rSlash - r/Bestof I'm Not the Father... I'm a Woman

Episode Date: December 9, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:11 Crazy person 5:27 No cake please 12:19 Pajama pants Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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which includes a $200 travel credit toward your flight. Now, according to Business Class, American Express, don't do business without it. Terms and conditions apply as at mx.ca slash business platinum. Welcome to our Slash Best of Redditor updates, where a woman's sous OP for child support even though OP is a woman Our next reddit post comes from our slash legal advice a few days ago I received a notice from an attorney that I'm being sued for child support from a woman. I've never met or heard of now

For context, I'm a biological cis woman. I'm straight. I have zero kids. I've never done surrogacy, egg donation, or even given birth or come close to it. I contacted the attorney listed on the document to make sure it was legit, and yep, it's legit. The lawyer said that his client came to him to sue me for backdated and future child support for her 15 year old, and stated that I am the biological father. The attorney had my name, address, my birthday, where I went to high school, etc.

Yet somehow didn't realize that I'm a woman. The attorney also said that his client is a woman in her 40s. He repeated her name to me to verify with me if I know her. I said, I've never met or heard of her. I'm a biological woman who has never had a child. And I even brought up that if I was a man and if I was the biological dad, wouldn't that mean that she's in trouble for statutory r- because I would have been barely 15 when the child was conceived and she would

have been in her mid to late 20s. The attorney said that as a lawyer, he needs to follow through and that I need to see him and sign the documents and do a DNA test to confirm any relation to the child. I told the attorney that it's literally impossible for me to be the father, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and told me to bring my lawyer to his office tomorrow. Do I actually need to get an attorney? Can I just show up and be like, look at me, I am very much a woman and I've never given

birth so leave me alone. I went to the attorney's office with my attorney as he requested during our call yesterday. And guess what? The suit was dismissed. It happened very quickly. Thank God. I thought that we would meet with a judge because that's how I assumed that it worked. But we went to the lawyers office and met with him and the woman who filed the suit.

I got an attorney because I reached out to a friend who lives in my state and a lot of his family are attorneys. Turns out, his aunt handles family cases. He got me in touch with his aunt. After I told her, after I told her the situation, she laughed and said that she would do it pro bono just for the entertainment. Apparently she knows this other attorney and says that he's a dick, so I guess that's a benefit for me since she was more than happy to represent me. We sorry this story is so dumb.

We met with the attorney, showed him my birth certificate, identification, passport, adoption papers, and my initial birth certificate prior to adoption for good measure. The attorney was frustrated with his client, obviously, but very kind to both me and my attorney about it. He apologized for the inconvenience. The whole thing was dismissed, and while my attorney initially suggested an order of protection, because clearly this woman was unwell, because while we were in the office, she was saying that I was a man who had a sex change to dodge support, which is why she kept referring to me as he, and she said that I make more than enough money and that my money belongs to her and

our child. We ultimately decided against the restraining order because after all the insanity, she was honest about how this all came to be. So apparently, me, this woman, and my male cousin used to work in the same place over a decade ago. I worked a different shift in a different part of the building. She was a secretary, and my cousin was a typical office worker. My cousin is the father of the child, and apparently they had known each other for years

prior to that, but my cousin is also now a convicted, violent felon, and he's currently incarcerated. My cousin and this woman are the same age, and they went to school together in the next town over. She had access to my information because she was a secretary and she had access to my records. She also knew that I was this guy's cousin. Apparently, her plan was to sue me, get a DNA test, which would eventually confirm

that my cousin is the father of the child, so then she could sue the uncle for support. Because my uncle retired from a good job and he has disposable income, and my cousin is currently incarcerated. No I don't understand her thought process, because honestly I have no idea how any of this works, or if that's even a thing that she could possibly do. Also, she said that she was recently fired, which is why this came up now. And since she knew my cousin was incarcerated and she needed money, she found me via our last name and made a copy of my resume and all important information on my file.

After all the theatrics and chaos, she said that she finally decided to give up the fight because she realized that she couldn't win. Especially once I presented my paperwork and mentioned that some of it was my initial adoption and birth records before adoption. And that's when she realized that the DNA test would be completely useless. Sorry if this isn't a super exciting update that you were looking for, but I'm just glad that it's over. Now, I just hope that she gets help, but I'm staying far away and warning my family about her. Our next reddit post comes from R-slashAmidthebutthole. Am I the butthole for yelling at my family for getting me a birthday cake that I don't

want for 15 years in a row? I'm an 18 year old woman, and unfortunately, I was born one day after my cousin, who's 20. Ever since I was little, my needs for my birthday were always out shine by hers. We always did family events to celebrate our birthday since we're the oldest kids in our family, so we kind of just shared a birthday. We shared the same birthday cake. My family either never wrote my name on it or they wouldn't messily scribble my name on it last minute. The party and the decorations and games catered to my older cousin's tastes, and mostly all

the gifts would be for her. I just usually ended up getting a $10 gift card for Walmart or something, while she always got dolls, games for her Nintendo DS, and even a puppy one time. I always felt like I didn't matter for my birthday. Even my Kingston Yara fell flat, since my family went all out making my cousin feel like the most special girl in the world. But my cousin was always nice to me, and she would give me some of her gifts just to put a smile on my face.

This year was my 18th birthday, and all of my relatives were gathered in one place to celebrate me in my cousin's birthdays. My mother had promised me my own separate cake, an Oreo ice cream cake, which is my favorite cake. So I was excited! When my abuela gathered the family together to blow out the candles and sing happy birthday, my cousin and I got in our respective spots. They started singing while my mother brought a cake to the table and placed it in front of

my cousin. It was a strawberry cheesecake. After we got done singing, my cousin blew out our candles and everyone clapped. My aunt started to cut the cake, and that's when I asked about my cake. My entire family looked confused, and they all said, this cake is for both of you. Then my cousin spoke up and said, but it only has my name on it. I looked to my mom who had a what expression on her face. I asked about the cake and she told me, you don't need the extra sugar. At that point, I just lost it, screaming at my family members and

calling them all buttles. I cried about how this is the 15th year in a row that they've left me out and forgotten about me. How they ruined my birth, they buy always prioritizing my cousin. My cousin and little brother also jumped in to defend me, saying that I'm always never thought of. My abuela had the audacity to deliberately interrupt me, telling me to sit down and stop yelling. Through anger, I yelled that I never wanted to see any of them again and stormed off. My cousin and brother followed me, comforting me while I cried my eyes out.

This happened a few days ago, and I've been receiving angry messages from my family members calling me an ungrateful beward. I'm at my cousin's apartment right now writing this, all while texting my little brother to vent. So am I the butthole for yelling at my family for not giving me the cake that I've wanted for nearly my entire lifetime? Then, four days later, OP posts in an update. After reading the replies, my cousin and I have made the tough decision to block all the

toxic family members and go no contact. I'll be living at my cousin's apartment now, and we're working on finding me a job. Down in the comments, someone says, your cousin and brother sound like the only reasonable people. Maybe you could go out just a three of you for cake. OP replies, funnily enough, that's exactly what happened after I stormed off. My cousin took my brother and I back to her apartment, and she went to her local Walmart to get me an Oreo ice cream cake for me, as well as 18 candles.

She's saying Felice cumpleanos to me and gave me a hundred bucks. Also, someone asks, where are your parents in all of this? Why have they let this happen to you over the years? Opie replies, my parents funded the parties, as well as my aunt, Uncle, and Obuela. I remember asking them why I never got my own cake when I was 11 and they simply told me, we just don't have enough money. But that's a lie since our house that I've grown up in is pretty big and they have two BMWs in the driveway.

Also, my little brother is going to a private school soon. Also I was kind of an unwanted child by my dad since he wanted a son and I wasn't feminine enough for my mother. I even remember that when I turned six, my parents just kind of put me to the side after my little brother was born. I never really felt like I earned the spotlight enough. They would always congratulate my brother when he made an accomplishment, but mine just

kind of fell flat. Then five months later, OP posted an update. So first off, I blocked my family members, the toxic ones at least. I'd been receiving call after call from my family members, chastising me for making a scene, and for breaking my cousins' trust with them. My cousin was appalled by their behavior towards me and decided to cut them all out of her life.

I'd been living with my cousin for about a month at that point. I was able to get a job and help out a little bit. I started taking online classes and saving up money for my own apartment because I felt like I was being a burden on my cousin. My cousin tried to stress that I was welcome to stay as long as I needed, but I told her that I was ready to leave everything behind. Back in October, I was packing things up to get ready to move. My cousin told a family friend about this

and this friend told my mother, who reached out to me on a burner account on Instagram asking if we could meet up and talk. My heart ached when I realized who it was. I hadn't heard from my mother in four months by that point, so I was admittedly skeptical. This might have been a dumb move, but I agreed to come under the condition

that my cousin could come with me. We met up at a local restaurant, and I saw my mother for the first time in months. She looked depressed and lost a lot of weight, and she seemed happy to see me for once. She tried to hug me, but I stopped her, and she respected that. We sat down and we began talking, catching up with everything. At the end of the conversation, she apologized

and asked if we could start things over. As much as I wanted a relationship with my parents, I just told her that I couldn't forgive her the past 15 years. Of her always making me feel unimportant and making me feel worthless after all this time. I told her that for once in my life, I was legitimately happy, and that things would be better if we never spoke again. My mother surprisingly didn't contest this. She just hung her head and paid the bill. This happened about a month ago, and right now, I've moved far away, almost halfway across the country. I'm still no contact with my parents and my toxic family members. And right now, I've moved far away, almost halfway across the country. I'm still no contact with my parents and my toxic family members.

I live in a small apartment and I have a decent job as a waitress. My cousin, little brother and I chat from time to time, and we're still doing as great as ever. Our next reddit post comes from our slash relationship advice. I'm a 34 year old man, and my wife, who's 32, has been cutting the strings off my pyjama pants and she won't admit to it, but I'm not sure why. For background, we've been married for 10 years. This behavior is pretty recent.

This really isn't that bad, but I was hoping someone could have an explanation because I ask her about this and she just denies it, but we don't have any kids so it can only be her. In the last year or so, I have been discovering the tie strings for my pajama pants have been disappearing. It can only be her removing these because we don't have kids and I'm the only one who actually has to leave the house to go to work. So she's alone in the house a lot. Her pants still have their strings in them, but none of

mine do. I've also bought more pants to replace the ones with missing strings, but eventually, those go missing too. We have a good relationship, so I don't know why she denies it when I ask her about it. It's really not that big of a deal, so I don't really press the issue. It's just really bizarre. She's a bit of a prankster, and so am I, but if this is a practical joke, I don't see the point of it. Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Then OP post it an update. Okay, so I just got home and checked inside the waste bands of all my pajamas.

I only have 5 sets so it didn't take long. There's no strings in any of them, and they definitely didn't retract inside of the seams. I need to get some sleep, so I'll check the washroom and filter when I wake up. Then OP posted another update. Someone in the comment suggested that maybe my cat has been taking them out and hiding them since cats tend to have hiding spots. One of our cats hiding spots is under the couch. I just checked, and I found one there. It's just one but it's a start. I'm going to check his other hiding spots too. Then another update. Okay, so when my wife woke up, I told her about finding a string in our cat hiding spot.

She was amused and wanted to help me look at his other spots for them too. Well, none of his other known hiding spots had them, but then she noticed something weird about the back of our other couch. It had a small hole in the bottom of it. I shined a flashlight in the hole and found a whole bunch of random stuff in there. We took the cushion off the section of the couch and cut a hole in the spring and voila! We found his true secret stash! All of my strains were there. Not only that, but we found pretty much all of my wife's missing smaller squishmallows and are missing AirPods. We even found a missing pendant that we've been trying to find for years.

I'm gonna go buy my wife a box of chocolates. That was our slash best of redditor updates, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day. podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.