rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Taking Off My Leg?

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to R-slash. Am I the butthole where OP takes off her own leg? Hey everyone, this is Dabney, aka R-slash. And before I get into today's episode, I just want to say that I have started a brand new YouTube channel. So if you like my content and you want to see more, or if you just want to support me, then go to the description to find the link to my new channel. I'm experimenting with the new type of content that I've never done before, where I'm actually gonna be on camera.
Starting point is 00:00:27 So I would really, really appreciate it. If you could check out my new channel, drop a like, subscribe, and let me know what you think. Anyways, onto today's episode. Am I the butthole for not asking my mother-in-law nicely to hand over the baby for feeding? I'm a new mom. I had my son five weeks ago. My
Starting point is 00:00:45 husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. My mother-in-law has this habit of taking the baby and refusing to give them back to me. She'd say that I'm deliberately ruining her time with him. My son needs to be fed every two hours and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so I can feed him. Last night at 10pm, my mother-in-law had my son in her arm while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. I was exhausted, and the baby started crying. I told my mother-in-law to hand him over to me so I could feed him.
Starting point is 00:01:19 She refused, and I kept asking. My husband starts talking about what a whiny little girl I was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how I'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. I ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. She refused and said I had to wait a little longer. I got angry at this point. My husband said that I could take the baby after I asked his mom nicely.
Starting point is 00:01:47 This had me seething. I meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand my son over to me. She looked at me shocked and hurt. She handed the baby over and ran into the guest room, and my husband gave me a look, then followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. He came into the room while I was feeding my son, and started yelling about how disrespectful I was to speak to his mom this way, and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than I do.
Starting point is 00:02:16 I told him that she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. He said that, first of all, our son isn't an object for me to act like I own him. And secondly, his mom was doing nothing wrong. And third, I should have asked nicely instead of being a beward to his mom and making her cry. I started crying and yelled that I would go back to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer.
Starting point is 00:02:41 And he yelled back saying, shut the f up, you're only acting up because you don't want my parents around. What the f is wrong with you?" Then he walked out. I feel terrible thinking that maybe I was rude to his mom, but also I think that I hit my limit here. Am I the butthole for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? But that's the thing OP, you did ask her nicely. You asked her to get the baby so you could feed the baby and she refused and then a fight broke out so you got upset. Like, these people not realize that it's your child, not the grandparents' child, and how does this baby? Five weeks old? Yeah, a five-week week old baby doesn't really need love and cuddles. They're just like, oh, I mean, I don't want to insult babies here, but realistically, a 5 week old baby is just
Starting point is 00:03:30 a lump of flesh that needs to be fed, put to bed, and cleaned. They don't really get much value out of like, cuddling with other people because they're not even conscious, they don't seem to have thoughts. They're basically just like a lump of flesh that you have to keep alive with constant attention. So, no, a five-week-old baby doesn't need love and cuddles. A five-week-old baby needs milk. Honestly, OP, the way that your family is treating you in this situation is pretty horrific. You just gave birth, which is a huge physical trauma
Starting point is 00:04:00 for a woman, and your husband is treating you like garbage, like you owe him something. And your mother-in-law acts like the baby is more hers than yours which is a huge red flag. OP, you are absolutely not the butthole. I do think you should go to your parents' house. I'm giving your husband 4 out of 5 buttholes and I'm also giving your mother-in-law 4 out of 5 buttholes. You get 0 out of five buttholes. I mean, let's just call this what it is. Your husband is prioritizing the emotional once of his mother over the literal physical needs of a five-week-old baby. Am I the butthole
Starting point is 00:04:38 for not sticking up for my grandmother after my wife told her to f-off out of her hospital room? About three weeks ago, my wife, who's 33, went into premature labor with our daughter at 31 weeks. It was entirely unexpected, and both my wife and our daughter had a horrible time, and it became quite dangerous for both of them. My wife became pre-eclampdic among other serious complications, and for the first week we weren't even sure if either my wife or our daughter would make it. Luckily they both survived, but our daughter is still in NICU after 3 weeks, and probably will be for another 3, and my wife is still in the hospital as well. It's been a horrible struggle for my wife.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Before this, she was a very healthy and active person, and even during most of her pregnancy, she was able to maintain a somewhat active lifestyle. But because of the trauma her body went through, she's basically starting back from square one, and hasn't even been able to hold our daughter yet. My wife has had a lot of struggles so far with her birth trauma and feels so confused and hurt by her experience. She told me that she feels betrayed by her own body and even in some of her weakest moment, she even said that she regretted getting pregnant entirely because of how much
Starting point is 00:05:55 she suffered. And she's so worried that she'll never be the person that she was before. She feels horrible for having these feelings, but I and multiple mental health professionals have been working to help and support her through this. We finally reached a point where we could receive visitors. Her family lives close, but my family lives three states away, and they've been waiting for the chance to meet the baby and check in on my wife. My parents and grandparents flew down and I warned my family beforehand that my wife and daughter are still at very fragile stages and to be patient. When I brought them
Starting point is 00:06:30 in to see my wife, my grandmother immediately went and wanted to talk to her about the birth and her experience. My wife told her that it was one of the worst experiences of her life and my grandmother responded by telling her, the worst is yet to come, and that struggling is what being a mother is all about. My wife got very upset over this comment and started screaming at her to f off and to get the f out. I've never seen my wife talk like this, and I could tell that she was feeling extremely stressed, and I quickly escorted my family out. I told them it would be best if they left for now and we could talk later so as to not cause even more stress on my wife.
