rSlash - r/Amithedevil Wife is Mad about Forced Polyamory

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:08 Birthday 3:34 Poly 6:50 Desire 9:51 Divorce Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to R.S. Am I the Devil, where O.P. intentionally ruins his daughter's birthday. Our next Reddit post is from R. slash am I the butthole. I'm a 45-year-old guy and I have three kids, 16-year-old boy, 14-year-old boy, and 12-year-old girl. This story concerns the 12-year-old girl. Now, my daughter's birthday falls on New Year's, so it tends to be disregarded, never on purpose, because it's between two big holidays, but we've always tried to make her feel special. My daughter is a known introvert and tends to spend a lot of time in her room. And if we're at a family event, she just sits in a corner on her phone. She's also very unconventional in the sense that she doesn't desire a lot of the things that are typical of girls of her age.

Me and my wife have tried to fix this. Huh, fix this. That's an interesting way to phrase that. And get her to open up more, but to no avail. The issue arose because when me and my wife asked her how she wanted to spend her birthday, she said something along the lines of, alone with snacks in my room. The request wasn't outlandish for her, but spending your birthday alone doesn't seem like a good way to spend your birthday. It would also reflect poorly on us,

as the family likes big celebrations. So instead, we invited family over on her birthday for a birthday-slash-new-year celebration. It was a barbecue with lots of snacks, a projector that my brother brought, and a rented bouncy castle. I thought she would realize that this was better and a more productive way to spend her birthday, but I was wrong. She was miserable the whole time and just sat in the corner. When everyone left late at night, she started screaming at me and my wife about how we ruined her birthday. My wife did most of the scolding and she was sent to a room. They scolded her?

How could we ruin her birthday if her plans were just bed rotting? She was also mad because she didn't get the gift she wanted, which was a hot chocolate machine. She's the only family member who drinks hot chocolate, and she's not 50, so we got her something else that we thought she would appreciate more. This morning she ignored all of us, including my sons who are on our side because they think she's being ungrateful since the party was great. I was just trying to make her birthday special. Am I the butthole? You know, the core story here is, you know, pretty bad.

O.P. is just completely ignoring everything his daughter wants and he's forcing his own views on her. But he had a couple of really awkward slips of the tongue that were so surprising when I read it that I stumbled over. over the sentence, like saying he wants to fix his daughter, and then immediately saying that the wife did most of the scolding. And then the daughter got really upset and yelled at them, and then he just opens with, my wife did most of the scolding, which is such a bizarre sentence, because one, it's a very passive way of saying that he did scolding too, right? Because if the wife did

most of the scolding, it means he did some of the scolding. But he's putting all the blame on the wife so that Reddit will agree with him. And then also, he doesn't transition from the daughter yelling to just my wife did most of the scolding as if there didn't need to be an explanation as to why there was scolding in the first place. That's why I was so surprised. To him, scolding is just a given in this situation. So O.P. is really outing himself as like a really bad dad. The story here is bad. But the way that he fundamentally thinks about the world and the way he views himself and his daughter is coming out in his story and he's an even worse dad than the story is making him out to be. I feel like that.

I feel like OP is one of those people who comes up to an introvert in the middle of a party and is like, have you tried just being more extroverted? Just talk more. Being extroverted is easy. Our next Reddit post comes from R-slash polyamory. I'm a 40-year-old guy, and my wife, who's 40, ended our 20-year relationship. Long story short, we were monogamous for over 15 years. Then we happened to live long distance.

She allowed a don't-ask, don't-tell form of ethical non-monogamy for a couple of years. And during that time, I realized I was Polly as I fell in love with two other women. I started it as casual relationships with them and tried to keep it purely as ethical non-monogamy without feelings. But I couldn't. After the long distance period ended, I went back to live with my wife. I had to break up with the other two women who knew that this would happen when I went back to my wife. I tried to explain to my wife that falling in love was beyond my control, and I really love all three of them. I had to end those relationships and wanted to work on our relationship.

With my wife, the last three years was so rocky. Whenever I showed love to her through my love language, quality time, she'd ask for validation, words of affirmation, which was her love language. I would give her validation, but she would always find ways to shoot it down or find reasons to feel unvalidated. She has some childhood trauma where some of her close family members used to make her feel that she was never enough. She wanted to believe that I thought she was my everything.

Maybe those trauma have created a void in her, which I could never fill. Although she tried to overcome those initially in our relationship, me asking for Polly undid all of that. And I too take some part of the blame, as I was usually too quick to offer solutions and give much less time for emotions. I love to constantly improve, while she loves her safe bubble. We went to couples counseling. She read more on Polly and first came to agree that multiple love is possible.

but it's not her cup of tea, and she also understands that she couldn't restrict me from being Polly. She agreed for Monopoly and installed dating apps for me. She did all this, but deep down, she never accepted the fact that I loved the other two women. Now I found people and I'm going on dates. She couldn't accept it. She found herself a good job in another city and moved out. She says that I never loved her and all this stuff that happened between us was like ships in the night. She has a friend who helps her move on, and they consider that hate is a way for her to let go of me and move on. Now she looks at every beautiful thing that we did in the past with a lens of hate. I feel so lost because it's not true.

