rSlash - r/Bestof My Ex Wants Me to Raise HER Baby

Episode Date: January 7, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:11 Calling it off 4:30 Family planning 12:11 Divorce Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:22 Shop Peloton's New Year offers at 1Peloton.ca- slash deals. All Access Membership Separate Terms Apply. Welcome to our slash best of redditor updates, where a woman sneaks into Opie's house to shape his beard while he's asleep. Our next reddit post comes from R-slash and my wrong. Am I wrong for calling off our wedding after my sister-in-law shaved my beard? I'm a 28 year old man and my fiance Lexi is 25. We've been a happy couple for the past 6 years and engage for one or so I thought. For context, my fiancee sister Sally, who's 32, has always been hostile towards me and
Starting point is 00:01:32 would rarely speak to me, and when she did, it would be because her parents were around. Sally is Lexi's rock because she got her through a tough time during college, and since then Lexi has told Sally everything about everything. We've had problems with this in the past due to her telling Sally personal things about my childhood that I'd only told a few people. This led to me and my fiance not speaking for three months during COVID when she would only leave our room for food and go to the toilet, but recently, we haven't had an argument in over a year, but three nights ago, she mentioned that she'd like me to shave my beard.
Starting point is 00:02:07 For context, I have a very thick beard that I've been growing for eight years and I'm very proud of it. So of course, I told Lexie that I wouldn't be shaving my beard to which she stormed off to the kitchen and slammed her wine glass into the sink, smashing it and to plate in the process. I immediately stood up and asked, what the hell are you doing? She spun around and screamed that I'm a selfish a-hole because I won't shave my beard and ran to our bedroom and slam the door.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Yo, what? I ended up sleeping on the couch and woke up at around 4am to Sally with a razor trying to shave my beard so I pushed her off of me. Lexi then ran to check on Sally while I was looking at the big patch that Sally had taken out of my beard. Then I went upstairs and packed a bag while Lexi shouted at me for hurting Sally. I told her to f off and that the wedding was off and I walked out of the house and drove an hour to my parents' house where I've been staying since the incident.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Earlier today I got a text from Sally saying that I was selfish for not shaving my beard because when I go down on Lexi, it feels weird, but I haven't replied to her. My family thinks that I should break off the relationship, but her family said that I should just shave and move on. So what should I do? Am I wrong? Down in the comments, someone asks, why was Sally there at 4 a.m. and OP said, my fiance letter in? Alright, I have a feeling that the reason why Lexi let Sally into the
Starting point is 00:03:31 apartment is because she didn't want to take the heat for shaping the beard so she got her sister to do it for her. Then two hours later OP posted an update. I just got 52 missed calls and texts from Lexi saying things like, please don't leave. Let's have intercourse one last time, which she kept saying a lot, and I just got one saying, I'm pregnant. I don't believe it for a second. I think she's trying to baby trap me. Then two hours after that, OP posted another update.
Starting point is 00:03:58 I've had two hours of sleep. I woke up to a barrage of texts from Lexi and Sally. Lexi's texts were basically more the same, except a few said, I love you, miss me, and I'm taking the baby too. Sally messaged me saying that Lexi was in the hospital after a suicide attempt, so I just blocked her number. I don't believe a word of it, but I'm genuinely starting to fear for what these crazys will pull next if I don't do something soon. Then, about three months later, OP posts an update. Hi, I just thought I'd pop in and give you guys an update.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Lexi and I separated, not surprisingly. My beautiful and brilliant adoptive mother passed away in November. I moved to the UK, specifically Sheffield. I bought a beautiful new dog named Bailey. I shaved my beard and grew the world's greatest MoBimber mustache since it's all for a great cause. Thank you all for the much needed abundance of support. Love you all. Alright, got to love a happy ending. OP is a foreigner, so he's got a sexy accent in the
Starting point is 00:04:58 UK. He's got a thick sexy mustache and he's got self-respect. So I think he's gonna do okay in the dating market. Good luck OP and I'm glad you left those crazies in the past. And just to be clear, because some people suffer through this abuse, not realizing how bad it is, if my partner didn't talk to me for three months straight, well, I never would make it that far, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:05:20 If I'm dating a girl and she doesn't talk to me for a month or even just a week straight and gives me the silent treatment, it's like, okay, fine. You don't care about this relationship, let's just move on. As a quick heads up on this next post, this story deals with abortion and babies with birth defects and it's a pretty sad story. Our next reddit post comes from R-slash-true off my chest. I'm a 31 year old woman and my husband is 30.
