rSlash - r/Bestof I Taught My Kid to Beat Up His Bully

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:09 Punch a bully 8:25 Schedule bot 11:17 Marriage Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Our next reddit post comes from r slash today I effed up. Today I effed up by telling my kid to throat punch his bully at school. Yesterday, my kid came home and was obviously upset, so I asked him what was wrong. He's eight, so he still talks to me about this stuff. He proceeds to tell me that at lunch, another kid in his class was bullying him about his peanut allergy, saying that he's faking his allergy and that he's going to wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he's faking. My kid told the bully that he isn't faking and that he could die from just touching peanut butter.

The other kid said that he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyways. At this point, my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunchroom monitor who both knew about his allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday. I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out. Then we talked about the hard parts. Now I'm sure that I'm gonna generate some hate with people here with what I told him next and that's fine. We're allowed to have differing opinions. But I'm not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself. After we talked about doing the right thing

and doing everything you can to avoid a bad situation, I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself and that should always be the absolute last resort. When he asked what I meant, I told him that as long as the bully was only taunting him with words, then he should always walk away. But if he ever really does try to put peanut butter on you, then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat. Kind of like a throat chop. Then you stop, unless the bully keeps trying. Fast forward to this very afternoon, and I get a call from the principal of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up. I asked what happened, and of course they won't talk about it over the phone,

but I smiled a little bit because I already knew. I get to the school and I see my kid sitting in the office with tears streaming down his face. So I walk in and the principal tries talking to me, but I blow right past her and ask my kid what happened. He says the bully put peanut butter on his fingers and was threatening to wipe it on his face. Then my kid said that I did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm. I looked at his arm and it was pretty swollen up, and I asked him if he was having trouble breathing.

The kid said that he was fine, just a little shaky. At this point, the principal interrupts with, Mr. OP, we can't just have kids hitting other kids just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them. Kids do this kind of thing. We're gonna have to suspend them for a few days. It was obvious that the principal was clueless about the peanut allergy. So I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid.

He said, Yeah, I yelled at him several times that I'm allergic to peanut butter and I told him to stop and he just kept acting like he was going to wipe it on me. At this point, the principal had a shocked look on her face. I asked to see the video from the cafeteria and, wouldn't you know it, my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from this bully. At the point where the bully grabs my kid's arm, my kid yells at the top of his little lungs, I told you to stop! Then he grabs the bully by the arm, pulls him towards

himself, and executes the best clothesline I have ever seen anyone do, and floors this kid. Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria. At this point I tell the principal that if my kid isn't allowed back at school tomorrow then I'm consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son. I also said that assuming he didn't have any other ill effects from the peanut butter I'd be fine NOT pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson. Since I didn't get a response, and it's been about half an hour since the peanut butter

was wiped off my kid's arm, I picked him up and left to take him to the emergency room to get checked out. About 10 minutes later, I get a phone call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow. Well, wouldn't you know it? Then OP posts an update. My kid has a clean bill of health from the hospital. Swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine. I got the kid cookies and cream ice cream. I've also been invited

to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. We'll update afterwards. Then, two days later, OP posted an update. I just left the meeting, which wasn't with the school board as I was led to believe on the phone. It was with the principal and a legal representative from the school board. I showed up with my lawyer. My lawyer and the school's lawyer talked legal stuff for a bit. Eventually, my turn came to talk, and I simply explained the two things I cared about. One, making sure there was a procedure in place to keep allergens away from my child. And two, ensuring that this child had no ability to assault my child again.

I also asked why the principal didn't even bother taking time to assess the entire situation. The explanation I got was that she was told by the monitor that it was almond butter, not peanut butter. So she didn't really look further into it. Which I can understand her point, but it doesn't really make any things better from my perspective. The bully child has been moved to a different school. Unfortunately, I don't have any legal recourse to find out which school he's been moved to, and frankly, I don't care. The cafeteria monitor has been fired. I didn't hear this at the meeting, but my son's teacher called last night and told me.

I asked why, and she told me that she was distracted by her phone when all the commotion started, which explains why this was allowed to progress in the first place. Based on Reddit's suggestion, I requested an allergy-free table at our school. I am being told that every other school in the district will be implementing one as well. It's basically a place where children with known allergies can eat lunch, and anyone who eats with them will have their lunches inspected by a teacher and a monitor to ensure that no allergens are present. Now onto the weird stuff. The kid probably did wipe almond butter on my son, not peanut butter. The bully's parents found out where I lived through a mutual friend and showed

up at my house last night. The bully kid was very apologetic to me and asked if he could apologize to my son and I of course said yes. I invited the parents and the son into the living room and this child started crying and said that he didn't mean to hurt my son. My son started crying as well and said that he didn't want to hit the kid and he apologized as well Then, the parents asked the bully child to explain what happened. So apparently, this kid likes peanut butter and almond butter, and has almond butter on a sandwich and a little pack of peanut butter in his lunch for crackers. The bully child thought that it would be funny to put almond butter on his fingers and put that on my son and say it was peanut butter.

But apparently, there was leftover peanut butter on his hands, so when he wiped the almond butter on my son, it it was peanut butter. But apparently there was leftover peanut butter on his hands so when he wiped the almond butter on my son, it still caused a swelling. I asked the kid if he knew what a peanut allergy actually does to a person, which to the other parent's credit, they had actually made him read a WebMD article about it. And he explained the whole inability to breathe and other things that his mind grasped. So I took the opportunity to show this young man the EpiPen needle, and explain that you have to stab someone with this needle if they go into anaphylactic shock. Then, I gave him the trainer unit and showed him where it goes and how to press the button.

When the button actuated, I think he jumped about 15 feet in the air. He was obviously scared. The parents apologized again, as did the bully. I told all of them that I was satisfied that a lesson was learned here, and that I wouldn't be pursuing any additional charges against the kid or his parents. As the parents and the bully were leaving, my son ran past all of us to give the bully a hug, and tells him that he hopes that this isn't too much trouble. I was asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which of course I declined. Wow, that is an unexpectedly wholesome and just good ending.

Man, you read so many stories about awful bullies and just toxic parents that you forget that sometimes kids are just dumb and that parents are still well-meaning. Also, OP, your kid absolutely did the right thing because if merely residual peanut butter caused his arm to swell up, then actual peanut butter on his face would have literally killed this kid. Our next Reddit post isn't actually a Reddit post, it comes from outside of Reddit. I have sort of a strange situation. I provide consulting services for mostly small business owners.

This generally involves scheduling some meetings, and I have an email personal assistant bot that does this for me. It has a female name, which was the default, and it does not announce that it's a bot, though I don't think it's hard to tell. It gives a standard salutation and signs off with, thank you, my name. All it does is schedule meetings, and it's not nearly to the level of an AI chatbot or anything like that. Any parts of the email that it receives that don't seem related to scheduling just get ignored by the program. The emails show up in my inbox, and I review them to make sure everything got added to

my calendar correctly. However, this complete lack of personal interaction hasn't stopped several of them in. Not usually the actual owners of the client businesses it's scheduling appointments with from asking it out on dates. Sometimes this happens within the same emails that were used to schedule meetings. And once, a man sent an after-hours email from his personal address. So far, I've just ignored these incidents and gone on with the professional relationship like nothing happened. Obviously, this would be inappropriate behavior if it was happening to an actual human assistant. In that case, I would deal with it. However, since it's happening to a bot, what am I supposed to do?

Obviously, the bot doesn't have opinions about the issue, but if one of my employees was asking out women after a very basic scheduling email with absolutely no personal content, I'd probably want to know about it so I could address it, because it's probably happening to real human assistants as well. Then, one month later, OP posted an update. I wholeheartedly endorse one commenter's suggestion of a bot-on-bot romcom titled, Captcha My Heart. I was disappointed that, even in the comments section, there was a small contingent of mostly

male presenting commenters who dismissed this as difficult to believe. Or they tried to excuse the behavior as people innocently messing with a bot. Even in the face of hundreds of comments from women all essentially saying, yep, this tracks. Then, I saw that the article had been shared on other websites and those comment sections were significantly worse. I was upset. I decided to take your advice, both to reply to the original sender of the most recent email and to notify their boss.

I sent the email and about an hour later, I got a very brief reply from the business owner. Thank you for the heads up. I'll address this. Looking forward to our meeting next week. So the next week I went to the meeting and he brought up all in his zone that he had dealt with the issue. He didn't give specifics and I didn't ask.

And we had a perfectly nice and professional meeting, so that worked out well. If my scheduling bot ever ends up in a romance with a client's scheduling bot, I'll be sure to send in another update. Our next Reddit post comes from r slash true off my chest. I've been divorced for almost two years now, and a few weeks ago, my father, my two brothers and my four friends, while very drunk, joked about how they can't believe that I left my wife. They said that they all tried to get with her since the divorce, but that she repeatedly

rejected them, saying that it would be inappropriate and unkind to do such a thing to me. I laughed at what they were saying just to ease them into saying more, and once they thought that I found it funny, they really opened up. They had all purposefully made me feel paranoid about my ex-wife cheating on me and using me. Because why would a woman like her be with a man like me if it wasn't for the money I made? They often hinted at, or sometimes even directly said that she wore the pants in the relationship

and that she was only with me because I'm easily manipulated. They constantly planted negative things into my mind. If I went to talk to them about something happening in my relationship, they would put a negative twist to it or they'd purposely give me bad advice. Then, when I lost my job during COVID, they all hinted at how she's definitely cheating now that there's no financial benefit to being faithful to me. I obviously trusted them and often took their words to heart and it ruined my marriage. I frequently argued with my wife and I was always accusing her of something or suspecting her of not really loving me.

I questioned everything that was between us. I often told her BS things like how I'm a high value man and that she needed to appreciate me and when I wasn't working for six months, I flipped the script and started accusing her of not respecting me for not working. I was also unappreciative of all of her hard work and for her being the one who took care of all of our household bills and any other bill during those six months that I was unemployed. I continued to let their words drive me into paranoia and I started accusing her of cheating with her coworkers. Eventually, my wife had enough

of my moods, constant mistrust and accusations. She left me, and to be honest, for a long time, it felt like it came out of nowhere, so I had myself convinced that she left me for another man. Now here I am, knowing that every man that I've ever called my family or my friend were my enemies who I let destroy my marriage. I obviously lost my mind once they were done telling me all the ways they conspired to ruin my marriage, and we did get to blows. I cut off all contact with each and every one of them. I reached out to my ex to make amends and hopefully get her back. My ex-wife has agreed to meet up with me, and she doesn't know exactly what I wanted to discuss with her,

and I don't know how to go about making amends and hopefully mending our relationship. Then six days later OP posted an update. On Sunday I met up with my ex-wife. I apologized profusely and she was kind and understanding but said that she couldn't and wouldn't forgive me. She said that it simply isn't in her nature to forgive and that despite it all she holds no grudges or anger against me and wishes me nothing but happiness in my life. She did give me some advice and told me that I've

been in an abusive relationship all my life, and that in order to heal whatever is broken in me, I should cut out my father because he sets the tone for my treatment by the rest of the family. She said that I'd always be stagnated and unhappy if I continued to associate myself with my family and former friends. I told her that I cut them out of my life and that I've got my first therapy session scheduled in a few days. She said that she was proud of me for taking my first step into healing. Our conversation was heartfelt and emotionally devastating as we discussed the many ways that our marriage had failed, as well as the abuse that I'd experienced by my father and family. We cried the entire time. We cried a lot. We ended our conversation with a long hug and then we said our goodbyes.

Man, I can't even imagine why OP's family would want to do that to him. Did they try to break up his relationship just because when she was single that would increase the chances that they'd be able to sleep with her? Was that the reason? That was r slash best of redditor updates and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.