rSlash - r/Bestof I Catfished My Cheating Boyfriend

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:09 Fake tinder 6:19 Quirk 14:33 Babysitting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia high-interest savings account. Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash h-I-SA to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Hey, I'm Mike Berenholz. On my new show, funny you ask, trivia starts the conversation, and then things

immediately go off the rails. I ask a question. My guests think they know the answer. Sometimes they do. More often, they do not. And then the conversation takes a turn. One trivia question turns into stories about career highs, painful bombs, and behind-the-scenes moments that probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains. This is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barrenholz. Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barronholds on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

to podcasts. Welcome to R slash Best of Reditor updates, where O.P. Catfish is her own boyfriend. Our next Reddit post is from R slash relationship advice. I am not 100% innocent. I know that. I'm a psychopath and I regret doing this whole thing. so don't even try to comment with, you're weird and deserve this.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and me and my boyfriend, who's 26, have been together since college. And it just feels so messed up that he wasted so much of my time. I was on my boyfriend's phone and saw that he had tender. I brought it up, and he insisted

that it was old, and he just forgot to delete it. Well, I saw it again a week after that, but I didn't say anything. I told him before, and he obviously didn't care enough to get it. rid of it, so saying anything was pointless and I was just wasting my breath. I told my friend, and she's a little crazy, but I take full responsibility for this. So she brought up the idea of making a fake tender and matching with him and seeing if he replies.

So I used her phone, found some girl's random picks, made a fake name and everything. I waited a few days. He sends Vanessa, my girl's fake name, a message. He's flirting and being funny. Really, really hurt at first. I cried, and it felt like I discovered a murder or something. My hands were all shaky, and I had this horrible feeling in my chest. Well, I got over it and hated him.

I continued messaging him and acting normal in real life. He's really into Vanessa, lull. She's hot and funny, and she likes beer and marble movies. Anyway, he's talking dirty and says all these things he wants to. to do to her and what he wants her to do to him. Vanessa is totally up for it. So I have a few options. One, show up and tell him I was Vanessa all along and I dump him. Two, I coincidentally run into him, freak him out a little, and then reveal the truth. Ask him when his date is showing up.

Three, text him screenshots of his messages with Vanessa and tell him it's over. Then one week later, O.P. posted an update. I got a lot of incredible advice, way more than I expected. You guys are so badass. You're so creative. I thought I was some mastermind until I read some of your replies. You guys are evil geniuses. Ha ha ha. Anyway, I thought it over and tried to come up with the best idea for us. As much as recording his reaction and posting it online would be funny, I would never do that. So, I continued talking to my boyfriend as Vanessa. He was really looking forward to meeting up. It was kind of funny, but also made me feel like trash how excited he was for some other girl. It was weird because

if I didn't do this experiment, I never would have figured it out. He was acting 100% normal. I followed the advice of those who said to arrange a date and never show up. He left that day and I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to hang out with his friends or something. My blood was boiling, but I told him to have fun and he gave me a kiss and left, like everything was normal. Am I ever going to trust another guy? I have no idea, but he is an excellent liar. I wonder how long he was fooling me, but it doesn't really matter anymore. That one comment that told me to make him drive out hours to meet Vanessa really spoke to me since he's in love with his car, and it would kill him to increase the mileage for no reason. He ended up going, he texted Vanessa that he was on his way. She was

all like, same here. Oh my God, can't wait to see you. He should have known that it was fake. No girl as cool as Vanessa would be that excited for him. Anyway, while he was driving out to a different area code, I had my girls over and we were packing up all my stuff quickly. I just wanted to finish up and get out of there ASAP in case he came home for some reason. So I sent a quick text as Vanessa telling him she was going to be a little late. We dropped off my stuff at my friend's house and went to a bakery.

