rSlash - r/Askreddit What's The Craziest Crime Someone In Your Family Committed?

Episode Date: January 23, 2021

r/Askreddit In today's Ask Reddit question, Reddit users reveal the craziest crimes committed by their family members. One guy found out that his wife was cheating on him with his best friend, so he barricaded the doors to the house and set it on fire, burning the two lovers alive. Another person stole a two-story-tall inflatable cow from her work. If you like this content, be sure to subscribe for more Reddit stories! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Childhood vaccines have been around for decades and are safe and proven to help protect children against 14 preventable diseases. Learn more at Canada.ca slash childhood vaccines. A message from the government of Canada. Welcome to our slash ask credit where we answer the question, what's the craziest crime that you or somebody in your family is committed? Our first replies from data collect. My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that still had the keys in it. He turned it on and obviously didn't know how to drive it so he just ended up making the Scooby part go up and down a bit before the cops came. They actually let him go too.

Our next reply is from Funky Grandma. My sister-in-law worked on a ski hill. One week there was a promotion by a company where they would blow up those big inflatable, like those big gorillas you see in carlots. She had seen them blow them up and deflate them for days, so she knew what the deflated ones looked like. One day she was leaving work, and one of those deflated mascot thingies was right behind her car.

My sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life, but at that moment, she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow up. So she plopped it in the back of her car and drove home. When I came to visit a couple of weeks later, she was freaking out about it. She asked me if I wanted it just to get the evidence out of her house. That's a story of how I came to own a two story high inflatable cow. And then opian glutes a picture of it. And yeah sure enough, it's a too story high inflatable cow. Our next reply from Duke of Dushbury. My dad's older brother came home from the war in Vietnam to find that his wife had been

cheating on him with his best friend. He locked them both in the friend's house and burned it down with them still inside of it. He held the firefighters off with a rifle until he was sure they couldn't be saved. Then he shot himself. This was before I was born, but I've seen some newspaper clippings about it. Man, we're only three posts into this thread, and this has gotten really dark, really fast. Our next reply is from Crash KG. My dad brought in a banana tree to the US from his home village in Corolla. He literally walked through customs with a tree in a pot in his arms.

The customs lady asked him what he was thinking, and he just replied that the banana tree was from his mother's garden. The customs lady must have thought my dad was crazy, but she just let him walk right through. We still have that tree, and it's offspring. And then beneath that lollipop Luxray adds, The customs lady said, This is crazy!

And your dad replied, No, this is bananas. Our next reply from his donor I'm Flixbus. It's not a bad crime or anything, but it was illegal at the time. So in Germany up until a few years ago, we still had a general driver for the army, and a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it. My uncle was a hardcore pacifist so going to the army wasn't an option for him. But being accepted as a conscientious objector at the time basically required you to be a

devout Christian and use the Bibles and argument for why you couldn't kill another human. And my uncle was also an atheist. He couldn't realistically object he didn't want to go to the army, and he didn't want to go to jail either, so he waited. He got in his draft notice, passed the visible, and got a letter telling him to report to such and such location under Surgent Why. He wrote back a reply on Rose-colored paper, scented with perfume, about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of Sergeant Y. Promising to obey everyone of his orders, and that he can't wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men. He was declared unfit for service shortly after.

You always hear about people playing the gay card or the black card or whatever, but this guy actually wrote a card about how gay he was. It was a literal gay card, or an extra plash from propeller goblin. My dad, when he was much younger and infinitely more stupid, regularly used to drunk drive with his friends. It was in the early 70s and no one really cared. To hear him speak about it now, he can't believe how stupid he was. One night, he and his friends were out drinking. They heard there was a party going on at a pub across town and decided to head over. On the way, they went past a large club with a queue of people waiting to get in.

My dad decided to show off a bit and pull a skid. He miscalculated, hit a curb and flipped the car, sliding down the road on his roof. The car stopped, they get out and run for it to the cheers of the people standing in the line. They take the bus back home and immediately call the police to report the car was stolen. The police knew what happened, but couldn't prove anything. One thing I'd like to point out about this post is that in addition to whatever car crimes OP may have committed, he actually escalated the crime to insurance fraud because when he claimed that the thief stole it, that basically means that the insurance company has to pay for his mistake.

Our next reply from Dupington, my cousin got busted robbing a bank and was sentenced to jail. He proceeded to break out of jail with his cellmate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he's living in a hotel room with a cellmate. The cellmate orders a pizza to the room, bad idea. The delivery guy recognizes him and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after, my cousin killed himself in prison. My cousin had a wife and a kid who got into a nasty co-cabbit.

We don't bring him up anymore. Our next replacement, Lee Chan. This was a couple of generations back, early 20th century, and there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my grade aunt. So one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter bunny outfit, put a bat in a giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it. He got away with it, but I'm pretty sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day that this guy's liver finally gave out.

I don't get it. Why dress up as a bunny? This just seems like felony assault and battery with extra steps. Wasn't to disguise the fact that he was actually assaulting him with a really dangerous weapon, like people were watching and they thought, Oh look, that cute bunny is hitting another man with a foam carrot. That's so adorable. Meanwhile the drunk guy is like lying in a pool of his own blood slowly dying. Our next reply is from Flygirl. My grandfather's

father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for minework. He tried to set the house on fire with his wife and 13 kids inside. Twice. One day, my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house, and his drunk father started taking pot shots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, his brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him. My grandpa sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime due to her age, and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean, abusive person and had it coming.

Beneath that, people are skeptical of OP's posts, and sure enough, OP posted a picture of a newspaper clipping. Daughter kills father of 15. A 16-year-old girl returned to her home here yesterday afternoon from her high school and killed her father with a 12-gauge shotgun. The man, 46, died instantly when he was shot in the face. The daughter, Blank, was charged with murder and then released to the custody of an uncle. The slain man was the father of 15 children, 11 of whom resided home. State police said the man had returned home after having been drinking and that the shooting followed an argument.

What the argument was about wasn't revealed. The coroner said the victim had been in a retreatment at Blink Hospital last year for a mental disorder and alcoholism. The body is at such and such funeral home. Man, it really makes you think. How much of a disgusting human being do you have to be to have three of your own siblings plan to murder you? And then your own daughter shoots you in the face with a shotgun.

I'm gonna guess that one was a closed casket service. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Here's an RBC student offer that turns a feel-good moment into a feel-good moment into a feel-great moment. Students, get $100 when you open a no-muffly fee RBC Advantage Banking account, and we'll give another $100 to a charity of your choice.

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Whether you're hanging holiday lights or driving up to your folks, you can enjoy your Tim's and Bailey's, anytime, anywhere, at participating restaurants in Canada. For next your plash on Leaking Lego, my dad's side of the family grew up as New Hampshire Hicks. Any time, anywhere, but unfortunately losses leg too. Our next reply is from Frick U Fricker. I worked in a movie theater when back to the future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and resell them to the next group coming in.

The old theater was massive, set about 600 people. We probably made about 15,000 dollars between the two of us in a month or so. Adjusted for inflation, that was about 37,000 dollars. We were the richest high school kids in our town. Our next replies from ABQ Mac. When I was a young teen, the boys from the neighborhood and I loved playing pinball and video games that are local bowling alley. The problem was, we didn't have enough money to enjoy our new addiction. We decided to do something about that little problem. We started with a very rudimentary system. We actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple of times before the string would break or the tape would give out. This worked

fairly well, but we wanted and needed more. Our next plan was a little more professional. We somehow concocted a scheme to make quarters. A few lessons in science class had actually stuck, and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine and to thinking that whatever was that we made our quarters with was an actual quarters. We ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice. We used lead for a couple of reasons. A couple of the guys had a father who was an avid hunter, he even reloaded his own shotgun shells. Because of this, he had a burner set up in his shop to melt down lead. Another reason is that lead isn't magnetic. Science!

We made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters, but where to get more lead? One of us came up with a brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead. Carrying screwdrivers and pliers, we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers. We would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars. Using the tools we brought, we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble. We were in business. Soon, our production line was up and running. We would melt lead, pour it into our mold, cool it, and then move on to finishing our new quarter. The finishing process was crude,

but effective. We would snip off the bur. The finishing process was crude, but effective. We would snip off the burrow where the lead was poured, then file down the edge, making sure it stayed mostly round. Using steel wool and a polishing cloth, we would then shine the quarters. Now came the trial run. We went to the bowling alley with a few of our quarters to see if our hairbrain scheme would actually work. In they went, and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played.

SUCCESS! We intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters. We were thrilled. We could play video games anytime we wanted. Every day after school you'd find us at the bowling alley happily playing our games. But our downfall was soon to come. We never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines.

It literally never crossed our early teenage minds. We just knew we were having a blast. One fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual. We started playing games and soon some men approached us. They started questioning us and accusing us. We were scared to death. One of the guys yelled, Run! And we took off as fast as we could.

We made it to the doors and down the steps we went. We all lived on the same cold as sack and that's the direction we headed. Running as fast as we could, we briefly split up. The men that were chasing us only followed one of the kids. He made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door. From there, our crime's pre-ended. A few days later, I was in class when I was called to the office. When I got there, my father was sitting with a man I'd never seen before.

He was wearing a black suit with a black tie. I had to go before the principal, my father, and a member of the United States Secret Service. Although they take the counter-fitting of US currency very seriously, they understood that it was just a bunch of nukkelhead kids making quarters to play video games. He actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters. He also said that they had recovered over $75 in fake quarters. We had made and used over 300 quarters. We had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed in our juvenile records. It was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charges would be expunged.

Luckily for me, I learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life. And that, fellow redditors, is how I was charged with counterfeiting US currency. If that doesn't define the meaning of a crazy crime, I don't know what would. And then beneath that, we had this interesting story from Cold Iron 76. You're lucky you were juveniles. I witnessed a counterfeit $10 bill past one time. So I had to go to court and case it went to trial. The feds offered them 10 years. Take it or leave it. No idea what the max tenants would have been. This was back in 2001. Those guys, there were two of them, were probably in their early 20s.

They got busted because the clerk at the gas station was a graphic design major and recognized that it was printed and not legit. Then, the one guy that had come in stood there and argued with him to give him back the fake bill. When it started getting loud, I paid closer attention to witness what was going on. I also left and followed him down the road from a distance while on the phone with the police and told them what turns they were taking in their license plate. The cops told me to back off that they had them, and then three or four cruisers just came off side streets and converged on them.

I guess they took the deal because I was dismissed. Jeez, ten years in prison over a fake $10 bill? I had no idea counterfeit money was taken that seriously. I mean, I know counterfeit money is a pretty serious crime, but a decade for ten bucks? My god! Our next reply is from Joker Smile. My mom's father was a Vietnam vet. He married my grandma he met while in Germany, adopted her oldest son and they had three daughters. He physically, emotionally, and sexually abused all of them.

When they were toddlers, he'd wake them up at 5 a.m. for physical training, like basic training for adults. When they walked into a room he was in, he'd throw knives at them to check their reflexes. When my on-graduated high school, she moved out, and he'd lost his mind. He kept trying to convince her to move back in, and eventually convinced her to come home to talk about it. That day she was sitting on the couch and told him she would never come back. So he pulled a gun and shot her three times. Once in the hand as she was trying to block her heart, once in the stomach as she

stood up, and once in her butt as she turned her run. Then he walked to his back bedroom and shot himself twice, once in the heart and once in the head. I wasn't alive, but I read the newspaper article and it was horrible. Side note, my family was really messed up because my grandma would take us grandkids to his grave site and tell us what a great man he was. Also my aunt survived. Opie goes on to explain as she did survive, but the bullet that went into her stomach

damaged her uterus so she had lots of miscarriages in her life. She managed to have one kid, but she went through hell to have him. Our next reply is from Sweetleaf. My husband's dad killed a guy who his then girlfriend was cheating on him with. He was supposed to serve a life term, but he got out because of a clerical error. He did manual labor on a local park, and apparently the guys who helped were supposed to get a reduced sentence. However, he wasn't supposed to. Also, my husband's half-brother killed his business partner. He would have gotten away with it, however, he moved the body when

he found out the construction was going to start on the burial site. And what were they going to build there? A prison. He's currently serving a life sentence. My husband has never met his half brother. He also has two half sisters from the same dad who are law-biting citizens. And then beneath that awesomeness replies, two half sisters that didn't get caught. Our next reply is from Braiman. My aunt had a boyfriend, let's call a mic.

He was always the life of the party, everyone loved him. He was always holding my aunt from behind and kissing her neck. A little too much public display of affection, but hey, they were happy. Turns out, Mike was abusive, like very abusive, physically and mentally. The neck kissing was him whispering in her ear, berating my aunt for making a full of herself dancing. My grandfather found out about the abuse. My grandfather went over to my place knocked on the door and when my aunt answered my grandfather put a gun to his head and said, if I find out you ever touch my daughter again I'll effing kill you. Well a few weeks later my

aunt shows up with a black eye and her arm in a sling. It was Mike. Mike was found dead on the roof of an apartment building the following weekend. We all have zero doubt it was my grandfather's doing. Since he was a successful lawyer, I'm sure he had connections who could help. My grandfather never mentioned it. He simply said, oh, what a shame when he found out. He never admitted to anything, but as far as I'm aware, there wasn't enough crime scene evidence found to charge him with a crime. Well, he did warn him.

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