rSlash - r/Choosingbeggars "I Only Date Handsome Millionaires"

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

r/Choosingbeggars Welcome to the insane world of incel choosing beggar dating! We've got ugly, basic girls who want to date handsome millionaires, and incel neckbeards who want to date supermodel, submissive slaves. And what they offering to these high-value partners? Well, absolutely nothing. They just expect the world to conform to their completely unrealistic expectations because that's what choosing beggars always do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Choosing Beggars, where a Choosing Beggar tries to find true love. Believe it or not, this next post came from a Craigslist ad. I'm looking for an easy, low-pressure full-time job. I'm a young professional in search of an easy job. I want to find a full-time position that isn't fast-paced and not commission-based. I have an eye for detail, and I like to take my time with everything I do.

However, I can bust some stuff out quick if I'm in the zone. I have many talents, and I'm physically fit, but I don't wish to find a very physical job. I have strong customer service and some sales experience, and I can be very personable when I choose to. I can work as part of a team or individually, but I prefer to be left alone. I have a lot of energy, and I have a hard time sitting still. I like to think out problems and creative solutions to them. It's important to me that the people I work for are good people with a conscience. Lastly, I need to make annually over $46,000. I mean, on the one hand, I feel like I can't really begrudge this guy, because he kind

of wants the same thing that everyone wants. An easy, low-pressure job where you don't have to deal with customers or other employees sounds awesome. However, how on earth could this guy think this was actually a good job posting? Like every single line of this post just screams lazy and unreliable. And on top of all that, extremely stupid. Most people who are lazy at least have the good sense to pretend that they're not lazy when they try to get a job.

This guy's just like, nah, I'm super lazy and I don't really like working so hard so give me money. Hello, is your brand new Nintendo Switch bundle still for sale for $300? Yes, it's still for sale, are you interested? Yes, but $300 is a little bit too much. I was thinking more like $100 cash. Uh, no. It's brand new and sealed. It comes with two games which are also sealed.

You can buy a switch with no games at the store for more than this price, not even including taxes. All I have is 100 bucks, take it, or leave it. I already said no, it's brand new, sealed. Okay, but what if you removed the plastic from it and sell it to me already said no, it's brand new sealed. Okay, but what if you removed the plastic from it and sell it to me for $100 since it won't be new anymore? Haha, down in the comments, I'm gonna read this post from Boba Fett. Hey, you know that brand new car on your lot? Why don't you drive it twice around the block and sell it to

me used? Our next reddit post is from Edwado-kun. Previously, I was living in a house of four people. I had lived there the longest, and I'd say about 70% of the common area things were mine. The silverware, one of the couches, the plateware, cookware, and appliances were pretty much mostly mine. My roommates were always allowed to bring their own stuff, but most didn't since it was already provided. When I announced that I was moving, two of my roommates realized that a lot of the house was going to, so they got ready for my departure. Then came our fourth roommate, Will, the choosing beggar. Will's not a bad guy, but he's cheap.

After I announced that I was going to be leaving, he asked if I was going to be taking my things. I told him of course I was, I didn't want to rebye things. Then what he said next really threw me for a loop. He asked me why I would take my things to my new place. I said because they're mine? He then asked me why I would do that when they would be left with nothing. I told him that's not really my problem. These things are mine, and I'm entitled to take them with me. He tried saying that since he washed and took care of these items, he had a claim to them

too. I honestly couldn't believe what he was saying. I said, would I have a claim to your car if I paid for some of the gas or washed it? That shut them up. After I moved all my stuff out, my two other roommates found out just how much of a choosing beggar he was. In order to replace what was mine, they split up the missing items between each person fairly so that no one had to break the bank. For example, one person would buy a set of plates while another would

buy pans of equivalent value. The only thing that will bought was cups. On this next post, OP owns an app. Hi, can I help you? He has please. Why do you have to pay just to get photos of your kids? I think that should change in the future. It costs hundreds of pounds a month to keep this website online, and it costs even more to store photographs alongside other data. The price for a subscription is 99 cents per month, which I don't think is unreasonable. I think it should change. It's only a photo. Plus, not everyone is rich enough to pay 99 cents a month. Are you a teacher?

Yes, why? So am I, and this website is not a charity. I never said that it was. You're asking for something that costs me money to be free for you to access. It should be now, bye. And how do you propose that I fund it if it's free for everyone? Whatever, by! On this next post, OP is a bridesmaid for her friend's wedding.

Welcome to my bridal party! I'm so excited to marry the man of my dreams. As you know, this is going to be a very different wedding. We're hoping to hold the wedding outside, and please understand that December is generally a cold month, but in Oklahoma it's usually sunny in around 70 degrees. Just a few things to ask. I handpicked all the dresses and bridesmaids that will be there, and they'll all be size eight.

So if you're not a size eight, I recommend hitting the gym. No offense to anyone, but I've had this plant since I was in diapers, and I won it perfect. Your nails need to be cut short and uncolored. Your hair needs to be shoulder lengthened straightened, so if your hair is short, get extensions. No fake tans. As you may have noticed, my bestie, Blank, is in the made-up honor and is just going to be a guest. If you don't know why, just ask.

