rSlash - r/Choosingbeggars "I DESERVE YOUR TV BECAUSE I HAVE SUPERIOR SPERM!"

Episode Date: July 11, 2021

r/Choosingbeggars In today's episode, we have the world's MOST INSECURE choosing beggar. I'm not even exaggerating -- this guy absolutely flips out because OP implies that he doesn't know what he's talking about. He goes on and on about how amazing, rich, and successful he is. He even spends some time bragging about his amazing sperm. It's like... "Buddy, what does any of this have to do with a TV?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Choosing Beggars, where the world's most insecure guy talks about how great his sperm is. Hey everyone! As you know, my birthday is this month, and I would love it if you could all come together and get me a group gift. If you could maybe pay for my mom's trip too, that would be great. She's helped me so much this year, I'd like to give back to her also. She doesn't have that much money now. The trip is about $18,000 per person, so roughly $3,600. Also, if you could maybe send us gift cards for food, souvenirs, and help us

pay for plain tickets, it would help a lot. Also, an update. I finally have a part-time job working at Rizzo's 8 hours a week. But I need a car, or I may have to quit. Does anyone have a car they're not using that I can have? Thank you so much. And then this choosing beggar supplies the link to a 14-day cruise to Alaska. Alright, so if you're broke, you don't have a car, and you're only working 8 hours a week, then I would think a 2-week cruise to Alaska would be pretty low in your priority list.

And like a job that's only 8 hours a week, I don't want to belittle people who have to accept rough jobs because if you really need money, then you really need money. But 8 hours a week, that's hardly even worth taking. Subject $30 Customer Appreciation Hi, I love your store, and I've always been impressed with your customer's service. I recently reviewed my purchases with your business, and in the past year alone I've spent at least $33. As a valued customer and someone who intends on making future purchases, I was wondering if you could offer a store credit, get card or promo code of

at least $30 off or 30% off an upcoming purchase. Even if you don't have a rewards program, and even if you already have a points program, I would still really like a discount that I can use right now. If not, what are the best promo codes that you have right now? Thank you. And then the choosing beckersons a follow-up email. Hi there, I hope you're well. What's the update on my request? Duh, down in the comments, I'm gonna read this post from the Stoognugget.

If $30 is being a loyal customer, then in that case, I must be the CEO of McDonald's. And then beneath that, we have this story from Pocchio. The most shameful moment of my life was when the McDonald's cashier said, you really should get the McDonald's app. You're here all the time. For context on this next post, OP's mother offered her house to an acquaintance of there

so he could film a short film inside of the house. Hello, OP's mother offered her house to an acquaintance of there so he could film a short film inside of the house. Hello, OP's mother. Thank you so much for accepting our offer. Here welcome. Please tell me from when to when that you're going to be filming so I can make sure my kids stay busy upstairs during that time. Actually, we would prefer if we had the whole house to ourselves. I'm sorry?

It would be much easier for us if your family could stay elsewhere for the week. It would be much easier for us to focus. Choosing Beggar, I appreciate that you asked, but please note that I'm letting you do this for free. Are you offering to pay for my family to stay elsewhere for the week? Maybe set us up in a hotel? Well, we told you that we don't have that kind of budget. So I'm supposed to pay to stay elsewhere for an entire week, while your folks stay in my house rent-free with access to all of our bedrooms?

Sorry, not happening. But we don't have the budget for anything right now. It was tough enough to get the camera crew around for a discounted price. It honestly isn't such a big deal. Just stay somewhere else. We'll finish filming in a week. Choosing Beggar, you really are being unreasonable. I was doing this as a favor to you guys. I don't actually owe it to you. I'm not granting you access to the entire house. It was hard

enough to convince my daughter to give up her bedroom for filming. And you told me that you would only film for three hours a day. She has classes to attend, we all have work to do, it's really inconvenient, not to mention costly, fresh to stay somewhere else. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to pass on the offer. Good luck finding another place for your short film. This is really unprofessional. Says the man who expects me to go out of my way and spend my money at his benefit when I don't even know him.

How is that even unprofessional? What is OP's mom a professional house lender? Down in the comments, Virgale brings up a really good point. This dude was either going to film an adult video or Rob you blind, or both. Also, further down in the comments, the user responsible link shares how our real film cooperates. Our neighbors had a few scenes filmed in their house for a show. I have no idea what they were paid, but in addition to being paid, they were put up

in a hotel. As their neighbors, we were also asked if we'd be willing to rent out our garage for them to have catering and equipment in. My husband didn't go for it, but they offered us $1,000 to use our garage for four days. One day they used our driveway for a couple of hours while we were at work. If they had an ask for permission, then we wouldn't have even known they'd been in our driveway, and when my husband came home, the producer gave him $100 just for that. Your mom was extremely generous to offer what she did.

