rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Husband is Acting Really Weird...

Episode Date: November 21, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP's husband has started online therapy sessions. At least... he says that he's doing therapy. He spends hours and hours locked away in the bedroom every single day, and whenever OP comes into the bedroom he flips out and gets angry at her for disrespecting his privacy. Is it normal for someone to spend like 5 hours in therapy every day? Or is something else going on here? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Amid the Butthole, where OPs Karen neighbor calls the cops on her. Am I the Butthole for saying, in your dreams when my husband told me to apologize to his sister and her husband after they made my son wet himself? My son has ADHD. He's hyperactive and has a medical condition. Days ago, my best friend of 10 years passed away. I asked my husband if he could stay with my four-year-old son so I could attend the funeral. My husband said yes, but then he took our son over to his sisters in our husband's house, so they could watch him without telling me. At the funeral, I received a text from my sister-in-law

telling me to come get my son after he wet himself in her house. I was all kinds of shocked and confused, and I had many questions in my mind like how the hell my son ended up in my sister-in-law's house after I left him with his stepdad. I called my husband, but he didn't answer or call back. I quickly went over there and found my son crying. He was also wet. I asked my sister-in-law and her husband what happened, and they said my son was making so much noise while playing with their kids, so they put him in time out.

After that, my son told them that he had to use the bathroom, but my sister-in-law's husband said that he couldn't go to the bathroom while on time out. My son begged to use the bathroom, but they denied him access, which resulted in my son peeing right where he was standing. I completely lost it on her and her husband. Her husband explained that he thought that my son was like any other kid who was old enough to hold it for 90 minutes, which, according to him, is how long time out was. I berated them for treating my son cruelly and denying him a simple request.

I asked how they could do this to a child with a condition when they themselves are parents. My sister-in-law got offended that I implied that she and her husband were neglectful parents. We argued, so I just took my son and went home and my husband wasn't there. He then came home fuming asking why the hell I berated his sister and her husband after they did a favor for him and watched his stepson because he had an emergency. I asked him if he was okay with the way they treated my son, and he said no, but the way that I went about it was totally wrong. And he said that I should apologize to them both after insulting them and their parenting

skills in their own house when they were doing us a favor. I said no, no, no, they did you a favor because I never asked him to watch my son. He still said that I had to apologize, but I said, in your dreams, after seeing how my son was treated. He was taken aback, and he described my behavior as juvenile

for refusing to take responsibility for my actions. Things escalated, and I had to take my son and go stay with a friend. My husband kept texting me stuff like how I was avoiding confrontation and refusing to admit that I overstepped. He said that he only expects me to come home after I apologize to his sister and brother-in-law. Opie, I'm like an adult. I'm... I have a job, I have a mortgage, I have a house. If I could put in a 90 minute timeout, and I have to pee at the very beginning of that

timeout, then I'm not even sure if I can hold it that long. And they expect some, did you say the age? I don't think you did. Some four year old, a four year old son? They expect a four year old kid to hold his bladder for 90 minutes. Are they insane? And you called into question their parenting skills. You should, because they forced a kid a 4 year old kid for 90 minutes hold on.

There's no way that's right. 90 minutes for a 4 year old? I don't have a 4 year old. My baby is less than 1 year old, but like 90 minutes for a 4 year old seems ludicrously long, right? That's like, that's crazily long. What did Super nanny say? I feel like I watched an episode of Super nanny and they said,

set the timer for one minute per age. So a 4 year old stays for 4 minutes, a 7 year old stays for 7 minutes. Yeah, that's what I thought I saw in that TV show, but like 90 minutes, that can't be right. And then they just denied the kid the use of a bathroom. What? This is straight up child abuse. It is, it's straight up child abuse. And as bad as those two people are,

it doesn't come close to how bad your husband is OP. You gave him your child to watch, and he pawned it off to someone else without telling you because of an emergency. It's like, dude, your wife going to the funeral of her dead best friend is the emergency. That's the emergency. So unless a house is on fire, unless someone has driven a car through your living room and is currently like passed out from blood loss, then you have to prioritize taking care of the kid over any other stupid

ass emergency that doesn't matter. O.P. you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your husband gets the rare 5 out of 5 buttholes. Your sister-in-law and her husband get 4 out of 5 buttholes. Also, speaking of P, I heard a weird fact about P that really surprised me the other day. P doesn't come from your digestive tract. It comes from your blood. Like I always thought that, you know, you drink water, it goes down your esophagus into your stomach and then from your stomach

to like your bladder and then you pee it out. But no, that's not how it works. The way it works is liquid goes to your stomach and then to your intestines and the liquid gets absorbed by your intestines and that liquid goes to your blood. Then the blood goes to the kidney and the kidney filter stuff out and it takes the water from your blood and moves it to your bladder. So when you pee, what you're peeing is purified blood kinda. Anyways, I know that's, I know that's super off topic, but I thought it was interesting. Am I the blood hole for telling my husband to have his therapy session somewhere else? I'm a 34-year-old woman.

