rSlash - r/Askreddit What's the Most Embarrassing Thing You've Witnessed?

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

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Welcome to our slash ask reddit where we answer the question, what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever witnessed? Our next reply from Joyce Reardon. Alright, so my husband and I were driving around the city and it was pouring outside. Absolutely pouring. We were about to pass the light rail train tracks going in both directions when the crossing gates came down because the light rail was approaching. Some idiot in a van decided he could make it across before the gates came all the way down. He kept on driving, but he did not make it.

Instead, his vehicle was now trapped between the gates. We could see from our car that this person was panicking, like his life was flashing before his eyes. In his movie mind, the light rail was about to crash into the van and drag it for dozens of yards before finally stopping, so he did what anyone would do. He violently pushed the door open and ran in the pouring rain for his life. He was halfway down the street before he stopped, turned around, and noticed that the light rail was patiently waiting for him to move the vehicle.

His door was still open. My husband and I just about pissed ourselves laughing. Man, this guy is doubly stupid because, one, he tried to raise a train which is stupid. But two, if the gates come down, just drive through the gates. Because yeah, jumping out of your car and running to safety will keep you saved, but it'll destroy your car and it endangers all the people in the train. Our next Reddit post is from Slumpy Dumpy. I was a sophomore in high school, so about 16 years old, taking the last leg of my country's sex education class.

It was a co-ed day, so our full gym class of about 30 kids was in the room. The topic was STDs. The teacher mentioned oral sex a few times, and I guess which diseases can be spread through it. One guy who was always pretty quiet and shy, raised his hand and said, I just don't really understand how you can get an STD from just talking about it. It took everyone, including the teacher, a few seconds to understand, but some quiet laughter came from a few students. The teacher then of course had to explain, as simply as she could, that oral sex did not in fact mean talking about it.

I think the stupid bylaws of the program in our country didn't allow her to fully disclose what exactly it was. Anyway, we thought that he was joking, but as he heard the laughter from everyone after getting this explained to him, he slowly put his head down and covered his face for the next few minutes. Poor guy. I felt bad, but it was hard not to laugh. At least no one directly gave him flack for it afterwards.

Beneath that, we have this story from who's this chucker. We had a sex ed class where they brought in a guy who had HIV and he mentioned how he was HIV positive and I was like, is there an HIV negative? And the whole class went quiet and stared at me, including this poor man and it's been almost 30 years and I still think about that moment. Our next reply from dumb smart guy. I went to a small high school, so almost everyone knew everyone else. I know what you're thinking when you read small high school, but I mean the entire 9-12th

grade student body was about 85 people at the time. Two students, a guy and a girl, for some reason were talking mad, flack about each other for weeks. No one remembers how it started, and no one even asked why these two were constantly yelling or fighting with each other. So one day, the conflict escalates into its obvious logical conclusion, a dance battle. It gets scheduled after both parties decide on a date,

and that it'll happen after a lunch period and how they wanna do this wild thing. The whole school shows up, all 85 of us. Cue the girl who brought out the biggest boombox and the smallest piece of cardboard in history so she could do the worst version of break dancing the world has ever seen. I'm talking attempted hit spins that go a full 180 degrees.

Crawling and riding on the ground and saying, what are you going to do about it? BEEP! I'm fairly certain that I recall her choice of song was Nelly's hot in here. She's a hundred percent serious, which makes it even worse. The guy is completely un-based. He's looking at her with the hardest death stare I've ever seen. It's worth mentioning at this point that this guy is essentially the class troll. He can't stop messing with people to save his life.

So he stops the music, puts a CD into the player, and what pops out of the speakers? That effing traditional Havana Gila song that you hear at every bar Mitzvah known to mankind, and he starts doing the Russian Cossack dance. His crew is losing it. The girl's crew is laughing their butts off and the main girl is visibly pissed. Everyone agreed. He won the dance battle. Opie, how is this embarrassing? This is one of the best stories I've ever read on Reddit. I wish I could have been there. Our next reply is from Grandpa Smucci. This happened in community

college in Tampa, 2009, Spanish class. The shy, goth girl walks to the front of the class and plugs in her USB drive to boot up her PowerPoint presentation and begin her presentation like the rest of us did. Except when she plugged it in, a file opened up, and the most vile anime video started playing. Everyone was mortified for her. It took her maybe three to four seconds to turn it off, but the moment felt like forever. She said, this is my boyfriend's drive, and ran out of the room crying. The teacher just moved on. The girl didn't show her face for a week. Just an absolutely insane moment.

Beneath that, we have this post from SexBabom.com. I had a friend who did a similar thing. He was giving a presentation in college and unbeknownst to him. His wife had saved a bunch of adult videos to the thumb drive that he was using. He said that he plugged the USB into the computer at the front of the glass, and when he turned around, he just saw adult video thumbnails popping up one after the other on the screen as the content's loaded. He said he didn't say a word, just snatched the drive back out of the computer and walked

out of the room and didn't go back until the next week. Our first replies from BaconBox. I used to work in nightclubs. I once witnessed a girl leaning against a wall, casually flirting with a guy, and when she laughed, she actually pooped herself. She was wearing a white dress, so there was no hiding what had happened. The smell actually cleared the whole level of the club. She ran out crying. We had to clean poo off the floor where she'd been standing. I often wonder

what she's doing now. And beneath that, we had this story from unusual asparagus. I worked at a high-end strip club doing bottle service for 11 years. One of our top girls was wasted, probably on drugs also I'm guessing. Management let her sleep in one of the private rooms that we didn't normally use. She pooped all over the couch. It was on camera. She never came back after that. Our next replies from Bigfoot Hobbit. I was at a pool at a Euro Beach Resort.

We had been chatting with an old British tourist. He got out of the pool and went to get changed poolside, using his towel to hide his nakedness. Suddenly, up steps an angry Frenchman winning his towel back. Turns out, the poor retired gentleman had grabbed the wrong towel. They're ensued a desperate tug of towel as a very strappy Frenchman attempted to rip his tal from this poor old guy who was butt naked and frantically trying to save his modesty. The old guy's grandson saved the day with an emergency tal transfer, but not before the whole pool complex had seen way too much hairy old British grandpa scroats. Our next reply is from meetin' the bathroom. There was this kid in my high school who was taking karate classes. He decided that he wanted to fight a kid

who was bullying him after school in the town park. A lot of people went to watch. He got all pumped up before the fights. Instantly, once the fight started, he began doing karate moves at the air. Once he reached the bully, the first thing he decided to try was a very flashy spinning backhand move. He missed by a mile and was knocked out immediately.

I felt really bad for him. He was always known for not being able to read situations very well, and that being his first normal fight was just the absolute worst time to try that move out. Police suck. It was embarrassing for both of them. Beneath that, we have this reply from Queen Marjorie. Mine also involves a poorly prepared karate kid, eighth grade middle school talent show. This kid walks out in a karate uniform to intense music and approaches a wooden board held up on center blocks.

He assumes his karate stance. He chops, and the board doesn't break. He's clearly very unsettled and embarrassed, but assumes the stance and tries again. He fails to break the board for more times. Eventually, he started angry crying and walked off the stage, and everyone kind of half-clapped. I know people probably told him, don't worry, no one's gonna remember this in a few years, but it's been almost 20 years and I still remember his name and that moment clear as day. I felt so bad for him. Our next replies from Caroline Matilda's.

At middle school graduation dinner, one of the other students had asked ahead of time if they could sing. So while the rest of us are sitting at our tables eating, this one of the other students had asked a head of time if they could sing. So, while the rest of us are sitting at our tables eating, this one girl gets up in front of all of us with a guitar and start singing blackbird by the Beatles. I don't think I've ever heard her sing before, and I have no idea why she wanted to do this. She was always one of the smartest people in our grade and achieved a lot academically. So I think maybe she thought that transfer it over to musical talent? It was genuinely one of the worst things that I'd heard in my life. She couldn't sing even a little bit. Her voice shook on every word. It cracked and she was out of tune. Every person had to just stare

down at their food while trying not to laugh in her face. I remember sitting next to my best friend and we just kept glancing at each other like what the hell is happening right now. Thinking of it now makes me laugh again and I know that if I called up my friend right now and sang Blackbird that he would start to laugh too. It became a joke between us. She finished Blackbird and then decided to follow it up with American Pie, which thankfully a lot of us knew the words too and the teachers walked around encouraging us to sing it together, thereby drowning her out. Part of me is like, well, screw it, she did it, she was brave, but I wonder if she thought

that she was actually good or not. So one of the things that I'm learning from reading all these posts is that for every embarrassing story out there, there's like a dozen people who remember that moment clear as day. So I guess we can all take comfort about that. That embarrassing thing that you did when you were a kid, everyone remembers. Our next replies from Vandal Carl. I used to work for a small coffee shop that had three locations.

I had a ridiculously big crush on a woman who worked at one of the other locations. I thought she was so pretty that I literally couldn't remember how to talk around her. For example, one time on my day off, I stopped by her location to get a cold brew, and she was working the register and was like, hi Carl, how's it going? What I wanted to say was, oh pretty good, it's been a long week. But all that came out was, long, then I was so embarrassed that I turned around and left without getting anything. Worst than that, later that summer there was a big employee barbecued at the nearby river. I finally got over my nervousness

and had a really good conversation with her, made her laugh, all that good stuff. A little later I had to pee and went to the porta-potty, only to walk in on her going to the bathroom. She was doing that hover over the porta-potty seat thing, so it could have been number one or number two. But it's not like she was sweating and running either. O.P. I remember in high school, there was a girl who was like a couple of years older than me in a higher class. And she was really, really cute. And we had like spoken once before in a class that had like mixed grades. And she looked at me and I said, hi. And she didn't say anything. So I said,

hi, and she didn't say anything again. So hi and she didn't say anything again so I said hi and then she just turned around and walked away and that one yeah that one kind of stung I'm gonna be honest I don't know why she gave me the cold shoulder I mean granted I was acting really weirdly but that one yeah don't look back fondly on that memory our next reply from XSC I saw my neighbor get a pizza delivery from two pizza guys. One of them must have been in training. And he must have tried to say, have a great night, and thanks guys at the same time, and instead ended up saying, have a great gaze. And the two guys just stopped and looked, and my neighbor just shut his door,

and that neighbor was actually me. Beneath that, we have- we have this story from Chaos Elements. In Coll- I like the story, sorry about that. In college, a friend asked me to guard his laptop in the cafeteria while he went to smoke. I said, sure. When he came back, he jokingly thanks me profusely for my amazing work and sacrifice. I played along and said, it's no problem, sir. I had to. But here, my brain got confused. I didn't know if I should say, fend off or beat away. So in front of God and everybody, I shouted out, I had to beat off a ton of dudes to keep

it safe. One little old lady in the corner lost her mind giggling like mad. It reminds me of one time I was going to work out with my brother and my brother is much more experienced with working out than I was and my main goal was to lose weight. Anyways, so I show up and my brother is like, so are you ready to work out? And at this point, my brain wanted to say two different things simultaneously. It wanted to say, yeah, I'm here to get jacked.

And the other part of my brain was saying, yeah, I'm here to lose a ton. But instead, what came out was, yeah, I'm here to get jacked off a ton. And my brother's looking me like, instead what came out was, yeah, I'm here to get jacked off a ton. And my brother's looking me like, what kind of exercise do you think we're going to be doing here? Our next reddit post is from Big Gym. Back in 1998, I bought the world's fastest production motorcycle, a Kawasaki ZX9R lime green.

This is an absolutely insane machine. A month later, the Yamaha R1 Eclipse did, but for a month, it was the bike on the street. I got a first date with the hottest woman I'd ever met, and we decided to ride the bike down to the beach for a coffee. We pull up in front of the coffee shop, and everyone's looking. Hottest bike, gorgeous woman, I'm strutting in like I own the place. We have a coffee while a small crowd gathers around the bike. As we leave, all these guys are asking questions about it, pointing out how sick it was. We put our helmets on, and I start the bike and blip the throttle for bonus points. I climb on, she climbs on, and I kick it into gear.

We move about two inches, and and then oh my god, what the f? I'd left the disc lock on the front rotor so the bike lurches, my date goes over my shoulder, head first onto the pavement and the bike falls on my leg pinning me to the ground. Shoot me right f'ing now. Some guys lift the bike off me, others help my date up, and everyone is cringing like crazy. She's fine, I'm fine, the bike is fine. I pull off the lock and ride out of there as fast as possible. It's not a total failure because we've been married for almost 20 years. I'm still embarrassed thinking about it though.

So OP, sounds like your wife fell, hit over heels for you. That was our slash ask Reddit, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.