Yo bro, this might seem like a dumb question, and believe me, by all means I'm not trying to be rude. But can I have your clash of clans account if you ever stop playing? I know that you're probably gonna say no, and it's cool, but I just really like your account. Hello? No. Oh, okay. That's cool, I guess. So ever planning on giving your account away? Like not for free for something. What would you need to sell your class of plans account? No. I'm not asking you to sell your account. I'm asking you what the price would be. Stop thinking that you're better than other people because of your little online score. So stop acting like a pretty little B word

and answer my question like the regular human you are. So the acronym for Clash of Clans is COC. So OP, I think the real way to get rid of this guy would have been, wow, you must really want my cock, don't you? How much are you willing to pay to get your hands on this cock? Also YouTube algorithm, please go easy on me here, that's spelled COC, not the other way. This is my online dating profile, I'm 24 years old.

I'm looking for the real deal. A man who makes six figures, cooks, cleans, and buys me flowers every week. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm beautiful, well-educated, smart, successful, and funny. I'm a catch, but I'm picky and I hate men. I chose to be a single mother. I love my baby, but no, you won't ever meet him until I have three carrots on my finger. Yeah, I'll probably be single forever with his attitude. No, I don't care.

If I were like trying to create a tender profile, that the sole objective is to get rid of men to scare them off, I would write something pretty close to this. I think the only thing that's missing would be like, oh, and by the way, I have herpes in all three holes. The other day I gave away a vacuum for free on Craigslist, and the woman who picked it up emailed me after to say, you forgot to empty the canister, and I cannot stop thinking about how annoying that was.

Down in the comments, we have this story from trepination. When I was in high school, my girlfriend's mom got a couch from a neighbor. I was sitting on the couch watching my girlfriend's little brother play PlayStation, and I found a pistol in between the cushions. Awkward. Then someone said, that is definitely worth more than $10. Did you pawn it? Nah.

But I definitely got the next turn on the PlayStation. Then Pamela's Paul adds, it's my turn now. But I still have one more life! I said it's MY turn. Hey, I met girl that just asked for your phone number on Instagram about my godmother's wedding. Okay, good morning. What did you want me to make again? Breakfast of brunch car with almond station with shrimp, crab meat, swordfish, and regular bacon turkey sausage, basically every breakfast

meat. A wing station with all the flavors you can think of. A waffle station. That stuff, salmon, dish tits on your Instagram, make that for about 50 people. Fresh fruit, shrimp and grits, macaroni and cheese. Fresh cooked veggies including string beans, broccoli, carrots, and collard greens. Also 200 cupcakes in all of your signature flavors. What's the date of the wedding?

August 10th for 175 to 200 people. We need an estimated price. It'll be $5,000. That's $28 per person. This menu is pretty expensive. However, $28 a person will definitely get the job done. $5,000? Yeah, I'm purchasing all the food and making it, correct? Yeah, lol, but why that much? You're an Instagram caterer. It's not like you have your own legit restaurant, lol. What does that have to do with me purchasing all that food and making it for 200

people? I'm pretty sure you have a good plug, low, every good caterer does. My godmother said $2,100, take the opportunity or leave it. Those were her exact words. Tell her I'm good, enjoy. Alright, I'm not a caterer, but this sounds like a fantastic deal. If I went to a restaurant and ordered breakfast, waffles, salmon, shrimp and grids, macaroni, vegetables, cupcakes, I don't even know what else, I would definitely expect the build to come out to more than $28. Wait, they mentioned swordfish. Isn't

a swordfish filet typically like 20 bucks all by itself? I don't know, but based on like rough math in my head, this sounds like the deal of the century. Selling OLED TV for $2,400. I would like to buy your LG CX 77-inch OLED TV for $500. Hilarious. Not as hilarious as thinking that you're gonna get $2.5,000 for an F-ing TV. If you paid that much forward in the first place then you're a moron. And oh my god if this is the part where you tell me that you paid even more.

You clearly know nothing about TVs dude, stay in your very stupid lane. Then OP sends a choosing burger linked to the original TV cost and says, OLED TVs are expensive. I've already had two separate offers for $2000. I hope you got their phone numbers. I guess they'll have to google this OLED you speak of. Yeah, you should. And FYI, I have an IQ of 147. Also I have records on the billboard charts in multiple decades.