We re-read all of his and Vanessa's text. and pictures and stuff, and I cried a little while eating my cake. We made fun of his sexy pictures. He thought he was hot, trying so hard to impress Vanessa. I'm repulsed by him. He is objectively handsome, but the sight of him makes me want to vomit. So he was stood up, and my stuff was out of our place. Vanessa apparently had something come up last minute, and she was so sorry and promised to meet up soon,

and sent a few sexy pictures to hold him over. He told her not to worry and that he knew a great restaurant a bit closer to him for next time. He got home and texted me asking where I was, and that our apartment looks empty, and that he thinks we were robbed or something. I told him, nope, not a robbery. I took all my things and I'm not coming back. He asked why. I said I knew that he was on Tinder and cheating on me and I couldn't risk an STD.

I didn't even wait for a response. Block and delete. I know that he's a piece. of trash, but I cried when I deleted him for good. A bit after I broke up with him, Vanessa sent me a text asking if the restaurant would be good for next week. He took a while to reply, and I thought maybe he would delete his account or do something, but then he said that restaurant is perfect. Vanessa is slowly, but surely losing interest, and he's trying hard to get her back, but I don't think she's into it anymore. Sorry? They're supposed to be meeting up tomorrow. She'll ask him to

order a couple of drinks and a steak probably. Vanessa has expensive taste, and she's not gonna show up. It's fine. He probably has a ton of other Tinder girls he's hooking up with. He'll be okay. But I'm so done with this. I'm thinking of just deleting Vanessa's account right now and not standing him up again. O.P., I appreciate your pettiness. In general, I am in favor of revenge. In fact, you might even say that I am pro-revenge. So I'm glad you gave him a little bit of misery on your way out the door. The guy deserved it. Our next credit post is from R-slash Relationships. This summer, I landed an internship between year one and year two of my MBA program. At work, I met Jules, a 28-year-old woman who works in an administrative and EA role at the company. Nothing happened at work,

but she and I stayed in contact, and after I left, she initiated discussions of a date. We did, and we've been out five or six times. In general, things are really great. She, She's very sweet and thoughtful. She's funny and we share a lot of common interests as well as sharing a similar set of goals. We're well matched, but here's the thing. She often says the wrong effing thing, then panics, repeats it,

and then panics further, goes beat red and then buys me a gift. I'm going to recreate two encounters that happened within 48 hours of each other. These are to the best of my recollection. I'm applying for work today, busy with classwork, taking a full course load plus an extra two seminars.

Oh, wow, really busy. Must be looking forward to being done. Yeah, and working rather than studying. Paying off all these loans would be nice. I don't mind that I make more money than you. Not that you're lazy, you're not, but I make more money. I, uh... Forget I said anything.

It's that I have a job and you're unemployed. I mean, erm, you're studying. You're going to have a great job, but you need to find your groove, you know, being unemployed. Not that you're useless or anything. I need to go. I get what she's saying. I didn't take offense, but I'm never sure where she's going. She says something she thinks I'll take offense to

and then panics and hyper speed speaks until she said so many odd or borderline offensive things that she just terminates the conversation. Here's another example and my favorite. A different friend said, penis size is so overrated. I said, Foo, dodged a bullet there.

Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. Hard, that's what she said. It's cute. It's just the right size for you. Not that it's small, it's just not. Let me phrase, you're really good at oral. I like your penis too. It's not small, I promise.

Show them. Um, no. Uh, sorry, got to go. I feel like every time we're together, there's this potential for extreme awkwardness that just won't end. Sometimes we're together and it's fine, but others we wind up with the wee, the weiner debacle. After the weiner debacle, she sent me a box of chocolates, bought me a lobster, and sent an

e-card and an Amazon gift card for 50 bucks. Then she called, she called to apologize for the gifts, said that she was very happy with that aspect of our relationship. and I shouldn't feel like there's anything wrong or I don't measure up and that she'd understand if I didn't want to see her again. This is honestly every conversation. I'm not sure if it's nerves or if she's an awkward person or she generally holds odd beliefs about me and they keep seeping out of her mouth at the worst times. I feel like our relationship could be okay or it could be a horrible mess or that she doesn't have the heart to dump me and is making it so awkward that I ghost her or bail.

