rSlash - r/Bestof My Office Has a MYSTERY POOPER

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:08 Poo 8:20 Blog 14:28 Fire prevention Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is sponsored by ORA Frames. Are you stuck trying to figure out what to get people for Christmas? Well, I can tell you a gift that was super popular one year, ORA Frames. My mom and dad loved getting digital frames, because that's just what grandparents like, you know? Their favorite thing on Earth is seeing their family. And with ORA Frames, they can upload pictures to their digital frames in a few seconds. Trust me, it's a super easy gift idea that's sure to win you some brownie points. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off ORA's best-selling CarverMatt Frames, named No. 1 by Wirecutter by using promo code R-slash at checkout.

That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code R-slash. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Canada's Wonderland is bringing the holiday magic this season with Winterfest on select nights now through January 3rd. Step into a winter wonderland filled with millions of dazzling lights, festive shows, rides, and holiday treats. Plus, Coca-Cola is back with Canada's kindest community, celebrating acts of kindness nationwide with a chance at 100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop. Learn more at Canada's Wonderland.com. Welcome to R-slash best of Redditor updates, where the phantom pooper strikes again.

Our next Reddit post comes from R-slash co-worker stories. Someone pooped on the floor in the women's locker room. I work in a hospital and a department where we have to change into hospital laundered scrubs when we clock in. So we have a locker room that fits all 73 of us. The women's employee restroom can only be accessed through the locker room, which is badge access only. Yesterday, when the 11 a.m. shift came in, they found, sorry, they found a pile of presumably human turds in front of the door between the locker room and the restroom. Charitably, we can suppose that someone had a rumbly and the tumbling and failed to reach the restroom before the

countdown hit zero. The alternative explanation is that one of my colleagues is a stone, cold, a psychopath. The crime remains officially unsolved, but privately, I can think of a couple of suspects based on personality and or diet. No human can eat a sausage McMuffin every single day and maintain total control of their bowels. Down in the comments, people are trying to solve this whodunit, or poo-done-it, if you prefer, and Opie explains that the women who have access to this are nurses, technologists, surgeons, residents, and housekeepers. So, it could have been anyone. O.P. adds, I can only be sure it wasn't me. Then another update. After eliminating everyone not on shift at the time, we currently have two prime suspects. One is the

department drama bomb, who is currently enraged about not being approved for a requested shift change. The other is a surgical assistant who consumes McDonald's in quantities that I would have thought impossible had I not witnessed her meals myself. Like a city held high. hostage by a serial killer. We're waiting for another incident to give us more evidence. Then one week later, O.P. posted an update. Locker room pooper identified. A couple of days ago, I posted that someone dumped on the floor in the women's locker room at my hospital and then vanished without the slightest effort at cleanup. At the time, there were no witnesses and no clues as to the pooper's identity. Investigators, me and my colleagues, were stymied. Until yesterday

afternoon, that is, when the pooper committed another brazen attack. I work in surgery, and when a procedure is finished, the surgical technologist packs her instruments into a cart and sends them down an elevator to the decontamination room. We have a couple of traveling techs working with us right now, and yesterday, around shift change time, as one of them was wheeling her cart towards the elevator, one of my colleagues saw her paws, stick her leg out a little, and what and shake several poop nuggets out of her pant leg and onto the floor she then she then rolled her cart onto the elevator pressed the button and walked away like nothing happened yo hold on this is the person who's in charge of cleaning the equipment i'm not working

right now but my phone is blowing up with text from colleagues apparently management's been notified but the pooper doesn't yet know that she's been caught then opi post a mini update. The pooper is scheduled for an 11 a.m. shift today. Our manager just told a change nurse that the pooper has a meeting first thing when she gets in, and not to assign her any lunch breaks. I'm going in two hours later, and I'll update again when I know more. Then OP posted an update. According to sources, our manager intercepted the pooper before she made it into the department and whisked her away to the office for her meeting. What exactly happened there is currently unclear,

