rSlash - r/Bestof Husband Wants a "Do-Over" with Another Wife

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:09 Affair partner 6:00 Daughter bond 14:39 Rocky movies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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she passed away. During those two years, my dad wasn't around much. He was always working and going on business trips. My aunt and grandma took care of mom. About five months after my mother's passing, my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend. I was pissed! I yelled at him for how quickly he moved on from mom when they decided to tell me they'd been in a relationship for three years. My dad had been cheating on my mom while she was dying. His business trips were to meet his affair partner. I was so angry, I packed my stuff and left the house. I haven't spoken to him since that day. Eight years later, I'm currently 25. The only family I speak to is an aunt who helped me when I left my dad's house. A few days later, my aunt called me, asked me how I was,

and then asked if I heard from my dad. I said, why would I hear from him again? My aunt said that dad is getting married to his affair partner and by going to his wedding it would help us mend our relationship. I said, why would I do that? He's dead to me. There was silence on the phone for a bit before my dad replied asking if that's what I felt about him. I immediately cut the call when I heard his voice. I realized he was with my aunt when he made the call to me.

I texted my aunt telling her I asked her not to tell dad anything about me and she agreed back then. She texted me back saying I was the butthole for saying what I said and my dad is crushed hearing that and that I should have moved on by now. I didn't want to argue with someone who helped me so I blocked her. Over the next two days I got sent a wedding invitation to my mailbox. The only person in my family who knew my address was my aunt. Also, she gave my number to various members of the family. I'm being bombarded with calls and texts from dad, uncles, cousins,

aunts saying I should give him a chance and come to the wedding. Some people are calling me names for what I said. I got a text from the affair partner saying that my dad is thinking of postponing the wedding and I should just talk to him. For context, the affair partner was a friend of my mom and she knew that she had cancer. I said it's not my fault if he postpones the wedding. I don't want to have a relationship with dad or her. They're trying to force it." It got quiet after that. But being told by so many people from dad's side that I'm a butthole did leave me conflicted, but I'm still sticking to my guns.

So am I the butthole? Down in the comments, OP adds, I've blocked 39 numbers, but what my aunt did really made me sad. I genuinely thought that she cared for me. Then, one month later, OP posted an update. So, after the many texts and calls from multiple family members, I sent a text to all the numbers detailing what dad did and why I chose to be no contact with them.

I then blocked all the numbers. I've changed my number, but I kept the old number in a separate phone to collect evidence if they start to harass me from random numbers. But luckily nothing happened and I thought that was that. A week or so after that, my aunt's fiance came to my apartment. He knows what time I get off work and he was waiting for me in the parking lot. I was apprehensive, but he assured me he only wanted to talk.

According to him, the text that I sent the family caused a shitstorm. He told me that some of the cousins who didn't know what happened in the past started to question dad and the affair partner and they started to get defensive and deny it, but someone revealed that it was true. This caused a massive argument within the family with some cousins pulling out of the wedding. Dad wanted to postpone the wedding so he could talk to me, but the affair partner threatened to leave him if he did that. The news of what my dad and the affair partner did also reached some of their friends who were at one point friends of my mom as well. Some of them also pulled out of the wedding and this caused the affair

partner to have a breakdown and start banning anyone who brings it up, family members included, from the wedding. According to my aunt's fiance, the affair partner is blaming all of this on me, saying that I did it intentionally. I laugh at that. The wedding is still somehow happening. I asked the fiance about my aunt and how all this started, and he said all he knows is that there was a conversation of how bad the family would look if I wasn't at the wedding, and that my aunt and how all this started, and he said all he knows is that there was a conversation of how bad the family would look if I wasn't at the wedding, and that my aunt offered to call me. He said that he disagreed with this, but she did it anyways.

He said that he was only here talking to me because he felt that I needed to know what happened. I thanked him, but said that I'll be going completely no contact with her and by extension him as well. He agreed, wished me well and left. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm completely okay. I miss my aunt, I miss my mom, but I know what I did was the right thing. I'm currently staying with my girlfriend and she's been cheering me up by coming

up with absurd ways to ruin the wedding. The very first idea she came up with was, let's go to the landfill, catch some rats, and then release them at the wedding, and it got progressively worse from there. Obviously, this is just for fun, and I have no intention of going anywhere near that wedding, but reading some of the ideas here is giving me a good laugh. Then, one year later, OP posted an update. For everyone asking what happened at the wedding, I don't know much. All I know is that they got married. No one from the family contacted me since then, and I didn't go around asking either.

I'm at peace with it. The rest of the post is pretty long and it's just OP updating about OP's love life and OP's job. So I guess just life moves on, all's well that ends well. Our next reddit post is from r slash parenting. I'm a 30 year old non-binary and my husband is 29. We've been married for 5 years. I gave birth to our first child in September, a girl.

