rSlash - r/Bestof I'm Going to Jail for Accidental Insider Trading

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:09 Insider trading 2:10 Log book 7:03 Pay cut 10:59 Insecure man Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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accidentally commits insider trading. Our next Reddit post is from R slash legal advice. For years, I've had a job that I've absolutely hated, in a city I hate because the cost of living is so high, and a roommate that's been unusually kind to me. For reasons I won't get into for fear of being identified, the company has been in a slow, downward spiral for a few years now. And the job's gotten absolutely miserable.

To the point where I've wanted to quit and move back home, multiple times. I've expressed as much to my roommate in the past. It's always seemed a little off to me that he's taken such an active interest in my professional life, and he even offered to let me stay here for free when I threatened to quit. I took him up on the offer, thinking I might be back on my feet again in a few weeks with a new job, but weeks turned into months, which turned into years. Well, when the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission started sending letters to the apartment, I put two and two together. He's been sure. shorting my company stock the entire time I've been living here.

He didn't want me to leave, that's why he offered to cover my half of the rent and utilities. Worst of all, he's been making these trades based off of information I've been unintentionally feeding him while he listens to me, Vince. I tried to ask him how much money he's made, but he won't tell me. I had no idea he was making these trades. How screwed am I? Then two years later, OP posted an update. Not a happy update. My roommate was indeed making trades based off of insider information that I had no idea I was feeding to him.

He was sentenced to 18 months of federal time today for insider trading. For testifying against him, I was offered something like immunity and a six-figure fine that I'll never be able to pay off. I've been unemployed since then because I now have a felony on my record and the economy isn't in great shape. What an idiot. If you want to do insider trading, the trick is to be elected to Congress first. Our next Reddit post is from R slash and my overreacting. I don't really know how to start this. I'm a pretty logical guy, I think. But as of late, I honestly feel like I'm glitching. My girlfriend is pretty great. And our relationship's been pretty good these past three years.

But we have these alignment meetings every Sunday that she insists on. She says that it's for healthy communication. But here's the weird part. If I bring up something she said, she'll pull out a notebook or like a spreadsheet on her laptop and show me her notes. They're so specific too. For example, she'll say something like, actually, at 6.15 p.m. on Tuesday, you agreed to come with me to the party at Caitlin's and

Ryan's, her co-workers. Here's the transcript of what you said. The thing is, I don't remember saying any of that. I don't even like her coworkers. They bore me into a coma and make me want to drink pints of vodka. I could have sworn I said that I couldn't go because I had work stuff to catch up on, but that she should absolutely still go and have a great time. But she has this written down.

She even had little audio snippets she's recorded for context. When I tell her that I feel like I'm being interrogated, she gets really, really nice and says something like, I'm just worried about your memory, babe. You've been under so much stress with your work. I'm just trying to keep us on the same page, and I love you. Also, last thing, I found a folder on her computer yesterday labeled Language Calibration, which is strange, but what's really messing with me is it's full of notes

and descriptions of how I respond to certain words. And it looks like she categorized my moods based on my text syntax. I feel like I'm living in a lab. Am I being paranoid? I feel like I'm losing my mind. And I keep going back and forth in my head between I'm just being paranoid. And no, this is actually really weird.

Okay, I don't know where the updates going on this post, but personally, I'm in the, no, this is actually really weird camp. Opie's girlfriend sounds like some kind of Machiavellian manipulator who's more like trying to train an AI to spit out the responses she wants. instead of treating O.P. like an actual human, but let's see where this goes. The next day, O.P. posted an update.

I just wanted to post a quick update and say thanks for all the input. Honestly, it seriously opened my eyes to how messed up things actually were. And thanks for not completely roasting me and calling me a moron, even if you were, all definitely thinking it, lull. Reading through the comments really was a shock at first. I brought it up to her yesterday and asked about the logbook and the notes. She didn't get mad. Actually, she didn't really show any emotion whatsoever on her face at first.

