rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole "Here Lies a Dirty Cheater"

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP's father went through a bitter divorce with his mother. His father actually passed away while he was trying to run away to Canada with his mistress. OP's mom retaliated against her cheating husband by calling him an adulterer on his gravestone. Now OP's family members are pressuring OP to change the headstone. Is the butthole by sticking by his mother's decision? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Amai the Butthole, where OPE gets abandoned by his entire family. Amai the Butthole for refusing to let my family meet my daughter after they all dropped out of my wedding upon finding out that my wife was pregnant? I come from a conservative Christian family. All of my family members were or are currently involved in the church and have church-based jobs. When they met my wife, they loved her and they embraced her as their own. We dated for two years and we discovered that she was pregnant after we got engaged. Invitations were already given out at the time and we decided to still have the wedding on that date when my wife was five months

pregnant. My family was furious when they found out that my wife was pregnant. They asked me if we were even still considering having a wedding. I said, why not? But they were very upset, especially my mom and dad, who said they've always been known for their decency and good Christian values, and they weren't willing to let this stain their reputation. They officially dropped out of my wedding and refused to negotiate, saying that it was done and I only had myself to blame for

this outcome and I should move the wedding out of town. I was hurt and I tried to change their minds and I checked with other family members but my brother said that he had no intentions of looking like a joke in front of his fellow church members and he dropped out. My aunt pretended to be sick and said that she might not be able to make it, but she's a hundred percent healthy. My cousin said he had a business trip and he stopped his wife and kids from attending. My uncle cussed me out, tore up the invitation and kicked me out of his house. I felt terrible with no family members of my own to support me and share my joy at my wedding. I even broke down crying after the ceremony. I haven't

spoken to my family for months, and then I got busy taking care of my four-week-old daughter. My cousin reached out to me to give me gifts and well wishes for the birth of my daughter sent for my family. I returned everything. My cousins sat down with me on behalf of my family, saying that I shouldn't have returned the gifts, because they want to see and hopefully be involved in my daughter's life. He said that my mom is longing to meet her grand baby, and everyone else wants to visit soon to celebrate my daughter's life. I asked my cousin, isn't my daughter the reason why all of you abandoned my wedding? He just stared at me begrudgingly as I went on about how they treated my daughter as something

to be ashamed of and hide. He replied saying that I got it all wrong, and no matter what goes down between us, I can never deny that my daughter is their granddaughter or niece or whatever, and they're her family. He asked that I arrange for them to visit, but I refused. He kept pressing the idea, but I shut them down. My wife says that I should let them come, but I still refused. Opie, your family is mega toxic, super toxic. So what's going on here is they wanted to come to your wedding, and they want to be around

your kid and your wife and all that stuff. But because you have the appearance of living a sinful life, they can't bear the thought of other people gossiping about them in the church. I mean, you hit the nail in the head, OP, they didn't wanna come to the wedding because of your pregnant wife, so now they wanna be involved, give me a break.

Okay, OP, so not only are you completely, morally justified in cutting these people out of your life, because they've clearly shown that they don't respect you They don't respect your daughter. They don't respect your wife and they don't respect your marriage So just on that level alone you're justified in cutting them out But you also have to consider the emotional well-being of your daughter and yeah There is a chance that your parents will come into your daughter's life and they'll be nurturing and loving and all that stuff. And in that case, then it actually would be preferable that your daughter has them in her life because I mean, that's just kind of how raising a family is, right? You want your daughter to be around a lot of loving people. However, the problem is we can't really be certain that that's how they're gonna act. Because if they're that cruel to you, if they would disrespect

their own son, then why would they not also disrespect their own granddaughter? So what if when your daughter is older, your family members start calling her a bastard and your daughter's like, what's a bastard? And your parents are like, oh sweetie, well, a bastard is a kid who's born out of marriage like you, but don't worry, even though you're a bastard, we still love you. Does that sound out of character for people who would abandon their own son, their own cousin, their own nephew during his wedding? No, it doesn't sound out of character for them at all.

So OP, as I was saying, on top of the moral justification of cutting out your family who cut you out, you also have to consider the health and mental safety of your daughter and allowing your toxic family to be around your daughter is kind of risky. So OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. You've done nothing wrong here.

I'm giving your family about three out of five buttholes at the cousin slash uncle level and I'm family about 3 out of 5 buttholes at the cousin slash uncle level and I'm giving them 5 out of 5 buttholes on the sibling slash parent level. Am I the butthole for not paying to change my father's gravely insulting gravestone? My father and mother had a very bitter marriage towards the end of his life. He had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed away. He was planning to leave my mom, skip the country, and move to Canada to start a new life with her. They even had a house picked out and everything.

He had moved out and was living with his co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while passionately hugging. Deforce papers were never filed, so they weren't legally separated. They were in the process of doing all that stuff, but on paper, they were still happily married. So me and my siblings have already moved out of our parents' home. Our youngest sibling is 19 years old and in college. I work for a tech company, and I'm currently back in my hometown helping my mom manage my dad's estate. Well, my mom was hurt and petty, so he marked his grave stone with...

In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father, and adulterer. My dad's family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it. Personally, I think it was fine. That's who he was. He was all those things. And since it's my mom's plot, I can't do anything. So am I the butthole? So in my opinion, the fact that this is your mom's plot OP pretty much means that yeah,

you're totally in the clear, this is entirely on her shoulders. So her buying the plot and her buying the tombstone and all that stuff is basically the same thing as if she went out to town, bought a billboard or a sign or whatever and said, my husband's an adulterer. And she has every right to do that because she's got protected free speech and because, you know, she purchased a rights to put whatever she wants on that sign because it's hers, right? So I definitely understand why these people are upset because the tombstone is dishonoring his memory. But like realistically there's nothing they can do about it because she has every right to do that. So with the exception of the father, who's obviously a huge

butthole in this story, I see no buttholes here. O.P. is justified, his mom is justified, and all the people who are hurt by the tombstone are also justified. Well, actually, I guess the woman who was sleeping with OP's dad, I guess she deserves a butthole score 2 because, probably at this point, it's safe to assume that she knew that he was actually married. If she didn't know, then, okay, we can give her a pass, I suppose, but realistically, if he wants to run off the Canada with her, then she knew that she was the other woman. So OP, we'll get her 3 out of 5 buttholes and we'll give your dad 5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for canceling my son's birthday because of the gift that he bought

as stepbrother? I have 2 sons, Matt, who's 32 and Benjamin who's 17. Matt is my stepson, that is my wife's son, and Benjamin's my biological son. Matt and Benjamin are not close to the age gap and because they don't live in the same house, but they are cordial to each other. Matt's married and he and his wife have infertility issues that they've been struggling with for years. Benjamin is known for his sense of humor, but I don't think he's funny. He keeps teasing Madden his wife by saying things like, I don't know what it's like to have a niece or nephew, and I probably never will.

Or he'll say, the age gap between me and y'all makes people assume that I'm y'all son. These comments are hurtful to Matt, so I told Benjamin to tune it down, but to no avail. Last week we celebrated Matt's birthday at my house. Matt's like a happy kid when it comes to presents. He liked all the gifts that we got him, except for Benjamin's present. Benjamin handed his gift to Matt and Matt said, thanks, I really appreciate the effort. Benjamin said he could open it and Matt unwrapped the gift and revealed a red shirt with the words, best dad ever on it. He and his wife just looked at

