rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Husband is in Love with Our Surrogate

Episode Date: April 9, 2022

NEW CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4-rik_U7doQyPpn4co48rw Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Discord: https://discord.com/invite/VD6eYD3 Merch: https://junipercreates.com/channel/UC0-swBG9Ne0Vh4OuoJ2bjbA Get Honey FREE at http://joinhoney.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Business notifications getting out of hand, buried under an avalanche of customer emails, texts, and social media messages? Keep your edge with Thrive Small Business software and never miss a message again. Thrive offers one solution to communicate, market, and run your business. But simply, small businesses run better on Thrive. Get Command Center for free today at thrive.ca. That's THRYV.ca. Terms and conditions apply free plans have limited functionality.

Welcome to R-slash. Am I the butthole where OP calls her mother-in-law a racist B word? Before I start today's video, I just wanted to do a quick shout out to my second channel where I do on camera content. So check it out by clicking the link in the description. Am I the butthole for calling my mother-in-law a racist beward? I'm a 32-year-old female who's black, and I'm married to my husband a 34-year-old male who's white.

We've been married for six years. My mother-in-law, Lisa, has always made sly comments about me that I've tried to ignore over the years. At one point, she called my hair nappy and suggested that I relax it, which I shut down immediately. At one point she made a comment about an Asian cashier's eyes and justified it by saying, my daughter-in-law is black, how can I be racist? When I was pregnant, she kept mentioning how she wanted our daughter to have my husband's blue eyes. When my daughter was born, she had brown eyes, and Lisa didn't even try to hide her disappointment.

Later, my son was born with hazel eyes, and his hair was also lighter than his sisters, and Lisa made a sly comment saying, You can't have the best of everything! Incinuating that my daughter was blessed to have lighter skin and looser hair, and my son was blessed to have pretty eyes. I brought up my concerns with my husband, and he just brushed it off and told me that she's a product of her time. A week ago, my husband and I were holding a party to celebrate our six-year anniversary,

and naturally, Lisa was invited. Lisa asked if she could invite her friends, and I agreed. After all, it would have been a bit boring for a 56 year old woman to engage in conversation with a bunch of 30-somethings. Anyways, when her friend showed up, she introduced me as her black daughter-in-law, which made me uncomfortable, so I pulled her aside and told her that I didn't want to be addressed as such, and she shrugged me off and said, You're my daughter-in-law and you're black. You people are so insensitive.

In that moment, all the pint-up anger I had towards her came flowing out. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember calling her a racist beward. She walked away from me, went to my kitchen, and started to cry. Naturally, everyone went to see what all the commotion was about. She told them that I was an evil woman who was trying to ruin her relationship with my son and grandchildren, and that she called me a racist B word. Everyone at the party became very hostile towards me, and told me that I went too far. That night, my husband and I got into a huge fight, and he told me that I had to

apologize to his mother. When I told him that I would never apologize to her unless I received an apology from her first, he lashed out at me and said that he went to stay at his mom's house. Am I the butthole? Opie, are you a butthole for calling a racist beward? A racist beward? No, you're not, because let's be honest, she was being a racist beward. And so, no, you shouldn't apologize, because we don't apologize for calling out racists in 2022. But what's really concerning here isn't the mother-in-law.

I mean, she's just yet another racist boomer. What else is new? What's really concerning here is your husband. I'm literally in an interracial marriage, so I feel like I can speak on this. You can't marry someone of another race without being fully prepared and expecting to take on the racist fights.

You have to just assume that at some point in your life, you're gonna have some sort of conflict that arises from you being one race and her being the other race. And like if you're not prepared to duke it out when those situations arise and defend your partner, then why are you even getting married in the first place? If someone from my family made racist comments

towards my wife, this would be like an immediate. Stop all activities. We need to talk about this. This is a hard line limit. This is the boundary. Do not do that again. If you do, I'm cutting you out of my life. I'm picking my wife over you, so make your choice. One more comment and you're gone. The fact that your husband is apologizing for this behavior and just trying to sweep it under the rug, while his mother continues to make racist comment after racist comment after racist comment against you, his own wife that he chose to love and to hold for the rest of his life is honestly repulsive. I'm giving your mother-in-law and your husband 4 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for making my stepson walk on his engagement night? I know the title sounds bad, but hear me out.

