rSlash - r/Choosingbeggars Seeking Sperm Donor! You Must Pay Me $180,000!

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

r/Choosingbeggars This young lady is looking for a sperm donor! Are you the lucky guy? All you have to do is pay her the low price of about $180,000 over 18 years! It's the deal of the century! This woman wants you to knock her up, but also pay child support throughout the child's entire life. Oh, and did I mention that you will have NO parental rights? Why on earth would anybody take her up on this insane offer? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash choosing beggars, where a woman expects a sperm donor to hand over 18 years of child support. Post it to Facebook. I need recommendations on a construction company, not just some trading to cut this down because it won't fit my storage space. See picture. My budget is around $15. I'll also sell this piece of furniture if anyone's interested in a bargain. I paid $160 for it. It's a rare color and my labor to assemble the furniture adds value, so it's $300. You pick up and haul it, or I'll need a real carpenter or construction crew to cut it down. Okay, so...

This person posted a picture of the furniture, and it's just a run-of-the-mill IKEA bookshelf. I know it's an IKEA bookshelf, because I assembled this exact model. Down in the comments, people track down the original bookshelf, and yeah, it's an IKEA bookshelf, it's called a Calax, and don't sell for 160. They sell for $90. I will admit that technically it is a rare color because OP posted a gray bookshelf and IKEA only sells them in white and black. So literally this person is trying to sell a $90 bookshelf that you can just buy from IKEA for $300. And to make matters worse, this person wants to hire a construction crew to disassemble a bookshelf.

This is an IKEA bookshelf. They're like the easiest things in the world to assemble and disassemble. You just unscrew the screws and they're disassembled. And even if you don't want it in your house, you don't even need to disassemble it. Just take it out and put it on your like, on the front road of your house, and someone will eventually come pick it up because it's free furniture. Okay, so I'm looking down in the comments.

Oh my God, I didn't even notice this because I was just focusing on other parts of the story. But this person is selling this shelf because it won't fit inside, because it won't fit inside the closet that they purchased it for. But people down in the comms are just like, just put it in diagonally. And like, yeah, they're right. Because if you try to put it in the bookshelf just straight back, then it won't fit in the

door. But like, what kind of idiot tries to bring a piece of furniture through a doorway and is like, oh, it won't fit long ways. I guess it's stuck. We can't do it. Well, so just turn it diagonally and put it in that way and it would fit perfectly. Or alternatively, even if it couldn't fit, and it can fit, then all you'd have to do is just disassemble the furniture and then reassemble it inside the closet.

Like there's so many solutions to this guy's, he's so stupid! This guy's so stupid that he doesn't even have the brain power to think, oh well, if the big rectangle is too big for the square hole, then I don't have enough brain power to think, oh, I should turn the rectangle sideways and then we'll fit inside the small square hole. Oh.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Alternatively, you could just take the closet door off of the closet, and that would make the closet whole bigger. And then you could just push the furniture back in there and then put the closet door back on. There's so many solutions to this guy's problem, but he's too stupid to realize any of them. So he's trying to sell his furniture for what? 90 into 300 is three times the price.

Three times the price. We need Ross Keller for this one. Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Dude, just pivot the furniture and it'll... Oh my god, this is... I almost feel bad for these people because they're so dumb that they don't even understand, like, basic, you know, like a three-year-old, they get, like, blocks, and you put, you put the circle block in the circle hole, and the square block in the square hole.

And the triangle block and the triangle, this person is so dumb they couldn't even do that frickin' puzzle. I mock these people on this channel because they deserve to be mocked because they're choosing beggars, but like part of me is like, God, what does it like to go through life and be that stupid, just that shoe on-head idiotic? Does a person like this wake up every morning and just think, oh, do my socks go on my hands or on my feet? I don't remember. On this next post, OP is trying to sell a desk on Facebook Marketplace. Is this still available?

Yes. Can you deliver to Blank? Yeah, no problem. Thanks a lot. When are you free? Now, if you can, is it okay if you could help me get it out of the car because it's quite heavy? Of course.

What's your house number? Blank. Do you have cash ready? Can I pay you in pleasure? No, lol. Well, you know choosing beggar, you know what really turns me on? Getting paid cash. My fetish is people giving me money

for products and services rendered. Thank you, ma'am. Hi, everyone. I'm looking for a natural sperm donor meeting these requirements. Age 16-23. Never use any prescription or illicit drugs. Never drink except for communion.