each other. I felt terrible. I kept shaking my head as Benjamin laughed, telling him to try it on so everyone can see how it looks on him. Matt and his wife were upset. My wife and my family were silent. I got in an argument with Benjamin as Matt and his wife got ready to leave. Benjamin acted dumb when I asked what he was thinking, pulling this stunt, and offending Matt like that. He said there's literally thousands of people wearing t-shirts that say lots of stuff, and that in no way means that they're insulting the person wearing them. And it's not like every t-shirt the people wear has to be accurate with their life, I replied that no matter how he tried to spin it, giving Matt a best-ad ever t-shirt, knowing

that he's struggling to become a dad, was tacky at best, and cruel at worst. I then said that because of what he did, I was cancelling the dinner reservations for his 18th birthday in two months, and he lost it. He said that he was just teasing Matt and it wasn't a big deal, and he tried to negotiate, but I shut it down. He called his uncle and on to treat him as if he was their own son and made excuses for him. I had an argument with his uncle after he said that I shouldn't cancel Benjamin's birthday dinner over a teasing gift, and that it wasn't his fault that some people are hypersensitive and can't take a joke. I refused to discuss it after more family members asked I let it go, and I told him they were free to host his birthday instead, so am I the butthole? O.P., what Benjamin is doing here doesn't even closely resemble a joke or teasing.

It's just straight bullying. When one person makes a joke, and only that person is laughing, and everyone else is awkwardly silent because it's uncomfortable, then yeah, that's not a joke, that's just cruelty. So Benjamin's butthole score is pretty obvious here. He gets 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Now, I would guess that most people would say that you deserve zero out of 5 buttholes, OP,

and that you're completely justified in canceling the birthday party. And yeah, I do agree that you should cancel the birthday party because your son Benjamin did something really cruel and awful and he deserves to be punished for it and this feels like a suitable punishment. However, that being said, I do feel like I kind of have to give you a one out of five butthole score because ultimately when a child acts up, then some of that responsibility has to fall in the parent's shoulders.

You said yourself OP that Benjamin has been continuously teasing Matt over this sensitive issue, but where are the consequences? Did you just let it happen? Did you just let your son become more and more of a bully? Because based on this story, it sounds like you just let your son get away with it every single time. So, are we supposed to be surprised that after getting away with this for so long that

he would keep escalating and pushing the joke and pushing the joke until he finally crossed the line because I'm not surprised. And this is your wife's son that he's mocking. Every single time that you let Benjamin get away with this, you were disrespecting Matt obviously and you were also disrespecting your wife who probably felt like she wasn't in a position where she could discipline Benjamin because he's a 17 year old and Benjamin isn't her biological kid so she was probably hoping on you OP to address this issue which you just never did until it was too late. So I hate to give you a butthole score because you're clearly trying to do the right thing here but honestly you deserve it. OP I'm giving you one out of five buttholes.

Am I the butthole for refusing to use the money I saved for my stepdaughter's 18th birthday gift to help with my daughter's treatment instead? I'm a father of two, a biological 26 year old daughter and an 18 year old stepdaughter. I'm lucky to have an established good relationship with my stepdaughter that's based on mutual trust and respect. I've raised her since she was two, and I don't even call her my stepdaughter, I call her my daughter. She's always dreamed of owning a car, and she hinted that call her my stepdaughter, I call her my daughter. She's always dreamed

of owning a car, and she hinted that she wanted one for her 18th birthday for years, and I took it upon myself to try to save up for one. It took me years to save up money to be able to get her a decent car as a gift, and I felt thrilled that I was able to achieve this goal knowing how much this means to her. I haven't bought the car yet, and I'm currently looking for a decent car around 10 to 13 thousand dollars. My older daughter has been struggling with infertility and she and her husband already tried the clinical route but they weren't successful. They've stopped trying for a year due to financial struggles. I visited her last week and she talked about getting ready to go through another round of In vitro fertilization. We talked about the money, and she brought up the money that I saved for her step-sister's

