rSlash - r/Bestof I'm Disgusted by My Furry Boyfriend

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:10 Bully issues 6:34 Comment 7:00 Furry Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to r slash best of redditor updates where OP's new employee is the parent of his child's bully. Our next reddit post comes from Ask a Manager. I received a promotion last month after several stressful years. The money will be life changing. I'm working out of a different office much closer to home. I'll be doing work that I care about and I'll have more time with my family. The company filled an open role at my new location just before I was promoted. I didn't participate in the hiring process for this person.

I didn't know they hired the parent of my child's bully. This isn't just a few meetings with the principal kind of bully situation. We almost lost our child because of this bully, Temmie. We moved our child and their sibling to a different school. Then we sold our home and moved to the other side of the country. We had to involve the police at one point, resulting in being granted a restraining order against Timmy, who was now finally facing other legal consequences for his behavior. Both kids are still quite young, so I'm shocked at the cruel

and awful things that I witnessed my child go through at the hands of a peer while I was feeling helpless and out of control while we begged the school and his parents to intervene. Our family life is finally settling down and this new work opportunity felt like a new start for us after the pain and fear that we've gone through. My child is finally beginning to heal and get their life and joy back. We're all in therapy as a family and individually to help recover from all of this. The company hired Timmy's mother, Jane, to fill this role and I'll be managing her. My first day meeting the team, she went pale when she saw me.

I'm sure that I probably did the same. I know everyone else on this team and I have great rapport with them. I don't communicate with Jane unless I have to and it's in writing. What should I do? I'm not quitting and I'm not taking a demotion. Should I meet with Jane and HR to discuss this and set expectations? That feels like I'm betraying my child and my family, but professionally I know that it's an option. Do I just ignore her and hope she's so uncomfortable

that she quits? Should I ask HR about offering her a transfer? At a certain point this last year she behaved just about as badly as her child did and the judge considered including her in the restraining order but was instead issued a warning on the record. I checked and the two of us working together is not a violation of the restraining order but it does open up the possibility. I'm just so stunned, I don't know what to do. We don't speak or interact unless we have to and some team members and a few of my colleagues

in management have noticed but not said much about it. I'm at a loss. I have no idea how to handle this. Which is really surprising to me. And I'm not necessarily advocating for this. I'm just saying it's surprising that OP doesn't even seem to consider the possibility of bullying this woman. You know, OP has a position of power over this woman and presumably OP could fire this woman or take revenge out against her or just make her life hell for a bit, but it seemed like the thought never even crossed OP's mind, which is surprising to me because it would definitely, definitely cross my mind. I don't know if I would actually act on it because that would be putting my job at risk potentially, but eww, I'd be tempted. Then one year later OP posted an update.

Within a few days of my original post, my junior team lead, Sam, asked me directly about my weird behavior around Jane, which had been going on for about two weeks or so. In the organization chart, I'm Sam Superior, but not by much. Sam and I have worked together in the past, but not closely enough that he knew about my connection to Jane. I told Sam about my history with Jane, providing limited details with minimal legal documentation and proof, which my lawyer advised me on. And Sam was shocked, but incredibly supportive. He let me know that Jane had been very vocal with several other staff, including him since my first day. Warning staff to stay away from me that I was toxic, dangerous, that I had slept with

her husband and broken up her marriage. All I could do was laugh at that. It hadn't occurred to me that me keeping my distance would give Jane a chance to try to damage my reputation, but she didn't get very far. I have worked with everyone else on this team on and off for most of my career, so they were all very skeptical. Sam and I met with HR and we walked through my history with Jane to create a plan for Sam to manage Jane moving forward. HR was wonderfully supportive and they thanked me for communicating with Jane in writing because it

was probably the safest thing I could have done under the circumstances. Then we learned a few things that we didn't know before. HR had been planning to reach out to me because when my predecessor hired Jane, he had done so without putting in the paperwork for a background check. This is one of the many reasons that I replaced that incompetent manager. Our company requires us to use a fingerprinting service run out of the Sheriff's office for a full background check before starting employment. My predecessor let Jane start without one and just marked that she had passed this requirement in her employee profile without adding the appropriate documentation. When HR pressed him on it, he lost it. HR was able to confirm that Jane had never gone through a background check. Before I started as her boss, Jane had been given a 30-day grace period from HR to get

