rSlash - r/Askreddit What's Your Night Shift Horror Story?

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

r/Askreddit On today's episode we have two askreddit questions: What's the best joke you know? and What are your night shift horror stories? I wanted to include the jokes to lighten the mood at a bit, because some of the horror stories are downright horrifying, disgusting, and creepy. For example, one user who worked at a morgue told a story about a guy who tried to pay them money to let him spend a few hours alone with the freshest corpses. What do you think he wanted to do with them? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Metrolinx and cross-links are reminding everyone to be careful as Eglinton Cross-town LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware and stay safe. Welcome to our Slash Ask Reddit and we have two Ask Reddit questions for you today. Our first Ask Reddit question is, what's the best joke you know? Our first reply from Stambom on Irishman walks into a pub. What do you have, the bartender asks. Give me three

pints of Guinness please, says the man. The bartender brings him three pints, and the man proceeds to sip them alternatively. The first one, the next one, and then the third one, until they're all gone. He then orders three more. Sir, says the bartender. I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time.

I can keep an eye on you, and when you get low, I'll bring you a fresh cold one. You don't understand that the man says. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made about it each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now my brothers have three Guinness doubts too and we're drinking together. What a wonderful tradition the bartender says smiling. Every week after that the man comes into the bar and orders three beers. But one week he

only orders two. He drinks him in orders two more. I know what your tradition is says the bartender sadly. And I just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died. Oh my brothers are fine says the man. I just quit drinking. Our next reply is from LG Evil on them. A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, I'll show you something amazing for a beer. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a 10 inch pianist from his pocket and sets him on the bar. He starts playing a mini piano beautifully. The bartender clearly impress says, where the hell did you find that little man?

The guy says, I've got a tiny wizard in my other pocket. For another beer, you can make a wish. The bartender agrees and says, Wizard, I'd like 100,000 bucks. Suddenly, the bar fills with 100,000 ducks. The bartender confuses and angrily says, What the hell made? I didn't want 100,000 ducks. The guy responds, Oh, you think I wanted a 10 inch pianist? Beneath that, I like the thinking of San Mew.

But he's got an ice machine and a cleaver. 100,000 ducks at 5.7 pounds of duck to rest equals 570,000 pounds of duck meat. Duck parts go for all sorts of prices. Flaw graph for example goes for $12 a pound. But let's say the whole duck wholesale prices at $2 a pound. The bartender would come out of this with $1,140,000. Our next reply is from Sargent's skill craft. My all-time favorite to tell a party's.

There was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and cost a crash. He made it out, but one person had died. Well, needless to say, he went to quarter of this incident. He was found guilty and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapping to the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air. But nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine. Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said that a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless

abandon. Once again, he caused the train to crash. This time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room, and the man was once again unharmed. Well, this of course meant that he was free to go, and once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back.

To what should have been a surprise to no one, he crashed yet another training killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal, three bananas. You know what, no, said the executioner. I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed.

I'm not giving you a thing to eat. I don't know what the bananas do to help you stay alive, but we're strapping you in and doing this now. Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room, and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless. The man looked at the executioner and said, oh, the bananas had was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless. The man looked at the executioner and said, oh, the man has had nothing to do with it.

I'm just a bad conductor. I find this joke both shocking and revolting. Our next reply from big attorney. I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. I said, sir, you gave me an extra. He said, nah, that's a freebie. Our next reply is from Victor Blintmuscle. What's the difference between a hippo and a

zippo? One is very heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Our next reply is from kale GAVIATION. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Ouh. I told this to my family when I was like 11, it went over well. And then beneath that, my young Patawan replies, you just gave me a horrible flashback. I told the following joke to my dad as a sweet little 11 year old girl. It was originally longer, but this is all that I can remember. You get the picture anyway.

What is Harry on one end and smooth on the other? It comes in different lengths and sizes. It can be used by both men and women, both morning and night. When used, it spreads white stuff. Rhythmic movement is key. It's a tooth brush. Our next Ask Reddit question is, what are your night shift horror stories? Now fair warning on this one. Usually my content is pretty clean, but some of the stories on this Ask Reddit question are really dark. So consider this your warning. one. Usually my content is pretty clean, but some of the stories on this ask-reddit question

are really dark. So consider this your warning. Our next replies from Throne. I used to work night-shift at a 24 hour wall mart. Customers aren't nuts enough in the daytime, but they became weird after midnight. I once had an elderly guy come in wearing only a jean jacket and fish-nets stockings. He came up to my register, leaned in, and asked if we carried anything to get rid of LICE. He knew those plastic barriers at all stores have not a protect cashier. They need to keep those even after the pandemic ends. I've lost count of the times the customers got into my personal space to ask about products for fleas, lice, rashes, etc. And beneath that, blue cork points out.

