rSlash - r/Choosingbeggars "I'll Hire You If You Sleep with Me"

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

r/Choosingbeggars In today's episode, OP gets a disgusting offer from a firefighter. OP's a woman, and the guy claims that he can help her get a firefighter job if she sleeps with him. He writes this long, gross, multi-page text with all the reasons why she should become his friends with benefits, and how he's a "really nice guy" who's also "amazing in bed." Dude, if you're really such a catch, why do you have to blackmail girls into being with you? 🙄 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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tell me all the time that I'm totally normal. Our next Reddit post is from more lazy. Many years ago we moved to another country, so when it was time to decide what we'd be packing in the shipping container, we had to give up a lot of stuff. We had a double garage, so we parked the cars in the driveway for over a week, and we started putting the things that we weren't going to take with us in the garage for a yard sale later. Garage sale weekend comes around around and our garage was packed

with stuff. There were a lot of baby things that are then three-year-old no longer needed, including a bouncer, portable cot, stroller, etc. These were all high-end pieces because, like most parents, we were afraid of getting cheap items that put our baby at risk. There are also other household things like outdoor furniture, tools, bookshelves, crystal sets, you get the picture. We put an ad in the local paper advertising a garage sale, and at 7 a.m., there were already people waiting outside our house. Our prices were all reasonable because we wanted to sell everything in the garage, and

for the most part, the garage was emptying nicely. The baby items were all sitting along one wall when a choosing beggar comes in. How much for the baby items? The balancer is 10 bucks, the portable cot is 40 bucks, and the stroller is 20 bucks. That's too expensive for such old things. I'll give you $10 for all of it. No, these items are all in good condition and the prices are fair. This is when the choosing beggar slipped up and said, I own second-hand store and I'm telling you you're asking too much.

Oh, now I see. You want my stuff for next enough things so you can make money from my things in your store. You can have all three things for 50 bucks or you can leave. The Choosing Beggar then picks up those three items, telling me 10 bucks is enough and that's all she's giving me. I told her that unless she had 50 bucks for those items then she could put them down and get the hell out of my garage. She put them down and told me that she'll be back in a couple of hours and when those items were

still there she'd take them all for $5. I told her once again to get out and not come back. The garage sale was wrapping up in the afternoon and we'd made a decent amount of money selling our old items. There were still a few odds and ends left that we planned on giving to our friends. The baby items were still there, so I called my friend who had recently become a grandmother to ask if she would like them. My friend was thrilled because her son and daughter-in-law both worked, so she would be watching after her grandchild during the day. This meant that she would have her own set of things for the baby in her home, making it easier for her son and daughter-in-law. Just as my friend was loading the items in her car, along comes the choosing beggar.

What are you doing? I wanted those things. Too bad, they're no longer for sale. How much did you con this poor person for? Free, I'm just giving them to her. You can't do that, I offered you $10 for them. Actually, I can. The items are still mine, and if I wanted to, I could just smash them to pieces or give them away. You would rather give them away than make $10? I wanted them first.

You know the rules of selling. First in, first served. There's also a thing called paying a fair price, and you refuse my price, so see ya! I waved goodbye to my friend, and as the choosing beggar started to follow me into the garage to see what else was left, I hit the remote to close the garage door. In the end, my friend wanted to thank us for giving her these baby items, so once our house was all packed up, she invited us over for dinner a few times so I wouldn't have to eat takeout every night. As far as I was concerned, that was a beautiful trade-off.

Down in the comments, we have this story from Mountain Dream. I had a garage sale years ago, and I advertised the starting time as 8 a.m. I also wrote in the advertisement in all caps, No Early Door Nockers! Come the day of the yard sale. At 4 a.m. there's a knock knock on the door so I wake up and answer. Hi, we wanted to look at your stuff for sale. Can you read? Yeah, then F off.

They came back at 5am, 6am, 7am, and 8am when I opened the yard sale. Every single time they wanted something, I added a zero to the price. On this next post, OP is a rad breeder, and he's worked really hard to breed African software rads into cuddly pets through selective breeding. Selling male African software rads for 30 bucks. Are you insane? Your prices are robbery and you're not even selling females. WTF?