I loved her and created all these beautiful moments. I still love her. I love the other two women, too. Now I don't have any of them. Everyone has moved on with their version of the truth. I'm stuck with my version of the truth that I had love for all three. I could never hate them. The commenters in the R-slash-Polyamory subredditers,

so these are theoretically all pro-polyamory people in here, are trashing on OP for basically forcing slash tricking his wife into allowing him to cheat under the guise of Polly. They're calling it Polly Underdress, which I'd never heard before. To me, Polly Underdress just sounds like cheating. I mean, maybe people in the Polly community know there's more subtle nuances than that. But I mean, if the partner doesn't want it to happen, it's just cheating, right? The guy's just cheating.

Our next Reddit post is from Warnout Hubs. My wife and I have known each other for eight years, and we have a five-year-old daughter. Ever since our daughter was born, my wife stopped feeling interested in passionate hugging. She's gotten her hormones checked at my request, but it seems that she's honestly just fine not wanting it more than once a month. Even during that one time we did do it, she had to have a perfect day. Have me take some chores off of her plate, give her a nice dinner and tend to her, lots of flirting throughout the day, and lots of non-sexual affection for even a chance that passionate hugging occurs. And sometimes it doesn't happen. I try not to show it, but I'm worn out trying

to put her in a good mood and trying to be perfect just for a chance to have her want to do it with me too. I don't think this is sustainable or realistic for me. I feel like I'm not doing it for the right reasons. I don't want to perform affection that doesn't feel real for me. I want to hold and hug my wife and make her life easy because I love her, not because I want something out of her. And over the past few years, I've been doing it with other motives. I also want her to choose to initiate with me, not go along with it because I shouldered so much responsibility in making sure she felt headspace or it wouldn't happen. I would like to see if we took that off the table and performative affection off the table what the baseline level of real intimacy between us is. I expressed this to her,

and she's taken it completely wrong, because to her, she hears no cutesy names throughout the day multiple times a day, no massages twice a week, no breakfast in bed, no princess treatment by making her life easy, no indulging in her moods needlessly. I keep saying that just because I don't want to perform affection doesn't mean it won't exist, or that I'd stop doing special things for her. I just want to do it for the right reasons, and if I feel like it too. Isn't it more special that way if it's real for me too? She disagrees. I keep telling her that what we have right now,

me trying to manage all of it for her isn't healthy. I want to love her in ways that feel authentic to me too, and yes, even if it means I stop certain acts of affection on demand, I will. But this is a good thing in the long run. I don't think it's responsible of her to base all of her responsive desire on what I have to do to earn that desire. I don't want to earn it. I want it freely given to me by her choice.

It's actually crazy to me that OP doesn't understand the massive hypocrisy. He wants freely given physical affection and she wants freely given emotional affection and he's saying, how dare she require I give her freely given emotional affection? I want her to spend all her time

giving me freely given physical affection right now. Also, people in the comments dug around in Opie's post history and figured out that he's been unemployed for the past two months and has been not helping with child care during that time. So I think I'm starting to crack the case as to why the wife isn't feeling it. Our next Reddit post comes from our slash relationship advice. Have I ruined my marriage by bringing up divorce after I asked my wife, who's 31, why she was no longer attracted to me, a 31-year-old guy? For context, we've been together for 17 years.

years. We're both 31 and have had an amazing life together. We both got married at 16, which is legal where we live. Lately, maybe for the last half a year, she doesn't seem interested in getting intimate like we used to. I expected this eventually, but not this soon. She's currently pregnant, and even though she didn't want the baby at first, I let her know that if she got an abortion, I don't think that our marriage could continue. I know that sounds bad, but I've always wanted a son. She originally wanted a daughter. I've been encouraging certain things during the pregnancy that I was told could be beneficial for the baby, and I should have been more clear about my reasons.

She has become more interested in having the baby recently, which I'm happy about. Two days ago, I was coming back from Jersey Mikes with our BLTs, and when I got home, she'd clearly been crying. She found things on my computer that upset her. I'm not proud of it, but I understand why she would be hurt. I've struggled with looking at things online before. I usually keep passwords on my computer so she cannot access it, but she said that it was already open.

We've had issues with this before, and each time I told her I would stop. I've also not always been faithful, which I know is wrong, but that context matters. She used to go away for work a week at a time. She recently quit that job at my request, and I'm thankful for that. I must not have closed a tab. It was seeking arrangement, which I've had for years. I've never paid anyone, and the last time I met anyone from there was months ago. I was mostly just browsing and talking.

She had taken photos of messages from seeking arrangements. I asked why she was going through my computer. She said that it was already open. I didn't believe that, and that turned into an argument. Things escalated. I tried to explain that I've been feeling unwanted, and that our lack of intimacy has been hard on me. She told me that I either had to stop completely, or she couldn't stay with me.

I told her it's been over two months since we've done anything. I've been keeping track. She apologized, then said, I'm not really attracted to you anymore. Thinking about you being with other women really hurts. After the last time something happened, she told me she forgave me. So this, oh my God,

so this felt like a betrayal. I got angry and said that I would have to initiate a divorce. I told her, divorce would leave her in a bad position financially, especially since she lost her job and is pregnant. She didn't sign a pre-nup because we were young. A few years ago, I told her we needed an agreement or I'd have to divorce her, and we signed a post-nup that mostly protects me. She hasn't spoken to me since Friday.

I feel awful. She's the love of my life. She does so much for me, and I can't imagine life without her. I don't know if I crossed a line by threatening divorce, or if she crossed a line by snooping through my personal stuff. Wow, O.P., uh, systematically destroyed this woman's life. piece by piece until there was nothing left, and then after her life was in shambles, he threatens divorce. What a winner, what a winner of a dude this guy is. Saying she lost her job as a really funky way of saying you forced her to quit her job. That was our slash am I the devil,

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