rSlash - r/Bestof My Husband Got His Virgin Coworker Pregnant

Episode Date: September 16, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:12 Lying husband 3:30 First update 8:20 Second update 13:36 Third update 16:56 Fourth update Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to our slash best of redditor updates where I don't really want to spoil the story but suffice to say things get worse and then worse and then worse. Our next reddit post comes from our slash amide the butthole. I'm a 33-year-old woman. I've been married to my 33-year husband for 10 years, together since college. Since starting out, we've made financial security a priority, and we've been able to achieve that, albeit with some good luck along the way. We both have good jobs, paying close to $200,000 each. Student loans were paid off within a few years.

We live in a house that I inherited from my grandmother with no mortgage, and we don't have any credit card debt. We max out our 401Ks, and we currently have 18 months of expenses in our emergency fund, and are still adding to it. Also, our cars are both paid off, and they should be good for another 5-plus years. We manage our finances in a hybrid manner. Join accounts for bills and savings and separate accounts for fund money. We each get a pretty generous monthly allotment. The fund money is strictly for our individual expenses, hobbies, clothes, outings with friends, etc.

And not for things like date nights, vacations, or larger joint purchases like household appliances and repairs. Those come out of our joint account. We also agreed that if either of us gets any bonuses or any side hustle income, then those will go into our individual fund money accounts. Unless the funds are needed for larger expenses such as a major home repair. In terms of the fund money, my husband is much more of a spender than I am due to expensive hobbies, in particular golf and collecting sports memorabilia, but he's also into designer clothes, which is

fine, it's his fun money. On the other hand, my hobbies are a lot less expensive, running, working out, reading, and baking. And general, I'm more introverted, and a great time for me is tea with a friend at one of our homes, with homemade pastries. I have also been getting back into gaming lately after setting it aside for much of the past decade while building my career. After realizing I had more than enough in my fun money account, I decided to overhaul my gaming setup and got myself a new PC, desk, and gaming chair with a total cost of about $5,000.

However, upon hearing about the purchase, my husband became furious. He says that he had no idea I'd saved up so much money and I should have consulted him before spending $5,000. I asked him what difference it made if it was my own accrued fund money and not our joint funds. And he insisted that my accumulating this amount of money

without telling him was a form of financial infidelity. He says that he lost trusted me and he doesn't know what else I might be hiding. He's demanding that I return the items I purchased and deposit most of the funds to our joint account. He wants to make a new rule that fund money accounts can't accumulate more than $2,000 and that any excess goes back into the joint account, a rule that would obviously favor him who spends much of his

allotment each month instead of saving up for anything bigger. I feel like I'm being punished for being more of a day-to-day saver than a spender. It wouldn't even occur to me to demand to know how much my husband has in his fund money account, or try to micro manage what he spins it on. I wasn't hiding anything deliberately, he never asked about it until after I made the purchases. Still, maybe I should have been more transparent about my plans, so am I the butthole? Then about a week later, O.P. posted an update.

My husband finally calmed down enough to have a conversation with me. As many people suggested, it wasn't really about the money, but a window into larger issues in our relationship. Essentially, my husband has been feeling increasingly unhappy with me for a while, for the following reasons. In general, he feels that he's a lot more committed to his career development than I am to mine. It's true that, although we currently have about the same income, the ceiling for his field, finance, is a lot higher than the one for mine, which is tech. He's currently in an executive training program and I'm decidedly not. He's feeling

resentful that he's having to work long hours in a high pressure environment, while I get to work primarily at home doing something that's fun and fairly easy for me and I'm not stretching myself to do more He's concerned that over time these resentments are going to build and that I'm not going to end up pulling my weight financially If he takes huge leaps in his career and I don't he remarked that ever since I got back into gaming a few months ago I've been putting a bit less effort into cooking I do nearly all the cooking because I work at home and I have an easier schedule. It is true that I've been fixing simpler meals, things like grilled chicken salads or chili with cornbread, instead of elaborate meals with fuzzier foods and several sides.