Starting point is 00:05:44 My doctor told us that our baby has many birth defects. I went to a board, but my husband does not. This was a planned baby, and I'm absolutely devastated. Me and my husband met in college and have been married for six years now. We have one son who's now four years old. I know some people are gonna wonder, so yes, we did discuss our moral and political views before even getting engaged and we're both pro-choice. When we were 21 and 20, we made a stupid mistake that ended in a pregnancy. We were both flat broke and not at all ready for kids.
Starting point is 00:06:18 I decided to terminate and he fully agreed with and supported me. He loves our son so much and is an amazing father. He can fight it in me that he loved the idea of having a daughter as well. Luckily, we're in a good financial place, so I agreed and we started trying for a second baby. We can see it fairly quickly and we're overjoyed. We also soon discovered that we're having a girl. My husband was so excited.
Starting point is 00:06:43 As soon as he was told, he went all out and started to plan her nursery. He asked our son to help him pick which shade of pink he wanted, which crib to get, what the theme should be, et cetera. It was all so adorable. I don't wanna reveal any personal medical history, so forgive me for being vague with the descriptions.
Starting point is 00:07:02 At our last doctor's visit a few days ago, we've given the news that our daughter has severe birth defects. They think that she could possibly survive the birth, but any life that she gets to experience will be painful for her. There have been medical cases of babies with the same condition, surviving from early childhood to even the teenage years rarely. These poor children suffer so much pain and
Starting point is 00:07:27 are uncomfortable their entire lives. They're very low functioning and need around the clock care, as well as several uncomfortable surgeries to try to give them a better quality of life. We were both heartbroken and cried for hours together in the car. Then we drove home in silence. Neither of us said anything and tell my husband began to quietly mumble his thoughts. He was going on and on about how we needed to schedule another doctor's appointment so that we would know what medical equipment we needed to buy for her, and we should renovate the nursery again so that we could care for her more easily. He said that he'd definitely have to talk to his boss so that he can
Starting point is 00:08:04 take a longer paternal leave. He wants to be by have to talk to his boss so that he can take a longer paternal leave. He wants to be by her side in the nick you until we can take her home. He talked about how we'd have to ask his mom to babysit our son more often when she was born. He even said that maybe we could sell one of our cars, move to a smaller house, and take our son out of private school so that we'd have more money to pay for our daughter's care.
Starting point is 00:08:24 I was silent until he asked me what I thought. I was blunt and said that I think that we should terminate the pregnancy. Now, I feel bad for saying it, but I was still frazzled from the news. This made him very upset. He began to cry and ask why I don't want our daughter even with disabilities. I brought up our previous abortion. He said that was different because it was unplanned and we had no way to take care of the child. Now, we're in a pretty good place financially, so theoretically we could shoulder the cost of our daughter. I have a bit of a personal history with this type of situation. My best friend in high school was over at my house all the time because her parents were way too busy with her severely autistic older brother.
Starting point is 00:09:08 They did love her, but she was pushed to the side her entire childhood. I told him this story. He said that we would do better for our son and our daughter. He said that my best friends' parents were stupid for having a second kid after they already had a disabled one. He then seemed hopeful for a minute and asked if I was just afraid. He promised he would be by my side the whole time and we could do this together. I told him that it's not about fear that our daughter will be in pain
Starting point is 00:09:35 constantly if she's born alive, that it would be a short and painful life for her. I love this baby so much already, I don't want her to suffer like that. He began to yell that even if she doesn't live long, we could still pour our hearts and souls into making her life as fulfilling as possible. I didn't respond and he stormed off. It's been a couple of days now and he won't even look me in the eyes. He sits in the new nursery for hours. Our son is very confused.