but at the end of it, the pooper was taken to the locker room where she cleaned out her locker and was escorted out to the parking garage by security staff. Note, this does not mean that the meeting was heated or violent. Security walkouts for terminated employees have been standard at my hospital for years, following an incident in which two male employees got into a fistfight because they were both sleeping with the same dump truck of a nurse. Anyway, management is currently tight-lipped about the situation

and will only say that the pooper has resigned and will not be returning. I'm sorry, that nickname is cracking me up. The charge nurse says that he heard the manager on the phone with security requesting the badge logs from the women's locker room. I guess they must have information about who has badged in at certain times. Perhaps they were able to place her at the scene of the crime. As for how the pooping was carried, out, the investigators, me and my work bestie, have a working theory. It's remotely

possible that she pooped while actually in surgery and held the poops in her cheeks like a reverse hamster until she could reach the targets. The operating room is full of strong smells, and between that and multiple rounds of COVID, many of us are basically nose blind. It is possible. However, we've come to believe that she has trained herself to poop on the move, like a horse on parade. But this explanation fits all known facts. She's a very thin woman who routinely wears her pants a size too large. We think that this is deliberate in order to facilitate stealthy pooping.

As for why, we'll probably never know. You'd think that if she had a medical problem, she would have mentioned it at her meeting and management would have worked with her. Was it a power move? A kink? No idea. We'll update again if I learned anything else, but that's what I have for right now. Then OP posts another update. Enough people have asked about the dump truck of a nurse that I'm just going to add the short version of the story here. This was many years ago, and I was a relatively new hire, so I wasn't included in a lot of the drama and gossip. The best I can recall is that the nurse, a pyramid-shaped woman in her early 60s, was sleeping

with both a scrub tech and a surgical assistant. Both married. They found out about each other, and the assistant caught the scrub slashing his tires in the parking lot. A fight ensued, which got broken up by security. The dudes got separated, fired, and sent one at a time to get their stuff and leave the campus. I can't remember which one left first, but he apparently came back to lay in wait for the second guy in order to continue the fight. Security broke it up again, after which police were called, wives found out, and there was a lot of commotion. The nurse decided she didn't need this kind of drama and dumped both guys, then eventually quit and moved out of state. I never heard what the legal fallout was. Uh, here's the thing to keep in mind,

guys, these are the people who literally handle your guts when you're in surgery. Cool. And you know, I don't know why my brain went here, but I was thinking how easy it would be to frame someone for this poop crime. You know, like, it's so, it's such juicy gossip that I think people aren't really inclined to evaluate it or give people the benefit of the doubt. If you just say, hey, I saw so-and-so shake out a turd, then I think people would probably just believe you. So if you really wanted to ruin someone's life, you could probably just squeeze one off in the locker room and say, hey, I saw so-and-so do it. And who would question you? Because the gossip is just too juicy to actually stop and think about it. Down in the comments, we have this post from Blinky Kitty.

I had a phantom pooper in my office. Every few months, someone would find poop smeared on the wall of a cubicle in the lady's restroom. There was always plenty of toilet rolls, so that wasn't the issue. Every time it happened, a communications email would go out offering mental health support for the perpetrator. We never found out who it was, but they must have. must have left or retired now, as it's been a few years since the last incident. Our next Reddit post is from R-slash Relationships. I'm a 29-year-old woman, and I recently discovered that my 32-year-old boyfriend of four years

has been keeping a blog mocking my business. When my abuela died, I inherited the keys to her long-standing botanica. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a shop run by Latinos, whose purpose is to sell religious esoterica things. We sell the seven-day candles you'll see at memorial sites, herbs, oils, statues, books, services, etc. These are all things I grew up surrounded by, and things that mean the world to me. I love them. To me, the scent of Florida Water and Hoyt's Cologne are home.

