rSlash - r/Bestof HELP! My Wife Spends $300,000/Year!

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

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Welcome to our slash best of redditor updates, where a set of entitled grandparents demand a free all expenses paid vacation to Bora Bora. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online. Because of COVID, I pretty much have to shop online because, yeah, I don't want to catch COVID and die. But on top of that, I read stories for a living, so I can't afford to sound like this for three weeks straight. Don't you hate it when you get to check out and you don't have a code to put in that little promo code box? With honey, you never have to leave that box empty.

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And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. I'd never recommend something that I don't use. Get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash r slash. That's joinhoney.com slash r slash. This next reddit post comes from r slash am I the butthole. Will I be the butthole if I don't give up my honeymoon villa to my grandparents? My family is Asian, my husband's side is white.

My husband and I got married and we're treating his side of the family and my side of the family to a one week all expense paid vacation to Borabora as a pre-family honeymoon before going off on our real honeymoon. We were able to rent out half of a side of bungalows and only one villa was in that section. My husband and I took the villa. The bungalows are 1,000 square feet, they have a bedroom, a bathroom, and an outdoor space. We made sure that everyone was accommodated for, and everyone had a comfortable living situation. Our villa is a 4000 square foot, one bedroom, one bathroom, including a sauna, living room, a grand outdoor space with an outdoor bathtub, pool, and slide to get out to the ocean.

We haven't even made it a whole 24 hours yet, and already a fight has broken out. During dinner, my cousin mentioned wanting to come over and use our slide. My grandparents asked what we were talking about and asked to see pictures of our room. Well, they saw my villa and demanded that we trade rooms with them because no elders should be made to slave and live as peasants while their grandchildren get nicer rooms. This is Bora Bora we're talking about. No one is living as a peasant here. There was only one available villa in our section.

Had I given it to my grandparents, I think it would have been offensive to my husband's grandparents. If there were three available, then we would have given one to each that of grandparents and then kept one for ourselves. But unfortunately, there wasn't. I mentioned this, and they still demanded the villa. I obviously objected, and I said I felt as though my husband and I should have that room because this is a vacation with family to celebrate our marriage.

Plus, we paid for this entire trip. Why wouldn't they just sit back and be grateful that they're on a free vacation instead of complaining? My grandparents freaked out. They said that I'm holding money above their heads and that I'm being disrespectful and not following their orders. They stormed off after threatening to take the first flight out tomorrow morning and leaving. I don't know what to do. My side of the family is telling me to just give them the room to be respectful and bring peace to the family, while my husband's side thinks that my grandparents are BATCHE crazy and I agree. They are so ridiculous.

All I wanted was both sides of the family to get together and get to know each other, and now it's falling apart. I don't think that I'm the butthole at all, but I've been up all night thinking whether I should just squash it and invite my grandparents to stay in my villa in order to not let them leave. But another part of me just wants to tell them to go eff themselves for making my honeymoon about themselves, just like they do with everything else. So Reddit, what do I do?

Will I be the butthole if I deny giving up my villa? And then one of the top comments is, Hun as a fellow Asian, hold your ground. If you give into this, you're opening yourself up to this nonsense from both your grandparents and your parents for the rest of their lives. The next thing is going to be, why are you going on vacation and not taking us along as your treat as well? Or your house is nicer, so why don't we trade houses? For the sake of your own sanity for the rest of your life, hold your ground, not the butthole.

Yeah, I agree, and I'm an emergent with a Chinese woman, so I've experienced kind of similar culture clashes, not this bad, but I definitely know what she's talking about. Because in America, people tend to accommodate the younger generation like, oh, he's just a kid, let's let the kid do what he wants to do, whereas in Asia, people tend to accommodate the younger generation like, oh he's just a kid, let's let the kid do what he wants to do. Whereas in Asia people tend to accommodate the older generation because it's about respecting your elders. But like this is going way overboard.

There's a big difference between respecting your elders and letting your elders completely run over your life. And then OP post it in an update. Even though I really wanted to be petty and tell them to f off, I decided it would be better to kill them with kindness so they have little to work with if they decided to spin it around and say that I was disrespectful. During breakfast, my grandparents refused to show up if I was there. Everyone tried calling them, but nope.

