rSlash - r/Bestof I Invited a Homeless Guy to a Costume Party

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:22 Homeless man 6:34 Comment 7:07 Sickness 13:04 Color blind 15:20 Comment 16:34 Update Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. Welcome to R-slash Best of Reditor updates, where OP takes a homeless guy to a costume party and hilarity ensues. Our next Reddit post comes from R-slash-DenSews. day I effed up, and a lot of times in these Best of Redditor updates, the person who posted does a mood spoiler, and this mood spoiler is bat shit insane, so buckle up, I guess. I'm a 24-year-old guy, and last night I convinced a random homeless man to come with me to a house party.

I was very high when I made this decision. The house party was also a costume party. I had an extra costume, but not an extra person, so stoned me was like, why not go out and find an extra person. The homeless man in my street was at the top of my list of potential candidates. I approached him and asked if he was keen to go to a house party dressed as a stormtrooper. He asked if there'd be food. I said yes. And alcohol. The homeless man was in. We showed up at the house party together. I was dressed as Jesus, white robe, crown of thorns, hippie hair. You know, the conventional version. The homeless man was dressed from head to toe as an average stormtrooper. I encouraged him to avoid removing his helmet and drawing too much attention.

A suggestion, not an instruction. I did not keep an eye on the homeless man for the entire night. He did his thing, I did mine. From time to time, I caught him low-key lifting his helmet above his mouth to eat or drink when he thought that no one was watching. Seeing that, convinced me that I did the right thing. The homeless man was having a good time, and my Stormtrooper costume did not go to waste. A win-win.

Like I said, I was high. If you're reading this, something obviously went wrong. I found out when it was too late that another person at the party was also wearing a stormtrooper costume. That stormtrooper was at the party with his girlfriend, who at some point confused the two stormtroopers and ended up grind dancing with a homeless stormtrooper. The boyfriend's stormtrooper noticed his girlfriend enthusiastically rubbing her butt on another person's crotch and wasted zero time introducing his fist to that recipe. I was not there to witness what happened in person, and even if I was, I doubt I would have been sober enough to realize what was going on. I've heard more than one version of the story. Some say the two stormtroopers fought each other

until the unknown stormtrooper lost the fight and ran away. Others say the unknown stormtrooper won the fight and then ran away. That being said, everyone agreed that one of the stormtroopers did indeed run away. No one knows it was my stormtrooper who ran away with my costume. I really like that costume. Now I may never see it again. Then two years later, O.P. posted an update. I never thought that I would see the homeless man or my stormtrooper costume again. But I did yesterday. Years later. I was walking in the park, as one does with a girl. We were on our second date. Things were going well until an effing clone of Tom Hankson castaway appeared out of nowhere and surprised us. I didn't know who the guy was or what he wanted

until he pointed at himself and repeatedly said, Star Wars, enough times for me to finally be like, no effing way. It's the homeless stormtrooper. As soon as the homeless stormtrooper noticed my confusion turn into realization, he unexpectedly closed the gap between us and gave me a bro hug like we were buddies. It was awkward, but I allowed it because I kind of felt guilty for how things turned out the last time he saw me. I introduced my date to the homeless Stormtrooper and explained to her how we knew each other. The homeless Stormtrooper encouraged us to follow him to his tent so we could see that he still had the Stormtrooper costume. I pointed out the time and explained to the homeless Stormtrooper that we were on our way to see the new Fantastic Four movie and we

didn't want to be late. My date responded that we still had loads of time before the movie begins, which prompted the homeless Stormtrooper to lead us to his tent. The homeless Stormtrooper, the homeless stormtrooper entered his tent alone and came out like three minutes later wearing the stormtrooper costume. My date was really impressed. I did my best to match her energy, but all I could think about was not missing the movie. The homeless stormtrooper disappeared into the tent again before reappearing with a skateboard and doing tricks for us. My date, who seemed to have forgotten that we were supposed to be bonding and stuff, took out her phone and proceeded to film the homeless stormtrooper for her TikTok or whatever. Meanwhile, another person emerged from the tent. I kid you

not, this person looked identical to the homeless stormtrooper. I didn't ask, but I figured they were twins. The homeless twin approached me and offered to sell me condoms. The guy lifted his shirt and revealed an effing belt made of condoms strapped to his waist. I said no thank you, but he refused to take no for an answer, saying that he could tell what size condom I used just by shaking my hand, which made no effing sense to me. My date overheard this and encouraged me to shake hands with the homeless twin. To please my date, I played along and shook the dude's hand. Needless to say, it was no ordinary handshake. The homeless twin didn't let go of my hand for at least 30 seconds before pointing at one of the condoms on his belt and saying,

Regular. My date asked me if that was accurate. I was like, what are the odds of me being average like most people on Earth? My sarcasm did not land, and I ended up paying the homeless twin for his overpriced condoms just to make him leave me alone. I was just about to inform my date that it was time for us to go, but then the homeless stormtrooper fell off his skateboard.

After helping him get back on his feet and making sure that he was 100% okay, I gave him some money and said goodbye. We were late for the movie, which I had already paid for, so I had to book another time slot and pay again for both me and my date. In other words, I paid twice the price, twice for an IMAX show in 3D, which is not cheap. On top of that, I had to pay a condom whisperer for prehistoric condoms and a skateboarding cosplayer for existing, I guess. weirdest and most expensive second date of my life so far. This comment from Leo LaDog, I got to where you said, She seemed to forget that you were supposed to be bonding.

My dude, that was what was happening, way more than any movie could offer. Right? If they go the distance and get married, this is an amazing story to tell other couples about, oh, how'd you meet? Well, it all started with a homeless man and a stormtrooper costume. This comment from Uluru.

Dude, the second homeless guy wasn't a twin. He was a clone. Stormtroopers, am I right? Our next Reddit post is from R-slash Ask Doctors. I'm a 15-year-old girl. I'm 5 foot tall and 82 pounds. I take Kepra, hydroxychloroquine, and Adderall. I live in the U.S. This has been going on for five years. I'm diagnosed with epilepsy, undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, and ADHD. My mom thinks that I have pots, eds, and some mother things. Basically, I had a seizure once when I was about 10 on a school field trip. My mom has always been really intense anytime I get sick. She took me to the doctor for every single cold, but this seizure sent her overboard. And since then, she's basically been convinced that I have some kind of serious diseases. At first, I believed her. She was good at convincing me that I was

feeling things, or that stuff happened that I didn't remember because I was having a seizure. But The only seizure I know I had for sure was the one in fifth grade, and when I was at the hospital after, they didn't find an obvious cause. Since then, my mom takes me to all these appointments, claiming I have symptoms I don't, or making them sound way worse than they are. For example, she'll claim that I'm having fevers and that the only reason I don't have one in the clinic is because I took Tylenol. It'll be true that I took Tylenol, but not because I had a fever. She just gives me the Tylenol. She'll also have me take cold medicine before cardiology appointments. Like she says, here, you're sniffly, take this. But now I'm reading that cold medicine

makes your heart rate go up, and half the time, I don't even feel sniffly. It's like she'll plant things too. She'll start saying, you seem light-hitted, your joints look swollen, you look out of focus, like she's trying to convince me. And it used to work, but now I'm sitting here like I've feel fine and I'm sick of all these appointments. I want to do stuff with my friends and stop taking meds that make me awful and sad and sick to my stomach. She'll take pictures of me at angles that make things look worse than they are. One time, I got a ton of bruises after playing on a water slide inflatable thing and taking a bunch of ibuprofen for joint pain. But I got a ton of bruises from it and she told the doctor they showed up with no cause and I got a full leukemia

workup, and she was telling everyone how I probably had leukemia. I didn't. I knew what the bruises were from, but she convinced me that playing on inflatables would never cause that kind of bruising unless I was really sick, so I didn't say anything. The problem is now, it's been years, and I'm afraid if I say something, we're going to get in trouble. And then, no doctor will ever believe me if I do get sick someday. I don't know why I didn't say something sooner. I've been pretty sure for like two years that she's making most of this up, but it's confusing. And I don't know, I thought maybe she was right, and I was just brushing things off. Sometimes it would feel like she was right. What do I do? Can I tell the doctors I see that it's probably not real, or is this

going to ruin my medical care forever? Down in the comments, a lot of people are pointing out that this sounds like Munchausens, which if you don't know, it's like a psychological thing that a lot of parents, not a lot of parents, that some parents have, where they like the attention from doctors and, like, sympathizers about medical conditions, so they make up symptoms for their kid and pretend their kid is sick because I guess it makes them feel special or something. Then, three weeks later, OP posted an update. I took everyone's advice, and I ended up telling my doctors at the next appointment. After we checked in, I said I had to go to the bathroom, and I left a note with a nurse.

I think my doctor maybe looked at it before the appointment because it took a really long time for us to go back. And then, in the appointment, the doctor was asking a lot more probing questions and clarifying questions and pointing out inconsistencies my mom said. And then he asked to talk to me by myself and my mom by herself too, actually. So I'm seeing a team of doctors now who wanted to verify some of the diagnoses that I'd had and they admitted me to do that. like in the hospital, and there was always a nurse or someone in my room with me. I'm not 100% sure because no one actually told me this is why, but I'm guessing it was to make sure my mom didn't say or do anything or give me anything. Is that something they'd actually do? It sounds so dramatic.

Or maybe it's normal to check things out in the hospital like that. I don't know. Anyway, the doctors are changing some of my diagnoses now, and my mom is talking with a counselor. She still maintains that she's not doing anything to me, and I'm really sick, and I'm just getting influenced by crime documentaries. For context, she caught me listening to a podcast. But things are a little better. She's not supposed to be in charge of any of my meds now. I do that myself. And I write down everything I take and win in a journal so there's a record. I'm also not taking hydrochloroquine anymore. Thank you guys for telling me to say something. I was really afraid I was going to get in trouble,

But no one was mad. Not even my mom, actually. They were nice about it. Maybe a little stern, but nice. Bless O.P.'s heart. She's 15. She's very naive. I don't say that as like a criticism against her. She should, 15-year-olds are supposed to be naive, right? They're not supposed to understand how the world works. But bless her heart, she's being abused and doesn't even realize she's being abused. Hopefully at minimum, now that she understands what's happening to her to a degree, she can start to guard against it. I looked up hydroxychloroquine, which he mentioned a couple times, and it has some pretty unpleasant side effects, headaches, nausea, skin rashes, hair loss, heart problems, depression, so taking this medicine, unless you absolutely need it, sounds like a bad idea. Our next Reddit post comes from our slash relationship advice. I'm aware that this is a terrible thing to do, and I'll live with the guilt of it my whole life, and I cannot apologize enough to those affected by this.

When I was starting 8th grade, I went into a completely new school district due to bullying at my old school. I still had one friend from my old school who I texted daily, Molly. Molly and I had this idea to see how long I could convince the students at this school that I was colorblind. I'm not. And we decided it would be easiest for me to pretend to see in just black and white, which I'm pretty certain is not a real thing. That way, I wouldn't get stumped if people tested me. Unfortunately for me, I was quite convincing, and nobody ever called me out if they doubted me. I eventually fell out of contact with Molly because she stabbed me in the back.

Then, I was worried that everyone would hate me when I came clean alone without her to defend me that we came up with this together. At this point, I'd made a whole new friend group who believed me, and the entire school also knew that I was colorblind. Fast forward to meeting my new boyfriend. Nothing special, just lucky on a dating app. He was everything I was looking for, and I couldn't have been more happy, and I still am. We've never fought in the two years we've been together, apart from silly debates about SpongeBob plots and what kind of food is better. I love him more than anything, and I want to spend my life with him.

However, I don't believe I deserve to have that. When we started getting serious, he met my best friend since high school, and in them meeting, my color vision came up, and rather than come clean to my best friend, I decided to lie my boyfriend, and I feel terrible to this day. My issue is, I don't believe I can continue to go forward when this is hanging over the whole relationship for no reason. I feel like I've done the equivalent to cheating on him by lying for our entire relationship. I know I have to come clean, and I'm going to hope for the best. I suppose I simply would like advice on how to best go about it. His family also believes I'm colorblind. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments. I

deserve it for faking a disability and I take full responsibility and will not claim that I was a child and didn't understand. I know that I was wrong and regret it. The comments aren't as harsh as you might think. One commenter says, here's the thing. You've been feeling shame about this for so long. You've lost perspective. So I'll tell you, this is objectively hilarious. It's also not that big of a deal. You told a lie as a kid to get attention. You didn't hurt anybody with this lie. You got in too deep and kept it up to avoid embarrassment in high school. True. I think we've all been there.

Everyone's told dumb jokes in high school. I remember when I was in high school, oh man, it's so stupid. I bought a keychain. This is so stupid. I bought a keychain and I wanted girls to think that I was cool. So I told girls like, hey, look at this keychain. Isn't it cool?

And they were like, yeah, that's cool. where'd you get it? And I said, I stole it. And the girl, the girl was talking to, she was shocked. You stole it? And I was like, oh no, I'm kidding. I'm just, I didn't steal it. To be clear, I didn't actually steal it. I just wanted to say that I stole it to sound cool, but that backfired hilariously. The point is, high schoolers are awkward and dumb, which is a horrible combination because high schoolers are also desperate for approval, which means we do stupid things. Two days later, OP posted an update. I spoke with my boyfriend last. night while having pizza. I simply said what I typed above, as many people suggested,

and after a lot of blank stares, silent, and a simple, what? He started laughing. I was laughing nervously, and I was still unsure if he was going to get up and leave my house, but wanted to laugh at me first. Dramatic, I know, but that's me. He calmed me down because he's a saint, and told me I'm stupid. That was weird, and he's still slightly shocked, but ultimately he didn't care. We continued eating our pizza, watched the next Marvel movie in our lineup, and had a completely relaxing night. On that note, I told my best friend as well, and she also thought that it was hilarious and shocking that I managed to keep it up this long. She also said she wasn't upset with me, and it changed nothing between us, apart from the relentless teasing

I'm sure is coming my way. I haven't told my boyfriend's family yet, as I'm sorry, the story's especially, Tom. As I want him and I to decide together how to go about it because he obviously knows them better than me, although I've already come to love them as my own family. All right, viewers, listeners, it's your turn. If you have a stupid, embarrassing, pointless lie that you told in high school that looking back is mega cringe, let's hear it in the comments because we've all done it every single one of us. I got another one. You can laugh at me. It's almost the exact same story now that I think about it. I think I was in middle school, and I had an honest to God katana, Jesus, and the handle was white.

And when I was showing it off to some middle school girl who came to visit my home for some reason, I told her that the handle of it was made of real ivory without stopping the thing to that, oh, wait a second, that comes from elephants. It's not real ivory, by the way. It would have been probably thousands of dollars. It was some cheap mall katana. and as soon as I said that her eyes got all wide and horrified and she said it's real ivory from an elephant and immediately I put my foot in my mouth oh no no no not real ivory it's just pretend ivory and I embarrassed myself once again look what can I say middle schoolers are dumb we do stupid stuff like this all the time so O.P please don't be too harsh

on yourself we've all done it the only difference between me and you is that My lies got caught immediately, but your lies went on for like a decade. That was our slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.