Lowell even more hilarious. Hilarious, yet true. And then OPs ends a quote by Stephen Hawking that says, people who brag about their IQs are losers. Sure, buddy. Yeah, he's dead. I would be glad to send you my Billboard.com link to show you the records that I worked on that hit the charts if it makes you feel better. Records that you worked on? So many different people contribute to records, my guy. Being just one of them is nothing special unless you're the actual producer or singer. And I wasn't bragging, I wasn't forming you because you made a comment about me being stupid out of your own ignorance of my reality. Yeah, I was the producer slash remixer in the audio engineer.

I'm not the one arrogantly proclaiming that a TV that I evidently know nothing about is worth one-fifth of the actual value. And if you were actually successful, then I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be spending time arguing with random sellers. Get your head out of your butt. It's called Offer Out Moron. I bought the $9,000 mixer you see in my profile for 142. Congrats, you found an ignorant seller. I am not an ignorant seller.

I bought an Alan Heath GL 4000 mini-condition on here for $400. That's an F-ing $14,000 board in pristine condition. I win here! You sellers lose! Correction. Some sellers lose. And you're the broke person here trying to sell your stuff to pay your rent because you have no life skills. Except you can probably give a mean B.J. I'm not sure what you think that you're proving here. I don't have any rent to pay. Now look who's making assumptions. I will hand it to you though, you're very amusing. Such a big ego and such a little man.

Big ego and a big man. Because I got the effing stuff to back it all up in any and all arenas. I'm sure you do, hun. Good luck paying that rent, kiddo. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go buy some more stuff from you Broke losers on Offer-Up so you can all continue to live indoors. Have a wonderful day. You seem to think that sellers on Offer-Up are a monolith. Very strange. No, I just think you're a butthole for calling me stupid. When every single one of my effing individual sperm is possessed more money getting skillsets and personality than you.

F you in your stupid TV. I've got 10 effing TVs and 16 computer monitors. I just wanted yours for that crackhead price that I get everything else for on here. F your struggle broke loser. I hope you get evicted. Your mom wants her F in couch back. Loser. Ha ha ha.

Stay mad bro. This guy might be the most insecure loser that I have ever seen in every single Reddit post that I have ever read. I'm on video 930. So if we have to assume there's I don't know 10 stories on average that's over 9000 stories on reddit. And this guy was by far the most insecure of them all. Did he just compliment his sperm? This guy said that he was smart, successful. He has great

sperm. Apparently also he's a big enough guy that he could fight, successful. He has great sperm. Apparently also he's a big enough guy that he could fight OP. Yet still, he finds an need to argue with people on Craigslist or whatever app this is, I don't know. When was the last time you heard of a multi-millionaire raging a random people on Craigslist? On this next post, OP is trying to give away a free futon. Okay, she wants to come tonight. What's your address?

It's too late tonight. She can only do it tonight. She has four kids. Unfortunately I've gone to bed. I can't do it tonight. Okay, if you put the futon in the driveway, she can grab it. It's not in the driveway anymore because it was going to rain. It's not happening tonight.

It's not happening ever and you're getting a poor review for being rude. This next post was posted to our slash on popular opinions. I think Netflix should be free. So, how would filmmakers make a living? Every movie or series would have a donate button on the side, and people would be able to support their production

if they liked what they watched. If people don't feel like giving money to them, even after really liking the shows, then simply what's gonna happen is a cheaper production or a show is getting cancelled. But that's not a bad thing. It would just mean the people don't value that series enough to give part of their money to it. And, naturally, a series that people aren't willing to fund isn't worth watching. Netflix servers would be paid by taking a small portion of the donations and they should also have all possible shows on earth.

It would be a perfect catalog of all the movies, series and documentaries ever produced. They would finally be able to provide an actual good filter and use AI to predict what movie we should like to watch next because they have a lot more of them now. And if Netflix doesn't provide a good service on streaming, then other platforms would be able to stream anything for free, and they would be able to fill that gap, eventually causing Netflix to implement this system or die. Down in the comments, I'm gonna read this post from my pig whistles. This person should work for free.

If he does a good job, then his boss might donate him some money every once in a while. If nobody thinks that his work is worth payment, well, that would just mean that nobody values it, and he can die. That was our slash-shoesing beggars, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. every single day.