They weren't coming down if their disrespectful granddaughter was there. After a lot of persuading and even having to send our baby cousin to their room to soften them up, they finally decided to come. I started the conversation by asking if they looked at any flights to leave yet, and they could forward the pay stub to my cell. They said they hadn't looked yet, and shouldn't that be my job if I was kicking them out? I made sure they knew that I was not kicking them out, but I understood that they wanted to leave and offered to send some staff to the room to pack up their belongings so they

could have a little more time to explore, or get their complimentary in-room massage that comes with all the bungalows. They kind of just stopped eating and looked at each other in shock. Every time they threatened not to go anywhere, my family has always babyed them and begged them not to leave and offered money or extravagant gifts for them to stay. Well, I am not doing that. I'll pay for their flights back home, but I've already done enough accommodating on my honeymoon vacation. So, there you have it. My grandparents weren't even planning to go home. They tried scaring me into begging

them to stay, but I called their bluff. After breakfast, I found a flight leaving around 5 p.m. and I walked to the main desk to ask them to cancel reservations for that room for the rest of the trip and to send staff to help them pack up. They also didn't get their complimentary massage because the resort only offers out on four night stays or longer. The staff came by to help them pack and they left half an hour ago. I'm currently in my villa de-stressing before dinner and some uncles came in who were married into the family and confided in me that they were sick and tired of the entitlement that my grandparents had shown them since day one.

And they were glad that someone born into the family decided to speak up. My cousins came over and honestly they couldn't care less that my grandparents were gone. In their words, they killed the vibe. So everyone's happy now and they're using my slide before cleaning up for dinner. I'm happy that I was able to stand up to my grandparents without being blatantly disrespectful. Oh, here we go. OP adds a little mini update, which I was wondering about because, oh my God, you bought all expenses paid vacation

for two families in Bora Bora. OP says, I didn't go the usual Asian route. I actually dropped out of my last year of college and started a fashion line that took a couple of years to take off, but surprisingly skyrocketed a few years ago. My dad is also an entrepreneur. I looked up to him, and I'm so glad that I had him as an inspiration who paved the way. Don't give up on your dreams.

Yeah, oh peace, so congrats on being able to deal with their grandparents, but also congrats on a killer job. Oh my god. An all expenses paid trip for both sides of your family, I would guess that would cost like, probably, what, $20,000, $30,000, maybe even $40,000, $50,000,000, damn OP. Our next reddit post is from Thurway Duck. I'm a 45 year old guy and I've been married to my wife who's 44 for 10 years. We dated for 6 years before that and I got a lot of pressure to get married for my parents, her parents, and her.

Something in my gut said that it wasn't right. I called it cold feet and did my best to ignore it, and we got married. Pretty much the moment that the ink was dry on our marriage license, things went south. On our honeymoon, she did nothing but complain that I hadn't booked a nicer hotel. In the following months, she wanted a new apartment, a new car, gifts, jewelry, handbags. It was never enough. It was like the moment that she got the ring. It stopped being about me and became about what I could give her. I'm a doctor and I make good money.

But not enough to support the kind of lifestyle that she wants though. We don't passionately hug anymore. We don't laugh. We don't talk about anything but money. We have no kids. She said that she wanted kids before marriage, but then changed her mind. Our home looks like a showroom. There's no warmth or joy or even comfort here. I hate it and I hate her. I'm a 45 year old physician and I barely have enough savings to sustain us for three months. I want to retire someday.