car. I tried cutting the conversation, but she asked if she could borrow the money and she'll repay me in a few months. I said no, because what's the use of getting the money in a few months when I went to buy my stepdaughter the car this month? Her husband pointed out that his parents helped with the previous treatment cost, and now it's my turn since we're family. He said my stepdaughter can get a car anytime later, but logically the money should go towards a better cause. I declined, saying this is her last birthday with family before she moves away for college, and I don't want

to disappoint her. My daughter said that she wasn't asking for a fancy new car. She just wants to become a mother. In all honesty, I said that even if I gave her money, there's no guarantee the treatment would work this time. Her husband said that I had my priorities messed up, because who in the right mind sees their child's ruggle with such a massive issue and then refuses to help, and prioritizes a car over a potential grandbaby that every sane grandparent dreams of having. I asked, why isn't anyone else besides his parents helping?

And my daughter said they already asked others for money, but they're struggling with debt with her medication. I said, even if the treatment pays off, then what? Did she really think that having a baby while struggling with debts was a good idea? She got quiet, and her husband asked that I leave. I left without further arguing. My sister had a fight with my wife and argued with me, saying that I got carried away

and spoiling my stepdaughter to please her mom, and neglected my blood daughter and made light of her struggles. My sister kept insisting that I do the right thing, but I was mad that my daughter told her. I was even more upset that my son-in-law wanted to talk to my stepdaughter about it and spoil the surprise. I'd like to add that I am not on good terms with my daughter's in-laws because of how they are in general, especially her mother-in-law. But I tried to stay civil until she started insulting my wife. My wife no longer wants to be around this woman, which is understandable, but we're getting

a lot of heat from my son-in-law for how we're reacting. I'm seeing a number of people asking why my daughter and her husband need the money now since they're young and they can save up on their own. I'm not sure about the answer, but it seems to me that my daughter is getting pressured by her husband and his family, and adoption is off the table due to their mentality. My son-in-law is 33 years old, and he also has a medical condition to manage. Okay so reading down to the comments, I think I actually have an opinion on this story that most people don't seem to have. I think that on this story, we literally don't have

enough info. In my opinion, personally, what this really boils down to is how much money has OP spent on his biological daughter and how much money has he spent on his stepdaughter. Because I think that in a perfect world, he should try to keep those two numbers as even as possible, taking into consideration that the two daughters are at different phases of their lives. So the older daughter might have sort of situations that were required greater expenses than the younger daughter.

So what I mean when I say that is when his first daughter was 18 and she wanted a car then it would make sense to spend you know 10k to buy her a car but it wouldn't make sense to spend 10k on his younger daughter at that time because she would have been I don't know like eight or something and why do you just spend 10k on an eight year old. However if you do buy a car for the older daughter then it makes sense to buy a car for the younger daughter when she eventually gets old enough. So I would say that if OP has already spent 10-13K on his biological daughter, then it would be absolutely fair and reasonable and understandable for him to also spend 10-13K on his younger daughter for the car.

However, his biological daughter and his son-in-law have said that he's spoiling his stepdaughter. And so, if that means that he's spending thousands and thousands of dollars, and excess of the amount that he spent on his biological daughter, then yeah, I do actually understand what they're saying, because it's kind of unfair that he would spend so much money on his stepdaughter, meanwhile his biological daughter is struggling. So, I guess to sum up, I would say that if OP needs to spend the 10k on his stepdaughter, to bring up his spending levels between his two kids to be roughly equal, then no, he's not the butthole.

That's fair, that's even, that's treating his, both of his daughters equally, which is, you know, very valuable as a parent. In that case, I would give OP 0 out of 5 buttholes. However, if he's spending excessively on his step-dotters and he's not spending a lot on his biological daughter, then that means he's showing favoritism. And in that case, I would give OP 3 out of 5 buttholes. So, in my opinion OP, this isn't about a car or fertility or which daughter is your real daughter. It all boils

down to your spending history. Who are you spending money on the most? And are you trying to treat your two daughters equally when it comes to finances because you definitely should be? That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.