He also noticed that I haven't been doing the elaborate table settings that I used to, with flowers on the table and fancy placemats. Honestly, I didn't realize that he noticed or cared about this, but apparently he does. Acts of Service are one of his main love languages, so overall he's feeling... Oh my god, okay, okay, okay. So overall he's feeling a little neglected because of this. There's more to come guys, I just gotta stop. I cannot believe that this guy has a girlfriend, Okay, so overall he's feeling a little neglected because of this. There's more to come guys, I just gotta stop. I cannot believe that this guy has a girlfriend,

is no, a wife. This guy has a wife who brings in $200,000 a year and cooks and he's like, you're not good enough. You're gonna have to take it to the next level, sweetie. I don't like the hustle I'm seeing out of you. All right, I know you could do better. Most guys, if they had a wife who brought in 200k and cooked and wasn't a big spinner, they'd be like, f**k jackpots!

Okay, I can't wait to see where this goes. He also feels that I'm not putting enough effort into my appearance. Not in terms of like my weight and body. To be clear, I'm a long distance runner and slim, but in terms of things like clothes, hair, etc. It's true that I've never paid much attention to these things, given that I work at home in tech, and the standard for appearances is extremely low, and I far exceed that. I tend to buy simple, practical clothes at places like Target and Walmart, and I don't

wear much makeup and keep my hair in a simple ponytail. I do glam up a lot more for date nights and other dressy occasions, but most days he comes home from work to find me in a t-shirt and yoga pants with no makeup. And he wants me to make more of an effort. The bottom line is that because of all these things, he's starting to notice other women. He says he hasn't cheated.

He's just noticing other people because he's regularly disappointed in me. In particular, given that he works in finance, And he's just noticing other people because he's regularly disappointed in me. In particular, given that he works in finance, there are a good number of very career-oriented type-a-women who manage to have fantastic bodies, beat effortlessly polished and glam, and have more interesting hobbies. He also says that he feels horrible about all this, because he knows that I'm a good person and that he's being judgmental, that it's not so much that I've changed as that his own goals and expectations have

changed in the past couple of years. The financial infidelity accusation came into it because he feels that I'm not really investing in myself in our relationship, thus cheating on our future in a sense. He also says that he loves me enough to be honest. That he doesn't want to so drift apart further, that he loves me enough to be honest. That he doesn't want to sedrift apart further, that he doesn't want to be angry and resentful, and he knows that he's asking for a lot. I know that many people on this sub might say that I should just tell him to take a hike and call my lawyer, but we've been married for 10 years. I've

invested a lot in this relationship, and I want to see if the marriage can be saved. First, we did make an appointment with the Marriage counselor and start next week. Also, I'm going to try to do at least some of the things that he suggested. I'm not sure about making myself be more professionally ambitious when I'm already happy with my work-life balance and we're already financially very comfortable. But I can at least try doing the other things, like returning to spending more time on cooking and decor, and fix myself up a bit when he's on his way home from work. Should be easier now that I know these things are important to him.

I also know that in the end, I may feel like I'm just tiptoeing around and contorting myself to please him, but it won't cost me much to try for a month or two and see how we both feel. And I know that I would always regret it if I didn't try. Bet on the NFL with Fandule, official sportsbook partner of the NFL. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. Nineteen plus and physically located in Ontario, gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 to visit connectsentario.ca.

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contest details while supplies last. Then a few days after that OPP posts an other update. So the more I thought about it, the more his requests, demands really were sitting poorly with me. I decided to try a little experiment over the weekend to see what would happen if I tried to meet some of his demands. Not because I actually thought they were reasonable, but because I increasingly had the sense that the goalposts would just keep moving, and that I was playing a losing game. So Saturday morning, I went to the salon for a glow-up.

Haircut, fresh highlights, manipetty, then went to the farmer's market to pick up fresh flowers for our table and assorted other gourmet ingredients. Saturday is usually our date night, but I suggested that we stay in so that I could make us a special dinner. Steakhouse style, lobster bisque, bread basket with several types of rolls and savory muffins made from scratch, crab stuffed mushrooms, flamen yawn, all gratin potatoes, white chocolate mousse topped with raspberries. I wore a lavender sheath dress, which is his favorite color on me, and high heels and fully done hair and makeup. For all that, I got a lukewarm thing, it was tasty, and a kiss on the cheek. Of course, I did all the serving and clean

up. On Sunday, we usually go out, but he suggested that I make a sprunch at home. So I made French press coffee, memoses with fresh squeezed orange juice, Belgian waffles with a banana foster topping, eggs scrambled with parmesan and fresh herbs from our garden, roasted fingerling potatoes, and maple glaze bacon. I wore a blue sleeveless sundress, wedge sandals, and again did my hair and makeup. Again, I got a... thinks. It's good, and got no help with serving or cleanup. Afterwards, I asked if this is what he had in mind when he critiqued me before.

