rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Roommate Robbed Me, and Wants ME to Pay HER!

Episode Date: October 2, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP's roommate sneaks into his room and steals a special dish that his girlfriend cooked for him. The dish contains nuts, which OP's roommate is extremely allergic to. When she eats the dish, she has a reaction and has to use an epipen. The roommate flips out on OP and demands that OP pays for her epipen because OP is "responsible" for the dish with nuts. But lady... YOU STOLE THE DISH! That makes you a thief, so why should OP pay you anything? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash and my The Butthole, where Opie nearly murders his roommate. Am I the Butthole for refusing to pay for my friend's EpiPen? I have a housemate, Jillian, who's 26, who is severely allergic to peanuts. There are five of us who are in a house together, and we all agree to put a label in our food containers to help keep Jillian safe and avoid contamination. I have a mini fridge in my room where I store my drinks so that I don't have to go to the kitchen if I want to drink in the middle of the night.

Well, last Friday, my Filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic Filipino dish for lunch at work. It's called Kari-Kari. It's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. It's in a glass container and I save some so I could have it for dinner. When I got home, I put the meal in my mini fridge, but I forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. Saturday I went out with my girlfriend and got home around 9 p.m. When I arrived, Gillian's girlfriend, Trish, confronted me saying that I almost killed Gillian.

I didn't know what she was talking about, and she went on saying how irresponsible of me it was to not label the food in my mini-fridge. I asked one of our housemates what happened, and he said Jillian had an allergic reaction to my stew because I didn't put a label on the container. I told him that it was inside my personal mini-fridge, and how dare they enter my room. Trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. Trish and another housemate ate it. Jillian only tasted it and she went to anaphylactic shock and they had to go use an EpiPin honor to stop the swelling.

Trish then demanded that I pay for her EpiPin. I told them that was not going to happen. If anything, they should apologize to me for trespassing into my room and stealing my food. They called me a butthole. She and my other three housemates said that I nearly cost Gillian her life and the least that I could do was apologize and pay her for the epiphen, am I the butthole? Okay, so if you're deathly allergic to peanuts and you sneak into someone else's room to steal their food, not knowing if it has peanuts or not, and it does and you go into anaphylactic

shock, then that's your fault. And if you think it's not your fault, then, well, I guess you're just nuts. You know what this reminds me of? There's this old Jim Carrey movie called Liar Liar. The whole premise of the movie is that Jim Carrey is this evil, lying, conniving lawyer, and his son makes a birthday wish that he could never lie anymore. And it comes true, and Jim Car Jim can't lie, but he needs to lie to do his job. But there's this one scene that always stuck with me, where he gets into a fight with his assistant, and his assistant tells a story where she's like, I had a friend whose house got

broken into by a robber, and the robber broke into my friend's house, and he like slipped or something and landed on a knife that was left on a counter. And because of the wound that he got from that knife, he sued my friend and won like $50,000. And then the joke in that scene is Jim Carrey is like, I would have got him $100,000 and then she storms off. And like the point of that scene is to point out just how, like it's a comedy, right? The point of the scene is to point out how absurd that is, that it's just completely mind-blowing. Why would a thief sue a homeowner

for the consequences that they suffer after breaking into their home? Like, you're a thief, dude. You shouldn't even be there in the first place. OP, I think what's going on here is that your roommates are just so wrapped up in the emotion of a potentially life-threatening event that they're literally

incapable of distancing themselves from those emotions and realizing that they're the ones in the wrong here because they're completely in the wrong. They went to your room, they were trying to steal beer, which I mean, is still theft, and instead they stole a gift that your girlfriend gave you. I mean, she cooked you a homemade meal from her culture, which is really sweet, and they stole that from you. And then they're like, oh, well, we suffer the consequences of our actions by stealing I cooked you a homemade meal from her culture, which is really sweet, and they stole that from you. And then they're like, oh, well, we suffer the consequences of our actions by stealing

from you, so you have to pay the price. Give me a break. They're all nuts. OP, you get a perfect zero out of five buttholes. Your roommates get three out of five buttholes. One butthole for trespassing, one butthole for stealing your food, and one butthole for blaming you for their actions. Am I the butthole for not letting my parents into my son's life after they secretly tested his DNA? I met my wife, Sonya, at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress.

