rSlash - r/Bestof I Think My Dad is a Cannibal

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:09 Illegal meat 9:34 Pregnancy 11:56 Sublease Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to r slash best of redditor updates, where OP's father tries to eat a panda. Our next reddit post comes from r slash relationship advice. So my dad has always been kind of a strange guy, but I never really noticed. I was used to it, and that's just who he is. He isn't mean, just doesn't talk much, very busy with work, and doesn't seem to be interested in anyone's life. That kind of thing. When I was a kid, gradually, our relatives stopped visiting.

My dad wasn't in contact with his family, but my mom's family used to be around a lot. Then they stopped coming. I remember hearing my mom fighting with her parents a couple of times. I gathered that they didn't like my dad. I haven't seen my cousins in years. We used to be close as kids. I was never one for social media, but recently I reactivated my Facebook and decided to look up some of my relatives on a whim.

I messaged my 18-year-old girl cousin that I'm closest to, also my aunt who's 40. My cousin didn't seem to know why we hadn't seen each other in so long, but my aunt said that I should ask my mom. My aunt said, it's not the sort of thing that you should hear from me. Mind you, I'd always asked my mom before a few times. She always said that her family was too busy to visit. I was really confused and we ended up having a long conversation yesterday. I insisted on a real answer. Now I'm horrified at what I found out. Her family got freaked out by my dad because a few years ago when they came for dinner, they found out that what he said was beef was actually kangaroo meat.

My mom had specifically gone out of her way to make the meal herself because she knew that my dad had done this before. So she banned him from cooking, but he secretly swapped the meats during some point that she wasn't in the kitchen. She admitted to her family that he was consistently doing this to us. Yeah, now I know that I have eaten a ton of gross stuff that he had said was beef or chicken. And whenever I didn't like something, it's probably because it wasn't what he said it was. My mom told me that my dad has been obsessed with trying exotic meats for years. Now looking back, I remember times that I saw weird unlabeled meat packages in

the basement freezer. I just never thought to inspect them. She said that he spent thousands and thousands of dollars on getting them. They're rare and cost a lot, plus shipping costs and paying off his contacts who passed information about where he can find whatever he's looking for. It's driven my parents to the verge of financial ruin multiple times. My mom also said they've nearly divorced a few times. I used to hear them fighting sometimes as a kid. Now I guess I know why. Some of the things he's had are weird to American standards, but I realize they might not be that weird other places. Kangaroo, horse, wolf, camel, shark fin soup. Some things are questionable I guess, such as as something called Ortaland Bunting. Okay, we gotta look

this one up. Alright, I looked up Ortaland Bunting. It is a small songbird that you eat whole. I mean, it's got its feathers and stuff removed, but you eat the entire bird whole. And apparently, the way you're supposed to eat it is you're supposed to put a napkin over your head to hide your face from God while you eat it because eating it is such a shameful act because it's like a cute little songbird. Okay. And he's also into seafood that's eaten while still alive. Some of it is straight up illegal.

Like my mom once said that he killed and ate a bald eagle. He's obtained bush meat, which is meat from African wildlife that's illegally imported here. This includes stuff like rats, monkeys, chimpanzee, apes, gorillas, pangolin, porcupines, civets, and giraffe. From what my mom knows, he bought these from some markets in New York City that sold it to immigrant communities. It became even worse with other exotic animals. He's gone so far as to travel to other countries specifically to hunt and get meat from particular animals. These have included Zebra, Cheetah, Elephant, Hippo, Bengal Tiger and Rhino which are endangered. He went somewhere in the Caribbean to hunt and eat

Dolphin. Brazil for Anaconda. My mom says he's going on a trip next month to China specifically to try to find a way of eating Chinese salamander and panda meat. These are both very endangered species. It's seriously illegal there to kill pandas. That's not something Chinese people actually eat, but he's determined to do it. Who hears of an endangered animal and thinks, aha, I want to eat that? What the hell? Oh, and he also wants to go to the Antarctic to hunt penguins and whatever else is there before the ice melts. My mom has to snoop on his laptop to keep an eye on what he's doing since he stopped talking about it. He knows she doesn't approve, but she can't do anything. They just pretend it's not happening.

