rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Refusing To Give A Karen My Baby?

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP has a terminally ill cousin who has always dreamed of motherhood. Her illness is preventing that, so she asks if she can borrow OP's baby for a few months so that she can experience the joys of motherhood before it's too late. When OP refuses, people get incredibly angry at her and call her selfish for not letting someone else raise her baby. Is OP the butthole in this situation? If you like this video, be sure to follow for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/VD6eYD3 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch 🎁 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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on the same points vet app, the platform that gives you everything you need. You know what to do. Bet on it. Point Spots Sportsbook and Casino. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where we'd the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash, am I the butthole? Am I the butthole for asking my husband to turn down his dream job for my career?

I'm a 33-year-old female and I'm the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make over $200,000 with potential to get in the 600k to 1 million range. My company hasn't been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we're held to strict standards. My husband, who's 36, has a broad degree in work experience. He quit his job right before COVID hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive. He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs, and finally landed an interview at Organization X.

This is his dream job in almost every imaginable way. However, it's paying about $65,000 a year, which would be fine, except this job directly puts my job stability at risk. My company and this organization are adversarial at best. My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn't be able to get a job in that industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it's absolutely not. It'd be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ.

If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don't. Worst, because my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in. I asked him to drop out from consideration for this job since if he got it we'd lose my income. 65K a year cannot support us in this city. Plus he doesn't have to work for this organization. Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range

of jobs but I only have this one niche field. He was extremely angry and said I was selfish and only cared about money. I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him. But taking this job isn't possible. He continued the process behind my back and got the offer. He wants to accept it because he says that his career needs to take priority and that I wasn't being a supportive wife. I feel so betrayed and I've contacted all relevant higher-ups in my company to inform them. I notified them as soon as he got the interview because it's better coming from my email than from a background check. I told him that he could decline the offer with me

physically watching him decline it or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all my legal fees. I feel effing awful. I still love him. I moved decisively because this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts. He called me heartless and cold. It's true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like

the only option at the time. Opie, I think I'm going to give you like 0.5 out of 5 buttholes. I will agree that the ultimatum you gave him is pretty drastic, but I can't blame you. Your husband is acting incredibly selfishly, and I can't believe that he's willing to nuke your entire career over a job offer. I mean, if it were the case that you could get a different job in the same field, then I could understand his anger a little bit more, but if you literally couldn't get a job in that industry anymore, then yeah, your husband is a major douchebag. I'm giving your husband three out of five buttholes for being super selfish and prideful.

Man, you know, thinking about it, I think I actually want to downgrade this to 0 out of 5 buttholes. OP clearly explained her boundaries to her husband, and he violated them anyways. OP is in a situation where she has a very specific set of restrictions and the husband can work anywhere, but he specifically chooses the one job that will nuke her career. No, that goes way too far. So yeah, Opie, I think you're totally justified. Am I the butthole for mocking my brother for getting rejected by his dream college that

I got into because he keeps tormenting me over it? I'm a 17-year-old girl. My brother, Jake and I, who's 18, both have the same dream college, age university. Also, in case you're confused by the ages, we're 1.5 years apart, but I skipped a grade, so we were in the same grade for nearly our entire life. Jake was way more passionate about age university than I was. He had several age. Merch clothing and kind of just assumed he was going there. For example, in conversations, he'd say things like, once I'm at age, or after I go to age, my plan is, basically, his life plan rested on

him going to age. Jake and I got along pretty well. We'd sometimes give each other advice or study together. However, during college application season, he got super competitive once he realized I was also applying to age. He'd refuse to study together or look over each other's essays, and he'd constantly tell me to not even bother applying. Then decisions came out, and we opened them at the same time. I was accepted and he was rejected. Jake had a massive panic attack, and instead of celebrating my acceptance with my family,

I sat in my room all day because Jake would get furious when he saw me. I once even caught him trying to unlock my laptop to decline my offer since his friend deemed me to warn me that he'd been talking about doing that. My parents obviously punished him for that, which made it so much worse. When my age university sweatshirt came in, he screamed at me for showing off when I just put it in my closet. He told so many people that I only got in because I was a girl and then H mixed a sibling's up.

