rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Daughter Mocked a Cancer Survivor

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is the father of a teenage girl who has developed a mean streak. She constantly bullies and mocks OP's new wife, who is a breast cancer survivor. Things eventually take a turn for the worse when OP's daughter buys her stepmom a bra for Christmas... after she had a mastectomy due to breast cancer. OP is furious and punishes his daughter, which causes family members to call him the butthole. What do you think? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to our slash am I the butthole where OP refuses to let her child see their dying dog. Am I the butthole for not letting my ex pick up our daughter a day early so she can see her dog before it's put down? I'm a 29 year old woman and I have a 9 year old daughter, Claire with my ex husband, Brian. Brian has Claire Wednesday through Saturday and I have her Sunday through Tuesday. When we were together shortly after Claire was born, Brian got a dog. The dog was not young then, about 6 or 7 years old, and now he must be ancient. Claire loves this dog, and I've tried to indulge that as much as possible. And on the days that I have Claire, Brian will let Claire video call with him in the dog,

which I think is a bit extreme, but to reach their own. Brian contacted me this morning saying that he had to put the dog down tomorrow, and he asked if he could pick up Claire a day early so she could say goodbye. I told him I didn't want to do that, and I didn't think that it was a good idea to go against court-ordered custody. And since he wouldn't watch her when I had a work emergency, I don't see why this is different. He said that I was being overly dramatic and petty and cruel to not let Claire see her dog. I don't think I'm wrong because we've already set the standard that we're sticking to the court ordered custody. But he sent me several texts saying that I should let Claire be there. And he even told her what was going on, which in my opinion was overstepping.

And I don't think it's right for him to contact her behind my back about something involving our co-parenting. Claire is also upset at me now, and I'm wondering if I'm being a butthole now that she knows. Am I the butthole for not wanting to let him pick her up a date earlier than usual? Yes, OP! Oh my god, yes! So first off, let's get one thing perfectly clear. Your ex-husband

not watching Claire because you had a work emergency is not the same thing as you not letting your ex-husband pick up Claire a day early. When you had a work emergency, your ex-husband was not responsible for childcare. He has every right to make plans and stick to those plans. If you have a work emergency, then taking care of Claire is still your responsibility. This situation with the dog is completely different. He's not saying, hey, I can't watch her, so I'm going to dump her on you. He's saying, hey, her dog is dying. Maybe she would like to come see her dog and say goodbye before he passes away.

Also, okay, even if you want to keep up with the court ordered custody, what stopping you from just throwing your daughter in a car, driving over to his place, keeping custody of your daughter for that full extra day, and then still letting your daughter say goodbye to her dog that she's known for nine years. You're really going to deny your daughter. The chance to say goodbye to the dog that's been around her entire life just because what? Because of court-ordered custody? Because you want to get back at your husband because he didn't cover you for a work emergency.

Give me a break, OP. Like, what are you going to do if your ex-husband's mother dies? Which would be your daughter's grandmother? Oh, sorry ex-husband, but we can't go to the funeral. It's just not in the schedule for us. It honestly seems like in this post, you're more interested in punishing your husband than respecting your daughter. Like honestly, your husband isn't trying to get back at you, or pull a fast one on you, or try to complicate things, he's trying to respect his daughter and give her a chance to say goodbye. Opie, you get an easy 3 out of 5 buttholes here. I'm giving your ex-husband 0 out of 5 buttholes.

Am I the butthole for kicking my husband out of my children's father's funeral because of what he told the kids? I'm a 36 year old woman who has a 12 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. Their father, who's 43, passed away after a long struggle with cancer three weeks ago. His death was expected, and the kids knew their dad was very sick, but still, I couldn't get them ready to handle this kind of events. Their mental and physical health is my number one priority, and I want them to grieve their dad properly. My current husband, who's 37, saw no need for the kids to attend the funeral after I said they were

going with me. What? He said they're still young, but I said they have every right to be there for the final goodbye. He suggested he would go with us then, and I wasn't sure about it, but I contacted my former in-laws and they said it was fine. My husband drove us to the funeral and kept making comments to the kids, telling them how to behave, which was uncalled for. We got there, and I brought the kids to stay next to their grandparents, while my husband kept introducing himself to strangers, then went to stay next to the kids. I was standing from a distance, but I could hear the kids crying. I then started hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly. Not gonna lie.

