rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Making Fun of My Aunt's Watermelon Ass?

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole It's huge! It's massive! It's a watermelon-sized tushy! OP lands in hot water due to a confrontation with her aunt. OP posted a picture of herself on Facebook, and her aunt replied with a passive-aggressive "I hate skinny people!" OP retaliated by calling up her aunt and saying, "at least I don't have a watermelon-sized butt!" Now OP's aunt is upset because she's obviously very sensitive about her watermelon-sized butt. Is OP the butthole here? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Am I the Butthole, where OP makes fun of someone's gigantic, water-millensized butt. Am I the Butthole for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after her comment about my adopted son? I'm a 32-year-old male, and some people think that I should have handled the situation differently, but I don't see how I'm wrong. Me and my sister, who's 37, aren't as close as we used to be because of some messed-up stuff that happened years ago. I had my son, Jesse, who's 9, pretty young. Months after that, to my surprise, my ex was pregnant again.

Only I knew that the kid wasn't mine because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in passion at hugging. We found out that my girlfriend was seeing my sister's fiance behind both of our backs. That really hurt. It was the worst pain ever, but for the sake of my son, I tried to get past it. I come from a family of half-siblings, so I went in my son to be close to his half-brother, Keith. Surprise, surprise!

Not only were my ex and my sister's ex horrible lying cheaters, but they were also terrible parents. They both got hooked on drugs, and it only escalated from there. The father got locked up in jail when Keith was three. Then later, I had a particular issue happen with my sister. My ex got sick, and she was scared of Keith ending up in foster care like her, and I didn't want that for him either. I legally adopted Keith before my ex passed away when he was six.

Not everyone in my family was on board at first, but Keith is a kind of kid that's hard not to love, so they warmed up to him. My sister, however, never did. She hated that I brought the son of her ex-fiance into our family. I understand why it's painful for her, but my number one priority is Keith and Jesse's best interests. So that's how my sister and I drifted apart. Anyways, last week was my birthday and I had a small barbecue at my place.

My parents have tried hard to mend things between us, so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. I thought that meant that she was cool with Keith, because obviously the three of us are a package deal. I asked my parents how she would feel about Keith, and they said not to worry about it. I took my parents' word for it, but apparently my sister wasn't told that Keith would also be present. But how could he not be? He lives here. So my sister came to my that Keith would also be present, but how could he not be? He lives here. So my sister came to my barbecue and she got mad when she saw Keith. Her exact words were, I thought this was family only, what is he doing here?

She said it loud enough or Keith could have easily heard, but thankfully he was playing with his brother. My sister was pissed because my parents told her that Keith wouldn't be around. And I got pissed when she told me that she didn't want him here, expecting me to do something about that. So I just told her to leave and that she's not welcome here. There was some back and forth between her and my parents. I don't want that kind of talk around my son, so I still made her leave.

My mom seems to think that I was a huge butthole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. Like, my parents wanted to take Keith somewhere else while me and my sister talk. But in my eyes, what's the point of us working it out if she still feels this way towards my son? Wow, this is still causing some drama because I escalated the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her. Am I the butthole? Alright, OP, let me get this straight. You and your sister were both cheated on by the same people. Your response is to adopt an innocent child and care for him, and her response is to blame the child for the sins of the father.

What? OP, you are completely not the butthole here. First of all, what you're doing with Keith is absolutely commendable. You're better than most people out there, to be honest. Also, your parents were trashing on you for not giving your sister a chance, but you did give her a chance by inviting her. And like, yeah OP, what she expect that you were going to share a beer or work things out, and then what, drive Keith to the adoption center? So long, kid, good luck in life. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes.

I'm giving your parents two out of five buttholes who are being hypocritical liars. And last but not least, your sister gets four out of five buttholes for blaming a child for something that has nothing to do with him. I mean, it's worse than that, actually. She's not just blaming the kid. She actively wants you to just, I guess abandon him, right?