fingerprinted, but she missed multiple appointments. And she'd been pushing back on it with my predecessor's support. My predecessor left no documentation about this, which didn't surprise us. And now, there was only one week left in the grace period. Sam took over from there, and all I know is that they met with Jane, explained that Sam would be her manager going forward, and made an appointment for her to get fingerprinted that day, and she enthusiastically agreed to go. But she never went. And she never returned any calls or contact attempts from HR

or Sam, which was honestly the best way this could have washed out. My family is doing better than ever, work is great, and my amazing kiddo is healing and finding joy again. My kid even helped their new school start an anti-bullying and mental health program to help younger students if they feel unsafe. We're going to be traveling to see relatives and have some fun this summer, so we're very excited. I feel like a weight's

been lifted off my chest." Yeah, I scroll down to the comments and LionTamer74, the top comment, says exactly what I was thinking. It sounds as if Jane's child learned her behavior at home. And I kind of have to wonder what she was hiding from the background check because I would be very surprised if this whole legal situation with her kid and going to court involved her getting fingerprinted, which probably means she would have been fingerprinted for something else entirely, so I think Jane probably has a record. Like mother like son, I guess. Our next Reddit post comes from r slash true off my chest. Yesterday, I went to a furry event with my boyfriend and I think I got the ick and I

feel bad for that. I didn't even know what a furry exactly was before I met him. We were together for literally three whole years until we moved in together. Then I found one of his furry outfits while I was helping him move his clothes into our apartment. At first, I thought that maybe at some point he had worked in children's shows or selling things in the subway maybe. In my country, it's normal to see people in costumes selling things.

Then, I also found a common foxtail and I thought that it was something kinky, but it's not. He got nervous and confessed to me that he's a furry. I looked at him like, what the hell is a furry? Anyway, he explained to me that years ago, he created his fursona and it's a hobby that makes him feel at ease and happy. He said that he hid it from me because he was embarrassed and scared that I might leave him or laugh at him.

He's a serious and professional man, not the kind of person who would dress like that. I assured him that I wasn't going to leave him and that I love him. That knowing that my boyfriend uses a fox suit was the least attractive thing in the world, but I support his hobby. I didn't really think too much about it. Did it seem weird to me? Yeah. But at the same time, I thought that I loved him so much that I was going to support him.

It's just a hobby he does rarely, so it's not like he talks about that in our day to day life. He said he likes to just do the character and it's not something with a deep meaning. It's been a year since that event and he invited me to a furry event for the first time. I've never gone to furry events before. I hadn't even seen him wear his fursuit either. He wears it very rarely.

He invited me really excited and shy. I couldn't refuse to go with him because I also wanted to go and see what it's like and know that world. But when I got there, it was like, oh, this is getting real when I saw him park the car and put on his suit. I didn't have a suit, so my face was totally visible when we got out of the car a few streets back and had to walk through the city center like that. I felt embarrassed, even if it's awful to say that. First we met his furry friends who were waiting in a park for him, and I found out that my boyfriend has a name that he uses when he's in character.

They were nice, but no, it's not an everyday thing to see your boyfriend using a pet name, dressed as a fox and talking to other people who are also like that. Although some people didn't have a suit, they just had a tail or nothing. I felt embarrassed because people around obviously walked by and laughed or looked on curiously. A few minutes later we finally went to the place of the event and it wasn't that many people but a large group. Most of them didn't have a suit and they were just wearing tails or just a mask. I know this is wrong to say, but a lot of those people smelled musty.

Long hair, so greasy you could fry an egg on it. Just weird people. Years ago, I accompanied my sister to an otaku event and it was 95% the same kind of people. Like weird in the wrong way. I've never been in this kind of environment. My boyfriend isn't like that at all. He's attractive, smells good, he has a normal life and work and I don't think anyone would expect him to be a furry so it was my first time seeing other furries in person besides him. Eventually they started making TikToks with each other. Do you have any idea what it's like to see your boyfriend do choreography dressed as a

blue fox while asking you to call him by his furry name and pet his head? Because I do know and it was impossible for it to not change the way that I see him. I didn't feel comfortable in that place. It bothered me a lot since some of them were using like sex harnesses on their suits and what's sexy about an animal. Some artists had stands with furry art that was pretty explicit. My boyfriend dislikes that kind of art. For him, his fursona is a performance. I really love him but I just feel like I got the ick and I hate that because I always wanted to be the supportive girlfriend but this is just too much. I don't

