rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Refusing to Be My Dad's Wife?

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is a young teenage girl living with her widower father after her mother passed away. Her father keep making OP do all of the chores that the mother used to do. Meanwhile, the father doesn't make OP's brother do any extra chores at all. OP starts to feel like she's becoming her dad's replacement wife, so she finally takes a stand and shuts her father down. He gets upset at her, leaving OP to wonder if she's the butthole in this situation. What do you think? Get 10% off your first month at Betterhelp.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Am I the Butthole, where a 16-year-old girl refuses to be her father's replacement wife. Am I the Butthole for telling my dad that I'm not his replacement wife? I'm a 16-year-old girl, and my mom passed away recently. My brother, who's 14, and my dad are so devastated by this tragic loss and were struggling. I've basically found myself handling all the chores and work around the house. My brother is too traumatized, he hasn't been talking since the funeral and my dad hasn't been lifting a finger to do a single thing.

He started making requests from cleaning the messy living room to picking up dirty laundry to doing dishes, cooking and ordering food, walking picking up dirty laundry, to doing dishes, cooking and ordering food, walking the dogs, vacuuming, doing repairs, mowing the lawn, washing the car, etc. My brother has stopped doing his chores, and I'm getting so exhausted. Mom used to do all the chores, and I used to help, but I have school and after school commitments, and my dad keeps negatively commenting on how I get things done, and he compares me to my mom, like how long it takes me to make breakfast, etc.

Yesterday he woke me up at 6am, and even though he told me to skip school, he wanted me to make him breakfast. I made some scrambled eggs and prepared some other dishes, and then went to wake up my brother. I set the table, and once my dad sat down, he looked at the scrambled eggs and said, What is this? This isn't the right way to make scrambled eggs. Your mother used to make perfect scrambled eggs. Did you not learn anything from her at all? How are we supposed to survive if you can't even properly make scrambled

eggs?" He looked at my brother and said, we're doomed. I snapped and loudly told him that I am not his replacement wife, and he can't expect me to do all these chores for him. He looked at me stunned, and my brother left the room. My dad started telling me how cruel and insensitive I was, and how out of line I was. I replied that I was too tired to make the perfect scrambled eggs, and maybe if he is a parent to try to learn something, then we wouldn't be suffering right now. My dad just stood up and walked out. My aunt came to visit, and when I told her what happened, she went off on me, saying that I should have never said that to my grieving dad, and

I should be ashamed of myself for talking to him like that. Am I the butthole? Wow, Opie. Your family is mega sexist. It's okay for your dad to sit around the house and grieve and do nothing. It's okay for your brother to sit around the house and grieve and do nothing. But it's not okay for you to sit around the house and grieve and do nothing. No, apparently. Just because you're the woman in the family, you have to clean, cook, and do all the other chores despite the fact that you also lost your mother.

In my opinion, parents who force their kids to take on the role of adults just so the family can function are straight up abusing their children. This is emotional abuse, OP, you plain and simple. Your father is the parent, he's the adult in this situation, it's his responsibility to keep the family functioning. To keep the house running, to keep you guys fed, to make sure you go to school, and instead he's shoving that all over to you like it's your responsibility, no. O.P., you are completely not the butthole here, but unfortunately it sounds like your entire family is too sexist to see that. O, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your aunt 2 out of 5 buttholes.

I'm giving your brother 2 out of 5 buttholes. And I'm giving your father 5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for getting mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview? I'm a 27-year-old male and I've been married to my wife who's 24 for 3 years. She's 6 months pregnant. I've been looking for a job with better pace and my wife said that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom after birth. Today, I had an interview for a position at a very good IT company that would pay me triple my current salary. The company was taking a lot of measures to prevent malpractice.

For example, I wasn't even allowed to look off screen and the test was conducted on an online platform. I had told my wife numerous times before the exam started about the strict rules that I had to follow. Just 15 minutes after my test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name, saying that she wanted me to open a jar. I ignored her because I would be disqualified from the interview if I looked anywhere else or spoke. I figured that she would get the hint that I couldn't talk. But she didn't, she yelled at me, calling me a butthole, and then called her friends on speakerphone. It didn't stop with the phone calls. She also played loud music for her online dance yoga class.

