rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole for Telling My Husband's Family that He's a Swinger?

Episode Date: September 25, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP and her husband engage in an alternative relationship lifestyle. Her husband encourages OP to make a profile on a specialty dating website, but someone from his family finds the profile. All of OP's in-laws confront OP, calling her a cheater for making a profile on this website. OP defends herself by revealing all of her husband's dirty secrets. Is OP the butthole here for telling her husband's family what they do in private? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash and my The Butthole, where OP exposes to her husband's family that her husband is a swinger. Am I the butthole for calling my husband delusional? For demanding I give him 50% of the profit of my business that he didn't support? My 35-year-old husband is a bank clerk. I'm a 29-year-old woman and I have a work from home job which is barely tolerable because I'm an active outdoor person, and I like doing gardening stuff in particular. I figure that since I have a background in gardening, I could use our spacious backyard to grow flowers and sell them online after arranging and organizing them into bouquets.

When I brought this up to my husband, he said this was the worst idea ever, adding that this would be a major waste of time and money, and he suggested that I look for a second job. I didn't listen, and I started growing my business little by little. In a matter of 18 months, it started bringing in decent money, and I gained customers. My husband asked to look at how much I was able to make in the past few months, and he was impressed. The other day, he was standing nearby with the drink in his hands while I was checking

my flowers. He talked about what a good job I was doing keeping our business flowing. I corrected him about it being my business, and I reminded him about how little faithy had in my potential to make decent money out of growing and selling cut flowers. He was like, well, I didn't think that your little gardening hobby was going to get anywhere, but now that business is flourishing, I went my fair share of the profit, and I won't settle for less than 50%. I was puzzled, and I asked why he thought that he should get any share of the profit,

let alone 50%. His answer was that I was using his soil to grow my flowers on. I said this is our house and our soil, not just his, since we're married in both of our names on the title. He was like, actually, I own this house long before you came along, so it's technically mine. I replied that he must be aware that the house would be splitting in case of a separation. He laughed and joked about how silly I was for hinting about separation just because he was asking for something that he deserved which was 50% of the profits. I said no and that he was delusional to ask because even his soil alone doesn't magically grow my flowers.

There's a lot of work that goes into it, from picking, buying seeds, taking time and effort to care for the flowers, collecting, trimming, and selling them while all he does is sit back and do nothing. I said it didn't matter to him before when I started using his soil, so why now? He said it always matters when money is involved. We had an argument about it and he apologized, but he only apologized for approaching the subject rudely. He still wants 50%. He's been silent about it since, saying that he already said what he needs to say, and

that I need to make the right decision. Am I the butthole? To clarify, my husband and I both have our own salaries. We contribute equally towards expenses. That was his idea since he had a divorce before. My husband has things that he alone owns, which isn't bad since money has never been an issue. It's not like he needs money for an emergency or something, he just wants 50% of the profits going forward. Alright OP, so in my opinion this entire story

is pretty much irrelevant to the actual conclusion because the only part of the story that matters is the last paragraph. You said that you each have your own salaries and each contribute half to bills, so that means you keep finances separate. So he can't suddenly say, oh well, now that you're making extra money, I get 50% of that. There's absolutely no foundation for that. If before your business, you two were sharing your income 50-50, then yeah, it would make sense for him to ask that because you guys are just splitting things down the middle. But if it was your husband's decision to keep finance a separate, then that means your finances are separate. Your husband is literally getting what he asked for, and now he's getting all pissed because it doesn't benefit him.

O.P, your husband is being a major hypocrite and a butthole here. If your husband started a new business, are we to assume that he would share half that income with you because based on the story it doesn't sound like it. Down in the comments, a bunch of people are telling OP to run to a divorce lawyer, and like, come on, let's pump the brakes here guys. Sure, what the husband is doing is douchey and it definitely makes him a butthole here. But is this grounds for a divorce? Your husband is being jealous and selfish, and if you want to take your marriage seriously,

then you need to work it out together. Also OP, I feel like I should warn you that even though you're morally right here, legally I think that has no bearing on the situation whatsoever. Obviously it varies based on what country and state you live in, but I'm pretty sure that if one of you starts a business while you're married, then technically, legally, each of you owns half of that business. Anyways, OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes, you did nothing wrong here. Your husband gets 2.5 out of five buttholes for being a douchey hypocrite. Am I the butthole for not wanting to pass down my engagement ring to my future

daughter-in-law? My son Sam is 26 and he finally decided to get married to his longtime girlfriend, Emily, who's also 26. They announced their engagement privately to my husband and me, and after the initial excitement, they said they had something important to talk to me about. Sam wanted my engagement ring to give to Emily. Sam said this would be a great way to keep him from starting his marriage and debt from having to buy a new expensive diamond ring. Emily also added that she liked the look of my ring a lot, and she would love for me to pass it down to her. But I love my engagement ring. I've worn it every day since my husband proposed to me with it, and to be honest, I still

