rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Ex Stole My House, So I'm Suing Her

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

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Welcome to R-slash, am I wrong? Where OP puts her 12-year-old daughter into massive debt? Am I wrong for asking my daughter to uphold her into the deal? Honestly, I don't even feel that this situation needs to be unreaded, but my daughter, husband, and many of my family members are calling me wrong, and I'm really not sure anymore. For context, four years ago when my daughter was 12, she desperately wanted a pool. She said that all of her friends had pools and she was the only one who didn't have one. Plus, she loved swimming. She insisted that she would use it daily in the summer. My husband and I could afford one, but as I'm sure some of you know, pools are very expensive and neither of us

really like swimming. So we wanted my daughter to understand the cost that she was asking for. We made an agreement that we would install a pool, but that once she was old enough to start working, she would pay us back for half of it. She quickly agreed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Did I- She's 12? O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O- O she wants to save up for a prom dress that she really likes. I reminded her of our agreement about the pool and she no longer wants to uphold her into the agreement. I insisted, threatening to take away phone and car privileges if she doesn't want to pay her father and I back. Now she won't speak to me. My husband is agreeing with her, saying that we can't have honestly expected a 12-year-old to keep up her into the agreement. For me, this isn't even about

money, it's about teaching my young daughter the right morals to live life with. I don't expected a 12 year old to keep up her into the agreement. For me, this isn't even about money. It's about teaching my young daughter the right morals to live life with. I don't want her to think that she can just go around making deals for her benefit and then just not upholding them. Am I the butthole? Opie, you want to teach your young daughter the right morals to live with? Okay, let's think for a second. Let's just stop.

What is more immoral? A 12-year-old not upholding her into the deal to pay for half of a swimming pool. Or adults trying to put a 12-year-old girl into debt. Hmm, let me think about this. One is just a kid being a kid, and the other is exploiting a 12 year old child. Hmm. Hmm, let me think about this. This is a tough one. Opie, the right moral to live with here is that 12 year olds can't enter into a contract. Are you nuts?

Of course she went against her word because she was 12 when she made it. You think 12 year olds have any basic understanding of like what a thousand dollars debt even means Hold up how much does half a pool cost average cost of a swimming pool 25 to 65 thousand dollars and concrete swimming pools can be 50 to 100k Okay, so let's just gosh even at the lowest end that's that's $25,000. Average is probably closer like $40k. Oh, you put your... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha OP, are you nuts? Uh, OP. I'm giving your daughter 0 out of 5 on the wrong scale. I'm giving you, I don't know. I'm gonna say 1 out of 5 on the wrong scale,

but I'm also gonna give you 4 out of 5 on the 80th scale. How can you be this dumb OP? Am I wrong for telling my ex-wife that I don't care if she and her family starves, that I'm only responsible for our sons? I have two sons who are 16 and 14 with my ex-wife. Our marriage reached a better end when I learned that she had only remained married to me so that I would support her through school. At the time, I had been supporting her so that she could go back to school and switch careers to an

even better paying job, despite the fact that her old job was better paying than mine was. For years, I fought to save our marriage because I could tell that it was fracturing. She played along until she got what she wanted. Then, she was honest that she never wanted to save our marriage, and she had been over me for years. When we divorced, custody was set to 50-50 of our boys, and she was ordered to pay me child support because she made so much more money than me with her new career. She remarried a year after our divorce and had more kids. After the birth of her last child four years ago, things got bad. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer, then one of her kids got diagnosed with a long-term

medical condition. Then COVID impacted her job. Our boys would tell me how rough things were at their moms and how they wanted to live more with me. So I went to court and the judge moved her custody down to every other weekend and changed the child support payment to reflect her decrease in custody.

Recently, she had to move into a smaller house because of how badly they were struggling. Then, she came to me for help after the courts refused to end the child support payments. She told me that I needed to help her and that I should be helping to take care of my boys' family, and that's what she and her family are. I told her that she used me for three f'ing years just so she could use my money, so she did not get to ask me for more money to support a family that's not my own.

