rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Stealing $6,000 from My Wife?

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is the breadwinner in the family and her husband doesn't work. Her husband wants to go golfing with his buddies, but OP insists that they need to save money to fix their broken roof. So instead of accepting her answer, the husband decides to steal $6,000 from his wife's account to buy expensive golf clubs for a weekend getaway with the boys. When OP finds out and confront her husband, he tries to argue that she's being abusive and is controlling her life. WTF? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Am I the butthole for demanding that my husband pay back the $6,000 that he spent on golf clubs? I'm a nurse and I've been working more hours for the past six months to be able to save money to fix a ceiling in our house. I've saved up $8,000 in my account, and since my husband hasn't worked since 2020, I'm trying to balance paying bills as well. My husband is a golf enthusiast and so are his friends. The only difference is that all of his friends are well off, and they can afford expensive

golfing gear and trips. They mentioned wanting to go on a golfing trip next weekend and invited my husband, but he initially refused. He really wanted to go, but he complained about how his friends bought fancy golfing gear while all he has is old gear. He asked if I could lend him $6,000 so we could buy a set of golfing clubs, but I refused because $6,000 for a set of clubs is crazy expensive, especially for someone who doesn't work. He got upset and accused me of holding his employment over his head when he couldn't help it.

Anyway, I thought that we were over this argument, but I discovered that he had pulled the $6,000 out of my account and purchased the golf set behind my back. I went home and exploded on him. He swore that he would return the money once he got back from his trip. But I told him that he had no right to take the money and spend it on a set of golf clubs when the ceiling needs to be fixed. He said the ceiling doesn't require $6,000 to fix, but the kids' room

was affected too. I demanded that he return the set, or pay me $6,000 right then and there. He told me that I was being unfair to him and that he's feeling stuck because his friends can afford to buy whatever well he's being yelled at for wanting something for himself for once. I told him to get a job and buy himself whatever he wants. He tried to tell me that he'll pay me back when he finds a job, which is after he gets back from his trip, but I refused. He kept begging me to just let him go in this trip and that we'll figure it out later, but I said no.

If it wasn't for something as important as a ceiling, I would have maybe waited, but he's saying that I'm abusive and controlling of his life. Wow. This dude is a father with kids that has a house that's literally falling apart because the roof is damaged and he's going to steal money from his wife. 75% of all of your savings. He's going to steal 75% of all the family's money so we can go hang out with the boys on the weekend and leave you alone. This is like red flag after red flag after red flag. Basic priorities. Kids house family first, then golf. And like if you want to buy golf clubs, get a job, dude. Isn't there a labor shortage right now? Should be easy to find a job, right? Man, so like as I'm thinking about it,

I'm not exactly sure what the situation is with the roof, but if you have a damaged roof over the heads of children, then that's super, super dangerous. Because if the roof like collapses, then your kids could die. So like, your husband's priorities are way, way off here. Opie, you get zero out of five buttholes. Your husband gets 4.5 out of five buttholes.

Am I the butthole for expecting my adult daughter to pay back what she owes me? I'm a 48 year old guy, and my 21 year old daughter, area abandoned us when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, Sandra and her husband. Until then, we had 50-50 custody, but Sandra has always been less strict than me. She's always let area do whatever she wants, and she's never had any home rules. She also buys area everything she wants so that area will want to live with her. Sandra lives in the same town where area's high school was, while I live 25 minutes away. So one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend

there, meaning I had to drive there, the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come to me. If the friend's parents didn't want to drive their kid here, then area wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. Everything was fine that way for years. The major fallout happened in our last year of high school when she was 15. Wait, what? Last year of high school at 15. She went on a trip to another country with her school, and she didn't bother to send more than a couple of texts while she was away for five days. So I decided to ground her because she has to learn to respect and show some love for her family.

She insisted that she had sent messages to her mother, but we had barely heard from her. She never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited to some popular girl's birthday party. This was my punishment. I said she couldn't go to that party after forgetting about her family. Area got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it's illegal for Sandra to come get her if it's my custody week. Plus she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party.

Her mother came by at the end of the week, and I told Aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. I waited, but I heard nothing from her again. Her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and I didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us, and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties, and her free of rules life. Over the years, my ex-wife and I have communicated through lawyers because Sandra has zero intentions of helping me get my daughter back. They've been demanding that I pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. I have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses by law. When area turned 18 on adult, I started adding up everything I had to pay in an Excel sheet that I sent to Sandra

so she could see how much damage she was doing to our daughter. I expect area to pay off her debts, but I gave Sandra the option to pay for her which she refused. Areas debt to me is now at $18,000. Areas been trying to get in touch with me again. I told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. She needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. Sandra says that I'm the butthole but I think that she is. Since she's done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. So, am I the butthole?