He said that it was a start, but that I was acting very entitled for when in credit for basic adulting. He then dropped a bomb that he was being so hard on me because he had realized lately that I had a lot to make up for it. Due to my being a low value woman, I asked what on earth he meant by that, and he said that it was because I wasn't a virgin when we met. What? Keep in mind, we started dating at 21. Neither of us claimed to be virgins or stated that as an expectation. Except for very religious people, which is neither of us, I don't think most 21-year-old

college students are virgins. I was up front with him that I'd had two previous partners, my high school boyfriend and another boyfriend that I'd had at my first year of college. And that's it. Both were committed relationships and I never had casual hookups. He then went on to say that because of my low value, I was going to need to be making it up to him for the rest of my life. That I didn't deserve monogamy or equal treatment and that I was lucky that anyone at all wanted to marry me. And that he's connected with someone from work, so if I wanted to keep him, I'd better step up. I told him that it didn't sound

like there was anything to keep if he no longer loved me, or even liked or respected me. I told him to leave, and he said that he would gladly go to his girlfriend's place. I know so many people here insisted that he was having an affair and I just didn't want to see it, that his complaints were really all part of a campaign to distance himself from me. I feel so foolish for just thinking that he was going through a stressful time at work or that he genuinely wanted to work on our marriage. Anyway, I've taken the week off from work to get my head together.

I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. He and his girlfriend apparently are coming this evening to get my head together. I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. He and his girlfriend apparently are coming this evening to get more of his clothes and things, so I have to brace myself for that. Also, please be assured that I do not think that I'm low value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time, but now I truly see that it was a him problem. Obviously, we don't share the same goals and values, and he's become someone I don't recognize. I know that a divorce won't be fun or easy, but I'll be okay.

You know, the story's really sad. It is sad that OP's marriage is ruined, and she basically got cheated on, but I'm sorry, this postage is so just so funny yo what is this guy talking about a low-value woman O.P. exercises she's in shape she cooks elaborate massive meals she's not a big spender she has an amazing career an amazing ridiculous career she's caring she's considerate when her partner brings up issues she's like okay I'm not sure if I agree but I'll try to do them because I care about is career. She's caring, she's considerate, when her partner brings up issues, she's like, okay, I'm not sure if I agree, but I'll try to do them because I care about you. This woman is the complete opposite of a low value woman. She's a catch. So what is this guy talking?

This guy's just a doofus. Opie, I hate to say this because I know you're hurting, but realistically, you're better off without him. It's not really clear to me if he actually believes these things. If he doesn't, he's just a bonafide doofus. Or if he actually realizes that you are a catch, but he just, you know, is the grass's greener on the other side type of person, and he's saying things just to distance himself. You know, in that case, he's still a bad person. It's just he's only a bad person as opposed to being both a doofus and a bad person. So normally I'd say good luck getting back out into the dating market, but honestly OP, I don't think you're gonna have much of a problem here.

I thought the story ended, but there's actually more updates. Apparently OP asked her husband, so this person you connected with at work, is she actually a virgin and her husband said, Well, she was with a smirk. So virgin or not, someone who would sleep with a married colleague is higher value than me, unless he lied about his marital status-slash situation, which I wouldn't put a past him. So, yes, he admitted that he's been having an affair for several months. He kept trying to say that it doesn't really count as cheating because

I'm low-value, so the standards are different. Then two days later, OP posted another update. So he was supposed to come get his stuff on Tuesday evening a couple of days ago, but he told me at the last minute that he couldn't because Amy, his girlfriend, wasn't feeling well. Some people called it in the comments, but yes, she's apparently pregnant. He told me this in text, so now I have proof of the affair in writing, so it's not just his word against mine.