She called me a selfish jerk. She told me that her family was living off charity and they would be so much better off if I would help them. I asked her why was I supposed to care. She told me she wished that she had cheated while we were together and that using me for money wasn't enough. Again, she told me about her family and how they would starve. I told her I didn't care if they starved. That's not my problem, and I only care about my

kids. She called me a jerk. Her husband sent me a text that night saying that I was cruel, and he hoped the boys would hate me when they realized that I went their whole family to suffer. Am I wrong here? Okay, so basically you spent three years pouring all of your time and money into repairing the bridge between you and your wife. Meanwhile, she was torching the bridge. Then a decade later, she comes back to that river and is like, wait, why is the bridge here burned? I need to cross over that bridge. Well, lady, that bridge is burned because you burned it. Also um hmmm, I don't want to make light of people who are struggling financially, but this story doesn't really add up. Like she said they're gonna starve, but they moved into a smaller house, not an apartment,

not a shelter, not living out of their car. They're in a house, they're homeowners. And she says they're gonna starve? Yeah, yeah, I'm not buying it. I don't think they're gonna starve. I think they just want more money because of course they want more money. Like if she was really broke to the point of starving to death, wouldn't the court cancel her child support payments entirely?

But the fact that they aren't indicates to me that she's still making money, she's just not making as much money as she wants to. She's not broke, she's just greedy. OP, you get an easy zero out of five on the wrong scale. I'm giving your ex-wife 3.5 out of five on the wrong scale. She's deluded. Also OP, I really recommend that you have a long sit down conversation with your kids,

because my guess is that your ex-wife and her husband are going to try to turn them against you or at the very least, use them against you. Am I wrong for getting up from my chair in the middle of Christmas dinner and shouting, SHUT THE F UP ABOUT MY BODY in response to my husband's observation? So ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He never says any hurtful words, but I find his observations as he calls them hurtful. For example, he'd see me wearing an old top and say,

Oh, that top used to look good on you, but not anymore though. Or when he looks at my waist and says, wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide. Basically, passive stuff that I tried to ignore until it extended to friends and family. By the way, this has been going on for months and months and months. We went to Christmas celebration at his family's home. My sister-in-law complimented my floral maxi dress

and my husband said, I agree it looks nice on you, though I have to admit that your ways could get smaller than this. Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming, and this was my last straw. So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs, shut the F up about my body! He was absolutely speechless,

and his family stared while others tried to get me to calm down, but the situation got more tense. And dinner ended up being cut short, and my husband stormed off to his friend's place to spend the night after leaving a very nasty text saying that I embarrassed him and made a scene over an observation he made. He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family. Now I feel like an absolute idiot and that I ruin Christmas for him and everybody with my oversensitivity. Am I wrong here? Alright, let's just call this like it is. Your husband is basically trying to fat shame you because you put on weight after your pregnancy. The way that your husband is trying to do

that is humiliating and degrading. Making backhanded comments about you in private is bad enough, but making them in front of his family is even worse. So like, let's be super clear, this isn't your oversensitivity, this isn't something that needs therapy, your husband is just straight up insulting you, he's just literally insulting his wife in front of other people. So you have every right to get upset about that. Now, I'm probably gonna get flack for this, but I will say the way that you handled this is probably not appropriate. Like, if I'm hanging out with my wife and my in-laws and my wife does something to upset me, I'm not gonna make a big scene in front of her in-laws, which embarrasses them, embarrasses my wife. The way to handle this is to excuse yourself and then later in private, talk it out with

your spouse in like a productive way. I definitely understand why this was like your last straw and you couldn't take it anymore and you got super upset, but still, I just don't think that having a big fight in front of your in-laws is the way to go. And like, yeah, you could make the argument, well, the husband is starting a fight in front of the in-laws by criticizing his wife. And like, yeah, that's wrong too. He shouldn't do it either.

It's like two separate issues. The husband is being really degrading and humiliating and like not a good spouse at all. And OP, while her response is understandable and even forgivable, I just don't think that's a really healthy way to deal with conflict in the relationship is to have loud screaming arguments in front of other people.

Because the in-laws are like, you know, they're innocent in this. They have absolutely nothing to do with this. The sister-in-law is actually being nice to OP. She complimented OP, and this was everyone's Christmas dinner. And OP did ruin Christmas dinner. I mean, the husband ruined it too. I don't know, you guys might blast me for this, and maybe I deserve to be blasted.