Me and my husband, who's 33, lives in a two-bit room apartment. He recently started attending online therapy. His reasons? No reason in particular. He didn't lose a family member. No recent traumas or accidents. He just says that he feels too overwhelmed with work. He does work a demanding job, but I won't mention it

because I don't want him to be judged for it. He wanted to let off some steam and attend therapy. I 100% encouraged him and said go for it. However, these therapy sessions have been happening for the last three months and he would have two sessions in just one day. He says he found a second therapist, which is weird to me, but whatever.

He'll stay in the bedroom for hours on end, preventing me from coming in. I'm talking three to four hours a day, and whenever I walk into the bedroom, which has only happened twice, he slams a laptop shut, and then just stares at me confused. I pointed out how rude it was to do that to his therapist, and he aggressively replied that what's really rude is the way that I barge in when he's trying to have his therapy sessions. He told me that if I walk in one more time, he'll take matters into his own hands. Yesterday I had an emergency, and I had to get inside the bedroom to get my pad pack, which I keep in the closet. I kept knocking on the door, but he didn't answer, so I walk in quietly,

but he immediately shut his laptop and looked in rage, then said, oh, so we're doing this. Okay. Then he stood up and started lashing out, saying, I'm struggling here, and you don't even pretend to care anymore. It's called privacy, and you should respect that. Now get out. I got out, and he locked the door behind me. I was fuming at that point, but I did manage to get my pad before he kicked me out. Out of respect, I waited until his session was over, and then started arguing with him about how utterly bad it was of him to lock me out of a room that's supposed to be a shared space between us. He said that he had to lock me out because of my barging,

snooping, and continuous disrespect of his privacy. I straight up said he needs to start having his therapy session somewhere else because it's not okay for him to keep the bedroom busy for four hours. That's just too much. He said that I could come in and take whatever I need before he locks the door, but I'm not going to take all of my stuff out of my bedroom. That's not logical to me. I told him he could take his laptop and go anywhere else, another room in the apartment, a coffee shop, a car, even a parking lot. He shamed me and said that this was his apartment too, and that I was being negative and disrespectful

instead of supportive and understanding of a situation. We've been arguing about this for hours now. Now I'm leaving this to you, Reddit. Am I the butthole? Going down in the comments, the top post is from a therapist, which is awesome because they can offer some context here. Coconut and potato replies. Hi, therapist here. It is absolutely not normal to have three to four hours of sessions a day. No, therapists would allow that. You need time to process what you talked about, time to think, time to prepare for a next session, time to not think about

anything between sessions. A normal rate would be one hour each week. I see three possibilities. He's either getting ripped off by someone, he's in some kind of group session where he has to be online several hours a day, which normally is only for people on the brink of a residential admission, or he's lying to you and doing something else on that computer. Either way, how is he affording this? One session is like 50 to 100 bucks an hour. I would advise that you talk to him. What is he doing for all these hours?

Is there maybe a part of this that he can do outside the bedroom? I suspect there's more to this than meets the eye. Yeah, OP, so as I was reading this story, my first thought is 3-4 hours of therapy a day. That can't be right. He has to be doing something else instead of therapy because there's no way that he could for one, afford the therapy because that's hundreds of dollars every day. And two, what therapist is going to sit down with this guy for three to four hours a day? That sounds insane.

Also, it's kind of fishy that he's so like extremely private of what he's doing. Like he slams a laptop down. Like what's he so afraid that you're gonna see? His therapist face on a Zoom call, like that's not really an invasion of privacy. I get, yeah, that therapy's kind of like a touchy subject, so he does want some degree of privacy,

but to be this touchy about it, to get this angry about it, to be this sensitive sounds a little fishy. OP, I have a strong, strong suspicion that he is not doing therapy on that computer. I think he's either playing video games, watching adult videos, or chatting with another woman, or hey, another man. My money's on cheating. If it were video games, then he wouldn't

have to be so like secretive about it. He would just, you know, go play video games. It's not a big deal. If it were adult videos, then it would be more obvious. You'd see lotion, tissues, he would be sweaty and red-faced. He would have his pants down around his ankles. I mean, there's some pretty obvious tail-tail signs when someone watches those types of videos. So that leaves me to believe that he's cheating. That explains the time, it explains the bedroom, it explains why he's so obsessed with privacy. I think he's cheating on you, OP. Am I the butthole for refusing to stay at home with the kids while my husband attends

my brother's wedding? Wait what? My brother's wedding. Am I the butthole for refusing to stay at home with the kids while my husband attends my brother's wedding? I must stay at home mom and my husband works full time. We have three kids and one of them is two years old. My husband helps a lot with the kids.