I want to enjoy my life. I rented a cool apartment across town in a less desirable neighborhood and there's a stack of IKEA furniture waiting for me to set up there. Next month, the lease is up on the Mercedes that my wife pushed me to lease and I'll be replacing it with a used Prius. I'm starting therapy next week. Next month, the lease is up on the Mercedes that my wife pushed me to lease, and I'll be replacing it with a used Prius. I'm starting therapy next week. I have a divorce attorney who has assured me that the prenup that we signed before marriage means that I won't have to pay Alamoni. I hope to leave the higher paying job that my wife insisted I take for something with less hours,

sometime next year. I'm also going to ask out the pretty barista who flirts with me every morning. I'm telling her first thing tomorrow. I'm expecting her to cry, and beg, and demand that we try therapy. I don't want any of that. Marrying her was never the right thing to do, and I'm only sorry that it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry that I've wasted so much of my life being married to a woman because I thought that it was the right thing to do. I am so excited! And then OP posted an update. Usually, when I wake up, I go for a run or a bike ride. While I'm gone, my wife gets up, gets stressed, gets a smoothie going, whatever. This morning I paced the kitchen, rehearsing

what I had to tell her over and over again. When she finally came downstairs, I felt oddly calm. I wasn't expecting to be panicked exactly, but apprehensive at least. I told her that I had to speak to her. She gave me an uh huh and didn't look up from the coffee machine. Then I just came out with it. I told her I was leaving and that I wanted a divorce. That we hadn't been happy in a long time and I felt as though she didn't care about me or my emotional needs. Pretty much instantly the gaslighting began.

She cried that I never got her flowers anymore that I don't do enough to support her that I don't care if she's happy. I brought up the fact that I suggested therapy over a year ago and she agreed but then made excuse after excuse she's happy. I brought up the fact that I suggested therapy over a year ago, and she agreed, but then made excuse after excuse to not go. I brought up the times that she completely ignored the budget that we worked on. I told her how it made me feel when she dismissed me when I tried to tell her how I was feeling. The crying escalated, along with begging for a chance to make this right, to go to therapy that she would be better,

etc. It wouldn't like I thought that it would go, and I felt absolutely nothing. I just don't care anymore. Whatever I once felt for her, it's just dead and gone, and she might as well have been a second cousin sobbing about her marriage for all the connection that I felt to it. Eventually, I just got fed up and walked out. She's been blowing up my phone with calls and texts which range from angry to begging to it. Eventually, I just got fed up and walked out. She's been blowing up my phone with calls and texts which range from angry to begging to threatening. I started getting calls

from her mother and mine too by the end of the day. I spoke briefly to my mother and I calmly explained that I was sorry that she didn't hear it from me, but my wife was sucking me dry financially and emotionally and I couldn't do it anymore. My mom was surprisingly supportive. I'm currently in my new apartment. I enrolled the mattress in a box and I went to Walmart for sheets. I ate Thai takeout for dinner at the kitchen counter and watched a bit of Netflix on my computer.

I have everything I need for the next few days. My wife is getting served tomorrow. I keep expecting the sadness to set in, but it hasn't. I feel like a thousand pounds are off my shoulders, and suddenly my future is full of possibilities. I'm going to travel, try new restaurants, and I'm going to take a job that actually makes me happy and proud instead of just rich. Much to the internet, Shagrin, I will ask out the barista, because despite unpopular

opinion, she's both age-appropriate, and I do have the interpersonal skills to recognize the difference between customer service and actual connection. Cheers everyone! I'm gonna have a beer and then take a walk around my new neighborhood. And then O.P. posts another update about the barista. I met her about a year ago, she's 30. I don't usually wear a wedding ring because my job requires me to scrub regularly. She actually asked me out a few months into knowing

each other, and I said that I was married, and she was embarrassed. Since then, we've had a bit of a running joke going on where she asked me. So, still married? My current plan is to reply, not for long, and see what happens. OP, I'm happy for you. Your wife sounds like a nightmare and I don't know how much you make, but how is she spending that much? I don't know what kind of doctor you are, but you said that you scrub, so I'm assuming like anisee's geologist or like surgeon or someone who's actually in the operating room, and that would imply to me we're talking like $300,000 or more. How can your wife possibly burn through 300k a year? Yikes OP!