My husband was present for most of my labor, but things went very pear shaped and I had to have an emergency c-section. The doctors told my husband to leave the room and wait outside. In short, he did not see our daughter be born. A week ago, he informed me that he wants to divorce and start over on his dreams of having a family. He insists that he can't bond with our daughter and says it's because he didn't see her being born.

He talked a lot about how it's always been a dream of his to have a small, close-knit family. And now he can't have that with me because of the C-section and him not being in the room. His dad suggested therapy, but my husband refused, saying he knew that it wouldn't work. I've made sure he knows that I'm open to the idea if he changes his mind, but he's been very insistent that he knows this can't be fixed.

Then two weeks later, OP posted an update. Several people suggested asking him to come with me to a therapist so I can get help understanding why he's leaving. He agreed, and our appointment was yesterday. It didn't go badly, but it didn't go well either. He was very upfront with the therapist. He didn't try to mince words or refuse to answer questions. He told the therapist,

They got to bond the entire pregnancy. That baby is made of their body. I can't compare to that. My work started at birth and I wasn't there so I don't feel like I ever got hired if that makes sense. Yeah, he compared it to not having unemployment contract. I get the metaphor, I guess, but I'm not sure how it translates to him

not being able to bond. Several commenters made transphobic comments and several other people asked if maybe my lack of gender was an issue. I assumed no, because my husband had known that I'm non-binary since before we started dating, but I did bring it up while we were with the therapist. My husband insists that no, it has nothing to do with anything.

He doesn't care about what I am, but just how I did. My therapist was very focused on trying to help me understand and I appreciate that. No complaints with the therapist. I'm still completely in the dark though, and my husband has started talking about choosing a lawyer. He says he wants a clean break before our daughter gets too attached. Then one month later, OP posted an update. We filed for divorce.

I've taken my daughter and moved back in with my parents, who aren't very happy about the divorce but are thrilled to have the chance to be a nanny to my daughter. Life was in stasis for about a week after my last post until my father-in-law asked us to come over for dinner. He informed me that my soon-to-be ex-husband had asked for his help paying for a lawyer. He agreed with the requirement that we all sit down and have one last talk about the situation. He opened with saying that he thinks that getting this over with would be the best for me and my daughter. So he's willing to help, but he wanted to take one last shot at fixing it.

This one last shot ended up being several hours of talking. My father-in-law bluntly demanded that his son demand his reasoning. His son repeated the whole, I can't bond thing. My father-in-law asked why. The employment contract analogy was brought up again. After much back and forth, what do you mean by this? Why that? My father-in-law just said, I'm not buying this.

What's the real reason, son? My soon-to-be ex insisted till the end that what he had been saying all along was his true reasoning. He didn't see his daughter be born, so he can't bond. He says he tried, but the connection just isn't there. He was supposed to connect when my daughter was born. There was supposed to be a spark of connection between them. But that spark can only happen right at birth, I guess?

In his mind, he can't get it now. My father-in-law asked his son if he thought that my daughter wasn't his. My ex insists that he has no doubts that he's the daughter's biological father. My father-in-law asked if he was seeing someone else. Was there a woman or another pregnancy somewhere? My ex did not react well to this. He threw his phone down on the table and said that we're free to search it, that he's not a scumbag. Are you sure about that? After that, the conversation turned to post-divorce life. My ex offered up that he'd been running the numbers and he would volunteer $50 a month in alimony and $50 a month in child support. He doesn't have to do either one,

mind you, because we're divorcing and he wants to cut all ties with the kid, but he wants to be fair. $50 in alimony? Whatever. I have a job and a roof over our heads. I don't need it. $50 in child support? Whatever.

I'm refusing to stress about it. The court will handle child support amounts. I'm making myself not be angry and let THEM deal with it. The court will handle child support amounts. I'm making myself not be angry and let them deal with it. I admit, I tuned out most of the rest of my father-in-law's attempt to talk sense into his son after that comment. I think that was when the coffin finally nailed itself shut. I started packing when we got home and went to my parents' house the next day. I'm no longer talking to my ex. His lawyer talks to mine. We haven't spoken in almost three weeks. I don't think I need to tell you that he hasn't shown any concern for our daughter,

but here I am anyways." Then like eight months later, OP posted an update. "...my daughter turned one year old this month. Nod was her first word. I suspect this is because my father-in-law brought home a foster to adopt dog a few months back whose previous owners called her Nod or Nodder. My daughter loves the heck out of this dog, you guys. My father-in-law sends me pictures of the dog every day to show my daughter.