want to talk about this with my boyfriend and make him feel ashamed of who he is and likes. I don't want to make him feel bad about my feelings. He's a great man. Really, the only time that I felt tenderness yesterday was when he hugged me and thanked me for supporting him in this. I just feel like the worst person in the world and the last thing I want is to hurt his heart even if his friends are too weird for me. I just hope that I can get over this icky feeling fast, but he's really happy and shows me pictures of the event telling me that we should go to another event together and I just can't tell him that's the last thing I wanna do

is to go to one of these events again. Well, OP, if you go to a furry event, you're bound to either get the ick or get the yiff. Then, five days later, OP posted an update. I didn't need to talk to my boyfriend because during that night, he sat me down to talk to me and he apologized. He showed me that one of his friends told him that the organizer of the event changed

and that's why there were people with not safe for work stuff. My boyfriend was also uncomfortable with that. The last time he went to that event, those types of outfits were forbidden. He showed me pictures and yeah, the atmosphere and people looked different. I confessed to him that I didn't feel comfortable either and he was surprised because after all, I was smiling all the time and pretending that everything was fine, which is true. We talked a lot and he was very apologetic for how he behaved. He said that he should have gone without the suit and he should have shown me pictures of

the place before we went. Honestly, I never showed him my discomfort and I always used a fake smile, so I understand why he thought that I was having a good time. My boyfriend just kept apologizing deeply. He said that he didn't really know how to react since it was the first time he had taken someone so important to an event, so that's why he behaved that way. He apologized for not thinking about how I might have felt and I apologized for not communicating my feelings as well. I asked him if he really doesn't feel anything sexual by doing that. He made it clear that it is not sexual at all for him.

It's just a character. He doesn't even behave like an animal when he's in character. He just wanted me to pat his head as a cute gesture. My boyfriend told me that he actually understands why I feel that way because it happened to him too. In the past, he had a furry girlfriend, but she did have a fetish with that and that made him uncomfortable so he ended the relationship. That's why my boyfriend doesn't date furry women. He says the vast majority are weird people who ruin the community. He doesn't see his character as his true self and he doesn't identify with those who do. For him, it's just like a character, kind of like cosplaying.

Although he doesn't like anime or anything like that. He prefers furry because then he can do an original character. So I'd rather embrace that eccentric side of him than ruin a cute relationship just because I don't share his hobby. I really like going to raves and he doesn't, but there's nothing wrong with that. We have separate hobbies. I want to make a good life with him, far away from the furries with harnesses and not safe for work arts. And I learned my lesson of never posting again in these kinds of places. The last time I checked this post, one person got downvoted just because they said that we sound

adorable. I guess that's the vibe on this app, haha. But thanks to those people who gave me good advice and were kind. Yep, can confirm Reddit is an irredeemable cesspool. Well, I'm glad that OP kind of figured out what she wants and realized that it's not that big of a deal because yeah, OP's right, her boyfriend sounds pretty nice. I mean, you know, he's got a weird hobby, but is that really worth breaking up with someone over? You know, I was kind of thinking this might be ridiculous to say. I was thinking that the fact that he has a fursuit is kind of a green flag in a way.

Because those fursuits, they cost like $10,000 to $15,000. I've heard, you know, I've never ordered one. How much does a fursuit cost? Oh, I overestimated. They're like $4,000 to $5,000. Okay, starting price of $3,500. Oh, this has a starting price of $7,000. So, you know, they're pretty expensive. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that OP's boyfriend at least has

Oh, a fursuit cost calculator, full digit grade fursuit, head style, claws on hands and feet. Number of colors, adult zippers. What's an adult zipper? Whiskers! Okay, my fursuit came out to $10,432. Yeah, that's pretty pricey. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if this guy's responsible enough with his money that he can afford $10,432 on a fursuit just as a hobby, then, you know, he's kind of got his act together. I assume you have to buy a fursuit with cash. Unless they have, you know, it's not like getting a car loan.

You can't go get a car loan for a fursuit, I suspect. So, you know, he saved up his money, spent it on something he cares about. He's not hurting anyone. You know, it's kind of a green flag in a way, if you look at it like that. The dude's responsible is what I'm trying to say. He's financially responsible.

That was our slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, The dude's responsible is what I'm trying to say. He's financially responsible.