Well, if I've got a rash, I'm not going to scream down the aisle. Hey, where's the dick cream? Our next reply is from odd 42. I was in orderly in a hospital. Two of us were sitting in the basement office adjacent to the morgue. A guy passed our office, looking at us a little shifty. He came back again, and asked if we had access to the morgue. We said yeah, thinking he was doing a pickup for a funeral home, but that seemed strange given that it was close to midnight. Nope. He wanted to pay us to let him in and leave him alone with the bodies for an hour. We escorted him up to security. Apparently he's tried this

in the past because security knew him. Beneath that, someone adds another story, and this story is so ridiculous that I'm really hesitant to read it on YouTube. However, it's so ridiculous that I can't and could not just skip it. This was a pretty big story here in Brazil. A woman was having a severe bacterial infection in her uterus. After weeks of testing, examinations and research, doctors were unable to find the cause of that. One more week of digging and they discovered that her husband was a

coroner and that he was passionately hugging dead bodies in the butt without a condom. So he gave his wife a decomposer bacteria infection. This story kind of crosses the threshold. I would normally not publish something like this. Oh my god, what the f- After review, the call on the ice is a whole new season of NHL action with Skip. Every order earns you a shot at winning one of over 200,000 prizes, including NHL Shop.ca and Skip Gift Cards, Skip Game Time Tires,

and the Grand Prize, a trip for two to the 2024 Rogers NHL All-Star Game in Toronto. Order, shoot, win, with Skip, no purchase necessary, ends November 30th for rules, visit winwithskip.com. These side marios all you can eat is all you can necessary and to November 30th for rules visit winwitchskip.com East Side Mario's All You Can Eat is All You Can Majasoup, Salad, and Garlic Home Move! Oh my God! I'm going to move on up in! Our next reddit post is from Greatwood.

I worked in a parking garage in the airport. I was cleaning the top deck and noticed about a hundred ravens all over a truck with a tarp over the bed. I took my flashlight expecting something awful. I noticed as I got closer the smell and the ravens taking turns going into a hole they torn open and popping out covered in gunk. Some guy had left a broken down truck with a couple of animal carcasses in the back to

rot. They had no heads. I checked the logs and the truck had been there since November and it was April, so everything was just beginning to thaw and break down. Then someone asked, what are you doing such a case and O.P. responds? I called my boss who called maintenance to get a crew out there. They had airport police come over and do an investigation to make sure there were no human remains. Some trophy hunter flew in, bought a cheap truck, caught what he wanted and left the rest for us to deal with.

He didn't even bother to register or update the vehicle title, so the guy who sold it got a knock on his door from the cops. Our next reply is from Steve McQueenis here. I worked as an evening manager at a major health and property. I got a complaint from a bunch of guests about noise coming from one of the rooms. It turns out, a drunken man was beating the bejesus out of his wife and had the door bearer cated so we couldn't get in. I called the cops and they had to get into the guys room using the balcony from the next

room over. I'm still traumatized by what I saw when they finally arrested him and got the wife out of the room. She was covered in blood. It was horrifying. And beneath that, we had this story from a Jean's Co. When my junkie ex beat the stuffing out of me in a hotel room, choked me until I passed out, then disappeared. I woke up to the desk, clerk banging on the door, telling

me they were kicking us out, or calling the cops to remove us. I sobbed through the door that he was gone and begged them to let me sleep and not let him back in. But they refused and kicked me out. I slept on a stone bench by the river a few blocks down the hotel and woke up covered in bruises and barely able to move. I'm so glad you guys went above and beyond to help her. I don't think I'll ever get over how they treated me when I so clearly needed help. And it was a pretty nice hotel too, I couldn't believe it was handled that way. I wish more people were like you. Our next reddit post is from Flattered Pond. It was 3am at a popular Canadian coffee shop. There's this one old baker in the back who

rarely interacts with me past a dirty joke or a dirty or ditty from his navy days. Other than that, I'm alone. There's not another soul around the area, and I expect it to remain so for at least an hour yet. I'm boxing up the daild for the homeless, and I expect it to remain so for at least an hour yet. I'm boxing up the daild for the homeless shelter when I swear I see something out of the corner of my eye. It's behind me. I turn, then look down. There's a small child standing there.

A native little toddler with a foe hawk staring at me intensely. I'm struck dumb with how absurd this situation is. How did you get behind the counter? I didn't hear the door open or seem to come through the counter. I scanned the storefront. No one. I yelled for the baker in case he has a friend or someone visiting the lost their kid. He comes over and, like me, does a double take of the kid and is baffled.