How greedy are you? I'm not even selling females, WTF, how greedy are you? I'm not selling African software breeders. I'm selling pets here from a line that has been extensively selectively bred to remove the bitey traits. There is tame as hamsters are. There are plenty of cheap rats available from feeder lines. I would recommend buying those if you feel that a better temperament isn't worth paying

for. Whoa, I've seen your Facebook page. I know who you are. You're greedy and selfish. Congratulations. You used a search function. But if you don't like me, then don't buy my rats. Or you can not be a butthole and sell me some females to go with one male. I'll give you five bucks each. The price just went up. They're $75 each now. A special deal just for you, pal. LMFBO, think you're tough kid. Watch your back. There's not many insert racial sur here around here, so you're easy to find and talk smack loser. I think you meant to type why owe you a postrophy, Ariy that spelling lesson was a freebie the

African software rats are a hundred bucks each now, but to be honest I'd rather just blacklist you and never sell you anything now or in the future. This next post is posted to Facebook in search of a reliable babysitter or nanny for Saturday to Sunday once a month sometimes more if my husband is out of town. The pay is fifty bucks a day. You would watch my kids at my home. You would be required to prepare meals and tidy up, as in help my child pick up toys, put her dishes in the dishwasher, etc. We live a little east of town. You need to arrive at my house by 5.30am and I get off work at 6.30pm. Time to whip out the calculator. $50 divided by, what is this?

13 hours, a 13 hour shift? Equals $3.84 per hour. Hey, I literally love your picnic setups. They're adorable. Thank you so much. I would love to picnic setups. They're adorable. Thank you so much. I would love to have a picnic setup with me and about 10 of my other girlfriends. Absolutely, the rate on that is 360 bucks. That includes a 2-hour picnic and char-cudery.

I am an influencer in the blank area, and I was hoping you could do that picnic for free. On top of that, you would pay me a huge discounted rate of $200 to post to my social. I usually charge $1,200. What I want to know is, does this ever work? Like literally, has this ever worked one time for any influencer? I'm supposed to go out, buy supplies, put together, I guess, a picnic basket for you and your friends. Spend hours doing this work. And on top of that, I also pay you for this service. Are these influencers just out of their minds?

Okay, so on this next post, I wasn't really sure if I was going to read this story for this video because the writing in this post is just awful. It's barely legible. I have to like use 100% of my brain power to figure out what on earth is going on here. But what this guy is asking is just so wild that I have to include it. In this post, the choosing beggar is a firefighter

and the firefighter is basically demanding that OP passionately hug him in exchange for networking. Anyways, I'll do my best to translate his gibberish into understandable English. Some of my friends need help to get hired and on the test questions. Why do I help? Because we're friends, and friendship is based on chemistry. All friendships are.

We don't know each other, so that means that I'm giving you stuff without the chemistry part. Since I'm giving that part up, maybe you can bypass the chemistry part and just go for it. You know how I look and what I'm like. I'm putting a lot of great things on the line for you to give you a huge advantage, but to give you all this help to ask nothing in return is just insulting. So let's just say that I would never do that. Do you want a career as a firefighter? You literally have a nice hot actual full-time firefighter who comes from a family of

firefighters and includes two chiefs. I have tons of info that could help you and you would pass that up. Low. Meanwhile, if you try to be friends with benefits with anyone else, it would be a total gamble. But with me, what are the chances that it could possibly be bad? Oh, lol. I guess the worst case scenario is that you could get fired. But I'm actually super sweet. I've met girls and honest to God, 99% of them have said things like, Gosh, I wish I didn't miss the opportunity to be with that guy.

You're actually real, you're even way better in real life. You're super polite and normal. So yeah, I can meet up with you for sure. And then, after we meet, if you want to do like a friend with benefits thing, that's perfect. I'm not giving out firefighting material that will 100% get you the job if you're not willing to reciprocate. Lol, I'm giving you a price on my hard earned 6 years of experience. Also, the odds of getting a firefighter job are like 1 in 700, so I have way more on the line than you do. So, it's up to you.

I'm not giving you anything until I get something. This is a very, very good trade with a very nice guy. Anywho, this is a golden opportunity and I really think you're missing out here. And if you think that I'm just preaching to the choir to get with you, trust me, I can get anybody. I just thought that you were really nice, but I've never had someone be so hesitant, but still demand to get what they want, lol, anywho. Good night, and if I don't hear from you, then oh well, if I do, then I wouldn't judge your B-up sets. For those of you who are listening,

but not watching, I had to change literally every single sentence from completely incomprehensible garbage to a sentence that even then only kind of made sense because the way this guy's brain moves from topic to topic is just bizarre, like how can this guy not string two sentences together? Also, ladies, I'm curious, how many times have you come up to a guy and said, wow, you're actually super polite and normal.

Because nothing says, don't worry, I'm a normal guy, like saying, girls tell me, oh, you're totally normal all the time. Like I can't even step outside my front door without some girl coming up to me and being like, wow, you're totally normal. And you're super polite, man I wish I could date you. I mean, for a guy who claims that he can get any girl he wants, man does he seem desperate. Also, I feel bad because I missed this line when I was reading it because it was just a total incomprehensible, garbled

mess. But when he was going through the list of all the things that women say about him, he also said, Also, girls say to me, wow, you're extremely good in bed. You're the best in bed. I swear, that's the truth. This guy thinks that he has so much to offer, but it's like, dude, you can't even write it complete sentence, and you think you're gonna help me study for a test?

If this guy is working as a full-time firefighter, then honestly, it's a miracle that he doesn't look like a piece of burnt toast by now. Tomorrow, I'm opening my first grocery store in a Title I school. I doubt that I'll be able to sleep tonight. Imagine a parent working paycheck to paycheck who can order dinner and breakfast for their family through our app and then have their child bring it home. I'm changing lives, man. No one does it like me. Just wait!

And if you don't know this, a title one school is a school that gets federal assistance because the kids who go to that school are typically from really poor families. So beneath that post, we get these responses. This is so great, but so much of that food is toxic. Just look at the peanut butter. Compare what's in jiff peanut butter to organic peanut butter or Justin's peanut butter. Please try to substitute one of these name brands with healthier options if you can. And then someone else replies, God forbid schools be about educating students.

This is just one more thing to distract them. And God forbid people actually leave their home to do basic tasks. Yeah, these are the families that are so poor that they have to take a bus to the grocery store, which means dragging those bags of food to the bus stop, on the bus, riding the bus to their homes, and then dragging the food from the bus stop to their home. Yes, God forbid that a kid brings home a jar of peanut butter so they can eat that evening. Also, these are families that are living below the poverty line. So are they really going to be paying for luxury organic foods?

Lady, processed food is way better than no food. This is like watching people build houses for habitats for humanity and those houses are going to go to like poor deserving people. And then being like, you call that a house or habitats for humanity and those houses are going to go to like poor deserving people. And then being like, uh huh, you call that a house, it doesn't even have a swimming pool. How are homeowners supposed to live a healthy life when they can't even go swimming in their backyard? That's so inconsiderate. On this next post, OPSLing a motorcycle for $1,000.

Would you be willing to take two payments of $400? I'm looking for my first bike. No payment plan. Sorry. I have the title clean in hand, so I want to sell it right out. I can't do $1000 though. I only make about $800 every two weeks. I gotcha.

Yeah, I might accept $800, but it would have to be a full payment. And leave me broke for two weeks. That would suck! I'm not making you buy this bike, bro. Maybe buy a bike that doesn't cost $1,000? Do you know how hard that is? Like $1,000 is about the cheapest I can find. For something that isn't a Moepad?

Yeah, I know. Would you take an iPhone 6 Plus and a Nintendo Switch Lite to lower the cost? No, I'm sorry, I have both already. Oh, lol, well, I do have my gaming PC, but I heavily use that. I do have a modded Nintendo Wii, but I don't know if you're interested in that. Or an iPhone 7, it needs a new screen

because my sister can't take care of things. Well, I feel that. I don't think I'm interested, but I hope you find a good bike. I was nice enough to let her use it, and she inevitably broke the screen. What about an Apple Watch series 4? It sounds like you have a lot of stuff that you could just sell to purchase a bike. That was our slash-choosing beggars, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day