I just don't think it's really appropriate for couples to fight in front of other people. If you got some heated argument that you need to have, then go do it in private. So I'm giving your husband 2.5 on the wrong scale, and I'm giving you OP 0 out of 5 on the wrong scale. Because while I do think that you handled the situation incorrectly, I can't really blame you for getting upset because it's not that I'm giving you OP 0 out of 5 on the wrong scale. Because while I do think that you handled the situation incorrectly, I can't really

blame you for getting upset because it's very understandable how you reacted. Am I wrong for kicking my ex out of my house right before Christmas and suing her? My ex and I divorced about 15 years ago and we have shared custody of our daughter. In the divorce, she wanted our house, but I fought hard against it because it's been my family home for three generations before I inherited it. In the end, we came to a compromise that was signed off by the judge. Basically, she gets to live in the house rent-free until our daughter turns 18. Then, I get it back. I had to pay the utilities, maintenance, and property taxes the entire time. In addition, she can't make any modifications or upgrades to the house without my written

permission. She's solely responsible for that cost, and the work has to be performed by an insured and legally licensed professional. I've been sending her move out notices for months in anticipation of my daughter's 18th birthday, and recently that came to pass. The day after her birthday, I showed up to the house with a contractor because I wanted some work done before I moved back in. Oh, hold up. Opie's not living there too? Move back in. Wait, hold on. Is Opie not living there with her?

She gets a living his house for free for 15 years that he's paying for and not living with her? What? At first she refused to let me in until I reminded her that I'm the legal owner of the house according to our divorce agreement signed by the judge. That she's no longer allowed to be there and I'll call the cops if she doesn't let me in. She got the point and opened the door. Okay, I don't even need to read the rest of this post

and I already know you're not wrong here, OP. Yo, this girl's been living in your house that you're paying for? At first I was thinking that's kind of reasonable, like OP keeps the house and he pays for it but she gets to stay there rent free. But no, she gets to stay there rent free by herself? I was surprised because nothing was packed and it didn't seem like she was moving at all. We were arguing as I walked through and inspected my house.

She wanted extra time and I told her to be out by the end of the week or I'll have her stuff thrown out. When I walked into the living room, I was shocked into silence. The living room was expanded by a wall being torn down and having the bedroom that was once there merged into it. She turned my four bedroom house into a three bedroom house. I know that I didn't sign off on this, and from the looks of it, the work was probably done by her boyfriend, not a professional. I yelled at her and told her that I'm going to sue her for everything she has, and I left. She went crying to our daughter and my family, and now everyone is telling me to give her another

month to find a place and not sue her. My daughter is firmly on her mother's side and thinks that I'm wrong for kicking her mother out a couple of weeks before Christmas and suing her. So this is why I'm here. I think that I'm right and legally I am right, but my daughter's opinion of me matters. Am I wrong here? No, you are not wrong. This is strictly a legal matter. Like she agreed to this.

You, your wife, gotten in front of a judge and you came to an agreement. You said you get the house for 15 years, she gets a living house for 15 years. On the condition that after those 15 years are over, she leaves. She also signed a piece of paper saying that she will not change the house without your permission.

So now here we are, 15 minutes later and you've held up your end of the bargain. Your ex-wife, on the other hand, has violated both sides of her agreement. So no, you are not wrong OP, you are completely justified in kicking her out. Give her one more month, give me a break, she's had 15 years to make arrangements. Like this is one of the clearest zero out of five not wrong here situations that I have ever read on redd. And I know I can say that because you two literally signed the agreement in front of a judge. She agreed to it like what more why are we talking this? What's wrong with your daughter that she's taking her mom's side? OP, you need to kick your ex-wife out of the house, sue her, and then have a serious sit-down

conversation about the nuances of the situation. My guess is that your daughter doesn't understand what's really going on here, and she sees you as some like bitter ex who's just kicking her mom out for no reason. But there are reasons. Show her the contract. Be like, see this name right here. It's it's signed. Your mom. These are the things that she agreed to. And as you can see over here, sweetie, I've done my half the agreement. And your mom has violated her half of the agreement. And if your daughter doesn't want to see reason there, then okay, you've raised a moron,

unfortunately. My guess, OP, is, um, based on what I know about your wife, is that more than likely, your wife has been dripping poison into your daughter's ears, and that's why she's on your wife's side instead of yours. Because your wife has been manipulating your daughter for years, so of course she's on her side. I'm just guessing, I'm just guessing, but considering how awful your ex-wife is, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

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