I guess in her mind, the only solution is that Keith is no longer around. So that literally means that you put the kid up for adoption, right? Gosh, just four to five buttholes too easy on her. Maybe five out of five. What do you think? Let me hear from you down in the comments.

Am I the butthole for causing drama during an important football game? I'm a 27 year old woman and last weekend I was feeling a bit rough with what turned out to be appendicitis. We were away for the weekend with my partner, a 39 year old guy, so I had surgery at a hospital three hours away from home. I had a small complication during surgery, so I had to stay until Wednesday, which was yesterday. My partner had to drive until Wednesday, which was yesterday.

My partner had to drive back home for work on Monday, but he drove back to pick me up. The timing was bad, because there was an important football game yesterday, and it was really important for my partner to watch it. I'm not British, so I don't quite get the importance, but it's a big deal for him, and so it's important to me. I wanted to make sure that he could watch the game. I suggested booking a room near the hospital so he wouldn't miss it due to the drive, but he wanted to see the game at his friend's place.

He said that he'd make it. While we were waiting to get me discharged, he was getting agitated because it was taking a long time. He had to wait outside in his car the whole time due to hospital restrictions. After a couple of hours, he sent me a text that he had to leave now or he'd miss the game. I begged him not to leave, and I reminded him that I could book a hotel. But he left without me, and luckily he made it to his friends place in time to see the start of the game. He said that he would come

pick me up the next day instead. The hospital wouldn't let me stay another night, and they wouldn't let me leave alone. Luckily, one of my friends came to get me in the end. She couldn't get to the hospital until late and so we got back to London around 2am. That whole evening that I was texting and calling my partner after he abandoned me at the hospital, he only sent me one text message back saying that he'd pick me up later and he wanted to watch the game. When I got home at 2am, he was so angry at me. He said that I was the most selfish butthole for constantly ringing and texting him during the game, and that I ruined the game for him, and I embarrassed him in front of his friends.

He said that he can't even look at me, and that I bring so much drama with me that it's humiliating to him. I feel completely at a loss. I think that I might be the butthole for not understanding the cultural significance of football and asking my boyfriend to do a completely unreasonable drive to pick me up. But on the other hand, we could have watched a game in hotel room and I can't be left alone in a hospital in another country. So am I the butthole?

O.P. Oh my P. Oh my God. Oh my God. Look, so I don't, I don't watch soccer. I know that we had like the World Cup recently. It's called the World Cup, right? Yeah, World Cup. Okay, right. So I know that we had the World Cup recently

and it's like a big deal and soccer fans care a lot, whatever. And yeah, it's important in England. I get that it's culturally significant big deal and soccer fans care a lot whatever and yeah it's important in England. I get that it's culturally significant. There is no sports game let alone soccer game. There is no sports game on planet earth that would justify this level of complete disrespect, lack of care and gaslighting from your partner. Literally aliens could descend from outer space and surround planet earth in like laser nuclear missiles that will burrow into the core of the earth and detonate the entire planet. And these aliens could say we are soccer fans.

We have assembled a crack team of elite alien soccer players. And we require you to assemble the best soccer players that mankind has to offer. Our alien soccer players will play against your human soccer players and the only way that we will not blow up earth is if the human soccer players can beat our soccer players. They televised that game across the entire planet. Even if that actually happened and your boyfriend's team was selected to be the team that goes against the aliens, no, your boyfriend would not be justified in doing what he did to you. You have a literal wound, an incision from life saving surgery. Yes, appendicitis is lethal if not treated.

In a wheelchair, you literally can't leave, you can't stay, and this guy's like, nah, I'm gonna just like go hang out with the boys because there's a really important soccer game, so peace, see ya, wouldn't win a bea, and worst of all, OP, you gave a completely reasonable alternative. You didn't make it so that he couldn't watch the game, you were just making it so that he couldn't watch the game with his friends. OP, I am completely not exaggerating, I am not sensationalizing, I'm being completely serious when I'm telling you that what just happened to you is an absolute deal breaker. Your partner showed you complete disrespect and disregard for your safety, your feelings, and just you as a person.