It was weird. It was almost like she wasn't sure how to feel about it and just looked at me. Then she basically said that what she did was for my benefit and because she wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. Which, okay, maybe that was it, but just taken way too far. But I'm also very laid back and really couldn't care less about perfect. And I've mentioned that she knows that and I've brought that. up. Then, she said that she just has anxiety and wanted to make sure that she said the right

thing so that we wouldn't fight. And I thought about that too, but it didn't add up. I've literally never gotten angry or fought with anyone, let alone her since we've been together. It's just not who I am. I don't really get angry. I'm generally unfazed by most things. I told her I needed some space, and I thought that it would be best if I moved out for the time being and that I was going to grab some stuff after we were done talking, and then I would arrange to get the rest in the very near future when I could. No emotion from her whatsoever. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced. That's when I realized I wasn't in a normal relationship anymore. She was like, if that's what you want to do when someone is here just trying to be supportive and help you become the best version of yourself,

I can't really describe it. You had to be there. All I know is this whole thing was really off. I felt kind of stupid for letting it drag on this long, but mostly I'm just relieved to be out of there and able to just think. I really appreciate the reality check you all gave me, and I'm so grateful for the time you took to comment and share your thoughts. Man, as awful as this is to say, I almost wish OP kept dating her because I want to know what's going on with this woman. Why is she like this? What is her end game? I read a lot of stories on Reddit, but I have never come across anyone who acts like this. She was acting less like a human and almost like a robot, like an android. Our next Reddit post comes from R slash babysitting. I'm a 20 year old woman located in

Southern California and I've been babysitting for this family for two years now. I've been watching their three kids, six year old and five year old boys and a three year old girl, two days a week, usually Tuesday and Wednesday from 4 to 8 p.m. They pay me 30 bucks an hour. Well, Sunday night, They asked me to babysit for a date night, but when they paid me this afternoon, I noticed they gave me $25 less. When I texted asking if they had made a mistake, the dad called me and told me that he felt $30 an hour was a lot for three kids, whom he called self-sufficient. He told me all they do is watch TV or play video games, and it's an easy job, but he still felt they were paying me too much. He felt $25 an hour was more appropriate to pay, and because I'm still in college, it was still

great money for a college student. He also mentioned how inflation was causing him to cut any unnecessary expenses. I'd like to add that I walked to their house after my classes, and they're okay with me bringing my puppy along with me, which has been great. That said, I think a $5 an hour pay cut is too much. They live in a six-bedroom house. I don't know how to approach the parents and say that I'm not okay with the pay cuts. Then the next day, OP posted an update. So after my phone call with the dad, I decided to text the mom and ask her if everything was all right and ask why they wanted to cut my pay that much. She texted me back saying it wasn't an easy decision, but ultimately her husband felt that it was best to have a sit down with me and talk about my pay and what I'm doing as a babysitter. I told her I was not okay with the pay cut and they owed me the $25 they didn't pay me for Sunday.

The mom ended up Venmoing me the remaining $25 and asked if I could come in this morning to talk about my future with the family. Well, I ended up going because mom reassured me that dad wasn't around. I talked to her and told her I wasn't happy that they did that to me and that I'm not going to babysit them for $25 an hour when they have three kids. She told me she understood and was going to talk to her husband about it. Later tonight, I went and babysat for another family in the same neighborhood as them. They're all friends. And I told that mom everything that happened.

She told me that the other mom tried looking for another babysitter and got quoted $60 bucks an hour for the babysitting job, so she was pretty upset. Then that mom told me to tell them that I've raised my rates due to the rising costs of living. I guess the mom from the first family texted the other mom and asked if I was working for them, and the second mom said yes. Before I left, the first mom came over and asked if I was willing to make something work with her until she could work out something between us. The second mom then stepped in and said the going rate has changed and the babysitting rate for three kids. was 50 bucks an hour. The first mom said she felt that it was too much money. I told her 30 bucks an hour for three kids was too low, and she eventually caved and we compromised at 45 bucks an hour. Well, the dad, the one who wants to cut my pay is gone on a business trip for nine weeks. So the first mom

told me that she would pay me $45 an hour in cash until he gets back. Then once he's back, all three of us can sit down and figure out a new rate. I agreed to it only because the dad wasn't going to be around. The first mom said that she couldn't miss going to tennis or Wednesday night dinners, so she was thankful I was a reliable babysitter. I'm pretty happy with the outcome. I'm also really happy the other mom stepped in and stood by my corner when the first mom came over to talk to me. The mom that I babysat for tonight told me that she would ask around and reassured me that I wouldn't be hard to fill in those days. Perfect ending! The mom tried to rip you off, but she just ended up ripping herself off instead.

Whoops. Awfully ironic that the mom and the dad are trying to cut all the unnecessary expenses and save money, but that doesn't include Wednesday dinners or tennis lessons. Our next Reddit post is from R-slash, Am I the Butthole? Am I the Butthole for telling my boyfriend that his masculinity was fragile after he refused to buy me pads? I'm a 23-year-old woman, and I moved in with my boyfriend, who's 24 of two years a couple of months ago. We haven't had any problems before this argument. Things have been going pretty well. Anyways, a couple of days ago, I got my period. It came early and I'd ran out of pads.

I couldn't leave to buy some because I bleed pretty heavily and I would have bled through my pants. So I asked my boyfriend if he could buy pads for me from the drugstore because it was late. He immediately said no. I was shocked because I wasn't really expecting that. I asked him why. He said that he didn't want the cashier to see him buying pads.

At this point, I started to start a lot. laughing because that was hilarious. He wasn't joking, though. He just glared at me. I told him that the cashier would obviously know the pads weren't for him. Plus, the cashier would definitely not care what he was buying. He still refused. I told him that he could go to the self-checkout machine if he was so insecure. But he said that he didn't want anyone to see him with the pads because they would think that he was a slur for transsexual. I told him that he was childish and that his masculine, was really fragile if he couldn't even buy pads for his own girlfriend. He got mad at me and went out. I had the bunch up toilet paper as a makeshift pad, wear black pants and a long cardigan and go buy

the pads myself. My boyfriend's been ignoring me ever since. I've been thinking that maybe I might have pushed it too far. Then the next day, Opie posted an update. I confronted my boyfriend an hour ago. We sat down together, and I told him that I didn't like how he acted about buying pads for me. He said that he didn't feel like he had to and that I could have held it in and drove to the drugstore to get the pads myself. I told him that you can't hold it in, but he insisted that I could have done it for a few minutes and that it wouldn't be a big deal. We went back and forth over this, so I just dropped it. I asked him, like most of you mentioned, what would happen when we have kids and he would have to take care of me and buy me nipple cream, take me to the washroom, etc. He said that I wouldn't need those things because I should be able to do them on my own after giving birth.

He said that there wasn't anything hard about using the bathroom, and the only reason I would need help is if I was a cripple. Then I asked him about the slur comment. He said that he didn't understand why people would want to change the gender they were born in. That basically cemented everything for me. I felt completely betrayed and humiliated. I can't believe I spent two years of my life with the guy who holds. these views, and I can't believe that I was oblivious to it. I just feel so dumb. I told him that we need

to break up. He cussed at me and told me that I was exaggerating and that I was being a B word. I told him that I would send him my half of this month's rent. Then I packed my bags and drove to my parents' house without saying another word. I'm going to be staying with my parents until I sort myself out. I'm feeling really down right now, because I really did love him. I like this top comment from slippers and jammies. This guy shouldn't be allowed to have intercourse with women until he reads a biology textbook. And then he shouldn't be allowed to have intercourse with anyone because he's a dick. That was our slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.