I took business classes to run the shop properly, and it's a successful business. We profit off it nicely, and we made some changes over the years, including services that you can't get at shops around us. We care deeply for all of our customers. I spend about 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. there every day, and it's like going to my other home. My boyfriend Thomas works from home. He does tech work and things like that. He's always been a huge supporter of my business because he knows how much it means to me. He knows it's part of my cultural heritage, of my life, and of my ancestors and family.

He also knows that I don't 100% believe in the things that we do. I believe in many of them, but I'm not hard-boiled religious, and I don't adhere to many religious rules. Well, the other day, I made us some breakfast, he finished very fast and went out for his morning jog. I asked him if I could use his computer to do a few things since it was right there and I'm a slow eater. He agreed and just turned it over to me. He left to his run and I got to work. But when I opened his browser, several tabs were open, so I clicked to a different browser so as to not disturb his. The other browser had one thing up, the blog. I noticed he didn't use the name of the shop, but I noticed he didn't use the name of the shop,

but there was a clear picture of it. And underneath, there were probably 50 entries so far. I didn't go through and read them all, because after I saw the first one, I got the idea. I got the idea clear as day. He was making fun of it, all of it, everything. My heart shattered. He made fun of the customers of some of the products we have.

One of the things we're known for is an extensive collection of candles for different saints, orishas, and figures. He mocks some of the orishas and their candles and the noveness. What broke my heart the most is that he made fun of the one figure who I like the most, who I don't want to mention because I don't want to offend. I keep a small home altar to the figure and tend to it carefully with love. He makes fun of the altar and talks about how nonsensical it is and everything. The comments range from nothing, to spam, to dedicated followers who talk about his crazy girlfriend, how I'm absolutely nuts and he should run away. Who would

believe any of this and things like that. I was so stunned and absolutely hurt that I had to check how long ago he made it. I saved the URL and read through all of it while I was at work and cried. I don't know how to address this with him. He's been blogging for two years now. My heart is shattered because our relationship has been nothing but love and smooth sailing, excitement and joy. He never shared my spirituality with me and it was never something that I requested of him. I even keep my altar out of view out of respect for his own preferences. What do I do? How do we come back from this? To me, it's not just about the spirituality.

I've grown up hearing people laugh at it and call it kooky and made up, strange, and all of that. But it's my grandmother's business. It's my ancestry and it's my heritage. To me, he's mocking those directly. Then two weeks later, Opie posted an update. I had my heart set on not just getting up and leaving. There were still some things that we needed to talk about, so when I got home two days after I made the post and had time to think about it, I confronted him. I started reading one of his posts off to him.

He asked me how I found out, and I was honest and told him. He started to get annoyed and asked me why I was snooping. I wasn't. And then he started up with his defense before I could even get a word in. He told me he always had a hard time understanding how I could be part of something where there was no logic behind it, how I could take money from anyone knowing that stuff is fake and everything. I let him say what he needed to say. I asked him, is that really how you feel?

And he said yes, and that he was happy to finally get it off his chest. He just insulted me, my beliefs, my family history, all of it, in the span of 20 minutes. I told him that if that's how he feels, he needs to leave. The place we live in was mine originally. He just moved in after we were dating for a while because it was easier. I didn't want to have to stoop that low. But living with someone who thinks that little of what I do and my business, the business that supported our very comfortable lives for all this time,

isn't something I can compromise on. He asked me if I was breaking up with him because of this, that it was his right, as an American with free speech to do what he's doing, and that I'm trying to censor him like all religious nuts do. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so I just asked him to leave. Over the next couple of days, he collected his things, and when he got out his last box he told me that he would not come back

but that I could bet he would still be posting on his blog about my shop I think the last thing I said to him was to have fun with his 15 blog readers I'm really heartbroken over this and very sad it came to this it's gonna be a long time before I try

dating again you know this guy's straight up stupid yeah he's right that he does have a right to say whatever he wants but freedom of speech doesn't mean that you're free from consequences. You can say whatever you want, but that might piss people off, which is also their freedom of speech. Also, I'd love to know of this hardline, non-religious guy celebrates Christmas.