We have an understanding. We also want no kids at the ceremony, except for my flower girl. But she'll only be present to throw flowers, then her parents are taking her home. I'm sorry if this seems like a lot of demands, but this is my special day and I just want it to be like I pictured. Please be respectful and we'll have an awesome time. One last thing, I'll be sending my binmo and cash app to the ones who haven't paid the $500 donation towards my honeymoon in Hawaii. I love you guys and

I can't wait to be a wifey. Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second. 70 degrees in Oklahoma in December? That doesn't sound right. Didn't Texas just have like a huge no storm and Texas is south of Oklahoma. Do I have any Oklahoma fans out there because if so, let me know down in the comments. Does 70 degrees in December sound right to you? Because it doesn't sound right to me. It's probably more likely that this woman is just completely delusional. You really expect your bridal party to hit the gym and pay you just for the privilege of standing around for a couple of hours? It's not even an optional donation anyways.

It's a mandatory donation. Well, choosing Becker, look on the bright side. If you don't get enough money that you can afford a trip to Hawaii, you can always honeymoon in the hot, tropical land of Oklahoma. At Salesforce, we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going? Is it secure? Are you sure?

Are you sure you're sure? Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at askmorevei.com. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. Hey baby, I hear the blues It's calling, toss saladsets and scramble eggs. Y'all know how this goes. And maybe I seem a bit confused.

Yeah, maybe. But I got you picked. Ha-ha-ha. But I don't know what to do with those Tossallets and scramble eggs. Kelsey Grammer returns in Frazier. Life's calling again. New series now streaming on Paramount Plus.

Seeking female roommate. Rent is 450 a month in Wicker Park. I don't really need a roommate, but I would like a girl to live here. Don't worry about being messy or whatever, I have a cleaning lady come twice a month. Drinking is fine. No smoking because I just quit. You can do whatever drugs you want in your room. If they're good, you need to share.

Haha. I'm a professional and I'm barely even here. I'm a guy in good shape 27 years old. I have everything. TV, stereo, food processor, crockpot, good knives. All you need is a bed and bedroom furniture. Rint is 450 bucks including utilities if you're an average looking girl, meaning 6 out of 10.

Each point up towards 10 you can subtract 100 bucks. So if you're a 7, you're rent is 350 dollars. If you're a 10, you only pay 50 dollars. The same thing goes if it's the other way. If you're a one or something, be ready to fork over $950 a month. I will obviously be the judge. Oh, and the rent can change month to month. So if you sit around and eat Doritos with French onion dip every day and gain 30 pounds,

you better be ready to fork over some dollars. How great of a person you are in your personality will have no bearing on your score. By the way, no parties. You can't have a lot of guests over unless you're a 7 or above, and your guests are equal or better females. Good luck. Wow ladies, you hear that? He has everything.

A TV, a stereo, a food processor, a crockpot, and good knives. Like, how is that a flex? Also ladies, isn't it kind of a red flag that this guy's talking about how great his knives are and a post asking for a single female to live with him? Like, for real. Who mentions their knives? Hello, nice to meet you. I'm single, totally normal, and I have great knives. You've been connected because you both like anime. I'm looking for a girlfriend. It's mandatory that you watch anime or something so we can actually have decent conversations. I don't like therapy, religion, black lives matter, LGBT, people who go to college, cutters, people with an eating disorder, bipolar people, liberals, people with depression, judgmental people, anti-social

people, and any other person who looks for reasons to be anti-social. Send your Skype invites so we can talk on voice, or I'm going to block and report you. Insult me once and you're out of my life. This is not a troll. Download kick and Skype to add me. Send your Skype or your blocked and reported. I do not read DMs. Girls 18 and older only.

Don't talk to me unless you're up for meeting in real life. Final f***ing warning. No Skype equals Fing blocked and reported. I don't give a f*** about anything else. 18 or older only. Message me to insult and block me and I'm f***ing reporting you. Anything you f***ing say to me is going to be used against you. My kick username is for see me.

Stranger has disconnected. Wow, alright. There is a lot to go through here. So first off, it really is a shame that this guy doesn't like therapy because he could really use some. And he doesn't like judgemental people, but he spends literally the entire post judging other people. He doesn't like anti-social people or people who look for reasons to be anti-social. Then he sends this message to young girls with like four or five different threats and

curse words and oh my god. Who's really the anti-social person here, dude? I think we can summarize this post as, tell me that you're gonna die a virgin without telling me that you're gonna die a virgin. This next post is a screenshot from our slash female dating strategy. Alright, so this is a post from an angry woman, so normally I would use a funny voice for this post, but it's really long, and I don't want to lose my voice talking like Karen all the time.

This user says, unapologetically, my list for men is as follows. 1. Must have completed and graduated with the bachelor's degree or higher, at least one year ago. I just ghosted a man after finding out that he graduated December with his master's degree. Two, must make $100,000 or more, either with a job or via a business.