My stepson, Rowan, who's 23, just got engaged to his fiance. She comes from a highly conservative family, and they both won't live together until marriage. They're both on great terms, but I do have to admit that our parents are a bit much. So, the engagement party was held at a restaurant. I drove my wife, Rowan, and his best friend Jack there because Rowan's car needed some work. Things went quite well. The party ended and everyone went home. On the way back, I had to stop by the store so I could grab something for our 16-year-old son. Rowan, Jack, and I waited in the car. Rowan and Jack kept laughing. Then this young lady walked

towards us because her car was parked next to mine in the parking lot. Rowan kept trying to speak to her while she was trying to load her stuff in the car. He and Jack just kept throwing words at her and she seemed annoyed. Jack then said, hey, he just wants to look at that butt. Then Rowan said, let me see a jiggle baby. I was appalled. I told them both to knock it off, but then Rowan's arcastically replied, relax. I wish just giving her a compliment, but she don't get many of

those often. The lady got in her car and I started arguing with him about his behavior and I shamed him for acting like this on his own engagement night. He argued back saying something about my car and I lost it. I told him to get out immediately. Jack got involved so I kicked him out too. My wife got back and started engaging in the arguments saying that I can't let her son walk home from his engagement party. I replied that her son can't be harassing other women on the way back from his engagement party, but she just kept defending him. I told her to either stay or get in the car.

She did, and I drove off. Rowan didn't come home, and my wife gave me hell for it. We later found out that he was staying at one of his guy friend's places. From what I understand, he's pissed at me, and he's refusing to see me. My wife said that it was my fault, that I escalated the situation over some stupid stuff that boys his age do all the time. I told her that he can't do this while he's in my car, but she thought that I was holding it over his head.

She said that I should have never made him walk the night of his engagement and demanded that I apologize to him. Was I the butthole for kicking him and his friend out of my car in his engagement night? Okay, so first off, in 2020, the whole boys will be boys. Argument just doesn't work anymore. You can't be like, oh, he's just harassing women who are minding their own business.

Boys will be boys. What are you gonna do? Because like, we as a society have gotten past that. We know it's not boys being boys. It's douchebags being douchebags Also Jack managed to insult this fiance and salt as random woman in the parking lot and insult you all in one night so like why shouldn't he be punished and apparently your wife thinks that it's some huge Travesty that he has to walk on his engagement party

But apparently it's okay for him to hit on other women during his engagement night as well. Your wife is completely off a rocker. OP I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. Rowan and Jack get three out of five buttholes. Your wife gets 1.5 out of five buttholes. Today's episode is sponsored by honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online. Because of COVID, I pretty much have to shop online because yeah, I don't want to catch COVID and die. But on top of that, I read stories for a living, so I can't afford to sound like this for

three weeks straight. Don't you hate it when you get to checkout and you don't have a code to put in that little promo code box? With honey, you never have to leave that box empty. Honey is a free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies them to your cart. For example, I buy a lot of audio equipment

and I just saved 15 bucks on a microphone with Honey at checkout. If you don't already have Honey, you could be straight up missing out. It's literally free and installs in a few seconds. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. I'd never recommend something that I don't use. Get Honey for Free at joinhoney.com slash r-slash. That's joinhoney.com slash r-slash.

Am I the butthole for being upset with my son for finding a job without telling me? My son is 18. He's going to be attending community college and is living with me, my husband, and his two younger half-sisters. The other day, I found out that he found and accepted a job without telling me. I was upset with him about it, and the reason for that is that, first of all, he should've told me since we live in the same house. And also, more importantly, now I'm left without someone to babysit for the girls from 3 to 8 when my shift ends. My son

is usually the one to stay home with the girls and his new job is during those hours, so one way or another, we're impacted. He told me his friends found him this job and that it just happened, but I don't think it did because he knew that he'd have to give up staying with the sisters while I work. My husband travels most of the time, he's a pilot, and paid child care is a no for me. My son said that I shouldn't be surprised by him trying to work to save money to be able to pay for himself. But that's just absurd since he literally lives with us without having to pay for himself. But that's just absurd since he literally lives with us without having to pay for anything except for his own entertainment. He said he needed the job and he wasn't

realistically going to stay and watch his sisters for days on end, especially if he doesn't get paid for it. We kept arguing and my husband got involved and he just got too upset, saying that my son has no respect for us. My son basically had a like or not attitude with us and kept refusing to discuss this with us, saying that we had no right to be upset with him and should just accept it. But I'm just, I think that he's being inconsiderate of my husband and I struggle to provide for the family as a whole. This should mean something to him, but he's acting selfishly. At it. Okay, it seems that I didn't mention the reason why the babysitter option isn't ideal.

It's because my daughters don't want a babysitter. They're both dealing with some issues and they're uncomfortable being with a stranger at home. Besides that, my son decided to stay with them and we didn't ask him or anything. Some of you are implying or suggesting that I'm making my son be the girl's babysitter, but in fact, that's not true. He doesn't do much for them, just stays home with them while he studies or plays video games. He adores his sisters and only stays with them when he wants to. Otherwise, we wouldn't force him. Also, my husband said the girls are too young for therapy, and I agree with him

on that. Alright, OP, so instead of letting your son get a job where he works for money, you want him to stay home so he can work for you for free. How about, oh I don't know, stop abusing your son for free labor. That's an idea. I mean he's 18. He should be out getting a job. And you say that it's inconsiderate of your son to not consider the struggle of your family. But what about his struggle? He's 18 so he has to get ready to start his own life, his own family, but you want him to stick around and care for your family? Like,

I don't know how people don't understand this. Your daughters are your responsibility, not your sons. I'm giving your son zero out of five but holes. He owes you absolutely nothing. I'm giving you and your husband three out of five buttholes. Stop being awful parents. Am I the butthole for telling my husband to stop disrespecting our surrogate? I'm a 34 year old woman. My 37 year old husband, Hunter,

suffers from fertility problems. We recently decided to get a surrogate who's a friend of a friend. We were busy getting everything done legally. We already had a contract in place. We used my eggs so there's no worries there. Plus, our surrogate is a respectful kind woman who's been keeping up her part of the contract, but it's Hunter who's starting to act strange. I've noticed that he's been focusing all of his attention on our surrogate, like skipping work to visit her or get her things that she didn't ask for.

Chat with her all the times on social media and also constantly offering to do things for her, like driver places, and sometimes even invite her out or offer to repair stuff for. She's complained to me about this, and even told me about things that he's been doing that I didn't even know about, like bringing her gifts. I tried speaking to him about what this looks like, but he said that he's doing this for his son and not her. Still, I asked that he tone it down and respect the woman space. He got mad at me and accused me of being jealous of the woman who's carrying my own child and said that it makes me look bad. I said that it was our surrogate who was the one who complained about his behavior and he said that's not true. Apparently

this made him somewhat angry so I gave him time to cool down a bit. Yesterday our surrogate called me saying that Hunter came over and told her guests to leave. I asked why and she said that he wanted to show her the $9,000 car that he bought for her. What? I was shocked! OPA, you and me both, man. She said that she declined the car and asked him to leave, but he started arguing with her about using public transportation and risking our baby's well-being. I was fuming!

I called him demanding that he get home and he eventually did. Once he got back, I started to fight with him, yelling that he's been nothing but overstepping, disrespectful, and inappropriate towards our surrogates. Again, he tried to explain that the car wasn't for her, but to ensure the baby is safe. I told him to stop disrespecting the woman and stop using the baby as an excuse to stop all over her boundaries. He ranted about how he was just trying to make this work and that I should do the same if not more. He even accused me of not loving our son as much as he does, but this is not the way to show it. And putting up $9,000 for a car without telling me what? He left the house for a while then came back,

then refused to speak to me. I might have been hard on him because he might just be oblivious. So I'm less sure seeing his reaction now. Okay, so when I read Ada posts, I try to be like really balanced in my approach and I've got to approach this objectively. And when I came into this, I was thinking,

okay, maybe the husband is just trying to be nice. You know, he's concerned about his kid, he's concerned about the surrogate's wellbeing, the surrogate is really putting herself out there for his family. So maybe he's trying to go above and beyond to show her like appreciation. And then every sentence I read just got worse

and worse and worse. I mean, I'll just say it, I'll say what we're all thinking. He wants to, he wants to fuck her, right? He's got some crush on her, or he's got some sort of weird caveman, my baby in your belly. So I own you sort of mentality. And clearly that's manifesting in him wanting

to just be around her and pipe gifts for her and stuff like that. But let's just put that aside. Let's just assume that what he's saying is correct and that he really doesn't want to sleep with her and that really his only concern is just the well-being of the child. Even if that is the case, is this appropriate behavior? And the answer is clearly no.

The surrogate is straight up saying, here are my boundaries, don't cross my boundaries. We're not dating, I'm just your surrogate. You stay over there, I'll stay over here, I'll give you your baby and then we'll be done with this transaction. But your husband is absolutely trampling these boundaries. And then disrespecting you by spending $9,000 on a car completely out of the blue is nuts though.

So even in the best case scenario, this guy is still a douchebag. Opie, if what he's saying is true, then he gets 4 out of 5 buttholes for deeply disrespecting both you and the surrogates. If he's lying and he wants to leave you to be with her, which we all know is what's actually going on here, then he gets the full 5 out of 5 buttholes. That was our Sasha Mitha Butthole, and if you like this content, check out my new channel by clicking the link in the description. Also, be sure to follow this podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.