Starting point is 00:10:05 I know that my husband is grieving, but I really don't want to go further with this pregnancy. I love him so much. I have no idea what to do now. Then, about one week later, Opie posted an update. After I made my original post, my husband and I rushed to get a second opinion. Nothing changed during that second opinion,
Starting point is 00:10:24 and it was still our original diagnosis. Once I learned that, I scheduled the termination for as soon as physically possible. I didn't tell my husband at first. He kept on raving about how we could give her as much love in her life as we can. I feel bad for this now, but I snapped and angrily told him that I was terminating the pregnancy. That I know how he feels, but I will not allow my daughter to suffer just because he wants to love her. He was very angry with me after I put my foot down. After he realized that his pleading wouldn't change my mind, he didn't speak a word to me.
Starting point is 00:10:59 It was like he refused to even acknowledge my existence. I was terrified that he would leave me alone with nothing more than the scraps of our family. I tried to explain the situation to my son, but I think that he still doesn't understand. Then, the next night before the procedure, he stepped into my room and apologized for everything, and promised to be more supportive of me from now on. I was so happy and relieved that I started to sob and he held me all night. My original plan was that my mom would drive me to the hospital.
Starting point is 00:11:32 Then once it's done, a close friend would take me home. Since he only had one day's notice, he said that he couldn't miss a full day of work, but he really wanted to drive me home. I agreed and the procedure was done in the morning. My son is having a long sleep over with my best friend's family. I do not want him to see me like this.
Starting point is 00:11:51 The next morning, the termination was done. It went fine with only minor physical pain, but the emotional toll was crushing. After I was done, my husband never showed up to get me. I waited for hours and he wouldn't answer any of my calls. I ended up having to call a friend out of work to take me home. When we got there, I just saw one note on the counter saying that he can't do this. A few of our daughter's special toys were removed from her nursery.
Starting point is 00:12:20 My entire life has fallen apart in a matter of days. I asked my mom to watch my son for a little while. I still can't contact my husband. Everything feels so pointless. You know, the thing that I really like about our slash best of reddered or updates posts is you never really know what's gonna happen in the update. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding,
Starting point is 00:12:40 maybe things work out well in the end, maybe things go downhill, but sometimes you have stories like this where the ending gets worse and worse and worse. I don't know if OP is going to post another update after this, but I can't imagine that it's going to be good news for OP. This post was brutal. All I can say is I hope that things work out well for OP or her son and her husband. It sounds like they're all deeply grieving in their own way.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Our next red-oppost comes from R-slash-am-I wrong. Am I wrong for divorcing my ex-wife over kids and now refusing to be a part of her son's life? I want to preface this by saying that I have no intentions of getting back with my ex, and I'm in a very happy relationship with my now fiance. I'm a 46 year old man. I married my ex-wife, who's currently 45 when we were 26 and 25 respectively. At that time, we were both on the fence about having kids.
Starting point is 00:13:36 I knew since college that I wanted to retire early, and my dream of having financial freedom was it really made me realize that kids don't fit into the life I wanted. I was trying to find the right time to talk to her about it, but over the next few weeks she started dropping hints that she wanted kids. She started showing me photos of her friends' kids, commenting on our nieces and nephews, joking about her getting or being pregnant, which really freaked me out. And she even bought me a book called The Joys of Fatherhood because she thought that I might find it interesting. I sat her down and asked her if she wanted kids. And she admitted that over the years she had grown to one a family. We had a conversation about
Starting point is 00:14:14 it, and I realized that neither one of us were going to change our minds. I didn't want to keep her from what she wanted in life, so I brought up divorce. She really didn't want to divorce, and kept trying to get me to want kids. But I stuck to what I wanted in life, so I brought up divorce. She really didn't want a divorce and kept trying to get me to want kids, but I stuck to what I wanted and we ended up separating. I obviously still loved her, but that's why I wanted the divorce. We were still young, and she could find someone to have a family that she wants with. I didn't want her to resent me for forcing my life choices onto her. Even after I filed for divorce, she still didn't agree with me, and dragged it out as long as she could, so the divorce took almost two years.
Starting point is 00:14:52 I dated over the years, but I never really found someone that I could see myself sharing the rest of my life with, until I met my now fiance four years ago. Apparently, my ex-wife struggled with dating as well and hasn't remarried yet. She has a son now, but the kid's dad isn't in the picture. She recently reached out to me and asked if we could meet to catch up. I talked with my fiance about it, and she thought that it would be a great way to clear up any bad blood between us, so I agreed to meet up with my ex for coffee. Things seem to be going well until my ex brought up her son.
Starting point is 00:15:24 She asked me if I was willing to be a part of his life as a masculine influence. And I told her that I was glad that she was able to have a child, but that still wasn't something that I was interested in. She tried to change my mind, saying that we could be a family again. She kept trying to convince me and I kept trying to change the subject. I admit that I got frustrated because things weren't going as I hoped they would. And I told her that I was happy with my fiance and that I wasn't interested in her. She started to insult my fiance so I left. I thought what happened was crazy. When I agreed to meet with her, it never occurred to me that she might want to get back together considering how long it had been, and you know,
Starting point is 00:16:03 I'm not single. She kept messaging me so I blocked her, and I don't plan on talking with her again. I was talking with my sister and her husband about it, and they said that while I'm totally right for rejecting her now, that it was more of a butthole move on my part to divorce her in the first place, and that I was now being a butthole again by not being a part of her kids' life. They both agreed that my ex was right for wanting to work it out.
Starting point is 00:16:28 They said that it was my fault that her child doesn't have a father, and if I had given having kids a chance, I would have changed my mind. But I just don't agree that kids are something one should compromise on. I just don't see how it's possible for it to not be a bad situation for everyone involved
Starting point is 00:16:44 that breeds resentment. I don't know my it's possible for it to not be a bad situation for everyone involved that breeds resentment. I don't know my ex's kid at all, and I don't agree that it's my responsibility to step up now just because his biological dad didn't. I asked some other friends and family, and they agreed with my sisters, so now I'm not sure if what I did was right or wrong, or if I was wrongly justifying it to myself. Also OP clarifies in the comments that they divorced 16 years ago and her son is currently 11. So there's no way the son could be his. Then, five days later, OP posted an update. My ex-wife somehow got a
Starting point is 00:17:16 hold of my fiance's phone number. She contacted her yesterday and made false accusations that I cheated on her when we met up for coffee. Obviously, my fiance didn't believe her and just blocked her number. This morning, my sister showed up uninvited to my fiance's house with her kids demanding to talk. Me and her don't live together, so I wasn't there. My fiance originally wasn't going to let them in, but my sister sat on her porch and refused to leave. It was cold and windy and the kids didn't have codons, and since it's not the kids fault, she ended up giving in. She put on a show for the kids and made some coffee to prepare herself for whatever garbage my sister was going to say.
Starting point is 00:17:55 My sister started a whole spiel about how if my fiance really cared about me and not just my money, then she would do what's best for me and leave. My sister claimed that since I'll always be connected to my ex, that I'll forever be unhappy if I'm with anyone else. Apparently, if my fiance doesn't leave me, it's proof that she's only with me for my money, and that it's obvious that my ex and our child, which what the hell? It's not my kid, would actually use the money in a godly way. Puy Fiancé laughed in my sister's face and just stared at her until she left. My fiance and I are both a little confused by what she said.
Starting point is 00:18:35 I am better off financially than my fiance, but not by that much. I'm also not religious, so even if I did get back with my ex, me and my money would still not be godly. We know that my sister is crazy, but why did she think that her plan would do anything? After my sister left, my fiance called me and told me what happened. I called my sister to tell her to leave my fiance alone and that she was crazy and delusional. She defended herself by saying that she knew what was best for me and was just protecting me from going through with my wedding since my fiance was obviously taking advantage of me, and that since I'm under her spell, I can't protect myself.
Starting point is 00:19:15 I, again, told her that she was crazy and delusional, and told her that I've never wanted to hear from her or anyone else who's siding with my ex again, and to please pass that message along. Every single time a family member or friend messages me backing up my sister and my ex, I just block them. Down in the comments OP clarifies that he's blocked 10 people including his sister. He also says that his fiance has a very extensive rock collection which is her hobby. She does yoga because it's easy on her joints, and she burns incense because it smells good. Her family has seen a few Facebook posts about witches and things that she's one of them. In their eyes, it means she's worshipping the devil. Also someone points out the strange math discrepancy on the father of the child in the situation. And apparently, when OP's
Starting point is 00:20:06 X was about 30 or 34, she slept with a guy who was 20 and got knocked up. That was our slash best of redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day. single day.

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