Starting point is 00:07:11 My family said they were appalled by my wife's behavior and for me not defending my grandmother. But at the end of the day, I feel that it's my responsibility to be my wife's advocate at all times. But especially now, it's become a source of tension among my extended family, but I haven't told my wife about it because I don't want to stress her out, and I plan to deal with this alone entirely. Should I apologize on my wife's behalf? If I'm the butthole I'll own up to it, but I don't see my wife as the butthole at all.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Man, OP, when you said the line that I feel it's my responsibility to be my wife's advocate all the time, but especially now, I'm like, yes, finally someone on this fricking sub-reddit who gets it. Yes, you should be your wife's advocate all the time. That doesn't mean that you have to agree with her all the time, but you have to have her back, and if she's wrong, you have to back her up and let her know, hey, you're being wrong about this. Now to be clear, I don't think she is being wrong here.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I think that your grandmother came in a little bit too hot. Your grandmother kind of like kicked your wife while she was down in the lowest spot that she's ever been in her life. And your wife reacted a bit explosively. Like probably I could see how some people would say too harshly, sure, but definitely understandably, I can see where she's coming from. So I wish she had reacted more calmly, but I still think that it was a justified response. So I'm not going to give your wife a butthole score. Your approach is fantastic. I get so sick and tired of bad parents, bad boyfriends, bad wives,
Starting point is 00:08:41 bad husbands who don't understand what it means to be in a committed relationship where you have to actually care for the people in your life that matter to you. So you did fantastic OP backing up your wife, escorting your family out, keeping the peace and sheltering your wife from the drama when she's in this really low state. Awesome fantastic. You're doing an amazing job OP round of applause. So I'm giving you and your wife zero out of five but holes. I'm giving your crama, I don't know, like 1.5 out of five but holes. I don't know why she's coming into your wife and acting like, I don't know, Emperor Palpatine. Yes, yes, embrace the suffering. Why be so harsh and like
Starting point is 00:09:20 Disney villain cartoon evil about it? Why would you not comfort a woman who's so low and instead be like, yep, life is pain, I don't get it, man. Today's episode is sponsored by Coinbase. My second biggest regret is not starting my YouTube channel sooner. My biggest regret is not getting into Bitcoin back when it was like $1. I remember back when Bitcoin was super new, I was interested in it, and I thought about buying some, but I lost interest because I didn't know what to do, and it felt a little
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Starting point is 00:10:19 This offers for a limited time only, so be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com slash rslashpodcast. Business notifications getting out of hand, buried under an avalanche of customer emails, texts, and social media messages? Keep your edge with Thrive Small Business software and never miss a message again. Thrive offers one solution to communicate, market, and run your business, which simply small businesses run better on Thrive. Get Command Center for free today at thrive.ca. That's THRYV.ca.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Terms and conditions apply. Free plans have limited functionality. Am I the butthole for refusing to let my mother-in-law spend the night in my bedroom and lock the door for context? I'm a 26-year-old woman and my husband is 34. We got married nine months ago. We live in a different town from my husband's parents, and my husband's mom visited us unexpectedly on Friday. Now, to give some context about my mother-in-law, she's okay-ish, but she has no respect
Starting point is 00:11:23 for her son's privacy, and by extension, mine. When it was time to go to bed, my mother-in-law requested that we let her sleep in the bedroom on the master bed. And not just that, but lock the door as well, because she explained that she can't feel comfortable enough to sleep without locking the door. I found this bizarre, but I politely declined and suggested other options like the guest room, couch, and air mattress. But no, she turned around and presented those options to me.
