rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Refusing To Give My Sister My House?

Episode Date: June 26, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole OP purchased a lake house owned by his parents, and he now lives there fulltime with his girlfriend. His sister is getting married, and she asked OP if she could have her honeymoon at his lake house for a few weeks. OP refuses because he doesn't want his sister doing the dirty all over his new house. Also, he lives there! Where would he go during those weeks? His sister becomes furious when he refuses and uninvites him from her wedding. Is OP the butthole here? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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r-slash am I the butthole where opi gets accused of being a pervert at the local gym Am I the butthole for not letting a girl check my phone to make sure that I wasn't taking pictures of her? I was at the gym today and I was walking towards an empty squat rack. Right next to my rack was another rack and this 20-year-old girl, Belinda, was doing squats. While walking up, I briefly noticed that her leggings are see-through and when she bends down in her squat, you can easily tell that she's also not wearing underwear. That's not my business, it's her choice. But it made me uncomfortable to take a rack that was basically right behind her.

I had been waiting my entire gym session for one of those racks to open up, and this was my last lift before leaving, so I went ahead and took it. I went through my workout as normal. After every set, I checked my phone for about five to 20 seconds. I track every single set for every single lift in a spreadsheet to note how much I lifted

and for how many reps. Sometimes I have to remind myself of what I did last week to make sure that I'm progressing. Sometimes I'm just checking the time, sometimes I'm just changing the song on Spotify. Tonight specifically, there was a very important basketball game being played, so I wanted to keep up with the score. So I use my phone a lot at the gym. I finished my third set when Belinda turns around and walks up to me with her phone up yelling, What the after you doing you effing pervs? Stop taking pictures of me!

I'm caught completely off guard, but I explained that I'm just taking notes on what I'm lifting. That I'm not paying attention to her at all. She's being really loud, so other people are looking at me, plus she's recording me. Then she demands that I go through my pictures and videos, and I'm just paying attention to her at all. She's being really loud, so other people are looking at me, plus she's recording me. Then she demands that I go through my pictures and videos to show her what I was recording and delete the ones that I took of her. I once again try to explain that I didn't record anything of her at all. She's yelling at me that if I have nothing to hide, I should have no problem showing her, so I insist that we go get Jim Management.

We both explain our stories to the manager while Belinda is still recording me. The manager asked me if I'm willing to show her a neutral third party in my pictures and videos. The manager also says that if I have nothing to hide then it's not a big deal and we can squash it right now. I refuse. I have my own uncensored pics in there, plus pictures of my girlfriend. I'm not going to let anyone force me to show my private pictures over some BS. I do show her my

spreadsheet, which shows that it's been revised over 15 times in the past 50 minutes. So that proves what I was using my phone for. That was received well, but they still expected me to prove my innocence. I told them they should review the cameras. Apparently only the owner has access to them, so I was told that he would call me in about an hour. My girlfriend tells me that I should have just let them look at my phone because she didn't mind and it would have cleared everything up. But I MIND! I get that someone wouldn't want someone taking pictures of them, but violating my privacy to prove that I wasn't taking pics of you crossed a line for me. And then OP posted an update. I just talked to the manager, he checked the footage. He

couldn't see what was on my screen in the footage, but he said that it looks like I had my phone pointed toward the ground right in front of me the whole time. In his words, the phone was never high enough to even take a picture of her or even angled in her direction. Apparently, I was gonna get banned from the gym if the cameras didn't absolve me. Also, I'm not the first person who Polina's accused, but she legit had a creeper before. All right, OP, this problem is pretty straightforward.

Basically, what they're trying to say is because they think that you've violated their privacy. Nothing you actually violated her privacy, but because they think that you did, therefore, they get to violate your privacy to prove that you did or didn't. Nope, doesn't work that way. You're completely right, OP. You have just as much of a right to privacy as Belinda does. Now, don't get me wrong. I do understand why she would think that. If you're a girl at a gym and a guy gets behind you while you're doing squat and he's

frequently on his phone, then yeah, it's kind of reasonable to assume that he's taking photos. You know, I'm not trying to say that obviously all guys who have their phones that are taking pictures of other women, I'm just saying it's not exactly unreasonable to make that leap. So I kind of feel like this is a no-butthole situation here. I mean, you're protecting your privacy and the privacy of your girlfriend, so zero out of five butth holes there. And as for Belinda, even though she did react kind of harshly, I can't really blame her considering that she had an experience with a creeper in the past. Maybe you could give her a tiny but hole score because she didn't give OP the benefit

of the doubt, but even then I think what she did is more or less okay. So I'm giving Belinda also 0 out of 5 but holes. Am I the but hole for saying no when my family said that I should let my sister have her honeymoon at my house? Backstory. My house used to belong to my parents, but they sold to me in 2017. It's been a family vacation home of sorts. Every couple of years, back when my grandparents were still alive, they'd invite all the kids up there for a week. Fast forward to the end of 2016. My sister got accepted to her dream college. I won't say which one, but it's a big one.