Opie, how do I put this in a way that's delicate? Yes, absolutely. 100% yes, you're a major butthole, Opie, and it's kind of shocking to me that you don't understand that you're a butthole. To be clear, it is not normal for 15-year-olds to not want to be around one of their parents as long as they have a healthy nurturing relationship. I don't buy this whole, I'm the strict one, and my ex-wife is the not strict one, so of course she prefers her. No, like I don't buy that at all. Even if you are the stricter parent, if you actually love your daughter and your daughter loves you and you have a nurturing relationship built on trust and understanding and respect,

then she would want to be around you and she would tolerate your rules because even though she's a rebellious teenager, she still loves her dad. And like that part about how you told her not to come back and then when I don't know, I guess her younger half sister asked what was up. You actually said, oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, but your older sister just doesn't love us anymore. She prefers parties to you. That is cold, heartless, calculated manipulation. And like, you expect your daughter to pay you back money, that you are literally obligated

by law to spend on her. Parents who honestly expect their kids to pay them back for basic childcare are pathetic. There's really no other word for it. OP is just pathetic. You are not a good father, you are in fact a horrible father, and I completely understand why your daughter left. OP you get 5 out of 5 buttholes. Your ex-wife and your daughter get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm also guessing that based on this post you're making it sound better than it really is, but the fact that me and everyone in the comments is calling you a butthole despite your story where you're making yourself out to be the victim, the hero of the story,

it has to be a thousand times worse than this. It has to be. OP, you need therapy, dude. You need therapy. Well, sweetie, I would love to have a father-daughter relationship with you and show you love. But we've got this outstanding bill from when you were 15 and I had to pay you child support as obligated by law and morality, so I'll tell you, you know, make good on your tab, then I'm afraid I can't show you any love, sweetie. What a douchebag, whoa! Am I the butthole for telling my boyfriend that he can't date younger women and then get

upset about their budget apartments? So I recently got together with a guy from my hobby. He asked me out first and I had some doubts that we'd work together as a couple because of the age difference. He's 35 and I'm 22. So in my apartment, since it's an old house that was originally a single family house, there isn't much soundproofing. And the floor is creek when people move. I've gotten accustomed to the sound of the guy upstairs getting up at 4 a.m. since he starts work at 5. And the sound

of the girls in the apartments on either side of mine watching Telenovelas till midnight, taking work calls all day and having friends over on weekend nights. I know that when I play music or have friends over, some of the sound leaks through the walls, so I'd never get upset about hearing my neighbors because it goes both ways. So when my boyfriend started coming over more often, he had complaints about the neighbors, which put me in an awkward place because he wanted me to go speak to them or have me text them, and I said no. For example, on one of the early times that he stayed over, we went to bed around 10. He wanted me to ask my neighbor to turn down her TV.

I said she didn't have it that loud, and she turned it off at midnight anyways. At 4 a.m., he got very irritated with my upstairs neighbor getting up and cooking breakfast. I said he would be done by 5 because that's when his shift starts. At 7am, he was still trying to sleep in, and the neighbor on the other side had some work calls that he couldn't sleep through. I offered him some earplugs, and he said that he couldn't sleep with them in either. He wanted me to ask her to quiet down. He had similar comments every time he heard someone else in the building just living their life, especially if it was when he was in bed. I got frustrated with my boyfriend

and told him, you know, you can't expect a day to haunt young 22-year-old and not want to deal with a 22-year-old's living situation. I don't know if you realize, but this is a normal apartment for someone my age. Hell, my neighbors are pretty great. Nobody's throwing loud parties on work nights, nobody's having screaming fights, nobody's having babies. And to be clear, when I said,

hot young, I use sarcastic air quotes because those were his words, not mine. He got irritated and asked me why I was bringing age into it. I said it's because he can't want someone who's so young, but also wants someone who has enough money to own their own house. And I said that he was being so out of touch with how normal people in their 20s live. He got really irritated with me bringing age into it, and even more annoyed when I'd responded to his neighbor's complaints in the future with, okay Boomer, or tell him that if he wanted me to live in a rich person apartment, then he could pay for it.