have plenty of years left to live, and I want to keep wearing it until I'm old and gray. Also, my ring is not a family heirloom. My husband chose and bought this ring for me many years ago, so I told him that I appreciated them wanting my ring, but no, I want to keep it. I listed out the reasons above, and how I don't want to part with my ring yet for the rest of my still long life. However, when I'm old, I would be more than happy to give it to their future children. Well, Sam and Emily were not happy with my answer, and Sam actually called me selfish and materialistic. He said that diamonds are a scam and asked how I could let them go into debt to buy a new ring. Emily was disappointed and said that she hoped that my ring could become a family heirloom

and that it could be a token of accepting her into our family. I've always liked Emily and we get along great. They also said that I could keep my wedding bands so it wasn't like they were leaving me with no rings to wear. What? What am I reading? What's with these stories today? I feel like people are

extra delusional today. First off, it's your ring and you're still married to your husband, so what are they even talking about? Second, why is your son calling you materialistic when he's the one who's asking for material objects? And if he doesn't want to go into debt by buying an expensive ring, then don't. Like, come on, dude, if you don't want to spend a lot of money and you both agree the diamonds are a scam, then go buy like a cubic circonium or like a factory-grown diamond, which are less expensive,

or not even a diamond are at all, just like some other gemstone. Or get a tattoo of a ring. There's like so many options. I don't understand why they have to have your specific diamond ring. And then like, what is your husband have to say? Because I married and my wife is wearing her wedding ring and her engagement ring. And I would be really heard if she gave it to someone, even if that person that she gave it to was our own daughter, because I bought

that for her, man, that represents my marriage to my wife, not other marriages between other people. So what is your son talking about? What on earth? What? And then there's the added question of what about Emily's mother? If Emily wants a family heirloom so much, then why doesn't she ask her mother for her engagement ring? OP, this post is weird, and I hate that I have to say this because there's really no warning

signs for it, other than just like the overall weirdness of the post, but I have to ask, are you 100% certain that they want this for an engagement ring and not so they can sell it off, because that might be what's going on here. And just get ready OP, if you're suddencubesying this stupid logic, then does that mean when it's time to buy a house? Is he gonna ask you to give him your house so that he can avoid going into mortgage debt too? OP, you get zero out of five buttholes.

Your son gets 1.5 out of five buttholes. To be clear, I don't think it's necessarily wrong of your son to ask the question. If you wanna give it, then you can. But to double down and argue with you after you say no and then call you selfish when he's the one being selfish, that's what gets him a butthole score. I think I'll give Emily zero out of five buttholes because she asked you for the ring and I don't think asking is necessarily wrong. It's a bit of an imposition but not like a

super big deal I would say. And she was disappointed, which is reasonable, but she didn't seem to argue with you, and she didn't call you selfish, so I think she just kind of accepted your answer based on the story. So yeah, I feel comfortable giving her zero out of five buttholes. Maybe 0.5 out of five buttholes, but that feels like a bit of a stretch. And no one wants a stretched butthole. Am I the butthole for telling my wife that it's embarrassing she gave our daughter's bus driver cookies? My wife is very shy but enjoys giving, and is all gung-ho about showing appreciation to workers who she assumes aren't appreciated or recognized.

She tries to pass these beliefs onto our kids. Because she's so shy, she shows her appreciation through gifts, usually baked goods. I've been embarrassed about it in the past. Our oldest just wrote the school bus for the first time. My wife was waiting at the bus stop with our daughter, and she had our daughter hand the bus driver a bag of homemade cookies. Then, when my wife picked up our daughter from the bus stop in the afternoon, she gave the afternoon driver a bag of cookies as well.

I asked why she did that when she could have easily just said thank you and left it at that. She said that bus drivers work so hard having to comfort all the nervous kids and handling the misbehaved ones all while driving, so they deserve more than a thanks. I reminded her that this is embarrassed me in the past, and I think her behaviors are too extreme. I wouldn't want gifts from someone that I don't know. She ignored how I felt. I contacted some people in my life to see if I was a crazy one here and most of my friends and my mom agree. My wife's way of showing things just makes everyone uncomfortable.

Am I the butthole? Opie, you sound like a bitter, mean jerk. I don't even understand why you're trying to make this about you. It has nothing to do with you. It's between your wife, your daughter, and the bus driver. How are you embarrassed because of something that she did with the bus driver? And like, on top of that, what on earth is embarrassing about giving someone cookies? It's sweet, it's nice, it's neighborly.

