rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole My Wife Wants To Kill My Cats?!

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP wife is acting completely crazy. She claims that OP's cats are constantly waking her up in the middle of the night. OP decides to see how noisy his cats really are, so he pretends to go to asleep but instead spends all night listening to the cats. The cats are quiet all night, but in the morning his wife whines that the cats kept her up. When he confronts her on the lie, things go downhill really quickly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gabby here is a meditation instructor who just created her business website. Just need to choose a domain. Hmm, meditativeminds.ca or.com. That Canada goose looks grumpy. Also, why is he here? Well, Gabby, he's here to tell you that 85% of Canadians prefer supporting local business on a.ca over a.com. And.ca it is. Now repeat after me.

Oooooom! We'll work on that friend. Go local. Choose success. Choose DotCA. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Am I the Butthole, where OP discovers it as wife is concocting an evil plan to get rid of his cats.

Am I the Butthole for faking being a sleep all night to see if my wife is lying? The past couple of months, my wife has been complaining about our cats. She's been claiming that the cats wake her up constantly and that she's frustrated every night that she has to get up and open the door for the cats. Or the cats keep making noises, or the cats keep jumping on me. It's gotten to the point where she started saying that she wants me to get rid of my cats. I told her I've never seen or heard any of this, but she claims that I sleep through it all.

She kept telling me she was getting less and less sleep and kept acting aggressive, blaming the lack of sleep on the cats, and that if I didn't get rid of them, she'd leave me. I legitimately started considering giving the cats to my sister until I noticed something. One morning, she claimed that she'd gotten up multiple times throughout the night to help the cats. She listed a bunch of times. I thought it was weird because I had been up until 4 a.m. and she claimed that she got up at 1 a.m. to open the door for them and a.p. times around 3 a.mam because they were meowing and jumping on me. I was in the bedroom the entire time while she was slept and I know that none of that happened.

Things weren't adding up, so I decided to run a test. I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone's brightness and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night board, but I definitely didn't fall asleep. I made sure to make timestamps every 30 minutes on my phone through Discord just to be sure. I wrote down every single noise my cat's made. One cat jumped down from something high and made a little sound at 3.18 am, and 1.8 food relatively quietly by the bedroom door at 4.57am. Other than that, nothing happened.

Sure enough, my wife slept from 11pm to 9am and that morning she claimed that she'd woken up at least 7 times to open doors and from cat noises and cats jumping on her. At that point I was pissed because she was clearly lying to me. I was exhausted and fed up with all the lies, so I just bluntly called her out on it. I told her, that's funny, I stayed up all night to monitor the cats, and they weren't even in the room at all last night. I have time stamps and everything. So you've been lying to me and trying to convince me to get rid of my cats?

Why? She just sat there quietly shaking and looking pissed. Then she got up and left without answering. She came back hours later and ignored me whenever I talked, and when I asked her how I'm the bad guy in this situation, she finally said that I was treating her like a child by lying about sleeping and staying up all night just to see if she was lying or not. And that making timestamps and everything as if I wasn't an investigator was going too far. And that makes me an obsessive butthole.

I did that because she was threatening to make me get rid of my cats or she'd leave me and her claims didn't add up. So am I an obsessive butthole? Update, my wife has been Baker-acted. Baker-acted, what the f*** is Baker-acted? A Baker-act is a Florida law of the last people, with mental illness, to be held involuntarily for up to 72 hours. What the f***?

She didn't hurt herself. She just said something concerning in public. I got a call from the hospital this morning asking me to come in for some family therapy. Apparently, she finally wanted to talk. I'll be honest, I'm pretty pissed at the reason why she's been so hateful towards my cats. It's absolutely ASEANINE! It's nothing that anyone suggested. She's not cheating and she's not physically or mentally ill. She's not bored of the relationship and she's not looking for an out.

According to her, one of the cats stepped on her laptop and ruined a story that she was writing. She's hated both cats ever since. I mean, that sucks, but it's not worth emotionally blackmailing me into getting rid of them. I asked her why she didn't just tell me the truth and why she'd been lying and refusing to talk to me about it when I'd asked. Her answer was, because you wouldn't have gotten rid of the cats otherwise. And she explained that, when she saw that I wasn't willing to abandon my cats for her, she took offense to that. And she made it her goal to have me pick her over them. It's sickening. I don't know why she actually admitted to it.

The mental health worker who was with us asked me how I felt about Olive Ed and I just told the truth. I told her it was a nice run but I'm probably gonna want a divorce. They asked me why and I told them. I've seen a new hateful malicious side of her that I want nothing to do with. She was so set of getting rid of the cats over a fanfiction being ruined that she manipulated her husband. My wife started shouting at me that I betrayed her and that I am scum for choosing animals over her. Hey, at least cats don't give ultimatums like she gave.

It sucks that she's been baker acted in all I guess, but it's for the best right now. She'll have time to process it all in a safe environment and hopefully come to terms with it. I'm a bad husband, I know. I'm almost positive I'm going for divorce. I'm very worried about having her in the same house as my cats. I want my cats safe. I don't want to worry about them being harmed or disappearing.