Honestly, I felt bad for him because I would be crushed too if I were him. Every time I tried to get him to stop, it got worse. So, I just kept tolerating it. I thought it'd get better after the summer once college actually started. It has not. Now it's really said in that he's going to a good state school and not age. His anger is largely compounded by the fact that he's going to the same college that he used to condescend other students aiming for. My class starts soon, so I've been setting up in our study which I share with Jake. Both of our rooms are tiny with no room to study in, so we share a study with two desks that face away from each other. Jake cleared out my whole desk

and broke my lamp in the process. He says that I need to study in my room so he can use a study without distractions for his classes. We've always both worn headphones, there's literally no distraction. He just doesn't want to see me taking classes at age. I'm so effing done. I just want to be proud that I got into this college and actually learned stuff without my brother screaming at me about it.

Here's where I might be the butthole. We got into an argument and I told him that of course he got rejected since age didn't take toddlers. I've also been wearing my H sweatshirt around the house constantly, which he gets angry about. He kept bothering me, so I superglue H rejection letters in the drawers of his desk so he has to see them when he opens them. Geez. Your relationship with your brother sounds super dysfunctional OP. So first of all,

your brother is definitely a butthole for all of his jealousy and rage, so I'm gonna give him 3 out of 5 buttholes. And I can definitely sympathize with the frustration you're feeling over his reaction, but you're escalating things OP so I'm going to give you two out of five buttholes. If you ask me, I think you guys could use some family therapy. Metrolinks and cross links are reminding everyone to be careful as Eglinton Cross-Town LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals.

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Sarah, the contractor's here with the plans. American Express, don't do business without it. Terms and conditions apply visit mx.ca slash business platinum. And I, the butthole for not letting my cousin experience motherhood. I have a 22 year old cousin by marriage who's dying of cancer. She's my husband's cousin. It was always her dream to marry and be a

mom and now that's not going to happen, it's hard on everyone. She has a much older fiance who's 30 and they had a symbolic wedding so she could have the experience. They started looking for ways to get access to a baby that she could take care of and experience some level of child care that way, but with 2020 and ethics in general, there's not a lot of ways to do that safely. My husband and I have the first, and so far only children of our generation who are 10 months and 23 months old. I had hopes that it wouldn't happen, but her parents asked me if they could borrow my younger baby for a few weeks. The cousin and her fiance could basically be playacting having a baby.

Her parents would also join in on pretending. There would be photo shoots and everything. This makes me really uncomfortable. It's really creepy. I cannot understate how creepy I think this is. I know that her not getting delivered dreams is sad, but I don't think that this is the answer. I'm worried that it would be traumatic for my baby. She's almost a year old and will notice that her entire family just vanished overnight for what will seem like forever. She's also still nursing, and they don't really seem to care about this factor.

I'm really worried about problems down the road. This is setting a dangerous precedent of my child living under other guardianship. Her parents will have time to get attached and they could try to use that for familial pressure if not legally. Her fiance is also a wild card in that regard. I said no and my husband's entire family is hounding us about this because her time is running out and it's time sensitive. They say we're being selfish. They say that we could use this as a free vacation and bond with our older child because

I pop them out so close together. They want to compromise now by letting me come by a few times a day to bring milk. We still don't want to do this. Am I the butthole? And then OP posted an update. Yesterday afternoon, we got an email from the cousin's parents offering actual dollar amounts for us to agree. We got enough from that to file a police report and at least get the threat and writing.