Every time I take the direct approach, she swears up and down that it's just awkwardness, and it's not you, it's me. Seriously, she's using lines from Costanza? What's going on here? How can I handle this? Opie, I think I have a pretty good sense of what's going on here. Everyone has flaws in their life, things that they're just not bad at or awkward at. For me, personally, I'm super clumsy. I often trip over the stairs going up the stairs or down the stairs. I have fallen downstairs many times in my life. So I've learned as like a safety measure, every time I go up and downstairs,

I have to hold on to the railing. So whenever I reach the stairs, it's like, okay, I probably won't trip this time, but just in case I do, I better grab onto the railing. I think that's basically what's happening here, is that your girlfriend has a habit of saying awkward things. And after many, many awkward conversations

with her parents, with her siblings, with her friends, with her teachers, she's learned this is a weakness of hers. So the way that she covers, badly, her like poor self-defense mechanism is to quickly apologize, which makes her more flustered and makes things worse. So it's the same philosophy. She doesn't know for sure if it's offensive, but she's concerned that it is offensive.

So she's grabbing onto the railing out of reflex and getting scared. I think that's what's going on here. So I don't think she has some deep-seated, like, contempt of you that's manifesting. I think she's just awkward, and to be honest, I find it really cute, adorable. I don't think anything that she said was particularly offensive. She just has a flaw and she's bumbling through it in an adorable way. Then four days later, OP posted an update. I talked to my girlfriend like nothing was wrong, which seemed to calm her down.

But you're all more perceptive than I. After the aforementioned incidents, I played it cool and didn't deal with it directly. She called me, and I played it off when we were chatting. I guess because I didn't deal with it directly, she felt unsure about what was going on with my true feelings, so there was another foot-in-mouth scenario. I invited her to join me at a well-known cafe chain. Fortunately, this is still pretty fresh. We met up for coffee at a local place after work and between my classes. I had arrived first and was listening to music when she showed up.

At least I got this gym out of it. What are you listening to? A 90s playlist. What song? I love the 90s. It's Gina G, just a little bit. I love that song. My brother and I danced around to that.

He's gay. Not that you're... This woman's cracking me up. Not that you're gay. Just that gays like that song. My brother is gay, and he likes that song. It's a good song. See?

Well, gays like that song. I mean, you're not gay. I would know. Trust me. She said this practically screaming at the cafe. I'm going to go hide now. I'll leave you to do your work. So I did what all of you recommended and put my hand on her hand and told her in a very relaxed manner that I get what she's saying and that I didn't take offense.

Everything's okay. She sort of opened up after that. She told me that she had approached me about dating on the advice of some people in her life and was so anxious about messing it up that she was suffering from the worst case of verbal diarrhea and that she really liked me. Once I reassured her, it set a much better tone, and she seemed much less guarded the whole time. She told me that her anxiety can be a lot more acute under stress or pressure, and that it can manifest itself as OCD or compulsive yammering. I thought that putting my hand on hers would completely turn things around, so during another moment, I took another poster suggestion and used a kiss. There was another instance on Friday where she was veering down the path, and I just kissed her half on the cheek and lips and said that I got it.

A quick kiss on the cheek seemed to snap things back into order. She stopped and it reset everything. We talk some more about her anxiety and propensity to say things, reassuring her that I'm not insulted or annoyed or bored by her. It's been really good. If she goes off the rails pretty early on, reassuring her ends up making the situation a lot more comfortable. She'll open up about what she's thinking or feeling, which is great.