Screw that. I guess I'll do what almost all of you suggested. Keep the cats rehomed the wife. It's not how I wanted this all to end, but life isn't always nice. Alright, OP, let's be crystal clear about this. You're not divorcing your wife because you're choosing cats over her. You're divorcing your wife because she systematically lied, manipulated, and gaslighted you over something extremely trivial. Like the cats walked on her laptop and destroyed her story?

What? It's 2021, basically everything you write on, unless you're writing in like, no pad is gonna save your work. And honestly, if you're writing a no pad, you deserve your work to get lost. It's not the cat's fault that her work got lost, it's her fault that she wasn't saving her work or writing in the cloud. If she had just been writing her fanfictions in Google Documents, none of this would have happened to her.

And then she blames the cats for her mistake, and then later blames you for her crazy behavior, this woman is seriously messed up. Like in no way are you the bad guy for verifying her claims. It's not like you specifically set out to catch her in a lie. Instead, you just wanted to see for yourself exactly how bad it was. So you weren't trying to catch your wife in a lie. She caught herself in a lie.

OP, I don't blame you for going for a divorce. Cats are no cats. That is not someone I would want to be married to. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your wife four out of five buttholes. Gabby here is a meditation instructor who just created her business website. Just need to choose a domain. Meditativeminds.ca or dot com. That Canada goose looks grumpy. Also, why is he here? Well Gabby, he's here to tell you that 85% of Canadians prefer supporting local business on a .ca over a .com.

And .ca it is. Now repeat after me. Whooooom! Ah! We'll work on that friend. Go local, choose success. Choose .ca. Childhood vaccines have been around for decades, and are safe and proven to help protect children

against 14 preventable diseases. Learn more at Canada.ca slash childhood vaccines. A message from the government of Canada. Am I the butthole for uninviting my parents to my wedding after my mom said, I don't care about your effing wedding. I'm engaged to the love of my life. We'll call her Sarah. Sarah doesn't have issues with my parents, but there's a little tension on both sides

and no one has attempted to resolve it, which is fine, I guess. It makes me a little sad that they're not more excited about her. Sarah asked my mom the other day if she could help make centerpieces. Sarah is into DIY stuff, but we're running out of time and she was asking around to see who would be willing to help. She admitted to my mom that it was kind of grunt work and if she didn't want to, it was no pressure. My mom got offended and said of course she doesn't want to, we haven't cared about her at all. So she doesn't care about our effing wedding. This hurt Sarah, but she didn't fight back. Sarah told me and I called my mom.

Honestly, I probably went into it a bit aggressively, but I yelled at her for saying that to Sarah. My mom said that Sarah hasn't included her in any of the fun parts or cared about her opinion on anything. So why would she help make centerpieces? I asked her to apologize to Sarah, but my mom said no, she was done talking about it.

So I uninvited her to the wedding. My dad sent me a text because I said that he could still come, and he pretty much told me to f off if I thought that he would come without my mom. My mom is now super upset because everyone is going to ask where she is. Sarah is very happy and feels like I defended her, and literally everyone else thinks that I'm the butthole. Alright, first of all OP, it's kind of difficult to give an accurate rating here

because I feel like we're missing some critical information. So for this next part, I'm gonna make an assumption. I know I shouldn't make assumptions, but I think it's a fairly reasonable assumption. Your mom got upset that she wasn't doing any of the fun stuff and no one cared about her opinion. This makes me think that she's upset because your fiance didn't invite her to go wedding

dress shopping. That's a pretty big tradition, so I would definitely understand if your mom would be upset about that. Also, I mean, your mom is kind of right here. You and your fiance completely cut your mom out of the wedding planning, including potentially the dress shopping. And then the only time you want her help is when you need some manual labor. Yeah, that's pretty disrespectful. I will admit though that your mom's reaction was way too harsh. Curseing at her soon to be daughter-in-law over something so minor

is way too aggressive. Also OP, you're the middleman in all this. Your fiance and your mom are having a fight, and your reaction is to yell at your mom and force her to compromise. Opie, these two women are members of your family. It's your job to bring them together and make them like each other, not perpetuate the fight. So based on what I've read from this story, I think everyone's a butthole here. Your wife gets one out of five buttholes for cutting your mom out of the wedding planning and then asking her to do manual labor. Pretty disrespectful. Your mom gets two out of five buttholes for cutting your mom out of the wedding planning and then asking her to do manual labor. Pretty disrespectful. Your mom gets two out of five buttholes for cursing at your fiance. O.P. you get one out of five buttholes for making the fight even worse. Am I the butthole for not wanting to go on a family vacation to Disney World

and ruining everyone else's plans? My husband and I live a happy quiet life in the mountains. No kids, a few pets, lots of friends and adventures to go on. My in-laws are nice people. They got the vacation planning bug and have decided that the big family vacation this fall is going to be Disney World. I said their plans sound great and I can't wait to see the pictures. My mother-in-law said that we'd be joining them because it's a family vacation. Theme parks, especially overly crowded, hot, expensive ones with screaming and crying kids

and a week with his family, hard pass. My idea of a fun vacation is camping for a week and hiking or backpacking, quiet solitude in the trees. We said that we aren't interested, but we're happy that they get to go. My mother-in-law argued that we have to go because it's a family vacation.