He put a soccer game over the literal health and safety of his romantic partner. I'm sorry OP but that's literally unforgivable. There's nothing OP can do to come back from this. Please dump your boyfriend OP. He gets a rock solid, indisputable 5 out of 5 buttles. UOP gets 0 out of 5 buttles. If anything OP, you sound like a really sweet and considerate person. That hotel idea is genius. So, I don't really watch soccer. I mean, it's not really my thing. I'm an American, and as we all know, Americans don't care about soccer.

But, I want to be honest, I'm kind of thinking about that alien game now. I would totally watch that game. That would be sweet, actually. It kind of sounds like the plot for an anime, right? In my The Butthole, we're talking about my aunt's watermelon-ass. My son and his friend have put up a tire swing in the plot for an anime, right? Am I the butthole for talking about my aunt's watermelon ass? My son and his friend put up a tire swing in the yard for my grandchild. I posted a picture of me swinging in the tire swing on Facebook. My aunt, my dad's sister, commented on the photos saying, I hate skinny people.

I'm not the one for Facebook drama, so instead of commenting back, I called her. I basically said that I don't talk about her watermelon ass, so she shouldn't be talking about my weights. Now all five of my aunts are mad at me because apparently skinny people can't be body-shamed. And I should have just told her first that I didn't appreciate those comments, instead of just calling her out on her watermelon ass like I did. I don't think that I'm the butthole because it's not like I told her that I'm skinny because my sisters and I have always exercised more so we didn't inherit the family watermelon size but, but also being skinny isn't something that I really had

to work for, it's just how I am. OP, I'm giving everyone in this story like 1.5 out of 5 buttholes because you shouldn't be body shame each other. However, this story is hilarious, so thumbs up OP. Am I the butthole for refusing to let my daughter get surgery? Hello everyone, I'm a 30 year old woman and I've been dealing with chronic medical issues my entire life. I married my husband, Larry, who's 33 a few years ago and I had my daughter, Alice, who's now five soon after.

When I was pregnant with Alice, the doctors warned me that things could get difficult due to my medical issues, and that she would likely have some of them passed on for me. I accepted and expected this. I gave birth to Alice, and she was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have any of my medical issues at the time. However, as Alice got older, it became apparent that she inherited my medical problems. An optional surgery could completely negate this medical problem.

It is possible to live with this problem instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. I have some trauma with hospitals in general. I had to be in and out of my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. It's just awful to spend your formative year stuck in a sterile room with an IV and in pain. I've spent some time in therapy for the trauma, but I still hate hospitals. The surgery that would remove Alice's problem

is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. However, it has a long recovery period, and I don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. I've told my husband that I don't want Alice to have to go through this lengthy recovery process. He disagreed and he asked my family members to knock some sense into me. It's become a big point of contention between us and I refuse to budge. So am I the butthole? Opie, yeah, you are the butthole here. Your daughter inherited your medical problems, not your fear of hospitals. You can't just withhold critical medical procedures from your kid just because hospitals scare

you. I get that you're trying to approach this problem from a place of concern, but I'm sorry O.P., you're completely wrong here. Please, please, please sign your daughter up for that surgery. One surgery with a long recovery time is way better than a lifetime of medical issues for your daughter. Also, OP revealed in an edit that she and her daughter

both have something called radio, ulnar, sinus stasis, and both arms. Basically, it's this condition where like, your arms are kind of fused so that you can't extend your arms all the way. So if you imagine that you pull your arms in front of you kind of like you're that you can't extend your arms all the way. So if you imagine that you pull your arms in front of you kind of like you're holding onto a railing or like T-Rex arms and your arms are just kind of stuck there and you can't extend them all the way or if you

can't extend them it's extremely painful. Also, after reading about this condition on Google, apparently you should have surgery as soon as possible, because the longer you weigh, the more your joints fuse together. So OP, not only would you be sparing your child a lifetime of pain from this painful condition, but also you would be sparing her from an obvious physical disability that would severely limit her mobility. And OP, the way that you were describing the recovery, I was imagining like six months stuck in a hospital bed, but actually you just have to spend some time with your arms in a cast.