We also had a call with my husband's parents and his siblings to basically clear the air. Apparently, what they were telling people they asked for and what they were actually asking for were very different. Everyone on that call now has blocked them on social media except for my mother-in-law because of the cousin. Now, OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. This conversation should be super simple. Hello, Miss. Do you mind if I borrow your baby? No, that doesn't make me comfortable. Okay, that's fine. Period. As in, end up conversation. From your cousin's perspective, I don't think it's actually unreasonable for her to ask. Yeah, her request is a bit extreme, but her situation is a bit extreme as well, and there's really no harm in asking. But the

butthole behavior comes in when they continue to press the issue after you've rejected them. Once you've rejected them, they should've just accepted that and moved on, so based on that, I'm gonna give them, let's say, like, two out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for yelling at my parents that their polyamory screwed up my childhood? I believe it started when I was around 6 years old. My parents often had friends over in the house. I didn't know they were polyamorous, of course. One day I was outside playing, got hurt, and when I ran inside, I caught my parents making out with some random guy. They told me that they have other adults that they love, and it's

completely normal thing. Me being a child just accepted that. They gave up being secretive and their partners would constantly be around, even joining on outings. I remember that on my 10th birthday, they invited three of their partners, one of whom I'd never seen before, and for the rest of the day, my parents just withdrew from the party and hung out with them. I never saw them doing anything explicit again, but they would kiss their partners, hug them, make flirty comments, something that would be normal between parents, but with many more people.

Sometimes I came home from school and my parents were gone, and there were some random adult in our house. Some of them seemed surprised that my parents even had a child. I always hated it, but since my parents told me that this was normal, I assumed that many adults probably did similar things, and then it's just an adult thing that all kids hate. Later, they had less partners, and eventually seemed to stop. Not that I'd know for sure, because I moved out at age 17. I didn't think about it anymore. A year ago I started therapy for other reasons. As usual, the topic of my upbringing came up and it brought back many feelings that I wasn't aware of.

I realized that although my parents were always good to me, I had never really felt close to any of them and still have a lot of resentment that they made me feel like I had to compete for my parents' attention with random strangers. A while ago I visited them that they made me feel like I had to compete for my parents' attention with random strangers. A while ago I visited them, and they told me that they were going to take part in a documentary about polyamorous families and that the producers would like to include interviews with the children.

So, they would love it if I would agree and tell everyone that polyamory doesn't mess kids up. All of my resentment bubbled up, and I said that I could not agree because I wouldn't be able to say anything positive. My parents looked shocked. I had never brought this up before and asked why and I unloaded everything that I always felt pushed aside and we barely had any family time without strangers intruding. It turned into an argument and I became loud and yelled that the truth is it did screw me up and

they shouldn't have had a child if their number one priority was screwing the whole world. My mother cried and my father said I should probably leave. So I left and was shaken up for the rest of the week but also felt regret because I've never made my mom cry before. Later my father sent me a message that was like, we're sorry you feel that way. Can we have a calm discussion about this soon? Even though I tried to, it's like I can't reply.

This argument brought something very emotional up in me. Am I the butthole for hurting my parents over this? Especially since I've never brought it up before? All right, OP, so I'm actually gonna give you 0 out of 5 buttholes here. And for clarity here, I don't think the problem with your parents is that they're polyamorous. I think the problem with your parents is that they basically abandon you in favor of their other interests. I mean, one of my hobby is board games, I really love playing board games with my friends.

But if I threw my 10 year old kid at birthday party and then basically ignored my kid on their own birthday so I could spend the entire day playing board games with my friends, that would make me a huge butthole. And if I were just constantly neglecting my own kid in favor of playing board games, and I would leave my kid alone with my board game friends, then yeah, that makes me a total butthole. So you can replace Polly Amory with pretty much any hobby imaginable, board games, video games, playing poker, gardening, I mean whatever. The point is yeah, you're right, your parents put their own interests way ahead of your interests. And I'm a little bit pissed off

on your behalf that your father said that we're sorry that you feel that way, but he's not willing to accept any responsibility in his role in how he made you feel that way. He's sorry that you feel that way, not sorry that he made you feel this way. Kind of a cheap cop out of my opinion, so overall, I'm gonna give your parents 4 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this podcast then check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes. Also be sure to follow my podcast because I put

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