Anyway, I didn't want him to keep jerking me around on the schedule, so I told him that I'd pack his stuff up for him and arrange for movers. I think it's better that way. I really don't want either of them in the house. I already arranged for a friend to come over on Tuesday when he and Amy were supposed to come by, so the two of us spent the evening packing his clothes and other personal effects. The movers came yesterday and got the boxes and the furniture items that he wanted. He didn't want much, just a stuff from his home office and his dresser, as apparently

Amy's apartment is small. I provided a detailed inventory and photos of everything, which he approved, so he can't say that I broke or otherwise ruined his stuff. After that, I went to the clinic to get tested for STDs, and I met with my lawyer who said that I had a good case for grounds of adultery and mental cruelty, if and when I want to go that route. Also, I locked down all the finances within the parameters provided by the lawyer, so he can't empty our joint funds or take anything that belongs to me. I also changed the locks on the house. I decided to take the advice of some of the commenters and I'm getting rid of the bid and other bedroom furniture that I shared with him. And I'm going to completely redecorate the bedroom to my own taste.

I'm also taking a spa weekend away, leaving tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday night, just to get a change of scenery before I have to go back to work next week. And yes, even after buying the gaming setup, I have plenty of fun money left in my account to afford my lawyers retainer and redoing the bedroom as well as my getaway, with plenty of leftover so here's the frugality when it counts. I'm doing better than I expected, I think, and I'm realizing more day by day that it really wasn't a good marriage, at least not for the past couple of years when he started expecting me to do everything around the house.

And all the other emotional labor of running our lives outside of work, with no help and little to no gratitude. Amy sure is going to have her hands full. Also he was hardcore child-free before. I mean, maybe he changed his mind, but it doesn't seem like this was exactly a planned pregnancy. Plus, he can't even be bothered to put his own laundry in the hamper or put a dish in the dishwasher, so how is he going to deal with an infant? Anyway, it's not really my problem, and I guess I'll figure it out, or not. Then about one month later, O.P posted another update.

She goes to Great Length explaining how they divorced somewhat amicably and they split up their assets. Now for the real dirt of this update. Last weekend, shortly after all our papers were signed, Amy reached out to me. She asked if we could talk. Perhaps I should have declined, but I'll admit, I was curious about the 24-year-old prodigy and until recently, Virgin, person who was Joseph Air partner,

so I agreed to meet her for lunch. So the thing is, Amy is very pregnant, like third trimester pregnant. She confirmed that she's due in mid-October, which means the affair has been going on a whole lot longer than Joe let on. Whatever, it's water under the bridge because the divorce is almost final. However, after some polite but chilly pleasantries she asked me,

When are you going to be moving out of the house? Because surely, Joe has been patient enough with giving you time to get your life together. And my apartment is small and we need space for the baby. Oh, what? I told her that she must be mistaken because the house is mine and herded from my grandmother, so I asked her, what else has Joe told her about me in our marriage? And Lie, after Lie, the Joe had told her came tumbling out of her mouth along with crumbs of the real story.

These gyms include one. Well, it is true that she and Joe met at work, but it was about a year ago when they were both interviewing for the executive training program that they're now in. Amy said though that they first became friends before getting together romantically. Apparently, Joe told her that he was legally married, but that we had been separated in spirit and living separate lives since 2020. But that he didn't want to kick me out and make me homeless during the pandemic because I didn't make much money and we live in a high cost of living area.

2. Joe told me that we met in our early 20s when he was mentoring me in a GED prep program. That I was a high school dropout who was struggling with addiction and essentially that he rescued me. That he helped me get clean, tutored me for my GED and he had been supporting me ever since while I worked on college classes. He told Amy that I was prepping for an IT career and I was currently making $45,000 as a help desk technician, and that he wanted to make sure that I could at least afford a studio apartment. He told Amy that we had separated because I had relapsed and he couldn't have a meaningful

relationship with a drug addict. To be clear, this is all just straight up lies. My entire history of drug use is occasionally sharing a joint in college, maybe 4-5 times total, never anything harder. 3. It is true that Amy was a 24 year old virgin prodigy. She seemed dismayed that Joe had told me all that.

