rSlash - r/Bestof I Just Discovered I Have an 18-year-old Daughter

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:10 My daughter 6:49 Ruined wedding 13:56 Cultural misunderstanding Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

Welcome to r slash best of redditor updates where OP suddenly discovers that he has an 18 year old daughter. Our next reddit post is from r slash relationship advice. A DNA test has just confirmed that I, a 39 year old guy, has a daughter who's 18. What now? And yeah, I feel just as you'd imagine. But it gets worse. She lives in the US and I'm in Europe.

I don't know how to do this and I really need advice. So what happened is that months ago I got a call from a US number. I didn't answer since I don't know anyone there. Then again the same day. So I answered ready to yell at some scammer. A girl on the other side introduced herself and just said that she thinks that I might be her father. That was the first thing that she said. Hi, my name is Jane and I think you might be my father. Obviously I told her that I

don't have any kids and that she has the wrong number. But then she drops a name that I haven't heard in, you guessed it, 18 years. Back around that time, I was in the US for a year on a job exchange with our sister company. I met a woman there and we hooked up over maybe a couple of months. I remember buying condoms after meeting her, but I can't remember if we used them every time. Anyways, I gave that woman my number, but I can't remember if we use them every time. Anyways, I gave that woman my number, but I never heard from her again. The girl on the phone asked me if my name is my name, and I freak out and almost hang

up on her. She tells me more about her mother, and I just sit there like an idiot. She'd found my name and number in her mother's diary, and now that she turned 18, she wanted to contact me. She lives with her relatives now, since her mother's diary and now that she turned 18 she wanted to contact me. She lives with her relatives now since her mother is unable to take care of herself for some reason. I still don't know the details there. She asks me if I'd be willing to do an Ancestry DNA test and even offered to pay for it. She ends by saying that I should think about it and she asks if she can call me again. I just say sure and we hang up. I swear I was about to faint right there and then.

The whole conversation lasted only like 5 minutes. I end up taking the DNA test and she and I talk a few more times. The test took forever, but yesterday she sent me a screenshot of her profile matching 50% to mine. I mean, that settles it, right? We haven't spoken since then, just message back and forth. I lied and told her that I've been busy and will talk later, which now makes me feel like a butt. Up until this point I've kept it together, holding on to the thought that I'm probably not the dad,

but now I can't deny it. It's been probably half my life since I last cried. I haven't told anyone this. I was kinda hoping the DNA test would come back negative and then I wouldn't have to. How do I even break this to my family? I just know they'll all want her number so they can call her and then they would start flying over to see her or bring her here. They're really pushy like that. My mom is gonna freak out!

I don't see my family more than a few times a year, but we'll all get together during Easter. Should I do it then with everyone at once or one at a time? Also, I never wanted kids at all. I just don't like them and I hate being tied up. I've even had a vasectomy. So figuring out what to tell my family is the easy part. The real problem is what to do with Jane.

Then OP posted an update. We had our first video call today and it was a long conversation. I had a list of things to bring up, mostly from suggestions here, so I'm thankful for that. Most of it was quite personal for both of us, so I won't write it here. But it boils down to that we both want to continue to stay in touch and get to know each other. We also want to meet at some point, even if we don't know when yet. Her family knows of me, and they'll join a call in the future so that I can speak to them as well. I'll hold off on telling

my family for a while, but I'll probably tell them one at a time. Then, about 9 months later, OP posted an update. Jane and I continued to talk after my last post, mostly about her life, her mother, the family tree, etc. I never thought that I would connect with her like I did. She's a very intelligent and mature young woman. My family knows now, and it went better than expected. My mom and sister still went a bit crazy, but Tad knocked them out with the large club that he always carries.