Our next post comes from R-slash Am I the butthole? Am I the butthole for not waking my partner up and causing him to miss a family trip? I'm a 26 year old woman and my partner is a 28 year old man. We have five daughters, age 7, 6, 4, 3, and 5 months old. For a long time, there's been an issue with him getting up to help with the kids in the morning. He thinks that he should be able to sleep in on his days off work, while I think that he should get up when the kids and I do. Or, at the very least, we should be alternating who sleeps in a bit. We've been seeing a therapist who has mentioned that he should be helping more in the mornings. Recently, we had a family trip planned to the zoo with

both of our parents, our sisters, and their kids. Previously, when we've gone out for the day, I've needed to shake my partner awake several times, and he lies in bed while I get the kids ready. He'll finally get up five minutes before we leave as I shouted him that I'm getting in the car. I've mentioned to him that this is very frustrating because it's a lot of work getting the kids ready to go out and it's not fair to leave it up to me while he lies in bed. He always apologizes and promises that next time he'll get up and help. The night before the trip, I told him that I really needed him to be awake at 6.30 am so we could get everyone ready to leave

by 8am. He said that he would set an alarm and we went to bed. My alarm went off at 6.30 and I got up while my partner kept sleeping. I decided that I wasn't going to wake him this time and continued getting the kids ready. At 8am, he was still sleeping, so I loaded the kids in the car and we set off. We arrived at the zoo at 930 and his family asked where he was. I mentioned that he was still in bed and chose not to come. At 1015am, I got a phone call from him asking where everyone was. I said that we went to the zoo as planned and I waited for him to get up but he never did. He got really mad and told me that I should have woken him up like I always do, and I

caused him to miss the trip. He then called his mom and complained to her, who yelled at me in the middle of the zoo that I was being unfair, and I should have given him a shake to let him know that he needed to get up, and that I was about to leave. My mother jumped in and said that it wasn't my responsibility to get him out of bed and he needed to take responsibility for himself. A few more words were exchanged and his family stalked off for the rest of the trip. I had a blast with my kids, parents, sister, and my nephews. When we got home, my partner started on me again about how I should have woken him up. Okay, well, as you might imagine imagine this guy got absolutely roasted in the comments

and then OP posted an update. The morning after this incident my partner got out of bed when the kids did and took the older girls out for breakfast. Later I asked him if he would be willing to read the original thread and he agreed. He was very subdued afterwards and didn't say much except for agreeing that he was a butthole. The next day he took off work, saw his doctor, started antidepressants, and we had a long talk. He was ashamed by how he was acting and to see strangers comparing him to children. He cried when he realized how much he was letting everyone down, especially his daughters

who will grow up thinking this is normal behavior. He confirmed that this all started when we lived with his parents a few years back. He left home at the age of 17 to get away from his mother, and she told him that he would fail as a man, and he would need a woman to look after him. He felt like a failure, so it was easy for his mother to feed him other ideas, and she would also manipulate things that I did to look like he was incompetent as a person. For example, I would tell him to relax and I would handle the dishes, and his mother would

twist that and say that I was thinking that he was incompetent. So he should just stop helping at all. He'd wake up feeling useless, and she managed to convince him that he was unhappy because I wasn't taking care of him the way that a wife should. He decided to go no contact with his mother, which did not end well. She cried and told him that he was a horrible son for abandoning his mother and that I was trying to control him by forcing him to do it.

He blocked her, but she would just use a different number to continue calling him. After a week or so, he ended up changing his number, and we haven't heard from his family since. He brought up that he was unhappy at work because it wasn't stimulating enough, but he felt like he couldn't leave. I offered to pick up some part-time work, but he said no. He talked to his boss and took some time off, and eventually quit. He spoke to my dad who used some connections to get him a good job at his company. This new job is primarily a work from home position, so he's able to help with the girls more and has more free time. He's able to take

the girls to school and watch them play while he works, which everyone enjoys. Before he started the new job, he booked a trip for us to go to the snow for a week. We had a blast and it was lovely to see him relax and happy and enjoying our girls and life. He's promised to be more honest about how he's feeling and our relationship has improved immensely. Oh my God, I can't believe that Reddit actually had a positive impact on someone's life. That was our slash best of Reddit or updates and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. That was our slash best of Redditor updates, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow

my podcast, because I put out new Reddit Podcast episodes every single day.