rSlash - r/Bestof HELP! I'm Dating a PSYCHOPATH!

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:11 Worst case 3:56 Update 1 5:43 Update 2 7:05 Update 3 7:33 Update 4 11:52 Update 5 14:27 Update 6 15:53 Update 7 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you are someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to R-Slash Best of Redditor Updates, where OP realizes too late that she's dating a psychopath. Our next reddit post comes from R-Slash true off my chest. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year. I live with him. My family life isn't great. My dad has been out of the picture for as long as I can remember her, and my mom is very mentally unstable. She's been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder,

but she's not on treatment. She's always been a jealous person. She showers you with love and affection, but if you don't do the same for her, she'll blow up. I've seen her do that to all of her partners and to me. She's been against me doing anything other than staying at home with her for as long as I can remember. She's been against me having friends, studying for school, working out, etc. She was always putting me down for anything. She's had better times and worse times and last year was one of her worst. She went absolutely mental when she found out that I had a boyfriend. She tried to stop me

from seeing him, made scenes whenever I spent time with him and saying that I'm changing her. She went as far as trashing my room when I left for an entire day. One day I came home and she told me I either have to stay here with her and break up with him or when I leave, she'll change the locks and never let me come back. I called my boyfriend crying and he offered for me to move in with him. I agreed. My mom has sent me pictures of her burning everything I had in my room. Messages that she never wants to see me again and that I'm a terrible daughter. She even made posts on Facebook calling me a whore. Everything's been going okay with my boyfriend

until a week ago. I came back from school and told him that we had vocational orientation and that a nurse had come to tell us about our career. I told him I thought that what she did was really cool and I would love to be a nurse. He asked me if you had to study to be a nurse, and I said, yeah, you did, for about three years. He then asked me when we would get married, and I laughed and said, I don't know, maybe after I finished my career, he frowned, and said that he wanted to have kids young. I told him we could, just not that young. We still had plenty of time, and I thought that it was

best for both of us to have careers before having kids. There wasn't a rush. He said that he was running late for work, and the conversation was cut short. Since then, my boyfriend has started acting strangely. He'll talk semi-sarcastically about when I start studying, and ask me things like if I'm going to go to parties or make friends or if I'll still have time for him. When I ask him why he's talking like that, he'll deny using any sort of tone with me. He also started to try to convince me to have intercourse without a condom saying that he'll pull out. One time, he even went as far as ignoring me asking him to put a condom on and trying

to go in me and he stopped only because I screamed at him. Three days ago I saw him doing something with the drawer where we keep our stash of condoms open. When he saw me he closed the drawer quickly. I grew suspicious and went to look at the condoms after he left. Some of the condoms had little dots like they had been poked through. There were only dots in like 25% of them, so I feel like if I bring this up, he'll deny it and say that some were just broken. The other day, I told my boyfriend that if we were gonna start passionately hugging without a condom, then maybe I should start taking other birth control. And he said that those pills make you fat and he doesn't want me to get fat.

He also made fun of me, saying that I'm being so dramatic about being scared of getting pregnant, like it was a curse or something. I've thought about talking it out with him, and reassuring him that me wanting to go to college doesn't change anything in our relationship, and we'll still have plenty of time to form a family. But maybe I'm being naive. I really do love him, and I don't want to end this relationship. Up until now, he's been the biggest blessing. Then one day later OP posted an update. After reading the comments I started to think that maybe the dynamics of our relationship aren't normal. It would be really hard for me to hide something from him. My boyfriend takes care of all the finances, which makes sense because he makes the money, but it's to the extent that I don't remember him ever giving me cash.

Not even to buy the simplest cheapest items. Whenever we need something, he buys it, from groceries to clothes to everything. Even when he charges my public transport card, he asks me how many trips I need to make and charges exactly the money for them, not one penny more. I have access to absolutely zero money. I used to think that it was just a quirk of his, but now I feel like it's deliberate. My phone doesn't have a plan. I just use Wi-Fi, and I have my boyfriend as my emergency contact if I'm outside of the house. I don't have friends or really any type of relationship that he isn't also friends with. All of my friends are people that he knew first. If I do anything without him,

he insists on dropping me off and picking me up. He asked me for selfies of what I'm doing every hour of the day if we're apart. He convinced me to delete all of our conventional social media, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, claiming that it's better for our mental health. And then he didn't delete his because he realized he needed them for his job. He doesn't know English, and he started complaining whenever I consume any media and English,