The funny thing is, my brother-in-law actually distracted my mom by reminding her that she made sweaters for all the other grandkids, but now she's behind on one. All of them understandably wanted to call her. But my daughter, and yeah, it's pretty cool to be able to say that, and I already planned to have that call the following day, and it went really well. We made introductions, explained everything that had happened, and that we planned for me to meet her by myself before anything else. And guess what? We did meet! I flew over for 10 days since I'm on leave and she's working during the summer. That way, we could hang out in the evenings and weekends and I could go

full tourist mode during the day. It was surreal from the start. I landed at the very same airport that I left from almost two decades ago, and she was there to meet me together with her aunt. I can't describe with words what it was like to hug her for the first time. I've seen her many times in video calls, but she was just so beautiful in real life I started crying. I met so many people in the first couple of days that I can't remember the names of half of them. I gave her the sweater from my mother, a hand-drawn family tree from my niece, and a gift that I made myself, but I won't tell you guys what that one was. While I still don't agree with the Georgia weather, I had a blast during the days just walking around town. I went to Jane's workplace almost every day and pretended to be a regular customer.

We had lunch and dinners either alone or with the rest of her mother's side of the family. All of them were so nice and welcoming to me. I visited their house every day, but chose to stay at a hotel since I didn't want to be a bother or impose myself too hard on Jane's life. Obviously, Jane and I talked a lot, about anything and everything, but mostly about her upbringing and her mother. I mentioned in the previous post that her mother wasn't able to care for Jane. I didn't press that subject much at first, but it was unavoidable after a while.

I won't go into the details, but her mother is sick and has lost some cognitive functions. She recognizes Jane and some family members well enough, others not so much. We went to visit the facility where she lives and Jane introduced me by name, not as her father. She sadly didn't recognize me, so I stayed in the background for the remainder of our stay. Seeing a woman not much older than myself in such a state was a somber experience. So now I'm back home and we're keeping our communications open.

I'm definitely going to fly Jane over here at some point when life allows it. But other than that, we have no specific plans for the future. Our next reddit post comes from r slash true off my chest. I once looked up to my cousin. I thought that he was a great guy and we were close like brothers. I was also dating a girl. I was deeply in love with her and planned to marry her someday. I thought my life was perfect.

One day I came home early because a colleague offered to cover my shift. I was pretty tired so I accepted and went home. When I got home, I found my cousin and my girlfriend in bed passionately hugging. Both of them were shocked to say the least. I told them I wanted them to be gone by the time I got back and I left the house. They were gone by the time I got back, but she left me a note telling me that she was sorry and to call her when I'd calmed down. I didn't call her.

I texted her saying that I would gather her things and drop them off at my cousin's in a few days and that she's staying with him now, not me. I followed through with that. It took about a week to transfer everything. Both of them tried to apologize, but I didn't have anything nice to say to them, so I said nothing. I just knocked on the door and handed the bags to whoever answered before leaving. My cousin called me multiple times to try to apologize, but I refused to accept it. Three years have passed since then. I went no contact with them. I didn't bring it up to the rest of my family or any of their friends.

I'm not sure why. I just didn't. I got a call from a number I didn't recognize, so I answered. It was my cousin. He sounded really happy and was acting like he hadn't destroyed my life. He explained that he and my ex were getting married and he wanted me to be his best man. I was so angry that he had the utter gall to act like nothing was wrong and I lost my temper. I yelled at him and called him names before hanging up.

He sent me a text telling me the offer still stood and if I didn't want to be his best man, then he just simply wouldn't have one. A few days passed by, and I had an idea. I texted him back and apologized. I sent a paragraph of BS saying that I was still angry, but that this could be an opportunity for the three of us to heal and move past it. He was overjoyed and said that he'd pay for everything and he'd help me pick out a suit if I wanted, which I accepted because I sure wasn't going to spend my own money on this stupid wedding if I could help it. The wedding day came. I had spent a week prior writing a speech, putting all the negative feelings that had

bottled up over the years into words on paper. The wedding was pretty good. I'm sure one of them must have a nice, well-paying job or something because they must have spent a decent bit of money on the wedding from how nice it was. Our entire family was there, as was a decent chunk of my ex's family. Eventually, the time for my speech came. I just remember feeling nervous leading up to it and my voice kept faltering when I was reading it out.