He's a committed dad, but he's absolutely against babysitters due to an awful incident with a babysitter that was the reason his younger male cousin James got disabled years ago. I don't go out much since I have to take the kids with me, and not every place is suitable for kids. We received an invitation for my brother's wedding, which we later discovered was child-free. I should also point out that my brother and husband have been friends since college. My brother lives states away, so the entire trip would take four days, as well as my brother's in-laws' weekend dinner party, which is their tradition.

I told my husband that I wanted to go since it's been a while since I've been to a wedding, and this one is special to me, and I suggested that we get a trusted friend as a babysitter. He asked if I was seriously considering leaving our two-year-old with a babysitter, and suggested that I do what I normally do, which is stay home with the kids while he goes to the wedding. I refused, and said I have just as much right to attend as he does since we were both invited. He said it wasn't his fault that my brother wants a child-free wedding, and I should do this for the kids and sacrifice for their sake. I refused and said this was unfair,

and since he's a parent too, he should also stay for the kids. He looked at me and said, That's my best friend's wedding you're asking me to skip for Christ's sake. Are you kidding me? Then he said that I was being petty for my suggestion, and that I was basically choosing to go out and party over keeping our kids safe. He asked me to consider this a business trip, so in that situation, what would I normally do? Go with him and leave the kids? I said I understand his paranoia of babysitters, but really all my friends have

sitters, and at times they're really necessary. He said I oughta know better than what my friends tell me, and this wasn't even up for discussion, and when I kept arguing, he called me selfish. And he said that he won't let me ruin my relationship with his friend because I was being spiteful for not being able to attend and that my brother will understand my situation. He keeps asking me what's more important,

a wedding party, or my kids. And he said that I was being unreasonable for making my attendance the hill that I die on. Am I the butthole? Am I being selfish for wanting to attend this wedding? My brother's wedding after four years of not attending anything? What did I just read? OP.

I feel like I'm missing something here. Something is not adding up. OP, you said that your husband is like an involved and caring father, but based on what I'm reading and like the entire second half of this story, your husband is an entitled selfish piece of s*** to be honest. How does he not understand that every argument that he's making is equally applicable to him? Like it's true, what is more important, going to a wedding or your own kids? Obviously, the answer is your own kids, but he thinks that answer applies to you,

but it doesn't apply to him when he's a father too. So what is he even talking about? And I realize, of course, that every family relationship is different. So I'm really, really close to my brother. So it's very weird to me to think that my brother would prefer to have his best friend who's not me at the wedding instead of me at the wedding. Like he would never ever want that. I wouldn't want that at my own wedding. So it just really strange to wrap my head around. Sure, it is possible that OP's brother has a closer relationship with the husband than OP's brother has with OP herself.

It doesn't sound like that's the case necessarily, but it could be, I guess, has a closer relationship with the husband than OP's brother has with OP herself. It doesn't sound like that's the case necessarily, but it could be, I guess. But even then, like, your husband is the person with the hang-up. He's the one who says, Absolutely no babysitters, no matter what, that is my rule. Well, if it's your rule, why should the wife be the one who has to suffer the consequences of the rule that you set up? If the husband doesn't want a babysitter, then he can watch the kids during the wedding. Opie, I'm going to say something that is completely unfounded. I have zero evidence to back me up here,

and I usually try to avoid making these comments because I don't like to just speculate based on no information, but I have a sneaking hunch that your husband is cheating on you. The reason why I say that is I've just, I've read countless countless Reddit stories. And one pattern that I've seen among people who try to cheat a lot is they'll basically look for opportunities to leave the house alone whenever they can, because every time they can leave without their spouse, that's another opportunity to cheat. Also your husband says that he goes out on business trips a lot, and that's a really common scenario for cheaters.

So again, I can't back this up with any heart evidence, but the behavior that I'm seeing in your husband is also behavior that I've seen in a lot of cheaters. So just be aware of that OP because this story is kinda weird. I feel like I'm missing something here. Am I wrong about this? Does anyone else feel like this story is kinda fishy? Anyways OP, I'm giving you a rock solid zero out of five buttles. The fact that you want to go out for the first time in what you say, four years? You haven't been basically outside of the house by yourself without the kids for four years? To your own brother's

wedding that is completely justifiable. You are not the butthole here. Your husband, I don't know what's going on with him. Apparently he's a super great husband and father, but also an entitled douchebag, so I don't really get what's going on there. But I'm going to give him, let's say, 3.5 out of 5 buttholes because he's being very entitled, selfish and hypocritical. That was our slash in my 5 buttholes because he's being very entitled, selfish, and hypocritical. That was our slash in my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow

my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.