Starting point is 00:11:54 My husband agreed, but I said no. This initiated an argument between her and I. During the argument, I pointed out that I don't want to be kept out of my own room and away from my own stuff, but she lashed out of my husband saying, don't you just stand there, say something! My husband told me to letter that it's just one night, but I told her those were all the options I had for her,
Starting point is 00:12:17 and if she didn't like them, then I could book her in a hotel. She took that as if I was kicking her out and started crying which made my husband upset. She left at midnight and my husband blew up at me saying that I disrespected his mom who's a guest in our house and I treated her poorly. He then reminded me that it's our bedroom, not just mine, and I acted horribly to her, causing her to go stay at a hotel in the middle of the night. My husband went to book a room in the same hotel as her and turned his phone off.
Starting point is 00:12:50 The next day she went home and told the family who berated me, calling my behavior towards my mother-in-law a warrant and loathsome. And now my husband is complaining about how I keep trying to ruin his relationship with his family and push them away. But I want to know, was I really the butthole? So yeah, she was a guest at your house, but since when do guests in your house ask to sleep in the master bedroom? When you go visit your mother-in-law's house, are you expected to sleep in their master bedroom? No, because it's weird. And your husband is correct that it's both of your bedrooms not just your bedroom, but that doesn't mean that any one of you has the
Starting point is 00:13:30 right to decide who sleeps in that bedroom. That means that both of you have to decide together who sleeps in that bedroom. That's not a one yes scenario, that's a two yeses one no scenario. So I'm completely on your side OP, I don't know what they're talking about, I don't know why she would even want to sleep in her master bedroom. Who would want to sleep in the bed where your child gets it on with their partner? Look! OP you get zero out of five buttholes, your mother-in-law gets two out of five buttholes, your husband gets three out of five buttholes.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Am I the butthole for taking off my leg and making someone look dumb and feel uncomfortable? I'm a 21 year old woman and I was in a very bad car accident about three years ago. A drunk driver ran a stoplight which cut off a semi truck which then crashed into me, sending me crashing into two different cars and then ultimately into an embankment. My car was mangled and my leg was crushed completely destroyed and it had to be amputated. I also lost a couple of fingers. I'm also left with some gnarly scars that used to bother me, but I'm learning to deal with them.
Starting point is 00:14:38 I got a couple different insurance payouts and some pain and suffering money in addition to my medical bills being paid, and with that money I purchased custom-made leg to take the place of the one I lost. When I have pants and shoes, you can hardly tell unless you're really looking. I still limp, but some days I don't have a very pronounced limp. Earlier today, I went to the store with my boyfriend, my sister, her girlfriend, and our mother. I drove. I've had to learn to drive with my left foot, but I'm really good at it now. I also bought a car with my money, and I had to go through a ton of therapy to get past my PTSD, but I'm doing well there now as well. So I drove us, and because of my
Starting point is 00:15:18 injuries, I have a handicap placard for my car. I have trouble walking without getting tired, so it really helps to park close to the door. Today I did so, and I unknowingly took the space from someone who was circling back around for it. Apparently, the man had been looking for a close space and had missed the one I took and went down and around. He was still on the other aisle when I pulled in, so I didn't cut him off or anything, and I had no way of knowing that he wanted the spot. He parked in the yellow stripe zone, got out, and immediately began confronting me about stealing a space from people who actually need it. How I'm just some kid who has no respect for those who are truly sick and suffering. He then ordered me to move.
Starting point is 00:16:01 My group was urging me to just walk away, but this has happened before, and one time the police were even called. I'm sick of people thinking that just because I'm young, I don't have a legitimate need for a little extra consideration. I said, okay, and went to my car and got in like I was going to drive off. I was wearing a skirt and leggings, so it wasn't quite obvious at first, but when I sat down, I took my leg off and showed it to the man, including my stump. I then asked him if it was still okay if I parked there. He walked away, calling me disgusting and
Starting point is 00:16:37 rude, and said that I could have just told him to that and that I made him look stupid. My group was embarrassed, and said that I made things awkward because there was a crowd. Am I the butthole? So, Opie, you made this guy look stupid because he was being stupid. Like, he's gonna call you disgusting and rude and say, well, you could have just told that to me. Well, if that's the case, why didn't that guy politely ask you if you really needed the space instead of just yelling at you? Honestly, he shouldn't have even done that. If you have a placard, then you have a right to park there. So OP, I am completely on your side.
Starting point is 00:17:14 You get 0 out of 5 buttholes. The douchebag driver gets 3 out of 5 buttholes. The drunk driver who did this to you gets 5 out of 5 buttholes. Your friends and family who were embarrassed by the situation each get 2 out of 5 buttholes. It's honestly pretty disgusting that they're going to side with some random rude jerk over their own family. OP, when you went to your car you should have said, well sir, if you're determined to put your foot in your mouth, here let me help you with that and then pop off your leg.
Starting point is 00:17:43 That was our slash of my the butthole, and if you like this content, check out my second YouTube channel by clicking the link in the description.

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