I felt bothered wishing that he would stop. While the kids were crying, he loudly said, stop crying! There's really no need for this. It's not like he can hear you. And the kids just started sobbing at this point. I was stunned. I looked over and I saw my in-laws staring at me. I felt horrible. I walked up to him and I whispered that I needed a minute with him. I made sure that we were far enough away and I lost my temper asking what he was doing. He said that he was just trying to comfort the kids and help them get a hold of their emotions. I told him that what he said was horrible and that everyone heard it. He tried to argue that he was just trying to help.

But I said that he had no right to tell the kids how to grieve their father. And I demanded that he leave the funeral, but he threw a fit and said that I was overreacting. I insisted and he left afterwards. After the funeral, the kids started avoiding me. They wanted to stay with their aunt, and I went home by myself and found my husband there waiting with an angry look on his face. He picked an argument, saying that I shouldn't have kicked him out of the funeral after he came to support me in the kids. But I told him that what he said made the kids refuse to even

come home with me. He said that the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger after he's been generous with this time and effort. And this is how we repay him? By making him out to be the bad guy, I refused to keep going, but he kept pushing for an apology after this blatant disrespect that I showed him. For more details, my husband has never had a good relationship with my children's father. I was confused when he said that he wanted to come to the funeral, but I thought that he did it for the kids. Wow, wow, wow, OP, OP.

Oh God, what do I even start? Your husband said that he came to the funeral to support you and the kids. No, he didn't. Like literally he didn't, he funeral to support you and the kids. No, he didn't. Like, literally, he didn't. He came to scold and control the kids. We know this, based on the fact that he spent the entire funeral, scolding and controlling the kids. And he said the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger.

No, he's using the kids as an outlet for his jealousy. Oh my god. I can't believe. I cannot believe that this guy stood next to the kids as an outlet for his jealousy. Oh my God, I can't believe, I cannot believe that this guy stood next to the kids. Oh geez, look, okay. So I know that, oh, okay, so I know that my audience is pretty young and so a lot of you may not have attended a funeral, which is fine,

but I wanna clarify just how messed up this is. The father died and generally speaking, the people who are closest to the deceased are like physically closest in the funeral, so like front row. So in this case, the father died and his parents, the grandparents are in the front row and his children are also in the front row. So we have all three generations, the grandfather, the dead father, and then the kids standing in the front row, and then also in the front row is their stepdad? Why on earth?

In what universe? Does this guy think that it's an okay thing for him to stand in the front row with literal blood family members? O.P. herself, the woman who married this man, who bore him children, chose not to stand with the blood family because she divorced them, which is a very respectful and logical thing to do. So the fact that this guy decided that he was on the same plane of importance as this man's blood parents and blood children is just insane, nuts, incredibly entitled.

That alone, that alone would have been enough to get this guy kicked out of the funeral, in my opinion. And then on top of that, he insults the deceased, standing next to the deceased's parents and the deceased's children. Oh, okay, I'm sorry, but you're married to an absolute five out of five butthole douchebag. And on top of all that, these two kids are both old enough But you're married to an absolute 5 out of 5 butthole douchebag.

And on top of all that, these two kids are both old enough to forever remember what happened here. So I think he's done permanent damage with the relationship with your kids. And personally, I don't blame them. He was literally trying to minimize their father's death. Opie, you, your kids, and your in-laws all get zero out of five buttholes. Your husband gets five out of five buttholes. I cannot even believe the audacity someone would have to have to tell a grieving what 12

and 9-year-old children telling children that they don't have a right to grieve their dead parent. Am I the butthole for giving my mother-in-law a fake copy of my house key and exposing her on Christmas dinner? I went a preface by saying that I'm a 34-year-old woman, and I married my husband, who's 37 a year ago. His mom is snoopy and super annoying. She can't help it, that's just how she is, according to my in-laws.

