair shop a bit far from here. I was livid. Billy was so scared that he couldn't
Starting point is 00:13:07 even eat. I confronted my fiancee's sister and she lied about not going anywhere and she asked my fiancee to back her up but my fiance refused. She then admitted to it but she kept excusing what she did by saying that she was just worried for a baby since cats aren't good to be around pregnant women. I blew up at her and told her to leave. My fiance said that that's her sister and either her niece or her nephew in there and I should be more graceful. I argued with her to think about what Billy felt after she abandoned her, but my fiance called me unsupportive and said that I was overreacting and there was no harm in taking
Starting point is 00:13:41 Billy to stay with a friend because her sister is clearly scared of him. OP, she came into your home, disrespected you, your house, and your cat. I understand that your fiance wants to keep the piece, but I can't believe that she isn't more upset at her sister. You can't come into someone's home, throw away their pet like a piece of garbage, and expect everything to go back to normal. OP, I say dump the fiance and keep the cat. Your would-be sister-in-law is insanely toxic, and this is a major red flag for your fiance. At the very least, OP, you need to get either the sister or your cat out of the house, because otherwise you may as well kiss your cat goodbye. My husband threw a barbecue party for his friends. I refused to help, and the party was a disaster.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Am I the butthole? So my husband likes to invite his friends over for barbecue parties. Note, these are his friends, not mine. I am not close with them. My husband prides himself on his barbecue skills. The thing is, I always end up doing everything. He buys and preps the meat, and then grills and serves it, and collects praise for his barbecue skills while he's at it.
Starting point is 00:14:49 I have to buy drinks, put out dishes, and clean up the patio. I prepare the sides and veggies, I refill the drinks, and I take away dishes to keep the main area tidy. It's just non-stop work for me. So my husband told me last week that he invited his friends over for Saturday. He just announced it. He didn't ask me. I said, well, okay, do I know anyone? Nope, these are his work friends and they won't be bringing their spouses. My husband called it a guy's night. I said, okay then, it's a guy's night. Well, enjoy yourselves. I'll be in my craft
Starting point is 00:15:22 room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. He said that he'll handle everything. Spoiler alert, he did not handle it. He got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and I was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted. So I didn't do anything. The patio was a mess, the upholstery from the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, and the table wasn't wiped down. His friends arrived, I welcomed them, and then excused myself to my craft's room, put on some music and started working.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Cue the messages. He started asking for stuff, like, where are the plates, where are the cups, why isn't the beer chilled, where's the non-acaholic beer, did I not buy it, where are the sides? I just replied that he said that he would handle it all himself. I checked on the guys a few hours later and it was a disaster. The table was all cluttered, they ordered some takeout aside, they're warning up dishes and silverware, and someone had to go drive for drinks. The next day, he was all grumpy and told me that he was actually disappointed that I didn't pull my weight and that I made our family look sloppy and bad.
Starting point is 00:16:28 I told him that I am not his little housewife and that he's a big guy and if he embarrass himself in front of his workmates, that's on him. I also said that I'm glad that he can see at least a tiny bit of the work that I do around the house. He got upset and went for a run to let off some steam. Oh, and the patio is still full of dishes. He didn't even clean the grill. I'm not touching anything. What? You didn't make the family look bad, OP.
Starting point is 00:16:53 He did. He threw a party for his friends. He said he would take care of everything, so if it fails, that's on his shoulders. OP, it sounds like your husband is starting to get really entitled and is taking you for granted. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your husband 2 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon
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