But I didn't and still don't care. At least I got it out. I explained what these two horrible people had done to me. I called them by the worst names I could think of and wished them the worst. Then I left. I was expecting some kind of dramatic moment from all the guests, like gasps of shock and all that, but there was none of that. Everyone was silent. On the way home, I got a call from my mother angrily telling me that I'd ruined the wedding and both of them were so upset and asked me why I'd do this.

I told her they deserved it for what they did to me and everything I said in the speech was true. She kept defending them, so I swore at her and hung up. Since then, I've gotten several calls and texts from multiple people angry at me that I ruined the wedding. I also received a few texts from people being supportive and telling me they were there if I needed to talk. I am not sure if I feel better having done this, but it did bring me great catharsis

when people were telling me the wedding was ruined. At least now, they felt a fraction of what they made me feel. Then OP adds some clarifying context. As far as I'm aware, the rest of the family wasn't aware of her cheating on me. They likely just knew that we were dating at some point then we weren't. I've learned from previous stuff that I can't rely on my family for any kind of support, so I've been low contact with them since I moved out of my parents' house, which is why I didn't mention this to anyone in my family. Also,

OP writes down the speech that he gave, so I will read that out now. It's an honor to be at this wedding, and an even greater honor to be the best man. I was shocked that I was even invited at all, since the last time I'd spoken to the bride and groom was when I found them f***ing in my own bed. My ex was my partner at the time, you see, but I don't think she got the memo that when you're dating someone, you don't fuck their cousin in your own partner's bed. And it wasn't like my cousin didn't know that we were dating either. Who knows how long this slimy grunt was fucking her behind my back? Weeks? Months? For those unaware, my ex and I had been dating for two years. I loved her with all my heart and was

actually saving up to get a proposal ring. Maybe if my ex wasn't such a whore, my cousin would be giving this speech instead and I wouldn't have been struggling with mental health for three years. Anyways, I've heard that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I hope yours is a messy one. From the bottom of my heart, f*** you both. You ruined my life and I will never forgive either of you." Wow, right. That is a rough speech for everyone to sit through. Then four months later OP posted an update.

Some stuff has happened since the mess of my cousin's wedding. My mom tried to talk to me. She said that she saw the post I made on Reddit. I pushed her away for a few days before finally speaking to her. I'm struggling to find words to describe how things worked out between us. The easiest way to explain it is that we agreed to disagree on whether or not what I'd done was correct. I got a mix of messages from those who were present at the wedding, some supportive, some

telling me off. I was struggling a lot. I've just gone back to simply functioning like I was before the wedding. I don't at all regret what I did and I still feel satisfied that I got payback. I was making plans to take my own life about a month after the wedding. I hadn't told anyone about this for obvious reasons, but my mom, uncle, and my cousin – the same cousin whose wedding I ruined, came to me and told me that they would pay for a private counselor

since the mental health department of the NHS is under-equipped, to say the least. I went to therapy and found a counselor who was very helpful. He taught me a lot. I got diagnosed with PTSD caused by the discovery of the affair. He's been a big help and has encouraged me to give casual dating a try to build confidence in myself and get used to rejection as a normal part of life. I signed up to a few dating sites, although I'm avoiding Tinder like the plague. My counselor specifically suggested that I stay as far away from Tinder as I possibly can. I haven't been very successful in getting dates, but

it's pretty much in line with what I was expecting. I've talked to a few people and I even got a date scheduled, but she stood me up and ghosted me, which hurt. I'm doing good though, much better. You know, obviously cheating is pretty dumb, but what's even dumber is to invite the guy that you cheated on to be the best man at your wedding. That's just moronic. Of course that's gonna blow up in your face.