My husband and I purchased a new house recently. My mother-in-law kept pushing to get an emergency key. She promised that she would only use it in emergencies, but given the fact that she had an emergency key to our old apartment and walked in on us being intimate twice, I just couldn't trust her. So I sent her a fake key and she had this smug look on her face after I hand delivered it to her. Days went by and on Christmas dinner my mother-in-law angrily called me out on the fact that I gave

her a fake copy of the house key. She shamed me for doing this in front of everyone, but in my defense, I asked her how she found out. And she said that she came over a few days ago while my husband and I were out. I asked her, didn't you promise that you wouldn't use it unless there was an emergency? So you tried to get in when there was no emergency, and you broke the promise that you made us? She looked red in the face, and the other family started saring, and some even laughed

at her for the face she made. She suddenly got up from her seat and rushed into the kitchen where she had a huge meltdown that was so loud that the next door neighbors must have heard. I have literally never heard a 60-year-old woman throw a tantrum like that. Needless to say, dinner was awkward, and my husband and his sister were giving me looks. My husband went off on me in the car, saying that I lied, manipulated, and humiliated his mom, and said that he wouldn't have let me get away with it had he known. We had an argument, and he's demanding that I apologize to his mom for my childish behavior, and for ruining Christmas

dinner for the whole family. Am I the butthole? No, OP, not in the slightest. Your mother-in-law lied, and all you did was expose her for being a lying snoop. Honestly, your husband's being a butthole here too, because he's putting his mother over his own wife. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your mother-in-law and your husband get 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for making my daughter do all the post-Christmas celebration cleaning because of the gift she gave my wife? I've been with my wife for 4 and a half years. She suffered from breast cancer and we got married after she completed her treatment.

This is also our first Christmas together as a married couple. I have a 16-year-old daughter who can tolerate, but not accept her stepmom, and can be passive-aggressive towards her sometimes. She's done some things in the past that warranted a number of punishments, but my wife has been graceful and forgiving, saying that my daughter is being a typical teenager and trying to adapt. But in my opinion, my daughter has gotten out of control, especially with lack of consequences. There's been tension around the holiday, and surprisingly, my daughter decided to spend Christmas with us, saying that her mom went to visit her future stepdad's family a

few towns over. My wife was thrilled with my daughter staying with us. She prepared everything, and I helped here and there while my daughter was on her phone the entire time. I welcomed my in-laws, and we had a great time throughout the day. Christmas dinner went fine, though my wife seemed a bit upset. She refused to say what was wrong until I pressured her. She then opened the box that my daughter got her for Christmas,

and there was a bra inside of it. My wife broke down crying in the kitchen. I was fuming. I called for my daughter and confronted her about the gift, and she tried to explain that it wasn't malicious. But I disagreed and said yes it was, and it was purposely done to offend her stepmom and mock her illness. I decided to punish her by having her do all the cleaning after the guests left, but she tried to evade it by saying, okay, then turning around and calling her stepbrother to come pick her up and take her to her mother's house. I caught her at the door and kicked her stepbrother out and told her to start cleaning up immediately. She went hysteric, yelling about how cruel I was to punish her on Christmas,

and how insensitive and unlady-like my wife was to be offended by a bra. I refused to engage in her yelling matches, and made sure that she did all the cleaning, which my wife said was a lot, and she asked to let my daughter go to her mom's house. But I insisted not until the punishment was complete. My daughter called her stepbrother again and left later. She immediately called her mom, who came after me on social media, and berated me for doing what I did in ruining Christmas for. I had an argument with her about what our daughter did, but she sided with our daughter, and called me abusive and a robot controlled by my wife, though my wife asked me to let it

go. She got my former inlaws involved, and they've all been criticizing me about what I did. OP, mocking a cancer survivor for their illness is one of the cruelest things you can possibly do. It was mean, petty, malicious, it was harsh, OP. What you're doing was really harsh. Like, I know that teenagers can be cruel sometimes, but this was way over the line. If you ask me OP, your punishment didn't go nearly far enough.

Not even close. That would have been day one of punishment if my kid did that. Followed by, I don't know, a month of being grounded, no phone, no TV, no devices, no anything. I get that you're kind of up against that OP that pretty much everyone else in your family is so fractured and factious, is that the word?

Divided into factions? Yes, your family is so factious, broken up into factions that like, it's impossible to get people on your side. So it's probably really difficult to be consistent in your messaging to your daughter and actually make punishment stick, but still you're on the right track OP. Your daughter desperately needs consequences for her actions. OP you get 0 out of 5 buttholes.

I'm giving your wife also 0 out of 5 buttholes. I do think the daughter should be punished, but technically it is her prerogative to forgive the daughter if that's what she wants to do. It's still your right to punish her, of course, but if your wife wants to forgive her, she can forgive her. Your ex-wife and your ex-wife's family gets 2 out of 5 but holes, because the fact that they're defending their daughter for mocking a cancer survivor is honestly inexcusable. They're literally raising their daughter to be a disgusting repulsive human being.

Your daughter herself gets 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.