Am I the butthole for what I said to my boyfriend about my apartment? So okay, there's kind of a lot going on here, just on the basic level, this is really simple. No you're being completely reasonable, like yeah you're 22. You're not expected to live in some lavish penthouse unless you're like a trust fund kid. So this guy's expectations are really, really unreasonable. Secondly, if he cares so much about where he sleeps, why doesn't he just take you to his place? Like if he expects you to have a good place,

then certainly him, a 35 year old man, would definitely have his own home, right? Honestly, OP, I have to be a little bit suspicious because if you're not sleeping at his place, when presumably he does have a house and he doesn't like the notion of your neighbors, then is he hiding something? Because I mean, putting myself in his shoes, I own a house, and I'm married so I wouldn't be dating some young 22 year old But if I were and I didn't like her apartment the very obvious solution would be why don't we just go to my place because my place has more privacy It's nicer You know it's bigger. Why not just do that instead but the fact that he isn't I don't know a little bit suspicious

Okay, so down in the comments other people on Reddit were also pointing out that this situation is a little bit suspicious. So OP did some digging and she posted a big update. I googled his property records for his house and he co-owns it with a woman who shares his last name. Oh my god, I don't know if she says wife or ex-wife or what, but I am out of here. I'm honestly freaking out right now, but I just gotta say, great big thank you to everyone who noticed red flags and made me question that.

I've blocked his number, he can have fun figuring out where I went. Yeah, okay OP, that's kind of what I was suspecting. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes, and I'm not gonna say you're a butthole if you don't do this, but I would encourage you to reach out to the buttholes and I'm not going to say you're a butthole if you don't do this but I would encourage you to reach out to the other woman because if I were being cheated on I would definitely want to know. So you have like the power to I guess give her the information she needs to make important life decisions so I would really really encourage you to reach out to her. I mean maybe it is maybe they maybe they are separated maybe this is x-wife, but nonetheless, that's just a decision that I would make personally.

So you get 0 out of 5 but holes. This guy gets, let's say, 1 out of 5 but holes if he's a hypocrite. If he's a cheating hypocrite, then he gets 5 out of 5 but holes. Am I the but hole for cancelling dinner when my boyfriend brought a bell to the diner to grab the staff's attention? I'm a 30 year old woman and I've been dating my boyfriend, Rhett, who's 31 for 4 months. We live in different towns and he's not from here. He's American and he's living here on the weekends. This time I decided to visit his town and eat out of the diner.

Rhett was already there when I arrived at the diner. We talked some, checked the menu, and when it was time to order, he pulled a small bell out of his jacket pockets. Then he lifted it up and started shaking it. It produced a loud annoying sound and my ear started hurting. I was so confused, I asked, what are you doing? And he said that he was trying to get one of the waiter staff's attention. I said it was embarrassing and he should stop right then, but he just kept shaking the bell. I can't even begin to explain the looks that we received from everyone else. I demanded that he stop, but he said no, not until someone came to take our order. I threatened to walk out and cancel dinner, but he just kept doing it. Someone

eventually came, but I'd already gotten up, took my purse, and started making my way out. He followed me, and started arguing about walking out on him, but I told him that I couldn't take being embarrassed by him, and he got upset and said that he didn't get why I thought the bell was embarrassing. He tried to explain that it's a perfect solution for no longer being forced to wait until someone shows up. I asked if this was acceptable in America, and he said, yeah, because it's a free country

and people there usually don't care. But I said that it's inappropriate and embarrassing here. He said that I was being too sensitive and overreacted over nothing. He insisted that we go back inside, but I refused. We ended up leaving and he kept going on about how I ruined dinner by cancelling it, and how I offended him by acting like his behavior was shameful. I said that I have a right to my opinion, and he told me to get off my high horse and stop calling his genius idea embarrassing. He's been soaking for days now in winning

an apology. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe it's nothing where he lives, but here it's just unacceptable. Okay, literally never in my entire life have I ever been to a restaurant where someone rang a bell in a restaurant. Oh, Pete, I'm American. I've been to a lot of American restaurants. I've been to Mexican restaurants, Japanese restaurants, Chinese restaurants. American restaurants.

Stake, steak joints, burger joints. You name it, and I have never encountered this. So this guy is just straight up lying. This is completely not American. There is no culture of ringing your bell at waitstaff. That's so rude here. Opie, your boyfriend is a douchebag. He thinks his idea is a genius idea.

He bought a bell and brought it in. This is, this is so cringey. I remember one time, I can kind of sort of clap with one hand. I'll see if I can do it here. Can you guys hear that? I sort of like snap my hands into my palm. It's not, you know, super loud or anything. But I remember one time when I was in high school,

I raised my hand to answer a question. And I was like excited, so I was like clapping my one hand excitedly. And my teacher turned around on me, whip fast with her eyes wide and anchor and said, did you just snap at me? That's so rude. And I was like, no, I'm just clapping.

And she was like, oh, okay. Well, what's your question? Like, it completely threw her off. And that was just snapping. Like, snapping also was also super rude. So, I'm just telling you that story to give you some context, OP. Like, any sort of like snapping or ringing a bell,

like, yeah, that doesn't fly at all in America. Anyways, OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. I think your behavior was very normal. Your boyfriend however gets 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. As an American, we do not claim him. That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.