Everyone was excited and proud of her, me too. But a week after that, my parents called asking me if I'd found a house yet. I was looking for a house, and my family knew it. I'd been saving up since I started my first job at 20. I said no, so my dad suggested that I buy the lake house from them. I asked why they wanted to sell it, and it turns out that my sister didn't have any savings for college and didn't get a scholarship like she'd planned. And our parents couldn't afford to pay for her college either. I asked why she didn't get student loans, and they said they didn't want her ruining her credit.

So their solution was to sell the lake house and use the money from that to finance our college. I had lots of great memories from the lake house, so eventually I agreed. I work online, so after getting a good internet connection out there, I moved right in, and I've been there since. My girlfriend moved in with me permanently last year before lockdown, and it's been pretty blissful. In 2019, my sister in her college boyfriend got engaged. My parents agreed to pay for her wedding. But, like with every other wedding around then, things got pushed back to the COVID. My sister

had to postpone her wedding until this year. She plans to have her wedding in December, and I even agreed to be in the bridal party. Issues came up recently when my sister asked me where I was going to stay for the two weeks after her wedding. Puzzled, I said, my house. My sister got this sour look and said that wouldn't work because her and her fiance would be there and they wanted private time. I asked, why would you be at my house? And she said, that's what we're going to have her honeymoon. She said that she was planning to Honeymoon for two weeks at my lake house. I said that was news to me. She insisted that our parents said that it was fine, but I said that it wasn't their place to make decisions about my house. After arguing, she called

our parents who said that I was being unreasonable. I said that I didn't want my sister and our fiancee christening their new union by passionately hugging all over my house. They said that I was being gross and selfish. I once again said no, so my sister threatened to remove me from the bridal party. I just shrugged and said okay. My sister started crying, saying that she already couldn't have her dream wedding like she wanted, and now I was trying to ruin her honeymoon too. I told her that she should just rent a hotel room like every other newlywed couple and hang up. She's not speaking to me, and now I'm uninvited

to the wedding. My parents keep calling me, saying that I should do this for her, since her wedding is only one third of what she wanted it to be. But I'm not comfortable with them staying unsupervised at my house. They're making me feel like a monster for saying no. Am I the butthole? Alright, hold on, we gotta hit the brakes here. Let me get this straight OP. So, your parents decide that they're gonna pay for your sister's college. Did they pay for your college? Because if not, then that basically means that they're giving several tens, maybe even hundreds of thousands of dollars to your sister. Then your parents offer a pay for her wedding.

Have they said that they're gonna pay for your wedding? What I'm hearing from this story is it sounds like your parents are just funneling money towards your sister and giving you nothing in return. Now it took me wrong. I'm not saying that parents are like obligated to fund their kids lifestyle. However, in my opinion, I strongly believe that

if you're gonna give one of your kids let's say 50k, then you should give your other kid 50k too. Because otherwise, you're just clearly showing preferential treatment to one of your kids over the other. Now granted, we don't know all the details in this story. Maybe they gave you a really good deal in the house, or maybe they paid for other things like your cars in your past. But still OP, this story is sending up some red flags.

If I'm correct and your parents really are giving your sister all this extra money and they're giving you nothing, then that is seriously gonna affect their butthole score. Also, before I go too much farther, OP posts in an update. Well, I learned something new today. I spoke to my sister like a few people suggested, and I asked her if she knew the lakehouse was legally my house. As in, I bought it years ago. She was not in fact aware of this.

She was under the impression from our parents that they were letting me live there, rent free. I corrected her and even showed her proof that they sold the house to me. And when she asked why they sold it, I was honest, and I said that it was to pay for her college tuition and lifestyle. She became quiet after that, and soon after the conversation ended. I have no idea what's going to happen now.