It was extremely distracting, and I made a lot of mistakes in the exam. It was a multiple choice test so I got the results immediately and as expected I failed miserably. I was livid at my wife. This is the 5th interview that she's ruined like this. I told her that I give up on trying to make her life easier and that I'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. I told her to start working again after the birth and that I'm okay paying for a nanny slash babysitter. She said that I'm being unreasonable to expect perfect silence at home. Am I the butthole? Okay, okay, I am absolutely thrilled to come across this story because

what happened with you and your wife is Extremely extremely similar to what happened to me and my wife with the critical difference is that my wife is in a giant Butthole like your wife is so obviously I have a YouTube channel and a podcast and I'm recording audio for people to listen to and so Obviously, I need a certain level of silence in the home. I have really advanced And so obviously, I need a certain level of silence in the home. I have really advanced, expensive, high-quality audio equipment, so if the house is noisy, my microphone will pick that up and you guys will be able to hear it. I record in the basement of my home, and my wife is on the ground level, the floor above me, or on the second floor.

Also, as you may know, my wife gave birth earlier this year, so since then she's been a stay at home mom. And like, yeah, there has been friction. There have been times where I'm like, hey, I really need you to stop what you're doing because I'm trying to record. Like, I can't record anything if you're cooking or walking around or vacuuming. I just have to stop and wait for you to finish. And this is my job. It's supporting me, it's supporting my wife, so I have to be able to do this. This is like non-negotiable. And my wife, because she's logical and not a butthole and she cares about me, she completely understands and if I have to record, she goes upstairs.

Or she sits quietly on the sofa and watches the TV at a very low volume or just like scrolls her phone or just chills. Like there's a bunch of things that you can do in your own home as a mom or as a pregnant lady that doesn't involve making the house super, super noisy. And at the same time, my wife also has chores to do while I'm working like she has to cook and take care of the baby. So we worked out a system where there are times

where she's allowed to be noisy and I do other work that isn't recording like I'll make YouTube thumbnails or upload videos and do the SEO stuff. There's a bunch of stuff I can do that isn't recording but it's still important to work. Like, you see, this is a normal, healthy, reasonable way to solve this problem. You need quite a time. She needs noisy time. The solution isn't for her to be like, oh, well, you can't expect perfect silence 24-7.

No, of course not. But it is reasonable to expect perfect silence from like, you know, 9am to 10am when you're trying to take an online test. OP, your wife is a major butthole here. She is extremely disrespectful. I'm giving her 3 out of 5 buttholes because she clearly doesn't respect you. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes, it is very reasonable for you to get upset at your wife here. However, you said that this is the 5th interview that she's ruined. At some point, OP, part of this blame comes to you.

Like, obviously, she's the one who's doing things wrong, right? She's the problem person. But if she's messed up interview 1, then interview 2, then interview 3, then interview 4. Then you have this 5th interview, I don't know why on earth you ever expected your wife to suddenly be cooperative on this 5th interview and be completely silent. Like that is insane to me OP. What you obviously should have done was found some other place where you could have taken this interview, like maybe your friend's place or a coffee shop if they would have allowed

it. Or if necessary, you could have just rented an office suite for a day, like it would have been expensive, but at least you wouldn't have to worry about your wife ruining your interview. And I'm not saying this to blame you because I totally understand that the wife is a problem here. What else did you expect, man? What else could you have possibly expected except your wife being disrespectful for the fifth consecutive time? So my heart really goes out to UOP, but the relationship you have with your wife is not based on respect. Either she doesn't respect you, or she's actively sabotaging your interviews.

I'm not sure which. Today's podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. My podcast platform has this neat little graph that shows me my listener demographics, so I can see that most of my viewers are male. That's why I'm thrilled that BetterHelp is sponsoring today's episode, because mental health among men is honestly a real problem. This statistic is crazy to me. Men make up 38% of talking therapy referrals, yet 78% of suicides are males.

That means that the people who need the help the most are getting the least amount of help. Also, 6 million men per year suffer from depression, and most of these cases are undiagnosed. That's why I recommend BetterHelp. That's BetterHELP. BetterHelp will match you to a licensed professional therapist who can help you address your mental health needs. BetterHelp is not a crisis line or self-help. It's professional therapy done securely online.

I've got a special offer for our slash listeners Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash our slash That's the symbol slash then the word our slash Am I the butthole for telling my wife to stop being so jealous of my friends fiance? I'm a 36 year old male and my 35 year old wife and I are good friends with another couple my best friend Matt who's 36 and his fiance Rachel who's 24. Rachel models and is very attractive. My wife is less conventionally attractive but I fell in love with her for her humor and good spirit which I personally find more attractive than good looks.