My ex-husband and I are just waiting on some final paperwork for the divorce to be complete. He hasn't contested anything. He did look the judge in the face and repeated that whole I didn't see the birth so I can't bond thing. His lawyer did try to defend that claim. He presented studies that he claimed said things about damages to bonds when fathers weren't present and actively involved for everything. But he was. He was there and active and involved during my entire pregnancy. And was present for my entire labor until things went wrong. It wasn't a case of, oh hey, you knocked someone up five years ago, now bond with this kid. My daughter was definitely

less than an hour old when he held her for the first time. Probably less than half an hour old. Needless to say, the judge was not impressed with my ex-lawyer's arguments. He tried to push my ex for therapy and made comments that my ex would regret this later. My ex stood stubborn with his, I need to start over line. He has visitation per paperwork. Care to guess if he's used it? He does also have to pay child support. If you've read my post history, you might remember that he offered me a GIANTIC 50 bucks a month. That's all he's been paying despite the judge ordering a lot more, so that's a fight that I'm gonna have to steal myself for.

I'm surprised he started skimping before the divorce was even final, but he did tell me and father-in-law that he's not a scumbag, so in his mind, he's probably just keeping true to his word or something. He's shown no interest in our daughter. No other children, pregnancies, or potential partners have popped up either. As best as my father-in-law can tell, my ex is single and not showing any interest in dating it.

I don't know how I feel, really. It would make more sense if he was cheating. It would be easier to have something solid to point to and say, go F yourself into a tornado for making my life fall apart, and then I could try to move on. But all lived evidence points to him honestly thinking that he just has to do this. Man, I would pay good money to see the look on this guy's face once he opens up his paycheck and sees that his wages are being garnished to pay for child support. And not just 50 bucks either.

Also down in the comments everyone is discussing this guy's weird logic and honestly I don't buy it. I think what really happened here is the second his baby got born he had a like oh shit moment where all the responsibility and the reality just slapped him in the face and he's like, I gotta get out of here. And he just came up with some random BS excuse and just stuck with it because as dumb as it may be, it still doesn't sound as bad as, you know what? I've changed my mind.

I don't want a baby anymore. So I think he's just a generic run of the mill, deadbeat dad. Our next Reddit post is from r slash no stupid questions. My brother-in-law is a great guy. He's got a successful small business, has two awesome kids, and treats my sister, his wife, really well. However, when we all gather at my parents' house for Christmas every year, he insists on putting on the Rocky movies all day.

Not only do they have to be on the TV, but he wants to be sure that we're watching the movies AND paying attention to them. They can't just be on in the background. He starts right when we wake up and we have to open presents while the first movie plays. Then he puts on Rocky 2, then 3, and so on. They play throughout the entire day and the volume of the TV is always so loud. Anytime we leave to go into another room and try to do something else, he gives us a guilt trip that we're not participating in the family tradition. I can't take it anymore. I don't

find the movies to be bad, but I feel this tradition doesn't have much to do with Christmas and I don't like the movies enough to have them on every single year. I'm also not the only one in my family who wants the tradition to end. What can we do?" Then, a few hours later, OP posted an update. This morning, between Rocky 2 and Rocky 3, me, my two brothers, and my parents decided we were going to play a game in another room. My brother-in-law came in and said that we needed to be in the living room where the movie was playing. We told him, no, not this year.

We want to do something else. He left and we don't know where he drove off to. His wife and his kids are still here. Then Opie posted an update. My brother-in-law texted his wife, my sister, and said that he's at home by himself watching the Rocky movies and won't be coming back. One of my brothers is going to drop my sister and her kids off at their house when we're done with our festivities here.

We have Christmas music playing, games going on, and a bunch of us are putting dinner together. It's been a great day so far without the brother-in-law. Growing up, every time my family had Christmas, my grandmother would put on a Hallmark movie. And there was just Hallmark movies playing non-stop during Christmas. And as you might imagine, me and my brother weren't the biggest fan of Hallmark movies, so while my grandmother loved watching them, my brother and I would just make fun of the predictable plot and the stupid titles and the bad acting and so on and so forth. But still, every year it was non-stop Hallmark movies.

Well, a couple of years ago, unfortunately, my grandmother passed away. And so, ever since then, I haven't watched a single Hallmark movie. But this past Christmas, we were all sitting around, so I decided to open up Netflix and play Hot Frosty, which is a Hallmark-style movie about a snowman who comes to life and falls in love with the local small town girl when they have a happily ever after. And the movie was dumb and my brother and I made fun of it, but you know, it was kind of nice to relive that tradition even though our grandma isn't here anymore. So OP, while I definitely understand that you don't want to participate in his tradition,

it's still important to him, so at least you found a way that you can all be happy.