No exceptions. Three, must be six foot one or taller. No exceptions. Four, if there's an age gap, it must be no greater than or taller. No exceptions. 4. If there's an age gap, it must be no greater than 5 years. No exceptions. 5. He must have a completely intact hairline and all of his teeth. No exceptions.

6. He must work out regularly and have a visible 6 pack. I will not date fat guys. 7. He must be free of drugs, alcohol and tobacco. No exceptions. 8. He must be free of drugs, alcohol and tobacco. No exceptions. Eight, he must be childless at the time of matching. No exceptions. Nine, he must have never, ever participated in the armed forces other related fields. I swiped left on all veterans. I ghost, block, and delete any

man that I match with, who later reveals that he served in the army in any capacity. The same applies for cops, firefighters, EMTs, guards, or other related professions. The same applies to relevant departments. DoD, FBI, CIA, DHS, DOS, etc. There are no exceptions to this. If he served for even one minute, he is ghosted. Tin, he must not have access to firearms or weapons. If I see a gun in his profile, I swipe left. If we match, and he later reveals that he hunts or shoots for sport, I block, ignore,

ghost, and delete them. No exceptions. Eleven. No misogynistic men. Men who use insolingwage in their profiles are low effort profiles. Twelve. He must be within 15 miles of where I live, or there's no deal. men, men who use insolingwage in their profiles or low-eifer profiles. 12. He must be within 15 miles of where I live, or there's no deal. I'm not waiting more than 10 minutes for a man to pick me up.

Some exceptions. 13. He must not be religious. I'm not giving up my Sundays or eating any weird stuff or sacrificing anything to any God, or traveling on a pilgrimage anywhere, or doing any weird ritualistic stuff, ever, no exceptions. 14. He must be handsome, no exceptions.

Down in the comments, Ditch Jigger Girl says exactly what I was thinking. So the guy she goes to is because he got his masters in December. Doesn't that mean that he's at his bachelor for at least a year, which counts? I like to imagine that she actually found the one guy in the world who meets her every criterion, and she tossed him away because she's just that stupid. And like, the crazy thing is, guys like this do exist. I mean, there are handsome, six-pack, rich, just amazing guys, but those types of guys date Instagram models because they can.

I have to wonder, do you think that this girls an Instagram model? Also, down in the comments, Emperor 42 did the math, and I'm not going to read his entire post because it's pretty long, so I'm going to summarize. So first of all, he's just going to assume that OP lives in New York City because it's one of the highest populated cities in the world, so it gives her the most chances. That leaves OP with a pool of 4 million men and after cutting out all the guys under 18 that leaves her with about 3.2 million. After you cut out all the military, firefighter, EMT and whatnot, that's about 135,000 people so we're now down to 2.95 million men. Next he drops the age range to 20 to 34 and he cuts out all the gay guys, so he estimates

maybe 700,000 guys at this point. Only 14% of American men are 6 foot 1 or taller, so that drops it to about 98,000 people. Only 38% of people have a bachelor's degree, so that cuts it down to 37,000 tall educated dudes. Only about 20% of men work out daily in the US, so that's about 7,400 tall educated bros who are also ripped. By the age of 35, 40% of men will experience invisible hair loss, so we're down to 4500. Smokers make up 9% of New Yorkers, so we're down to 3600. After cutting out drugs and alcohol, you're down to 1,480 straight-age higher beings. About 20% of people own firearms, so let's cut it down to 1,200.

About 27% of people are religious, which brings us down to just 320 people. Once we factor in guys who make $100,000 a year, that's only 22% of men, so that leaves us with 70 rich hair at least running around the city. But wait, there's more! She's talking about meeting men through dating apps, and unfortunately only about 32% of men use dating apps. So, we're down to about 20 possible guys. This user ends his equation by saying,

finally, let's account for the fact that most men don't put a lot of effort into their profiles and we're left with one rich, educated, straight-age athlete. With no baggage, no religious affiliation, no history and public service, single dude, who is so amazing that he probably got his master's degree last Epping December. So, OP, good luck, you're really gonna need it. I'm a 25 year old single mother looking for a future partner. I'm Latina, 5'4, Kirby, smart, and super funny. I haven't had good luck with finding men and I'm looking for a flatter third partner who's ready to settle down. Requirements, your body count can't be higher than 1 one so we can be equal. Can't be younger than 21. You must live in Texas.

No, E-dating. You must not have an ex-girlfriend who's prettier than me. You must be hardworking and an expert in chaka-chaka. You have to be super smart, not overweight. You must be super attractive. You can't have small lips. No buff people. You can't talk back. You must do whatever I say. You will never look at other girls at all. You can't be super clingy. You have to be jealous, but not too jealous. You can't have many friends of the opposite sex. You must not watch X-rated videos. And most importantly, you must be a flat-erther. I don't like arguing.

She's right, she is super funny because this post is a joke. And I love the part about how she wants someone who's super smart, and she thinks that she's super smart, but she's a flat-erther. Well, good luck, lady. I really feel like today's video has a lot of lonely, desperate, delusional people in it. Like, I don't understand where people get off having such insane standards when the person who's making the demands is just average. That was our slash-choosing beggars, and if you like this content, be sure to follow

my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.