Okay, so that changes things pretty significantly. Your sister's reaction now is much more understandable. I can see why she flew off the handle at you. I can also understand why she became really quiet after that phone call, because she sounds like a jerk because she uninvited you from the wedding when you did nothing wrong. I think that I have to give your sister zero out of five buttholes. It's not exactly her fault that her parents decided to pay for the college, it's also not her fault that her parents decided to

pay for the wedding. And finally, it's not really her fault that her parents decided to pay for the wedding. And finally, it's not really her fault that her parents lied to her about the true condition of the house. I mean, sure, uninviting you from the wedding is a bit extreme, but based on the information that she had available, it's not exactly unreasonable for her to get really upset at that. I mean, from her perspective, yeah, it's her honeymoon, and if you're living there rent-free, then she has just as much right to use the lake house as you do, so she probably should be upset there. Your parents, on the other hand, are major buttholes here. First, they lie to their daughter. Then, they put you in a really awful position, where you basically were being guilt-tripped into giving up your house to appease your sister. Then, when you find

out about it, they try to guilt-trip you and call you selfish because they don't want your sister banging on your master bed. This alone deserves a 3 out of 5 butthole score for your parents. However, we also have to consider the possibility that your parents are showing preferential treatment to your sister. If your parents are really funneling tens of thousands of dollars to your sister and giving you nothing, then yeah. They get an extra 1.5 out of 5 buttholes bringing them up to 4.5 out of 5 buttholes.

Also, down in the comments, people are just bashing on the parents as they should be. And a couple of people are saying that the sister is spoiled and she deserves a butthole score, but I'm not entirely sure if that's fair. So the parents never told her that she sold the house, so probably from her perspective, she probably assumes that OP is also getting money equal to what she's getting. Also, people are saying that even if she did believe that the house is in the parent's name, then she has no right to ask that OP move out for two weeks. In that case, it would be the parents' house, so it would be up to them to decide what to do with it. And letting OP stay in the house for 50 weeks out of the year, rent free while she stays

in the house, 2 weeks out of the year is pretty reasonable if you ask me. Now obviously that's not the case, OP owns the house so all of this is mood, I'm just saying, from her perspective, I feel like the way she acted is somewhat reasonable. I don't know, what do you think? Did I get this one wrong? Let me hear from you down in the comments if you think the sister deserves a butthole score. Am I the butthole for kicking my daughter out after she crossed a line?

I'm a 51 year old male and I have three kids, a boy, a girl, and one kid who's gender neutral. My son, Eric, is the oldest of 22. Eva is the middle child of 20, and Charlie is 17, my youngest. Now sadly, 11 years ago when the kids were all young, their mother slash my wife passed away in a car accident. I've been raising them by myself ever since, and I've chosen to never remarry because my wife was, and is the love of my life.

I'll say that I'm definitely not a perfect father, but I've done the best I could to raise my kids. So, Ava's always been a bit wilder than her other siblings, even before her mother passed. I've tried everything, having sit down talks with her, putting her in therapy, taking parenting classes, and reading books to see what I could do to help. Therapy did seem to help a little bit, but she stopped when she turned 18. My daughter, Ava, still lives with me and Charlie while Ava goes to school. Ava has definitely been home a lot due to the pandemic, but recently she started to go out more

now that they're letting up on some of the regulations. I was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when I got a panic call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings. To summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with Ava and Charlie's sided with him. Ava became very volatile and even called Charlie a slur, which is a big hell-known for me. So I headed home and tried to call him everything down. I told Ava that I didn't even care what they had been arguing about, but she wasn't allowed to disrespect Charlie or Eric like that. Ava started arguing with me, but I shut it down when I realized that it wasn't gonna help.

I forced her to apologize and took away our car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings, and I thought that was the end of it. Well, the next morning after work, I ended up coming home and finding scraps of paper all over the house. At first I didn't get it, but then I found out that Ava had cut up about half a dozen letters

that her mother had written me when I was much younger. I was livid, and I know that it was Ava because I have a couple of cameras set up in my house. Also OP pointed out that everyone in the family knows about the camera, and the cameras are just there so we can watch as dog when he's at work. I just walked to her room and told her to get out. She had this mug look on her face and rolled her eyes, but then I yelled, get the f out of my house!" And she realized that I was serious. She was crying and screaming, but I had felt sort of numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers. But now I feel like I was being

too harsh. Should I stand my ground? Am I the butthole for this? OP, what Ava did wasn't a temper tantrum. That was just plain cruelty. Destroying a precious memento of your dead wife, of her dead mom over what? Car privileges? OP, I agree with you. Your daughter really did cross a line here. She's completely disrespecting the rest of her family and she needs to be shut down fast.

I get that she's your daughter and you want to protect her, but she's 20 years old. She is completely old enough to understand the consequences of her actions. I think you did the right thing by kicking her out OP. This girl needs a reality check. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving Ava 4 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash in my the butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.