rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Mocking My Trans "Daughter?"

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

r/AmITheA**hole In today's video, OP has a trans child who is trying to establish a new identity for herself. OP's ex-wife, however, refuses to accept her child's transition and keeps referring to her as "he/him." Things eventually boil over when OP's ex-wife tricks her daughter and cuts her long hair really short to be closer to a boy's haircut. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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on the same points vet app, the platform that gives you everything you need. You know what to do. Bet on it. Point Spets Sportsbook and Casino. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash. Am I the butthole where OPD is with an abusive parent?

Am I the butthole for not allowing my wife to send her a son away for what he said to her? Two weeks ago, my wife's parents passed away in a car accident. Her father was 65 and her mother was 63. My wife has been absolutely devastated ever since. She's an only child and was extremely close to her parents. They were wonderful people and I also grieved their loss. The issue of this post stems from our son.

Our son is 15 and has been pretty unsympathetic to his mother. He's fairly introverted and started pulling away from his grandparents and us at the age of 13 and now spends most of his time playing video games. He didn't react much to the news of their death. I've tried talking to him about it a few times, but he's told me that he didn't feel close to them.

I still have to go to work while my wife is on bereavement leave. Our son is doing 100% online learning and is also home all day. Since the accident, my wife and son have had several bad interactions. For example, my wife was crying in the bedroom and my son barged in and asked when dinner was. My wife asked him to make himself something so he rolled his eyes and walked away. My wife set up an online Zoom funeral with her aunt and cousins, her only remaining family,

and she asked her son to attend. He gets on the call from his room, but was on his phone the entire time, and didn't wear a shirt. My wife asked her son if he would like anything from his grandparents' house as a memory. He loudly replies, nope, and walks away. The big incident came two days ago. I wasn't work when my wife called me sobbing. What happened is that she was in the living room playing some old videos with her parents when our son comes in. He asked to use the TV to play a video game and she says to give

her an hour. She then asked him to join her. His reply was, Mom, I honestly don't give a flip. They were old and gonna die anyways. Can you just get over it already? She sent him to his room and called me. I talked to him about it when I got home and made him apologize, but it clearly wasn't sincere. It upset my wife even more, and she asked to speak with me that night. She told me that she's having a hard time grieving with them constantly sharing the same space, and him being rude and dismissive of her. She proposed that he spends two weeks with my sisters since they have a similarly-aged son that he's good friends with.

She wants a two weeks to go through everything from her house, deal with illegal stuff, and really process her grief. I do understand where she's coming from, but I shut her down. I told her that it's unfair to send him away, and that if she really needs some time apart from him, she needs to be the one who goes. She argued that she needed my support through this, and if she goes, she has no one. I told her I loved her, but our son comes first. She slept in the guest bedroom that night and hasn't spoken to me since. I feel horrible and I'm second-guessing my decision. Was I the butthole here? Yes, OP.

Oh my god, yes. So first of all, your wife gets solidly zero out of five buttholes because she did completely nothing wrong. She lost both of her parents and is trying to deal with that grief. Your son, I'm gonna be honest with you, sounds like a complete and total douchebag. I mean, sure, I get it the teenage boys are kind of rude, but this is completely uncalled for. I'm giving him 4 out of 5 buttholes because if you don't correct that behavior, he's

gonna turn into a real asshole later in life. And for you OP, I'm also giving you 4 out of 5 buttholes. Your wife, your partner lost her two parents and you're basically just hanging her out to dry. She made a very simple and reasonable request and you're shutting it down because... uh... I don't know, I still can't figure it out. Because your son comes first, I get it that your son is important and I understand that parents put their kids in front of themselves. But the thing that your wife asked for wasn't unreasonable in the slightest.

If anything, your son deserves some sort of punishment for how rude he's being. Honestly, I think I'm starting to get a sense of where your son is getting all of his rudeness from. Am I the butthole for helping my child leave home and telling my ex-wife that she's the reason our daughter hates her? My ex-wife and I split up about 6 years ago. We have one child together, Sarah, who's 18. Now Sarah is a male to female trans woman and came out when she was 14.

I'm extremely happy that she felt comfortable enough to be yourself, but my ex didn't agree. She was happy when we thought that we had a gay son, but she couldn't accept the fact that we have a daughter. When we first split up, I'm moving to a sucky one bedroom flat in a pretty rough area. I've since moved into a bungalow in a slightly better area. I didn't want Sarah having to come visit me in that area, so she stayed with her mom and I would visit her, take her out and phone her every day.

My ex was going out of her way to call Sarah, he, him, and would use her old name constantly. She even went as far as to joke about how it was just her luck that she'd have a slur for a child. However, even though my ex-wife's behavior was absolutely disgusting, Sarah told me that it was okay and at the very, very least she wasn't any physical danger. I figured I'd deal with this until I found a better place. I'd offered to let Sarah take my room and I'd sleep on the couch, but she wouldn't hear of it. Two months ago, Sarah phoned me one night in absolute tears.

She had been growing her hair out for ages, and at the rate that her hair grows, it reaches just below her shoulders. She was thrilled that night, my ex had offered to give her hair a little trim. She told Sarah that it was just to cut off some of the dead ends. Sarah immediately said yes, since this would help her tidy her hair up a little bit and she thought this was her mom's way of trying to accept her. She wasn't. My ex cut a massive chunk out of her hair, bringing it back to just above her neck.

Sarah was absolutely gutted. She had been working so hard to get to that point. When she told me, I saw red. Over the next couple of weeks, I helped Sarah move her things into my house while her mom was out. We made sure that we had all of her important documents and such, and then I went with her to tell her mom that she was leaving. There was an argument in a few insults thrown, but I got Sarah out and she's now living with me. We also got her hair cut and sawed into a pixie cut until it grows back. Last week, my ex posted on Facebook about her depression. She was talking about how she never felt so low and that it was worth that she didn't

have someone at home who could comfort her when she was feeling down. In the comments, she mentioned that I brainwash Sarah into hating her and that if anything happens to her then it's on myself and Sarah for leaving her by herself. I couldn't help myself and posted a lengthy comment about how it was her fault that our daughter hated her, and that if she had been a better mother then maybe our daughter would still want to be in her life. Needless to say I've gotten some backlash. Even if you have my friends have said that I was a bit harsh, I don't know what to think

here. And then for clarity, OP copy and paste in the post that he made on her Facebook account. I just want to clarify for everyone reading this post that Sarah is staying with me of her own accord. My ex had her chance to treat her daughter with the respect that she deserves, and accept and love her for who she is and make her feel safe in her own home. She has failed in every aspect. My daughter is staying with me because she feels loved, respected, and accepted in my home. I'm not a perfect parent and I'm not claiming to be. But I, at the very least, work hard to make my daughter feel safe and loved, and would never go

out of my way to hurt her and make her feel like garbage. X, if you're reading this, you failed our daughter. You made her feel unloved and unwanted in her own home. You made her cry. You made her feel worthless. You are the reason that our daughter hates you, not me. Not Sarah, you. Maybe if you would just tried to be accepting and put even a little bit of effort into being a better mother, then maybe.

Just maybe Sarah would still want you in her life. You screwed it up for yourself, that's no one's fault but your own. I'm sorry that you're in a dark place, but don't you dare try to pin this on me or my daughter. OP, your wife is a hypocrite, and all your friends who criticize you are a hypocrite as well. Apparently it's okay for your wife to call out you and your daughter, but it's not okay for you to call out your wife. And that's just a BS double standard. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes because based on this post, you sound like you're

being a great father to your daughter. Your ex-wife, on the other hand, is being straight up abusive. Metrolinx and cross-linx are reminding everyone to be careful, as Eglinton Cross-Town LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert, as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. Childhood vaccines have been around for decades

and are safe and proven to help protect children against 14 preventable diseases. Learn more at Canada.ca slash childhood vaccines. A message from the government of Canada. Am I the butthole? I found out that my sister is pretending to be my daughter's mother. I'm a 27 year old woman, and with my fiance and I first announced my pregnancy to my family, my sister was a little jealous. She's 34. I'm assuming it's because she was trying for

a baby with her ex partner, but they broke up because he was a cheat. I gave birth to my daughter seven months ago, her name is Kaya. When I returned to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave, my sister offered to babysit Kaya once a week, which has been incredibly helpful. Not too long ago, one of my close friends who also recently had a child approach me to tell her that my sister was in a mother's group on Facebook, and she's posting photos of Kaya and she's calling my daughter hers, and she's also calling her by a different name. My friends sent me screenshots of my sister's posts, and I was completely disturbed.

So I spoke to my fiance and we both decided to take action immediately. I went over to my sister and asked her directly about what she was posting on Facebook. She didn't deny it and also had no explanation. Therefore, I told her that she's banned from seeing my daughter. My sister flipped out and said that I can't take Kai away from her and then called me a selfish B word and she started crying. I have never seen my sister act this way before. It was alarming. I ask her if there's anything else that I need to know because she may as well just spill everything. So she shows me a frame photo she has in her bedroom of

her and my daughter and on the frame is written, mother and daughter. I'm not gonna lie, I did call her crazy and then I left and haven't spoken to her since. Although she continues to try to come over and calls me multiple times a day. My mind is an absolute mess. I don't know where we go from here, am I the butthole for how I handled the situation? Alright OP, so let me be clear here. Yes, your sister did cross over a boundary here by doing some kind of red flaggy weird behavior. However, I think the way that you reacted

to this situation is a bit extreme. I mean certainly some kind of punishment or recourse or change of action is required here, but completely banning your sister from ever seeing your kid. That feels like a bit much considering what she did. Also, all this behavior that I'm seeing from your sister is sound to me like a cry for help. It sounds like your sister is having a really hard time after losing her husband and ostensibly any chance for a baby.