You think? Because, I mean, that's a religious holiday. It's also the biggest holiday in America, by far. So if he receives or exchanges gifts on Christmas, that makes him a giant hypocrite. You think this guy celebrates Thanksgiving? I mean, that was founded by religious extremists, basically. This guy doesn't seem to grasp that something can be religious and also cultural,

and you can enjoy it for the cultural reasons without necessarily having to believe spiritually. Our next Reddit post is from R-slash Relationships. This weekend, I was staying over at my girlfriend's apartment. It's a single house split into two apartments. Around 8 a.m., I smelled bacon and went downstairs to see if she was cooking some. She had just bought one-fourth of a pig from a local farmer, so I was really hoping that this was some of the bacon. Sadly, it wasn't, and it must have been from the adjoining apartment next door.

Around 11 a.m., we hear an alarm going off next door, and I didn't think much of it. The neighbor, a guy in his 20s, is always around odd hours and staying up late, so my girlfriend and I just thought that it was him sleeping through his alarm clock. Shortly after this, I got up to do some laundry and smelled smoke. I realized the alarm is not an alarm clock, but a smoke detector going off for the last 5 to 10 minutes. I immediately ran around the house to the side door leading to the other apartment to see if I could get in. Through the window, I could see smoke, and also someone in the other room passed out on the couch. I tried banging on the door to wake the neighbor, but he didn't budge.

I'm a locksmith, and I had my picks on me, so I tried picking the door, but I couldn't get in quickly, so I ran to the front door, and thankfully it was unlocked. I walked inside, ignored the neighbor on the couch, and followed the smoke. Turns out, the bacon I had smelled at 8 a.m., along with a giant omelet, were both on the stove. Three hours later, burning. I turned off both burners, took care of the burnt food, and then went to check on the neighbor. The neighbor was out. It was clear this was either alcohol or drug-related, but he was otherwise okay.

I let him be and went back to my girlfriend's apartment. The neighbor woke up 15 minutes later, and we could hear him moving around just fine. He never came over to say thank you. The part where this gets messy is that since I'm a locksmith, I know that what I did could be considered breaking and entering. I'm pretty sure this would be covered by good Samaritan laws, but I wanted to avoid having it become a problem. It would be very hard to keep my job as a locksmith if I had either of these charges on my record. Later that day, I left my girlfriend and filed a police report to cover my butt, just in case. Last night, I was at the brewery with my girlfriend, and she had planned to drive us back to her place where my vehicle was.

I'd been drinking enough where I was not going to drive. I told her about filing the police report and she immediately got visibly upset and left the brewery without me shortly after. I ended up having to take a cab home and went back to my vehicle at her place this morning. My girlfriend is now telling me that we need to have a talk tonight and is otherwise giving me the cold shoulder. I can only assume that she's upset that I filed the police report and the neighbor or landlord might get upset. Then OP posted an update. So we broke up. We talked for about 15 minutes on the phone and she accused me of not taking her feelings into account. Since someone asked, we started dating off and on last summer and finally became a couple at Thanksgiving. Here's the bombshell. We're scheduled to leave on an already paid-for vacation to the Caribbean for a week together in just over two weeks. We talked briefly about it on the phone and decided it would be best if we gave each other some time and didn't talk about it just. yet. Then OP posted another update. Since we broke up, we haven't talked much, but agreed to talk about how we're going to handle the Caribbean vacation tomorrow. That won't be happening, it looks like.

Tonight, I got an email that she canceled my flight. I started doing some digging, and I was able to find out that she's now going on the vacation with her ex-fiance. You guys called it. There was more going on. I'm cutting all contact with her so I can have a clean break and move on to the next part of my life. By the way, anyone know of a fun place to travel with my flight voucher from a canceled ticket? Lull. That was our slash Best of Redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. At Fandual Casino, you get even more ways to play.

Dive into new and exciting games and all of your favorite casino classics, like slots, table games and arcade games. Get more on Fandual Casino. Download the app today. Please play responsibly 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerned about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge.