rSlash - r/Bestof My Boyfriend Doesn't Like My Adult Muppet

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:10 Puppet boyfriend 8:48 Cheater gets caught 13:05 Dumb move Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The title of this next post is, I created a 1 to 1 scale puppet version of my boyfriend and I showed it to him during foreplay as a joke. Now he hasn't texted me in 12 hours and I'm starting to get worried. For context, I'm 23 and he's 22. Me and my boyfriend of 6 months had a pretty cut and dry relationship up until this point. I've always been what some people would call quirky, so pranks are sort of my bread and butter. John has expressed that he really likes that part of me and I'm happy to be with someone who can handle all my zest. Sometimes I worry that he doesn't actually think that I'm as funny as he says, but he

always reassures me that this is not the case. One of the ways that we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom. For example, I love to do impressions of Disney characters. Such as the paperwork lady from Monsters Incorporated. He sometimes does them too, but he's not as good at the voices. So here's where I think that I might have taken things a bit too far. I recently bought a sewing machine to try to make cosplay costumes and stuff, but something dawned on me as I was messing around with it. This was the plan. We often start sexy time with a back rub massage sort of thing and then we switch off. Then we progress into kissing and all the rest of it. One very important fact to tell you is that John does in fact wear glasses, so I usually

make a point to take them off and put them on the table for safety. During this particular romp in the hay, I got a really funny idea about how to take his glasses off next time and I couldn't stop laughing. He asked me what I was laughing at because he had some insecurities about his appearance, but I assured him that it was nothing like that. We had our fun and John went home. But all I could think about was this plan. So the next day I went to the fabric store and I bought a bunch of skin colored felt

and wire framing and cotton and I got to work creating a Muppet style version of my boyfriend to put his glasses on next time we were getting dirty. Honestly the thing looked pretty good and I even found some clothes at Goodwill that were his style. I dressed the puppet in his clothes, hid them under my collection of squishmells that's in my room, and invited him over. To spare you the explicit details, we did start kissing and taking off clothes and stuff, but my hands were shaking as I reached up to grab his glasses.

Instead of putting his glasses on my nightstand, I made a point of saying something like, I'm just gonna put these right here. As I stretched over to the squishmallow that was covering the puppet boyfriend's head and put the glasses right over his felt eyes. He got confused I think, and looked back to where I put the glasses and he sat up. And he studied this Muppet version of his face. His face is very easily identifiable by the way. John has red hair, a mustache and glasses, so there was little question of who this could be.

He was silent for a second, then said, Is that supposed to be me? While I laughed. I said, do you like it? As I took it out of the squishmallow pile and revealed the entirety of Muppet John. Oh, did you make that? he asked. And I stood up off the bed and asked him to stand next to it. See, it's just like you, basically, I said. But he still wasn't laughing that much. I think he saw the Muppet ended up being a little bit taller than he is.

He's 5'7 and probably insecure about that. The Muppet ended up closer to about 6'1. I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true Disney impression to make him feel better. In my best goofy impression I said, well looks like we could call him Big John, huck! John just took the glasses off of Big John and let the puppet fall to the floor. Then he set the glasses on the nightstand and he sat in bed for a while. But we eventually went to Sin City, but it was a lot more quiet than usual.

He left after that, even though we were planning on having a sleepover. He said that he wasn't feeling good. I texted him goodnight and went to bed. So here's the issue. This morning I haven't gotten any good morning text or any text at all from him even though he always sends me a good morning text. I'm worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal John didn't think the joke was as funny as I did. I feel like he's putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this really made him feel even though I thought this was pretty funny. Is this salvageable or am I screwed? Man I'm just trying to imagine how... I'm just

trying to imagine how a woman would react if the genders were reversed. Right? If a girl comes over to the guy's place and the guy's like, hey, check it out, it's you and reveals a life-size doll that looks like her. My guess is that the woman's first thought would be, this guy's going to lock me in his basement and eat me. Then nine days later, OP posted an update. It's been a wild couple of days or so and I've been honestly a little depressed at

the negative reaction from everyone. After my boyfriend left after we did the no pants dance in front of the Muppet, he didn't text me for like a day and a half. I was really starting to get worried and believe some of the comments that I was a serial killer. So I hung Big John in the closet so I didn't have to look at him. I was so ashamed. I was drawing when my phone buzzed and I saw that it was John. All it said was, hey, can we talk?

I was super nervous and he came over to my place. It was awkward at first because it had been especially long since we saw or talked to each other and I honestly thought that things were going to end, especially after reading all the comments. However, he apologized for his behavior and told me something that cleared things up. Apparently his mom has been cheating on his dad with multiple younger men for years and his dad just found this out the other day, the day that I made Big John. Whoa, okay, I was not expecting that plot twist. He wasn't upset about Big John at all.

I could tell, I could tell that he was still upset and my instincts were saying that I should do a Disney voice. But I considered the comments from the last post and decided just to say, I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope your family is okay. Then the most surprising part, he said, I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope your family is okay. Then, the most surprising part. He said, I'm sorry too.

And then, in his adorably not very good singing voice saying, Big John never bothered me anyway. I have something for him, actually. And brought out one of his favorite slap bracelets that his mom got him as a kid. Yo, what is this story? He pulled me into a hug and we danced like we were Cint- S- Ha-

Ha- Like we were Cinderella and Prince Charming boyfriend. He tried to dip me, but he's not very strong. So it created a funny moment where we kissed and then he led me to my royal suite. And you can probably guess the rest. We got to the bed and normal John had some smudges on his glasses after kissing. He asked me if there was anywhere or anyone that he could put these glasses on. I brought out big John and his hand fell off.

But it was like a fairy tale romance when when normal John placed the glasses on Big John's cute nose. So for now, it seems like a happy ending. And then thankfully, gloriously, OP posts pictures of the puppet. So I'll throw these up on screen now. And I mean, this picture is so good, I might even use it in the thumbnail. Man, unbelievable. Guys, to all the single people out there, if you're ever feeling down about your life, I mean this picture is so good I might even use it in the thumbnail. Man, unbelievable.

Guys, to all the single people out there, if you're ever feeling down about your life, you know, oh I'll never find anyone, I'm single, I'm so sad, I can't find my one true partner, just remember this story. Remember. Remember. Hey, even if OP in this story can find love, then you've got hope. Because this woman is bonkers!

OP, are you okay? I don't want to criticize her because she's not like evil or wrong. She's just weird. Very weird. So just remember that guys. If OP can find love, you can find love too. Because OP's got some, OP's got some issues, man. Or hey, maybe John's into it and now they can have Muppet threesomes together?

Just throw a strap on the Muppet and go to town on each other? Our next Reddit post comes from r slash relationship advice. My husband is on a trip with one of our sons and his brother to go visit their mother, my son's grandmother. I was cleaning up the den when an email notification popped up on my husband's iPad. It was an email from an apartment complex that they were going to temporarily close down the hot water for repairs. It was addressed to my husband with his first and last name.

But the thing is, we own our house. We haven't rented in over 10 years and even then the address listed wasn't our old place. The place where we live, upstate New York, this company doesn't even service. I tried to send my husband a picture of the email but it wouldn't go through. I called up my husband and explained it to him but he said that it must have been a mistake or maybe the wrong email. We weren't able to talk much before the call dropped because of a spotty connection but if it was the wrong email. We weren't able to talk much before the call dropped because of a spotty connection, but if it was the wrong email, then how did they have his first and last name

all spelled correctly? For context, his first name is somewhat common, but our last name isn't common, especially in this area. There weren't any other emails from this sender or about this apartment complex in my husband's emails, but he's also the kind of guy who clears his inbox as he gets messages. I sent a message to the apartment complex in my husband's emails. But he's also the kind of guy who clears his inbox as he gets messages. I sent a message to the apartment complex telling them

that I think my husband was on their email list by mistake, but I just got an automatic email sent back. There was no unit number on the email, but the complex is about 15 minutes away from our house, so I went and I drove by, which I guess might be a little crazy, I know. I didn't really see anything, not like I knew what to expect. It's just a group of buildings, less than a hundred apartments and all.

Anyway, I don't know exactly what advice I'm looking for. I know the advice that I would have for one of my friends would be to just talk to him, but I really can't until he comes home on Saturday, which is a really long time for me to sit with my intrusive thoughts. My best friend called the emergency maintenance number and said that she was a delivery driver who had over $100 worth of food for my husband's name, but that he had forgotten to fill in his apartment number. Through this method, we got my husband's apartment number. Then one day later, OP posted an update. My friend called and got my husband's

apartment number from the maintenance man. Both of us went over to the apartment and my friend knocked. A girl answered but didn't answer the door, just the bell camera. My friend said that she was there looking for Adam. The girl said that Adam wasn't there but wouldn't give her more information than that, which I get. My friend was basically a total stranger at her door. When we left, I could see this woman looking out the apartment window at us. I tried to call my husband a thousand times yesterday and nothing went through.

A few times the call did pick up, but the service was so bad you could barely hear anything. So now I'm headed upstate to confront him in person. I have a copy of the email as well as a photo of the apartment as well as a recording of the girl saying that Adam wasn't there, which to me is confirmation that this woman knows Adam. If this is somehow all a big misunderstanding, I'm gonna have my husband explain it to me in person instead of waiting until he comes home. Then later that same day OP posted an update. I am writing this from a hotel room.

I went to confront my husband. He knew from the minute my car pulled up what was going on. He came outside to meet me and the first thing he said was, did you go to the apartment? And I told him yeah. So then he said, so I guess we have to have a talk. And again I said yeah. It was a long talk that involved a lot of emotions. The woman is his girlfriend. They've

been together for four months. She's under the impression that we're separated and going through the divorce process. His family wasn't aware of this. His brother and mother, who were both there, were horrified. I'm sorry that I don't have more to say. I've already contacted a divorce lawyer, a therapist, and a financial advisor. Also in the comments, people are asking OP how her husband managed to pay for an apartment for 4 months without him noticing and apparently he was paying for the apartment with company funds which is embezzlement? Illegal? Going to jail illegal?

So depending on how Opie handles this, her husband might not only lose his family, but also his freedom. Our next reddit post is from r slash advice. I had a crush on this girl, Carla, since middle school going into high school, but she never paid me any mind. I left for the military and met Sarah, who's a nurse and wants to become a doctor nurse practitioner. Sarah was the usual type of girl that I dated. I left the military to do contracting work and move back to my home state. One day, while I was getting drinks at the bar, Carla was my bartender.

She didn't recognize me at first, but when I told her my name, she couldn't believe it. She said she couldn't believe how much I changed. I started becoming a regular and eventually exchanged contact information with her to catch up. During this time, she told me that she has a crush on me even though she knows that I have a fiancé. She said she likes how driven I am and now I'm conflicted.

She says that she'll give me time to think about what I want to do. My fian fiance and I are doing great, but I feel like she's normally the type of woman that I always get. Carla, however, I never had the opportunity to get nor did I think that I would. I don't want to hurt Sarah, but I feel like I would regret this forever if I don't pursue it. Down in the comments, everyone is telling OP to dump Sarah because she deserves better than a cheater like himself and that he's going to regret his flighty decision in the long run. Then, about one month later, OP posted an update. I broke Sarah's heart. I love Sarah so much. And I stupidly called off the wedding to be with my old crush a few weeks ago. Throughout the next couple of weeks, Carla used me as a piggy bank.

That's all I effing was to her. I spoiled her, paid for her hair, nails, etc. I gave her everything. I found out that she used the money that I gave her to buy a ticket for some guy to come see her. I'm sick to my stomach. I reached out to Sarah, but she feels betrayed and said that she doesn't want to be sloppy seconds, but she's not. I love her and I needed this to realize it.

Man, I have never seen such a perfect example of self-sabotage. The dude was happy. He had a fiance that he loved. Then he gets tempted and he thinks, oh, I know what I'll do. I'll go to Reddit. Reddit will give me great advice. And every single person on Reddit was like, dude, this is a bad idea. You're a bad person if you do this. And he's like, well, I'm gonna do it anyways. And then, oh no, consequences.

Why didn't anyone warn me? Dude, literally everyone warned you. That was r slash best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.