She said that it wasn't a moral issue. She really was just focused on school and work and she didn't make much time to date. And that generally, guys her age see more interested in casual hookups, especially the younger finance pro types, and she wasn't interested in that. But the Joe took the time to get to know her and was actually interested in a meaningful relationship. 4. I asked her if the pregnancy was planned, and she said no, of course not, but it was a miracle

because Joe had a vasectomy. So the- Oh, this poor dumb girl. How can a prodigy who's in a high-paying career be this stupid? Okay. So they took it as a sign that they should keep the baby. Now, to be clear, Joe did not have a vasectomy. Even though we were planning on being a child-free couple,

he firmly stated that he didn't want to alter his body like that, so he left birth control as my responsibility. So it really does seem like Amy is pretty blameless here. I mean, those of us who have been around the block would likely know not to believe a guy who claims to be separated, but is still legally married and living with his wife. But without Amy having any dating or relationship experience, I can see where she would have taken him at his word about everything. After all, I didn't know anything was amiss with Joe until a couple of months ago,

and I was married to him. Oh man, you guys, I just put two in two together. Back in the original post, the husband said that he was resentful because he had to work long hours while OP was chilling at home. And since cheating wasn't on the radar at all, it didn't occur to me, but he wasn't working long hours. I mean, he was doing something for long hours, but it definitely wasn't working.

That means while this guy was cheating, he used his excuse to further guilt trip his wife. Man, what a winner. What a high value man, you guys. Of course, Amy didn't want to believe me and I don't blame her for that either after all she's been in a relationship with Joe for close to a year and is over a seven-month pregnant with his baby who's coming soon ready or not I couldn't immediately refute

everything she said but I showed her a couple of things first a picture of me in my late teens with my grandmother in front of my house. And also, my LinkedIn profile which shows my current job and education. I told her to do what she wanted with the info and to please stay safe and take care of herself. And then I said my goodbyes. It was all very odd and unexpected and surreal.

Also down in the comments, someone asked OP how Amy took it when she revealed that she owned her house. OP responds, she didn't really believe me about the house, and she said she was going to have to talk to Joe about it. She said that she hoped that I would think about it and not be so stubborn and that the offer remained open to take the money she offered to move out by the end of September. Also someone says, maybe the reason why your husband didn't have a lot of fun money was because he was spending it on her. Also, someone says, maybe the reason why your husband didn't have a lot of fun money was

because he was spending it on her. Opie says, oh yes, definitely. A lot of the golf days were actually spent with her, not golfing. I don't know Opie, he sounds like he got a hole in one. He only played golf once or twice a month, not weekly, as he represented to me. Apparently, he convinced her that the reason he could never spend the night with her was that I tended to get high in the evenings, and he was always worried I would overdose if he wasn't there to keep an eye on me. Someone asked OP,

did you tell her that he didn't really have a vasectomy, and OP says, I did tell her, but her answer to that was to insist that he did have one. He just didn't didn't want to tell me. Because he'd only gotten one because although he did one kids, he didn't want to bring them into the world with a drug addicted spouse. Yo, how is this woman so dumb? How is she so stupid? I guess I have to go easy on her because she has zero relationship experience so she's

extremely, extremely naive and trusting. It's just, man, this guy has taken her to the cleaners. He is just feeding her a lie after a lie, and this poor girl's life is about to be ruined. What do you think is going to happen when she finds out about the house? She's probably thinking, okay, some of what this guy has been telling me are lies. Obviously, some of them are not lies. She's probably thinking that some of what OP is saying is exaggerated because she's on drugs.

But the house thing, that's rock solid, that's said in stone. Once it comes out that the house is like fully 100% OP's and that she can't have it. You know that's a big deal, that's just a straight up lie, that's not, oh, he said she said we don't know the truth, that's just a straight up rock solid cold lie. Is she just gonna be like, oh well, sometimes husband's lie, Teehee, and just stick with him, or is that going to be the house of cards starting to crumble? OP says that she's going to update maybe like a year from now once the dust has settled, so I hope I come across OP's post again, we'll see.

That was our Slash Best of Redditor updates, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.