claiming it makes him feel left out, and he wants to be able to engage in my hobbies. With people recommending me to search for narcissistic abuse and other comments, I started to rethink most things that I never really put much thought into or minded about. Maybe my boyfriend has been controlling all along, I just never noticed. Then one week later, OP posted an update. People told me to contact my father's family for help. I tried, and he smoothly told me that he doesn't care. I have no friends that I'm close enough to, that he's not close enough

to, that I could reach out to, and there's not a women's shelter in my city. I spent the weekend avoiding trying to passionately hug my boyfriend. I claimed to have a bruise cervix, which did happen before, so he understood and didn't push it further. He just asked for oral a couple of times, which I didn't mind. He did make one weird joke on Saturday when I got out of the shower and he saw me and he said something like, If you don't let me get what's mine, I'll just have to get in myself. I guess you could tell from my facial expression that I did not find that funny, and he assured me that he was just joking. I genuinely believe him that it was a joke that just

came off the wrong way. And then recently, I an awful weird day and when I got home from school and he got home from work I saw him and just started crying uncontrollably. He didn't ask me anything, he just held me and told me not to worry and that everything was gonna be okay and that he was gonna take care of me. I don't know if he had his own theory on why I was crying or if he didn't want to bother asking but I ended up falling asleep while hugging him. It made me feel like a hypocrite. Then two weeks later, OP makes a post on a Spanish language legal advice subreddit. My boyfriend has been having a lot of violent activities, and I need to get out of the relationship,

but I'm kind of tied to him because I don't work and he supports me. I don't have any money that belongs to me and I don't have many people in my life to ask for help. Several months ago, he bought a laptop for me that he also uses. I thought about taking it and maybe selling it if I need the money. Can he sue me? I'm underage. Then one month later, OP makes a post titled, Last Week I Left My Partner, and I don't

know if I should go to the police. You guys were right. After my first post, things just went downhill. I feel like my boyfriend could sense that I wanted to leave and became more hostile. It started with him being slightly controlling and escalated to violence both physically and sexually. On top of that, I found him cheating and a lot of other worrying stuff on his phone, but that alone would take me a whole post.

I didn't know how to leave, I had no money and nowhere to go. At the perfect moment, I remembered a very specific figure from my past that had almost left my mind between traumatic events, who had promised to help me if anything wrong happened to me. She agreed to help me, so without thinking about it for too long, I loved to menote explaining why I was leaving without saying where to, and I left with like two t-shirts and my phone charger. This was last week on Monday.

The person who helped me escape has been nothing short of wonderful and was the most loving human being. But that sadly hasn't made this past week any less horrifying. He tried contacting me on all platforms we have, and I answered all of his first messages explaining that I'm okay, but I don't want to go back to him. Then I blocked him afterwards, except for email just in case. He started sending messages saying that he can't live without me, asking me to come back. Then they switched to full walls of paragraph saying how much he hated me,

and how much of a horrible human being I am and threatening physical violence. He then sent me a message with a folder with nude pictures he had of me saying that he would share them if I didn't agree to see him. Those pictures don't really show anything, they're just suggestive. A lot of these pictures I sent him and specifically asked him not to screenshot them, but oh well. Also, these pictures don't even show my face so you can't even tell if they're me. The real issue is that in a couple of these pictures, I'm fully naked and you can recognize that it's me. I did not give consent for these photos. He had taken them while I was asleep or distracted. I don't think that he would be dumb enough to share these because I'm a minor

and doing this would mess up his life a lot more than it would mine. Still, it scares me very much. But still, it got worse. He said that if I didn't answer him, he would find me and kill me. My mom and a school friend said that he had gone to both of their houses demanding to see me and threatening them if they didn't let them in. I made the terrible mistake of telling my mom where I was and what was going on. She didn't have much of a response other than telling me that it was my fault and that

I deserved it because she always told me that he was bad news. Well, turns out that my ex-boyfriend's mom called my mom, crying and pleading with her to convince her for me to come home because she feared for her son's mental health and life. This piece of garbage that I had the displeasure of calling my mom told her where I was and who I was with. Her excuse was that she knows how hard it is to be a mother, and she empathizes with her because I'm a horrible human being who keeps hurting people.