OP, I'm sorry, but you have absolutely no leg to stand on here. You need to get your daughter that surgery. Overall OP, I have to give you 5 out of 5 buttholes because fundamentally you're putting your personal fears against your own daughter's health and safety. That, in my opinion, is an automatic 5 out of 5 butthole score. Am I the butthole for lying about being pregnant to my family to protect my husband? My husband is a transgender man, and we've always wanted to start a family together. I have a huge fear of pregnancy, so my husband offered to carry the baby. It was an insane process. He had to stop taking testosterone for a long time, but he was amazing throughout the whole process. And I did everything in my power to help him feel more comfortable. None

of my family knows that my husband is transgender, but our friends know. My family is homophobic, transphobic, all the phobics. He posted an ultrasound to his private Instagram, not knowing that my sister follows him on a burner account. Well, she saw the photo and told my whole family. They were furious that I didn't tell them the truth. Our plan was to originally say that we had adopted our kid. They assumed that I was the one who was pregnant and they blew up on me. So I just rolled with the lie because I wasn't going to out my husband.

The first couple of months I would let them visit, and eventually I started eating big meals and purposefully bloat myself to the point of discomfort so I looked pregnant. They'd remark around the six months that I looked remarkably small, but I just played it off. Eventually I couldn't lie anymore, so I looked for every excuse in the book to not see my family. I turned down offers of baby showers, gender reveal parties, pretty much anything that would require us seeing each other. Luckily, my family lives an hour away, and we all have very busy lifestyles, so them randomly visiting

wasn't an issue. The one time they did pop in unexpectedly, we were out of the house. If they facetimeed me, I made a point to be in bed feeling horribly sick, so I couldn't give them a bump update. I lied my butt off about it, and they just thought that I had a rough pregnancy. My husband gave birth a year ago and went straight back on the testosterone, and now we're happy as ever. My family's met our daughter, and they adore her. A week ago, after an argument between myself and a friend, that friend decided to out my husband by messaging my family and including proof. They did it by adding everyone to a group chat, posting screenshots, and basically sharing the whole story. Then saying, I'll leave you all to discuss. Then

they just left the chat and blocked me in my husband. In a transphobic rage, my mother raced to my home and all but beat my front door down. It was not pretty. I had to call the cops. I've been disowned, but that hasn't stopped the daily calls and text from my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. Leaving nasty transphobic slurs on my voicemail and other hateful garbage. I ended up crying to my friend yesterday, who told me that I should have been honest with my family because it would have saved me a lot of heartache. That, or said that we miscarried and then adopted later.

I'm not happy that things played out the way that they did. I just feel so sad now. Maybe it was wrong to lie to my family, but I feel like I had no choice. OP, what on earth is your friend talking about? You should have been honest with your parents? We can tell from this story how well your family handles the truth, and clearly they're not built to handle the truth. I don't understand why you're trying to be loving and tolerant towards your family when they're not being loving and tolerant towards you. OP, if I were you, I would just block all their numbers and move on with your life.

O.P., I'm giving you and your husband zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your transphobic family 4.5 out of five buttholes. Finally, that friend of yours who added you to your family, I'm giving that person five out of five buttholes. It's so, like, isn't it weird that if you go to the store and steal a candy bar, that's illegal. That can like, they can call the cops, the cops will come, they'll arrest you or whatever. I don't know what they do for a candy bar. So something that minor involves government intervention where they punish you for your crimes, but OPs friend can expose their lifestyle

completely violate their privacy and then just walk away, Scott free, and on the same token, your family can harass you, non-stop, and receive no punishment for it. Isn't it just weird that we have all these laws, but the one thing that's completely and totally legal is just being an utter butthole? That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Butthole. That was our slash of my The Butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow

my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.