Our next reddit post comes from r slash relationships. I'm a 25 year old guy and my 23 year old girlfriend has been weird since having a setter at my parents. So I've been dating my girlfriend, Lily, for a little over a year. It's been going great and we were getting very serious, even talking about moving in together. So my parents asked me to invite her over to their house for a Passover cedar last month. For those who don't know Passover, it's basically like a meal combined with a story

to celebrate the story of Exodus. You know, the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt and Moses, etc. I've only had one other serious girlfriend when I was in college and she was Jewish. Lily is not Jewish. But honestly, my parents don't care. They didn't really like my ex and seemed to really like Lily. I grew up very secularly. All that being said, there are a lot of Jewish specific things happening during a Passover cedar so I think my parents, especially my dad, felt the need to maybe over explain things

to Lily and it seemed to make her uncomfortable. I didn't say anything at the time, which I regret, but I did notice that she seemed off, like quieter than usual. But I also thought that she might just be a little quiet because she was meeting my parents and that saying something might draw more attention to it, which she wouldn't want. Not an excuse, just an explanation of my mindset at the time. Anyways, since then, a month later, Lily's been kind of distant. which she wouldn't want. Not an excuse, just an explanation of my mindset at the time. Anyways, since then, a month later, Lily's been kind of distant. She usually spends most nights at my apartment, but has only been over a couple of times, and she hasn't won

it intercourse. I noticed this within a week, and I tried to talk to her about it. I apologize for my parents' behavior and emphasized that I love her and her not being Jewish doesn't matter to me. She just kind of blushed bright red and said that it was fine. But it's obviously not fine and she doesn't want to talk about it. Then one week later OP posted an update. It's been a weird week, so I apologize if this isn't the most coherent update. After I posted, I really appreciated the advice noting that I might be making some assumptions about what was upsetting my girlfriend, Lily, so I asked her if we could talk and that I just wanted to be open and honest with each other.

She agreed to meet up on Friday after work. So I made a nice meal for her at my apartment, her favorite thing that I cook, and then afterwards I tried to just have this open-ended conversation about what I noticed. Like that she's been more distant. And was something wrong? She was really hesitant, just looking kind of nervous, and then she just kind of blurted out that the cedar made her uncomfortable. Okay, so that's what I thought, right? So I figure, okay, let's just talk this through. It turns out that while she knew that I was Jewish, she didn't think that I was so… Okay guys, I'm not going to say this word, I'm going to spell it…

J-E-W-Y, until she came to the cedar. I cringed and told her that that word was inappropriate and she did not like me saying that. There's a part of the Passover ceder where we say next year in Jerusalem, which is kind of like a hopeful attitude in light of the Jewish diaspora, I think. Anyway, she said that she found that part really inappropriate given the current war in Gaza. I told her that those things weren't connected, that my family has no real connection to Israel, and that the Seder is a hundreds, maybe thousands year old tradition that long

predates the modern state of Israel. She didn't seem to care about that. So I finally asked her if she had a problem being in a relationship with me given my Jewishness. She emphatically stated that no, she loves me. But she said that it was a shock and she needs time. That really threw me though and I asked her what she needs time for, but she didn't have a real answer. So I went to my parents for the weekend to just kind of get away since I wasn't sure

what all this meant. While I was gone, I got an alert on my phone that an airtag was following me. I found it hidden in my car. I called Lily and she denied that it was hers, but I was pretty sure that she was lying since she's not a good liar. Finally, she admitted that she was trying to see where I was hers, but I was pretty sure that she was lying since she's not a good liar. Finally, she admitted that she was trying to see where I was going and if I was going to temple. Honestly, I haven't been inside a temple since my Bar Mitzvah almost 13 years ago.

Anyways, it should go without saying that I ended it. I blocked her on everything. I destroyed her airtag too. I have no clue what the f is wrong with her. But it feels anti-semitic, I guess. I wish I had a happier update. But f me, I guess. What?

Your girlfriend doesn't like Jewish people and then dates a Jewish person? What? Huh? Huh? Huh? That was r slash best of redditor updates and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.