Recently I've noticed my wife making a lot of comments about Rachel calling her an airhead and just being kind of mean. When my wife makes these comments in private, I'm able to stand up for Rachel, but when they're made in public, I obviously don't want to embarrass my wife by calling her out. My wife and I went on a trip with Matt and Rachel last week, which we've been planning for a while and we're really looking forward to. At dinner one night, my wife made a really mean comment

after we started talking about the economy. She said, don't worry, Rachel, you can join in the conversation when the smart people are done talking. My wife was the only person who laughed. I was completely embarrassed and once we were alone, I told my wife that she'd been really rude and I was ashamed of her.

I told her she needs to stop making nasty comments and she agreed. However, the next night we all went out to a bar. Rachel was getting a lot of attention from the guys there who were sending over drinks. My wife was looking visibly annoyed that she wasn't receiving the same attention, so I tried to lift her spirits by paying for all her drinks and making a fuss over her. One guy came over and said that Rachel looks just like the models in Daya. My wife let out a massive laugh and said, you mean to say whoopie Goldberg. I turned to my wife and straight up said, you really are jealous, aren't you?

She looked hurt, but she didn't have time to respond because Rachel had left the table in tears. I followed Matt and I told Rachel that I was so sorry for my wife's words and that I was ashamed of her behavior. When I reunited with my wife, she told me I was horrible for calling her gels in front of everyone and embarrassing her. I told her straight up that she was just jealous of Rachel because Rachel is more attractive than her. I realized in hindsight that this was a really heavy thing to say, and I can see why she would be hurt by it.

However, I stand by the fact that it was said in anger. Am I the butthole? Yeah, OP, I think I'd say you're not the butthole here. Your wife is very obviously jealous, and she's trying to take it out on Rachel. So it's okay for your wife to embarrass Rachel, but it's not okay for people to embarrass your wife to embarrass Rachel, but it's not okay for people to embarrass your wife. So OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving your wife 2 out of 5 buttholes. She really needs to get over her jealousy problem.

Am I the butthole for no longer letting my boyfriend eat what I cook after he raided my food in front of my family? I'm 25 and my boyfriend Jerry, who's 31, has a culinary art diploma. He works two jobs related to his field, one as a chef and the other as a cooking instructor. We've been dating for almost 16 months now by the way. I had no experience in cooking, but he encouraged me to learn and help my skills improve so much, even though he is a habit of rating every meal I cook, which I find a bit rude. For example, he'll say, this dish gets 7 out of 10, this dish gets 8.3 out of 10, this dish would have gotten 9 out of 10 if the sauce wasn't so salty, etc. I didn't feel great with him raiding my food, no matter the score, but he says he's helping

me improve, so my family came over to visit and I wanted to cook their favorite meals. Jerry sat with my parents and chatted until the food was ready. He started eating and he kept making comments about my choice of meals. Once he put his fork down, he cleared his throat and literally started rating every dish I made by giving me 7 out of 10 for this, 4.8 out of 10 for this, and 6 out of 10 for that. My family was so confused, and I was floored! I felt awful because he just kept giving me advice on how to improve my score next time.

He kept a straight face while doing it. It was awkward, just awkward the entire evening. We had a huge argument after my family left, and I told Jerry that he acted poorly and embarrassed me when he started raiding my food in front of my family. I told him that I'm not going to let him eat anything that I cook anymore. He said that I was overreacting and claimed that what he was doing is just constructive criticism, and I shouldn't take it personally since he's just used to raiding his student's work. I said that I'm not his damn student, and he's not Gordon Ramsay to be heavily putting

down my efforts in front of my family. He got offended and said my reaction was way over the top because he was just giving constructive criticism to make me progress and he said he was just trying to help. He said that Gordon Ramsay comment was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable chef with a respectable career. He then asked what made me think it was okay to come at him like that over a few ratings. He said that he was hurt and went to stay with a friend for the night probably expecting an apology from me.

Am I the butthole? Opie, this is very easy to solve. When he comes back, just apologize, act very, very sad. And then the next time you're passionately hugging, just give him a rating afterwards. Well, I think I'd have to give you 4 out of 10. You put in a lot of effort, but it just didn't last long enough for me. Also the facial expressions you were making the whole time were kind of a turn off, so that lost you a few points. Then when he gets upset, what's wrong, sweetie? I thought that you liked constructive criticism.

I just want to help you improve. No, jokes aside, your boyfriend is obviously being a butthole here. There's a huge difference between helping someone improve and insulting them in front of their family. If he wanted to critique your cooking, which fine, okay, I mean, he's a cook, he's trying to help you, that's reasonable. Why does he have to do that in front of your entire family insulting you in front of your mother, your father,

your siblings? That's just extremely disrespectful. He could have just waited till your family left and then said, hey, it was nice seeing your family, but would you like your ratings on your dishes now? Because you can do this better, that better blah, blah, blah. Like, why make a big show out of it?

Of criticizing a family member like that. It's just really, really weird, really out of touch. I think what's really going on here is that this is some kind of like power play. This guy is obviously a professional. He knows what he's doing. He's very confident in his abilities. So yeah, he's helping you, but I think that he likes the difference between him and you because it gives him a feeling of

superiority, it gives him a feeling of control. And so he just enjoys like putting you down. I think he likes it. Am I the butthole for proving that I'm the owner of my own home? I'm a 20-year-old woman, and I was fortunate enough to buy a house. For it only costing 15K, I have to say it's quite nice. It didn't really need much work besides a new roof, and the cabinets needed to be replaced, but my dad is a carpenter, so that didn't really matter much. The previous owner was an older man who unfortunately passed away after living in this house for a long time. I finally got to move in two months ago.

It's been fun making it on my own, but it's taken some time to get used to living alone. Three weeks after moving in, I was outside clearing out a few places in my yard to plant a garden and flowers in the spring. I live in the Midwest, so I wanted to get this done before the ground freezes. Aha, OP, I was wondering how you managed to get a house for $15,000, but now I see it's because you live in the Midwest So that all makes sense now. My next door neighbor, I'll call her Jane, whose inner fifties came out and introduced herself I explained that I just moved in and I was repairing my yard for spring She said it was nice that someone was doing work for the old man and gave me a spiel about how it's a quiet neighborhood

And I shouldn't have parties. I told her that I don't throw parties, but I was planning on hosting a housewarming and Thanksgiving party soon. She said that it was weird to throw a housewarming party when I was just renting. I told her I own the house. She didn't believe me and she went home. Last week I was out painting my front door. She stormed over, yelling that I'd better have permission to paint someone else's house. I, again, told her that I own this home. She stormed over, yelling that I'd better have permission to paint someone else's house. I, again, told her that I owned this home. She started yelling that I was too young to buy a house, and that she was contacting my landlord. I told her to stop being a busy body and leave me alone. She started demanding proof. I told her it was none of her business

and to get off my property. She walked to the edge of her yard and called the cops saying that I was a squatter. When the cops showed up, I showed them my paperwork and I asked them to trespass Jane for my home. Jane is still angry. I was talking to my dad the next day asking what I should do. He said that I was the butthole for making enemies with my neighbors and I should have just shown her proof to put her mind to rest. I don't feel like I was in the wrong, but my dad thinks that I was. Am I the butthole? Opie, your dad is 100% incorrect here. He is completely off the mark. So she comes over to your yard and demands to see proof that you own the house.

Not only is that completely not her business, but who's to say that it stops there? What if she thinks that you have, you know, someone tied up in your basement and she wants to go see your basement? What if she says that her dog or her cat ran into your house and she wants to go inside and check? Like, you can't just be like, oh, of course, neighbor, whatever you want. I don't want to be your enemy. No, this is your house, this is your property, you have a right to privacy. Also, your dad seems to be operating under the completely mistaken assumption that we're dealing with a reasonable person here. I think that realistically OP, your neighbor would have turned into your enemy no matter what you did. She sounds like a total Karen, and believe me when I tell you that

the harassment is not going to stop. I strongly, strongly encourage you to buy security cameras that cover your entire property, OP, because your neighbor will continue to harass you. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. You're just trying to live your best life. I'm giving your dad 1 out of 5 buttholes because he's just clueless. I'm giving your neighbor 3 out of 5 buttholes because she's a nosy, entitled Karen. Her logic doesn't even make sense. Like yeah, it's uncommon for a 20-year-old to own a house, but in the Midwest, where property

prices are like sometimes in the five-figure range, that's completely reasonable. Especially when you've got situations where parents buy their kids' houses, it's not unheard of, it's not common, sure, but like, it happens all the time, it happens every day. So why is she completely incapable of wrapping her head around the idea of a 20-year-old owning a house? That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.