So yeah, while you should definitely keep your daughter safe, I would also say that you have a responsibility to your sister to make sure that she's getting the help that she needs. Am I the buttole for serving vegan food in my wedding? My fiance and I are getting married in June next year. We're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food in our wedding. We found a vegan caterer. When we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. We also asked that everyone who has specific dietary requirements to let us know. The note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. Soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a

huff. My uncle does not want vegan food. He needs to eat meat, she said. I asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and can't eat a vegan meal. She said that his reasons are cultural and he must eat meat. I said that's not really a good enough reason. We all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. I explained to her that I wouldn't really mind him eating meat, but one, that means I'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive.

And two, I don't want to pay for meat if I don't have to. Again, I'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. Weeks went by. The only people who had dietary requirements for three cousins who eat a low-carb diet. My vegan caterer came up with vegan low-carb meals and the cousins were happy with this plan. Upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he doesn't like vegan food. I refused again. I told her that the food consists of things that I know that he eats anyways, vegetables, coconuts, nuts, etc. I went through food consists of things that I know that he eats anyways vegetables, coconuts, nuts, etc. I went through a list of ingredients that I knew would be in the food and she admitted that he has no intolerances or allergies to any of that stuff.

What's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? I told her that if he's so adamant about the meat, then he can buy himself McDonald's and eat at the kitty table. Now my aunt isn't talking to me and is instead talking trash about me. I told her that they're welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to complain about the food. I understand that veganism isn't possible or sustainable for many people in the long term, but come on. It's one meal and it's free.

Am I the butthole? I don't want to seem like a pushy vegan, but I also don't want to pay for the meat unless I have to. Again, it's one meal out of their whole life. Yeah, OP, not the butthole here. I don't even understand why they're being such a jerk about this. It's one meal. Dude, you can eat a salad. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes, and I'm giving your aunt and uncle one out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving your aunts an uncle 1 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my siblings that I sold our childhood home when I didn't just to get them out? Okay, so I'm the youngest of 5 siblings and this mess

only revolves around me a 29 year old woman, my older sister a 31 year old woman and our older bro a 36 year old man. My two older sisters aren't part of this thankfully. Okay so I currently live with my girlfriend at what was my grandma's home. However, I purchased this home from my mom a little while ago for cheap. The house wasn't pristine and I've sunk a few thousand into it already and it's looking better. Well my mom has lived in our childhood home with my 31 year old sister and my brother's since, well, forever.

My two older sisters live in different states. My younger sister and bro never moved out for longer than a year each before moving back. Both are absolute slabs who are fused to clean up after themselves, and they made our mom clean up after them. Our mom couldn't stand having a mess, and would clean just so she wouldn't have to live in filth. Eventually our mom, who's in her 60s, couldn't stand to live there anymore, so I asked her to come live with me. My two siblings

essentially drove her mother out of her own home because they were slabs. Well, my mom is live with me happily. My house is clean and she didn't have to work, so she just enjoyed her time in the garden, but she passed away not too long ago. I've barely been coping because out of all my siblings, I was closest with our mom. Our personalities just meshed well, whereas my siblings' personalities didn't. My mom loved them. She wouldn't care for them for so long if she didn't, but they stressed her out unbelievably. Well, I found out that our mom left her house to me only. She left each of my siblings some money, but the house and

everything of hers that was in it is now mine. My siblings who live in that house didn't like that and pitched a fit. They said that I manipulated my mom at her weakest in getting the house when they should have gotten it. I told them to go to hell, and the only reason it probably got left to me was because my mom knew that I would at least remember to pay the property taxes each year so the house wouldn't get taken. Neither of them paid any bills, save for their phone bills, so she probably doubted that they'd keep the house long if she gave it to them. Well, they expected me to follow in my mom's footsteps and pay all the bills there for them. I laughed and told them that going forward, they'd be paying rent and all utilities if they wanted to stay there and they need to keep the

place clean or they were out. They flipped their lid and screamed that it was their childhood home and I couldn't do this. I said the deed is in my name so I very much can. I sent them a letter that basically said they can either pay rent or they'd be out. They refused so I sent them another letter saying that they had 30 days to vacate the premises because I'd sold the house. They went nuts, but they didn't have a leg to stand on so they bailed.

I've since cleaned up the place. It looked like a drug den and cost a lot to keep clean and fix stuff, and I'm running it out to a nice Asian couple that have a lot of exotic fish. I told some friends I lied about selling the house and they said that it was a butthole move. Am I the butthole? Nope, OP, I'm giving you zero it was a butthole move. Am I the butthole? Nope OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. There are even some people down in the comments saying

that you get at least some butthole points because you lied, but I completely disagree. Any good will between you and your siblings got destroyed when they forced your own mother out of our house. Your siblings are 31 and 36 and still expecting mommy to take care of them? I can't really regret someone for having to move back in with their parents because sometimes life hits you hard and you really need that support. But that doesn't sound like that's what happened here. It sounds like your older sister and brother are basically adult babies who just want other people to pay their bills so they can do whatever they want.

I think you made the right call, Lopie, and if I were in your shoes, I probably would have done the exact same thing. That was our slash in my The Butthole, and if you liked this content, then check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put a new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.