And she reads his emails with contacts whenever he mentions needing to go on a trip for work. She says that it sounds like these people are involved in foreign animal trade networks. He's very secretive. She has to deliberately wait for whenever he's in the bathroom with his computer logged in. She's been terrified for years that any day he's going to get arrested. They both rely on my dad's salary. My mom is disabled with a chronic illness and can't work, so would only have disability checks to get arrested. They both rely on my dad's salary. My mom is disabled with a chronic illness and can't work, so would only have disability checks to get by on. There's more she didn't tell me because it wasn't appropriate and refused when I said that I could handle it, so I can only imagine what else he's done. I don't know what to do. My family is on the

brink of falling apart and I never knew. I will never look at my dad the same again. This is really disgusting to me. My mom can't divorce him because they rely on him. She won't talk to her family about it because they just tell her to divorce. I know she's very anxious, but I feel like I've almost lost respect for her because she knew the whole time and never at least warned me. I'm also pretty sure that she lied to me saying that we never had a cat when I was little. Oh no. Except I remember a cat and I don't remember what happened to it. While now I'm sick thinking that maybe my dad did something. My mom insisted that I was thinking of someone else's cat, but there's a photo of me as a little

girl with that cat on my bed. I'm in college on the other side of the country and I'm only home for a few days. My mom made me promise to never say a word to my dad because he'd kill me. This is all so messed up to me. I'm really worried about them and what they'll do if he's caught. And what the hell is wrong with him? Then, one month later, OP posted an update. And very relevant information here, the date of this update is February 2nd, 2020. And the very first cases of COVID happened in Wuhan, China just two months before this post.

Well, things are really messed up now. A couple of days after I posted, I went back to school. And a few days after that, my mom called me. She'd woken up to him gone and an email saying that he had to leave for China earlier than expected, citing some issues at his company. That's around when the virus was breaking out. He took off as soon as he got word that something was happening, in case it was going to prevent his trip, my mom thinks. But it gets worse, because because apparently with increased security there,

something looked suspicious and he was detained last week. In China, during the outbreak. My mom has federal agents coming to interview her this Friday. They had a warrant to search their apartment. They didn't take anything because he had brought his electronics with them. She says that she was told they have reason to believe that he's involved in an international animal trafficking and poaching ring. My mom hasn't had any contact with him yet because whoever's holding him isn't granting it. We don't even know exactly where he is, if it was near Wuhan or in a prison or what. She was just told that she needed to cooperate and his safety was being handled. Obviously, there's probably a lot more that they're saying because it's a serious crime and I imagine diplomatic relations are tense at this moment.

But honestly, he put himself there. The Chinese authorities have every reason to arrest him. My mom has shared what she knows with the American agents. I told her to get a lawyer, because who knows if even knowing about that stuff and not reporting it is a crime. My dad deserved this, but my mom had no part in what he was doing. lawyer, because who knows if even knowing about that stuff and not reporting it is a crime. My dad deserved this, but my mom had no part in what he was doing. If something happens to her, I don't know what's going to happen with my siblings. I'm really scared for my family and furious with my dad for doing this to us. Plus Trump's travel ban means it's going to be way more difficult to work everything

out so he could be sitting there waiting for a trial for a long time. Even if they flew him back for a trial, he'll be in quarantine for two weeks. I feel like I'm watching my family's life collapse in slow motion. I'm seriously considering taking leave this semester and going home to try to help my mom. She's practically having a mental breakdown. She decided not to tell my siblings the real reason Dad is gone, so their imaginations are running wild. I've reached out to my aunt again, but she hasn't seen the message yet. So that's where we are now. Screwed.

I didn't get a chance to take the advice on my last post about where to report him, but that turned out to not matter. Thank you for everyone who's wished the best for my family. We could really use it. Down in the comments, everyone is speculating that the mysterious worst thing that the dad also did is probably being a cannibal. Either successfully or attempted, which I think is probably also pretty likely. Our next reddit post is from r slash age gap, which is a subreddit about relationships where there's a large age gap between the two people. I'm a 45 year old guy and my wife is 29 and I just found out that she's pregnant, but I had a vasectomy 10 years ago! I had a vasectomy during my first marriage. My ex and I had three kids and we were done so it just made sense.

I got married last year after three years of dating. My wife has never given me any indication for me to believe that she's cheating. In fact, she's an extremely loyal, attentive spouse. To top it all off, I work from home. I literally don't know when she would have the time to have an affair unless she was doing it at work. We always have our locations on our iPhones, and I've noticed no secretive or suspicious behavior.

Well, when we first found out she was pregnant, she was incredibly shocked, but ultimately very happy and said in between tears that she guessed the vasectomy failed. I've googled it. We're looking at about a 1% probability that this could have happened. So basically, I have two choices. Ask my wife for a paternity test and either have my suspicions confirmed and my marriage over. Or her trust in me is shattered. Or I say nothing and live with this gnawing suspicion until our child is born and I can

quietly perform a paternity test. I am so torn up about this. My wife is already planning the nursery and I'm still sitting here wondering if I should be hating her or myself. Then one month later, OP posted an update. I took everyone's advice and got the vasectomy checked. Lo and behold, my doctor tells me that my sperm count is very low, but there are still sperm present. It explains why we've been having unprotected sex for years and never had a problem, but also why my wife is now pregnant.