It took me a while to finally become her boyfriend. I introduced her to my parents, and they voiced her disapproval after meeting her. My parents think that Sonya is only using me to achieve her American dream. I told them that's racist and I'm very offended by their assumption. After my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked her both of our family's blessings. Her parents were happy for us, but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. Because of this, we decided to alope and we only invited my brother and Sonya's best friends to be our witnesses. Long story short, now that we've been married for two years and we've welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. My kindhearted wife didn't

think twice about welcoming my parents into our lives. She let them meet our baby two days after being discharged from the hospital. My parents visit us regularly, and one day while dad and mom were playing with my son, Gareth, mom said something along the lines of, aren't you the cutest baby ever? I'm so glad to confirm that you're indeed my grandson." Mom didn't know that I was around, because she looked startled when I said, what is that supposed to mean? My mom tried to change the subject, but I insisted that she tell me what she was talking about. Mom sat me down and apologized first, before telling me that they had my son's DNA tested to make sure that he was actually mine. I was speechless for a moment, and before I blew up from anger, I told dad to give me my son, and they had better lead before I lose

whatever respect I had left for them. My mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. I didn't argue anymore and I told them to get out of my house. My wife was in the kitchen preparing lunch and I told her my parents had an emergency and that's why they left without saying a word. I didn't tell my wife about the whole DNA test thing until after two weeks when she asked why my mom and dad didn't visit anymore. I told her everything because I know that I can't keep a secret from her. She started crying and it broke my heart. I know how hard she tried to win my parents' approval

and what I told her was like a slap across her face. Last night, she told me that she can no longer let my parents into our child's life, and I agree with her. When my mom called to ask when they can visit again, I told them they're no longer welcome in our son's life. Mom called my dad, and I told him the same thing. He was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. He also said a few choice words about my wife, which angered me more.

I didn't even hear the rest because I just hung up. Did I overreact? Am I the butthole? Alright so, the way that I'm reading this story, the problem isn't really about the DNA test. The real problem is that your parents fundamentally don't respect your wife and they don't respect your choices. They didn't approve of you having a kid together, they just straight up don't like your wife. So So if they don't like your wife for your choices, then fine, they don't have to be a part of your life. I mean, fundamentally OP, it's not so much that you're cutting them off. It's that they've cut themselves off due to the complete lack of respect that they're

showing you and your wife. So no OP, you are completely justified here. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your parents three out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for standing up my friend on her moving day because she pulled a prank on me? I'm a 24 year old guy and my friend Jess is a 22 year old woman. We've known each other for about 3 years since we met in class. We've always been platonic and to be completely honest,

I'm not the type of guy to make the first move. Yesterday, Jess was supposed to move. I was gonna drive my truck over to her place, help her load up her stuff, and get her out of her apartment. Her situation with her roommates has become highly unstable due to irreconcilable differences, so she was in a rush to leave. The day before yesterday, as a way of thanking me in advance, Jess ordered pizza for the two of us. We were sitting there watching a movie on my couch being platonic friends as usual, and suddenly she inched closer to me. I figured it was nothing, until a minute later she got a little closer. Then she got even closer, and all I could do was think about how it was finally happening.

She squeezed up really close next to me and looked up at my face. I'm not the most confident guy, so all I could say was, hi, to which she responded, hi. Then she asked if I wanted to do something. I asked what something was, and she said, oh, you know, something. Still trying to keep room for plausible deniability, I again laughed and said that I don't know what something was. She kept staring at me and nodding, and I thought that I'd take my chances, so I asked if I could kiss her. She immediately stood up, walked to the other side of the room, and sat down on the armchair. Then she took out her phone. I immediately apologized to her, and she said that I should just forget it a few minutes of incredibly awkward silence past and then she said I guess Kim was right

Kim is her friend. I asked what Kim was right about and she explained that for several years Kim has repeated again and again that I was only trying to get into her pants Apparently Kim put her up to testing me. I felt horrible. I immediately apologized to Jess again and said that while I found her attractive, I would do nothing to hurt our friendship. And then I apologized yet again, just accepted it while crying a bit. Then I told her that she had nothing to worry about. After Jess went home, I got to thinking that it was incredibly mean-spirited that she

would do that to me. I did apologize, but that juvenile high school prank just started to strike me the wrong way. I talked to my sister, who reinforced that it was disgusting behavior. Then she asked for Jess's address, which I declined to give her. The next morning, instead of meeting up with Jess at the promised time, I just didn't. I'd taken the day off work, but I wouldn't anyway because I wouldn't get my mind off what happened.

Jess was blowing up my phone all day, and then I got a couple of texts from a number I didn't recognize, which I imagine was Kim. Finally, Jess called me a flaking creep, and that was the end. I'm really mixed on this. I feel kinda bad, but not so bad. Was I wrong? Yeah, Opie, I'd say you really hit the nail on the head here. This was a juvenile high school level mean spirited prank.