Blonde or light brown hair, not overweight, and comes from a 75% American background. Agrees to forfeit all parental rights at time of birth. No payment will be collected during any natural breeding sessions. However, regular child support payments in the amount of 20% of your income will be expected within the first month of birth. You'll remain completely anonymous throughout the child's 18 years of life, and you would be expected to maintain the same level of anonymity with anyone around you. Please reach out to me through Messenger for more information. Thank you. So you have to pay over 20% of your income over 18 years. Which, okay, let's just do the math. Let's just assume. Okay,

so let's say just for the sake of argument that you make 50k a year. 50k times 0.2 equals $10,000 a year that you're paying this woman just because you donated sperm to her. Multiply that by 18 years, that comes out to $180,000 that you're paying this girl just so she can raise your kid without any of your saying it. Like this is such a bad deal. Like if you just want to get your rocks off and you're willing to spend money to do it, then pay for a prostitute because it's a hell of a lot cheaper than $180,000. Alternatively, if you want to have a kid, then why would you sign up for this deal because you have all of the responsibility but none of the rights.

Man. Oh my god, imagine losing 20% of your income for 18 years just because you passionately hug a crazy woman on Facebook one time. Who would take this woman up on this deal? And besides, as a sperm donor, she should be paying you, not the other way around. There's just so many red flags in this post

and like, what even is a 75% American background. Unless this person is talking about Native Americans, which I doubt because they want blonde or light brown hair, then like the oldest un-American family could possibly be is being in America since 1776 and that's just 200 years I think? Yeah like 200 years that a family could be American. Which can't be that many, if I think. Yeah, like 200 years that a family could be American, which can't be that many. If we assume a generation is like 30 years and that's like six or seven generations and on top of this, they're looking for someone as young as 16 years old. So I understand that the age of concern is 16 in some locations. But is anyone else weirded out by the idea

of like propositioning 16 year old boys on Facebook for transactional intercourse? This feels, this feels pretty weird to me. Hey, I saw that you redo furniture. I had this really big China cabinet and I was hoping to have it turn into a copy bar. I got your number off your business card. I don't use Facebook, so I hope it's okay that I'm texting you right now. Hi, yeah, I don't mind at all that you're texting me. Can I ask who I'm speaking to?

My name is Kathy. I live in Blank, but Blank gave me your business card. I love what you did with her piece and I just really want you to do mine as well. She showed me your other work and wow! The Blue Vanity is a dream! Are you selling that one as well? Also, here's a picture of my China cabinet. Unfortunately, that Blue Vanity is my personal vanity, so it isn't for sale. Thank you for the compliment on it though.

As for your China cabinet, I can definitely fix that up for you. It does need to be stripped and sanded before I can prime it, so it'll be a bit more expensive than the work I've done for blank. What do you have in mind to color wise? But you're a business! Why would you post a piece that you weren't selling on your business page? That doesn't make any sense? For the China cabinet, I was thinking white or black ombra.

Well, I posted that picture or black ombra. Well, I posted that picture there to showcase my work. It could also be used as a reference photo for someone who wanted that color combination painted on a piece. I'm so sorry for the confusion. White to black ombra is definitely doable. Do you buy any chance of the dimensions of the piece? It's 76 inches wide by 72 inches tall. I just don't understand why you posted the vanity on your business page, so you should sell it to me. I'll give you $250 for it. Well, if I did sell it, the price would be $750. But as I stated earlier, I'm sorry, but this one is mine and I'm keeping it. As for your China cabinet, given the size, the

fact that it needs stripping and how much pain it would take for your China cabinet, given the size, the fact that it needs stripping and how much pain it would take, my estimate is about $400. Also, I take a 30% deposit before picking up pieces to cover supplies needed. Let me know if you want to proceed. I'll send over an e-contract for you to sign. I'm sorry, $750? That is absolutely ridiculous! I can go to IKEA and get a vanity for $200. And $400 just to paint something is also insane and unfair. How do you even come up with that number? Sounds like you pulled it out of your butt. And why would I pay you before you even do any work? That's stupid. Then OP sends back a long explanation about pricing. She ends with, if you can get a vanity from IKEA, then do that.