And then, okay, then on top of this, your wife is really shy and she struggles with expressing herself, so she does it through gifts. Apparently, giving gifts is her love language. And you're shaming your wife for expressing herself. Like, so what if it makes you uncomfortable? She's not hurting anyone. She's just trying to express her gratitude and her love and care to other people and you're what, stomping all over that because, uh, because why?

Okay, let's take a step back from this. These bus drivers, the morning bus driver and the afternoon bus driver, are both personally responsible for the safety and well-being of your daughter. Even if you're like the human Grinch and you're just this cruel, cynical person who doesn't care about strangers, then you have to understand that there's still a benefit in making these bus drivers especially aware of the care and safety of your daughter. Right? What's your wife did?

Was she basically guaranteed that that bus driver is not going to forget your daughter? Which is awesome because you don't want that bus driver to overlook or forget your daughter, you want that bus driver to be very aware that yes, she got on the bus, she got there safely, she got, she walked from the bus to the home safely, like these are important responsibilities of a bus driver. And what your wife did was basically enhance that bond between the bus driver and your daughter. This post is just so weird because like nine times out of 10, I can understand where people are coming from. I can put myself in their shoes and be like,

yeah, like you're being the butthole, but I can sort of understand the flawed logic that you're using. But with this post, I don't even, I don't even get it. You're literally just being the grinch. You're just hating nice, sweet, pleasant things because you hate nice, sweet, pleasant things. I guess.

Opie, you sound like the type of person who yells at service workers and things that puppies aren't cute. So, yeah, Opie, you're the butthole here. I'm giving your wife a rock solid 0 out of 5 buttholes. She sounds like an awesome person. And to be honest, I don't know how you managed to marry her because you sound like a grinch. I'm giving you 1.5 out of 5 buttholes for just being pointlessly mean. O.P., your wife isn't embarrassing. YOU'RE embarrassing. Am I the butthole for exposing my husband's swing or lifestyle to his family? I'm a 26 year old woman and I've been married to my husband who's 27 for 5 years. My husband's family are your typical, snotty, catholic, mega-religious people.

My husband isn't religious in the slightest, but he still remains respectful of their beliefs and has always lived a second life in private. I joined a dating app with this sole purpose of finding us another couple or even a unicorn. For those who don't know, a unicorn is a single woman who wants to join up with a couple. This was my husband's idea. Usually we go to swing your parties where we feel safe and we're not judged. I never use the dating app, so I posted your typical, what I do for work, what music and movies I like, etc.

I identify as bisexual, so me and my husband have shared a few women, and it's never been an issue. On the app, I guess some girl who knows my husband and his family saw me. They confronted me in front of everyone and accused me of cheating. His aunts said horrible things about me. I tried to tell them that my husband knew about it, but he didn't back me up or say anything. The argument got more heated, and that's when I exposed us. I told his family everything. How we've

shared other women, slept with other couples, and we've even had some of them babysit for us while we did this. I believe that was the butthole part. My husband felt that I disrespected his family for saying that, even though he didn't stick up for me while they called me a whore among other things. Now, my husband's innocent holy reputation is ruined and he says because of me he can't show his face to his family. Am I the butthole? Okay, let's get one thing out of the way first. It's not because of you that he can't show his face to his family because he was participating in this too. Obviously he didn't want a secret to get out and it never should have. But when you engage in a lifestyle like the Swinger lifestyle, then there's a chance that your family's

gonna find out about it. That's a risk that your husband took on when he made that decision. That's a risk that he made even riskier when he told you to make an online profile. So no, your husband made his bid and now he can lay in it. Also, while his family was ripping you apart and calling you a whore, he completely abandoned you and just threw you under the bus. That was pathetic, cowardly behavior, and if he was a real man, he would share the burden with you. That being said, I do feel like you probably could have handled the situation better. I mean, obviously, you had to defend yourself and you had to reveal some of the reality of what's going

on here. But to go that far, to say that, hey, remember on Thursday when you were babysitting my kids, well, I was off screwing another couple. Like, that's a bit much. That kind of feels like rubbing it in their face. So I do have to give you some butthole score, but definitely not as much as your husband. Oh, P, I'm giving you one out of five buttholes and I'm giving your husband three out of five buttholes and I'm giving your husband three out of five buttholes.

On top of that, I'm giving your husband's family, let's say three out of five buttholes, especially the girl who like outed you because she did it pretty much in the worst way possible by doing some sort of like public intervention shaming thing like what? Also, I have a feeling that you guys weren't using ChristianMingle.com to find your next partner. I assume you're using some sort of like alternate adult website, so if they found you on that website, then why would they respond by outing you publicly in front of everyone else? It's just very disrespectful and intrusive. That was our SlashAmid the Butthole, and if you like this content, you can sponsor my podcast to unlock extra episodes.

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