So, contrary to what I thought, there's no malice. She just gets really awkward and gets anxious about being awkward, which feeds this anxiety loop. Okay, not the worst problem. I just wanted to stop and thank all of you for your comments. It put me in the right frame of mine and gave me perspective on what to do. So, thank you. Yeah, I'm glad this worked out because my main takeaway from this is my girlfriend is cute and adorable, and whenever she says something silly, she buys me lobster and chocolate. And you're like, is something wrong here? Dude, I see nothing wrong with this scenario. You have found yourself a true winner. Put a ring on it, my friend. Our next Reddit post is from R slash Am I the Butthole. I'm a 30-year-old woman, and my ex-husband is 32. We have two kids, a four-year-old boy and two-year-old girl. We've been divorced just about six months, and he's now expecting a baby with his new girlfriend. I'm admittedly not over him. We were together 10 years, my entire adulthood. It was and is a messy split.

I'm still bitter and heard about it, and he seems to have completely moved on somehow. When we had our oldest, neither of us wanted him in daycare, so I stayed home and eventually started my own business that allows me to work 99% remotely. My parents are also local and retired, and help me out as much as they can. This arrangement works for me, and I get to spend time with both my kids. Now, the ex-girlfriend is five months pregnant, and they got in a huge fight because she asked him to tour daycares, and he said, absolutely not. He wants her to stay home with the baby, that none of his kids go into daycare.

Admittedly, the ones here do suck. He called me to vent and I listened, then he dropped the bomb. He asked if I would be willing to take care of their baby since I'm home with Artu and get help from my parents. And when I have to take the kids to the office, I can because I own the office. He mentioned that I know how he feels about his kids in one of these daycares, and I sort of lost it on him. It was a year and a half of walled up anger and hurt, and I said some nasty things that I've since apologized for. Fast forward to three days later. The new girlfriend pulled me to the side when I dropped off the kids to their house and asked why I was so ugly about it, and why I thought my kids were better than hers, and why her baby doesn't deserve the same things mine got.

I never said that. But I apologized if anything I said came off like that. Told her, I'm happy for them. I'm not, but I'm being pleasant. But I was certainly not going to babysit their kid. She's a nurse, so I can get why she can't work from home and doesn't want to give up her career. But they should have thought about that.

I left before it blew up again. But my ex called me about two hours later and asked me to come get the kids because he and the new girlfriend were fighting. And he didn't want to. went the kids around for the fight. I picked them up, of course, and my ex texted me on the drive home and asked, again, if I would babysit for them for $200 per week. I said no, and he called me a bitter B word, and said I was being a butthole because I'm hurt. I don't see it that way at all.

I reiterated that this request is absurd, and I would not be talking about it anymore. This was yesterday, and all today his new girlfriend has been texting me, having her friends and family review bomb my business. I'm not worried about it. My clients know my work. My ex-husband hasn't said anything else, but has been shorter with me in our conversations about our kids. Am I the butthole for refusing to keep my ex-husband's new baby? Then the next day, O.P. posted an update. It looks like Google has flagged the influx of reviews for spam, and I did call my lawyer to see what she recommends going forward. Yes, my ex was cheating with his current girlfriend sometime before we divorced. I don't know how long exactly, and I don't think I want to know. I'm a licensed professional,

so going against her nursing license is a surefire way to make this worse. My lawyer will advise how to proceed. Google is removing the reviews. The Wackadoodle and her idiot family all have the same last name, so it was pretty easy to see the reviews weren't genuine. The ones from her friends with different names were removed too because, again, it was poorly executed at best. My ex has apologized for his girlfriend's behavior and apparently he's taking some time away and she thought that he was with me. I have no idea where he went after he left my house Tuesday night when the kids went to bed. He's certainly not staying here. We've only spoken to confirm pickup from the swim lessons today. My parents had already planned to have the kids this weekend,

so I don't have to worry about where they're going since my ex is effectively hoping. homeless right now. Then four months later, Opie posted an update. I'm 99% sure that his girlfriend's kid isn't his. He and his new girlfriend are Lily White, and the little girl is pretty obviously mixed race. She looks more like me than him, lull. The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed, I guess. I'm happy and healing, and glad to be out of the mess with both of them so I can just get back to my life. Also, what do you think the odds are that when the husband mysteriously disappeared after their fight, that he was cheating with girl number three? That was our slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out

new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.