I was equal parts relieved and ashamed of myself. My wife is a wonderful person and she shows me every single day how much I mean to her. And I suspected her of cheating before I suspected an issue with the vasectomy? I've thought about coming clean to my wife and telling her what I did, but on the other hand she's so happy and excited. She's showing quite a bit now and everywhere we go, people tell her that she's glowing. Our relationship is the best it's ever been and I don't think it's right to burst or bubble to alleviate my own guilt. All I can do is be the best husband I can to her through this pregnancy

and get ready to be a dad at the age of 46. Our next reddit post is from r slash relationships. When I was a freshman in college, a guy named Pete, who's 21, began harassing me to date him. I refused over and over again and it ended with him ripping my shirt off at a party to try to touch my breasts. I filed a police report and Pete was found guilty of assault. I have a 1000 foot restraining order against Pete. Fast forward to this week and my roommate Shelly needs a sub letter to take over for

her while she studies abroad for the summer. She didn't know that she was leaving until two weeks ago and has been looking for someone to take over since then. She found Pete on Craig's list and asked me if I approved. I showed her my court documents, but Shelly claims she can't find anyone else to take over and I'll have to deal with it. We got into a heated argument and she just left the apartment. This morning, Shelly texted me that Pete would be moving his stuff into the apartment today. I called the police, but Pete hasn't showed

up yet so they can't do anything. Shelly also says that she'll be staying there for the remainder of the week. The lease says that she'll be staying there for the remainder of the week. The lease says that she can move whoever she wants in without my permission, but there's still the issue of the restraining order. The landlord told me that it's between Shelley and me to figure out. We both have one-year leases that expire in December with the same terms. In the comments, Shelley claims that Pete has already paid her for all three months in advance and that he signed a contract with her.

I told her that her contract doesn't override my restraining order, but she basically just put her hands over her ears to drown out what I was saying. I plan on calling the cops the moment that I see his car pull up. Then five days later, OP posted an update. After I made my Reddit post, Shelly locked herself in her room for 3 hours. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't come out of the room. She left her room to get food and just walked past me as if I didn't exist. Everyone who I called told me that until Pete actually showed up, no crime was being committed

so I couldn't report it until then. I just sat by the door and window watched for Pete's car. This continued until early Saturday morning when Shelly woke up for her morning jog. I was still on the lookout for Pete's car. I stayed up all night on the couch. Shelly tried to sneak out past me, but I woke up and blocked the door. I needed an explanation for why I was being forced to stay up all night waiting to call the police on Pete when she knew that I had a restraining order against him.

Shelley's explanation was that the restraining order doesn't matter to her, that she's dealt with unreasonable people like me before, and that she's never listened to any restraining order before now so why should she do that just for me? The more I listened, the sicker I felt. Shelley basically admitted to me that she's a grunt. I told Shelley that she's a real piece of work and that I was going to maintain my watch for Pied and that I was going to contemplate taking legal action. She told me that whether I liked it or not, she was done looking for subletters and

that it was my problem. I told her to get out and to go for her jog and she left and came back a bit later and locked herself in her room again. Sometime around noon, I had accidentally fallen asleep because I had been awake for like 36 hours at that point. I woke up and saw Pete helping Shelly move her stuff into her car. I didn't see him in the apartment, but he was helping her in the parking lot. I immediately locked them both out and called the cops. Shelly and Pete came to the door again and when Pete saw that it was locked and when he saw me watching from the window, he blew up at Shelly. He started

to ask her why I was in the apartment and why Shelly didn't tell him that I was the roommate. He demanded his money back and I could hear them screaming at each other through the door. The cops showed up and handcuffed Pete and Shelly. I told them my story and Pete said that he had text messages and emails to back himself up. The cops checked his phone, saw text from Shelly saying along the lines that her roommate wouldn't care about XYZ because HE was a chill guy. Pete had posted his own ad looking for a male roommate. So that's right, Shelly's a liar too! The cops released Pete because he had proved that he didn't know that it was me.

I'm okay with this because I saw his emails and text messages too. Shelly was charged with disorderly conduct and her mom came to get her. Sunday evening, Shelly and her mom came back to the apartment to finish packing for her to study abroad. Shelly made some snide remarks about me definitely going roommate hunting to find her a sub letter as I said I would. I ignored her. Shelly left for her plane this morning.

You know the good thing about separate leases, I'm only liable for my rent, not hers. So I'm gonna sit on my butt for the rest of the summer while she gets evicted for lack of rent payments. That was r slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast the summer while she gets evicted for a lack of rent payments.