Like that's all there is to it. It was just mean and manipulative. If she really wanted to know if you wanted to date her, then she could have just asked you like a normal person. Not trick you into thinking that she wanted to kiss you and then giving you hope and taking it away and just like towing with your heart literally. And like on top of that, it's 2021. It's okay to be friends with someone and then, you know, have like a one time hook up and then go back to being friends, people do that all the time nowadays. So just because you are receptive to her advances and try to make a move

on her doesn't mean that your entire friendship is necessarily built on just sexual attraction. Down in the comments, people are comparing it to like, imagine if your friends was someone for three years and then after three years they're like, hey, do you want these curly fries? And you're like, sure, I love curly fries. And then they're like, I can't believe that you've been after my curly fries for the past three years. It's like, no, I was friends with you because I like hanging out with you, but hey, if

you're gonna give me curly fries and that's an added bonus. And in your case, OP, you could have been like, no, I like being friends with you, but if there's sex on top of that, then I'm all for it. And on top of all this, the way that she said it was really just, what's the word, reductive? She said that she thinks that you're only interested in getting into her pants, but maybe that's not the case. Maybe what OP really wants is a long-term relationship to get married and have kids and just do the full, blown, life-long, romantic thing. And she's just reducing all of that to, oh well, he just wants to get

in my pants. So, yeah, OP, I'm on your side here. Just was being unnecessarily mean and cruel in the way that she treated you. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving just 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for refusing to accommodate my infertile neighbor? I'm a 28 year old woman and my 29 year old husband and I have been living in this house for 5 years ever since we got married. Our previous neighbors were unadorable couple in their 60s or 70s. We had a fairly good relationship and we were kind of sad when they left. This year I gave birth to my son who's now 6 months old.

When my new neighbors, Paul and Anna moved in, I was 2 months pregnant. We weren't friends, but we could say hi to each other here and there. I sunbathe every day. It's something I've been doing since childhood. I was a very anemic kid, and my mom made me do it to help with my anemia. I don't even know if it works, but it's a habit that helps me start my day. This wasn't a problem until my pregnancy became more obvious. The left side of our yard has two kinds of fences.

A low fence that's 1.5 meters high that used to have a hedge on the neighbor's side, but they cut it off. The other fence is 2 meters tall and covers the rest of the backyard. As a result, they can't see into our property from the ground floor, but they can see our whole yard and part of our main floor from their second floor. When I was five months pregnant, our neighbor Paul told my husband that my sunbathing was making them uncomfortable. I son-bathed shorts and tank tops, nothing out of the ordinary. I just ignored them and kept my routine. The following month, he said the same thing. Later, when I was eight months pregnant, I was walking with my husband, and Anna was in the front of her house, and when she saw me, she stormed inside and slammed the door. The following day, Paul came over to our house and told us they were having fertility problems

and seeing me praying it was making her wife very uncomfortable. He said that I was being an insensitive B word. I'm currently working from home and my baby is close to me in a playpin in the living room and we have another in the backyard on the terrace. That way, I can keep my son close by when gardening or just playing with him. Well, I made the neighbor wipe uncomfortable again yesterday. I was in the living room playing with the baby when Paul knocked on our door, and he asked me to move from the living room because his wife could see me from their balcony. I told Paul to tell his wife to just look in the other direction and leave me alone. Today, my husband and I were

grilling some meat in the backyard. The baby was hungry, so I started to breastfeed. When I looked at the neighbor's house, Anna was on the balcony, so she went inside and a few minutes later, Paul was at our front door again. I gave my son to my husband and went to answer the door. Paul went off on me for breastfeeding in public and being inconsiderate. Again, I should point out that I was breastfeeding in my fenced backyard. When he finished, I told him to leave us alone, to not knock on my door again, and if his wife is so upset overseeing a baby, then she needs therapy, not him harassing my family. And I'll do whatever I want in my own home. At the time, I felt justified, but I was venting with my mom, and she told me I was wrong.

She said I couldn't understand because I never suffered from infertility and I need to apologize. So am I the butthole? Oh, P, what on earth is wrong with your neighbors? Just because they're having fertility problems, they expect everyone in their vision to just what, hide their babies in the basement, never let them see the light of day? What's the wife gonna do if she has to drive by a school in the way to her work? I guess instead of doing the logical thing, which is to drive a different route to work,

I guess she would just march inside and then scream at the principal that they have to shut down the school and move the school elsewhere because she couldn't be heard seeing those kids every day. Your neighbor needs some psychological help, OP. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. Your neighbors get two out of five buttholes. If they are so triggered by what they see on your property, then maybe they should stop looking into your property, right?

That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.