Since then, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email saying he knows where I am. The person I'm staying with encouraged me to file a lawsuit against him, because then, if I get evidence, the state will intervene. I don't know what kind of evidence I need, but I have emails, screenshots from his phone talking to his friends about me, and low-key him admitting to sexually abusing me, pictures of Marxities left on me, and a video of him hitting the door that I'm hiding against screaming, threatening to hurt me. The only really weird thing that gave me a little bit of hope is that today one of the girls in his friend group contacted me to ask me if I was okay and she wanted to know my side of the story. She said that she's always had suspicions because one night

when we went to hang out with his friends he had gotten really drunk and got really mad at me. She said that she saw him throwing and pushing me around, but back then I didn't even realize that that wasn't normal. She said that she believed me and that she was proud of me for leaving. She had no reason for believing me over him or for reaching out, but still, what she said made me feel less crazy. Then three months later OPP posted an update. After my last update, I got a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend, but I decided not to pursue legal action because some of me still loves him, and I didn't want to ruin his life.

Things were calm for about two weeks, but then my ex-boyfriends started reaching out again. I didn't take action the first time he contacted me. I had to go back to my city for some paperwork, and he found out. He asked to talk, and I agreed, hoping for some closure since things ended so abruptly. So we met in a public place during the day to be safe. Unfortunately, our conversation mostly involved him blaming me for everything and denying his actions. Realizing it wasn't going anywhere, I left. He was a bit pushy about me staying, but eventually he let me go. Since he had ignored the restraining order and I hadn't been enforcing it,

he became way more relaxed about taking it seriously. He started emailing me, but he wasn't aggressive. He just asked to see me again repeatedly and sent me pictures of us. Then he took a week off vacation from work and came to the town that I was living in. He got a room there, and work and came to the town that I was living in. He got a room there, and every time I left the house, he would drive alongside me and try to talk to me. Surprisingly, he was very calm and respectful during these encounters.

He became more demanding about me going back with him. Just slowly started losing his patience. I thought that he might be getting close to giving up. Well, I have never been more wrong in my life. This is the part where I add a big trigger warning. He forced me into his car, and now, well, I guess I'll just say that thanks to a DNA kit, he's now facing a whole spectrum of charges.

I don't really know what his ultimate plan was, but after he left me in a rural area near the city and he cut the soul. Yo, what? And he cut the soul of my feet so I couldn't walk. I sat there crying for hours until someone found me and helped me. He also took my phone, which I now have back. Anyways, I was taken to the cops, and there's now an actual case against him. I haven't seen him since then, but the case is probably going to take forever to resolve. I was forced to go back to my mom's house since I'm still a miner, so I feel like bouncing from one narcissist to another. I feel stuck in a cycle.

I want to move to the capital city of my province when I turn 18 and leave everything behind me. Right now, everyone in my small town looks at me weirdly, and even the sympathetic ones make me feel like they just see me as a helpless pet they pity. I don't know if that makes sense. Then two months later, OP posted an update. Legal proceedings are still going on. I've been trying to get my life back together, healing, and moving on. I repeat to myself every day about how harm is temporary, how it's all in my head now, and someday I'll be able to get over it, and it'll just be one ugly memory that doesn't

control my life. Today I realize that I've been lying to myself. Apart from the psychological distress that this has caused me, I've also had to meet up regularly with a gynecologist who tracks my physical healing. I hadn't had a proper period since the abuse, and today they let me know that I'm most likely infertile. I'm so angry and sad and everything else. I don't know if my grief makes sense to everyone here.

I've always wanted to become a mom. For a long time, it's been something I've always pictured myself doing in the future. And now I know that it doesn't matter how far away I move to, how much time he ends up getting for what he did to me, or how much I try to process everything. I'll never be able to ignore it, because I'll always have a reminder of what he took away from me, and that's never going to get better. I feel stupid for ever letting something like that happen to me, for making stupid choices, for not seeing the red flag sooner.

I don't think that I can put everything behind me. I don't know how to move on, how to be my own person and not my trauma. I keep telling myself that someday it'll all become better. Then one month later, OP posted an update. I got a job, It's part time, but that's okay for now. I also made some friends in school. They invite me places sometimes. I'm also gaining weight. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the route that I can finally unclench my fists over everything that's happened. I still have a lot of grief in me,

but I know that someday I'll be okay. Man, that is a depressing story. Every single person in OP's life failed her, except for that one random person who thankfully was a lifeline. I mean, literally a lifeline. If that one random person hadn't helped OP, then she'd probably be dead. That was our slash best of redditor updates.

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