I explained that from my perspective, that's a lot of time to spend with everyone. That's a lot of time to spend with the kids who will be overstimulated, overtired, cranky from travel, etc. And that doesn't sound like leisure, it sounds like work. My mother-in-law looked shocked and hurt and said, I didn't realize you looked at your nieces and nephews that way. My husband said that we loved them, just in small doses, and that we honestly wouldn't enjoy being around everyone else for the whole time either, and that quite honestly, we're just not theme park people. My mother-in-law looked so disappointed and made a quick excuse to get off the call.

My husband and I discussed it again afterwards, and we were both in firm agreement. A few days later, my husband's brother called him and yelled at him for ruining everyone else's vacation. I guess because we aren't going, it'll cost more for everyone, and the parents won't get a break because they can't take a day off and send the kids with auntie and uncle for a few hours. My husband said, oh, so the whole reason you guys wanted us to come in the first place was so you had babysitters?

My brother-in-law got super offended by that and made a comment that spending time with your nephews isn't babysitting, and went off on how we don't know how to be part of the family. About how we just go off on our own and do our own thing without caring when anyone else is doing. It's caused this big rift, and part of me wonders if we're just supposed to suck it up and endure a week at some overpriced gaudy theme park just so everyone else in the family gets theirs. Am I the butthole?

OP, I just checked Google, and a one week trip to Disney World costs upwards of 4 to 5,000. You and your husband dropping 5k just so you can babysit your nephews is not a good deal. I don't blame you. Besides, even if their intentions are pure and they don't want you to babysit, even though we all know they do want you to babysit, you aren't ruining their vacation. Opie, I'm giving you and your husband zero out of five buttholes.

I'm giving your in-laws two out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for calling the police on my husband? My husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. He doesn't have enough money right now. I'm in med school and I've been getting ready for my exams for about a month now. Every month, he and his friends go on a road trip. His car has been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. He asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. I told him I need the cars since

I have a week immune system and public transportation might be risky, and I can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. He begged me, saying that his friends are going to say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. Their road trip was last week. I hadn't examined the day of the trip and left at 8 a.m. I had several things to do. I stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet, I arrived at the university day 30 and I entered the hall to get ready for my exam. After I finished I went to the parking lot and my car wasn't there. I started freaking out thinking that I might have left the door open or something. I called my husband but he didn't pick up. My friends immediately told me to call the cops. When the cops came, they said I had to come

down to the station to give my statement. I stayed there for four hours, then I was told that my car was found. My husband was driving it and it was picked up an hour away from where we lived. I was shocked and mad. It never occurred to me that he was the one who took it. I went home and waited till he got back. He was upset and he didn't want to talk about what he did. We started arguing after he said that he made a copy of my car key and he didn't take my car until he was positive that I had arrived for my exam. I yelled at him and told him this was not okay. He made me stress out and worry about the car. He

told me that calling the cops was drastic and he shouldn't have gotten them involved, but I had no idea that he was the one who took the car. He said that he wanted to text me, but forgot. He said his road trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the cops while he was with his friends. He still thinks that calling the cops was an over-the- top reaction, but what was I supposed to do? Oh, Pee, come on, seriously, what does he expect you to do? To your knowledge, you have the one and only key to your car, and you go out to the parking lot, and your car is not

there? You did exactly what anyone else in your situation would have done. You just assumed the car was stolen. If I were in your shoes, I would have assumed the exact same thing and called the cops. And your husband has the oddacity to get upset at you for coming to that completely logical conclusion. Oh, and he forgot to text you. Yeah, right. And how we forgot to tell you that he was planning to steal your car? No, that little detail didn't just slip his mind, that was completely planned out. You turned him down for completely logical reasons, and then he sneaks around behind your back like some kind of bratty teenager. What just happened is basically the equivalent of a parent telling a kid that he can't go

to a party, so he sneaks out a window and then goes to the party anyways. And let's not forget that if your husband really wants to go in this car trip, he should pay to get his car fixed. I mean, I'm not trying to blame people for being poor or anything, because I don't really know their situation. But tell me if this makes sense. If you don't have money to get your car fixed, then maybe you don't have money to go on monthly road trips. Right? If he needs his car so badly, then why not just skip the road trip for a couple of months, save up money, get your car fixed, and then go on the road trips. OP, your husband sounds like a spoiled manchild. I'm giving your husband 4 out of 5 buttholes.

OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put on your Reddit podcast episodes every single day. slash am I the butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on your right-of-podcast episodes every single day.