The kid starts muttering incoherently. I get him a glass of water on a donut hole and the baker runs out of the store to do a perimeter of the block. I call the non-emergency line and explain I have a little kid with no parents. I can't get any information from the boy. He just mumbles and I can't make it out. The police arrive. The baker comes back and says that he can't find anyone else in the streets. The guy from the 24-7 corner stores says he'll keep an eye out. The police try to speak to the kid, and also get nothing but mutterings and half-hearted gestures. They take him away. I see the cops again for their morning coffee, and they told me the little guy walks several kilometers from the nearest reservation in the did of

night to my store. He had gotten into his parents' medicine cabinet, and just walked out of the house. I'm floored! It must have taken that poor baby hours to get to me. Seeing him behind me like that in the did of night still shakes me. It spooked me more than that guy who threw a pot of coffee at me. The woman who tried to stab me with a plastic spoon because I refused to give her a metal one and the dude that waited around four hours hoping to catch me alone so he could teach me a lesson since I didn't have the flavor of Bagel that he wanted. And then we have this reply from my see what's nirp.

I can imagine you standing there and dead painting the line. I'm sorry ma'am, but this is the exact reason why we can't give you a metal spoon as she stabs you repeatedly with a plastic spoon. Also, what I want to know is, what Bagel is so tasty that someone's willing to murder over it. I want to try that Bagel.el is so tasty that someone's willing to murder over it? I want to try that bagel. Our next reply is from DC for MVP. I worked in an open quarry mine down in Texas.

We had a storm where it rained an insane amount for hours and hours. Being the night shift supervisor, I was in charge of tons of heavy equipment, including hall trucks, excavators, and bulldozers. It was about 2am when I had three Halltrux could suck in the bottom of the mine, just spinning their tires endlessly. It was horrible! Since we're talking about tens of thousands of dollars of production per shift, I had to get permission to shut the mine down from the superintendant and relay that to the supervisors up in the plant that washes and dries the material. They wouldn't shut down just because I said so. I called him a minimum of 13 times that hour to get him to shut the mine down. He never answered his

phone, which never happens since he always had his phone on. For us, we're soaking wet and covered from head to toe and mud to the point where you couldn't even tell we were wearing neon green, high-vis safety gear. We got the trucks pulled out of the mine after roughly three hours of using a combo of the dozers, loaders, and excavators to essentially build a new road from drier materials. The superintendent got in at 6am, took one look at the mine, and shut it down for the day. Turns out, his phone charger came unplugged and his phone died in the middle of the night. He never even knew I called. And then beneath that, we have a similar story from DJ33. I've lived the IT version of this multiple times, where on calls or management won't

answer on time sensitive issues. The upside is, I never got covered in mud in the rain. One night, I had to help a brass mill that runs 24-7 and loses $150,000 if they're down for just an hour. Their Wi-Fi goes down, but only to a quarter of the plant, and they have no idea why. But they have a metric ton of floor materials that run the machines that require the Wi-Fi to function. So, the whole place is at a standstill because they're bottled necked by those few machines.

Their network team is in answering. Their server team is in answering. Their management is in answering. The plant's been down for well over an hour. I've initially get a hold of an onsite maintenance guy who sometimes assists with basic IT tasks that we can initiate remotely because he's the only one answering the phone. It turns out that section of the mill was serviced by an off-the-shelf net gear router. I had no idea how that's possible but he was aware of it because

he has to go reboot it sometimes. I asked him to go do that and he calls me back. He calls back 20 minutes later saying everything's fine. The router, on top of being a retail grade trash, was just stuck in a random supply closet, which had a leak. Water was dripping directly onto the router. He took it down, dried it off, moved it somewhere else, and eventually the Wi-Fi came back up. I wrote a very strongly-worded email that morning. You idiots just lost over $200,000 because your network team buys hardware at Walmart.

Our next reply is from Grand Admiral. Warning, a medical-grow stuff incoming. I worked in an emergency room. The worst night that comes to mind involves a patient that was bitten by a baby timber rattlesnake. He was bleeding out of every single orifice by the time he got to us. More blood than I'd ever seen before outside of a 75-mile per hour motorcycle crash. I don't remember how many doses of Crofab we gave him, but it was the hospital's entire supply.

But trying to get him stabilized, arranging the helicopter transport to a bigger and better equipped facility, all the blood, those still weren't the worst parts. The worst part was when the patient lost control of his bowels. I will never, ever forget that smell. I spent the entire time standing by the door with a battery-powered fan and a handful of gauze pads saturated with cinnamon oil trying to reduce some of that smell. The doctor occasionally stuck her head out just so I could waf some cinnamon oil in her face. Yes, by some miracle the patient did end up surviving. And as far as I know he made a full recovery. But the blood, the smell, and just the shock of it all.

Yeah, never underestimate a baby timber rattlesnake. And beneath that, S-wheels asks, I may be mixing up my animals, but isn't most baby snake venom more potent than mature snake venom? Mad Highlander replies, more potent no. But the babies haven't learned yet to regulate their venom output, so when they bite, they just inject everything they've got, As opposed to the adults, which usually keep their venom injection to a minimum. That was our slash ask Reddit, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every

single day.