Because I guarantee that you won't harass them about their pricing or argue with them about something that isn't for sale even though it's in the store. I appreciate you contacting me looking for me to do work for you, but I've decided that it will not be worth it to work with you. My peace of mind is worth so much more. Thank you and have a nice day. I was working and some of us have a real job. I'm glad that you don't want to work with me because you're a scam artist and I don't

want to work with you either. I'm going to tell everyone I know how awful you are. Scam artist, LMAO, okay. Just because you can't afford my prices with your real job doesn't mean that I'm a scammer. Have the day that you deserve, ma'am. Okay, so down in the comments, OP posted a picture of her vanity, and I'm gonna be honest with you, this is one of the prettiest vanities that I've ever seen. And I'm not just saying this because I wanna trash on the choosing beggar, but it's literally gorgeous. It's like, how do I describe this?

It's kind of like sea blue that has a very gentle gradient to this dark, rich, royal blue. And it's got this kind of like odd, kind of goldy browns paint that makes it look like, it's kind of like shining through the blue paint. So I'm just trying to say that this vanity going for $750 is completely reasonable because this is a beautiful custom antique work of art and you could not buy this thing at IKEA. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only way that you could ever find a piece of furniture like this is if you pay someone like OP to get it for you.

Because it's clearly an antique piece of furniture, but it's been completely overhauled to make it more modern and beautiful, and yeah, 750 seems completely reasonable. This next post is honestly such a train wreck that I'm kind of like having trouble figuring out where to begin, so let's just dive in. I'll try my best. So this person posted online a literal itemized bill of their expenses and they're saying they want other people to give them money to like crowd source their bills. We've got $500 for a false claims lawsuit, $3,000 for car repairs, $1,800 for a shower floor leak, $2,000 for small repairs and replacements. $920 for a car payment, $800 for groceries and gas, what? $800 for groceries. $430 for dog food, dog treats, and

pet insurance. One, what? What is this? Cannabis Rosen RSO, Caps tabs and topicals. Is this pot? I think this is pot, right? $1, dollars for pot, that can't be right. Yeah, cannabis rose in his pot. Okay, what are our, what are our RSOs? RSO is also pot. Yeah, okay. Caps and tabs, this can't be right.

A thousand dollars for pot? What's? $600 for a chiropractor and massage therapy, and then $1,000 for care packages and food pantries and supplies. What? But we already have $800 for groceries and gas. Why do we have another 1,000 for care packages and food? And then this person posts their cash app and their Venmo and their PayPal asking for money

for all of these expenses. 500 plus 3000 plus 1800 plus 2000 plus 460 plus 460 plus 800 plus 430 plus 1000 plus 600 plus 1000. Okay, that comes out to the low, low price of $12,050. Then, after this choosing Beggar somehow gets donated $1200, they get sent this. Thank you for those trying to get me to my goal, but we didn't even reach the goal to pay for my bill for my car. Also, my dad's car just gave out, so we'll need Lyft and we'll also need cash to do so. I appreciate those that sent what they could, especially the five people that sent over a hundred dollars, but I only raised twelve hundred dollars.

I need three thousand dollars by Thursday, but it didn't happen. So now my bills are late and y'all genuinely act like I don't get to survive. Even though I'm pretty sure that you guys can make sure that you feed yourselves and your kids. What? What on- what am I reading? But you'll let Joe Button- does he mean Joe Biden? You'll let Joe Button still be rich and have a broadcast after admitting he thinks about stroking his dog's dick.

What? Who is Joe- what? What am I reading? Oh, okay, he's a rapper. I see. Didn't know that. You all need to fix this now. I need $3,000 by today, and I need another $4,300 by Sunday.

Make it happen. Share and boost hard, donate. Man, I don't even know where to begin on this one. So, I think the big problem here is that this guy's expenses are $12,000. If you expand that over 12 months and pay that same amount every month, that comes out to like almost $150,000 in yearly expenses.

Like bro, do you really need a $1,000 to cover you the month for massage and pot and like almost two thousand dollars worth of groceries like come on man. Then down in the comments OP gives more information. So this choosing beggar does this every month. They come up with an outrageous amount of crowd fund needs including money for illegal percisellt pills cannabis and all kinds of insane bills. They're also supposedly in a car accident every other month. When their crowd fun goal of thousands of dollars isn't met within a week or so, the rage posting starts.

When the new month comes up, they delete everything and start all over again. They've managed to raise thousands of dollars. For the life of me, I can't understand why people keep donating and enabling this behavior. Okay, so I've covered a lot of job postings in our slash choosing beggars, but I think this is the worst one that we've ever had. Job type, full time. Pay, 16 to $18 per hour. Okay, then they list a ton of benefits like 401k, dental insurance, health insurance, pay time off, etc. etc. This is for an 8 hour shift on call. Education required.

A doctorate. The title of this post is the only doctor you'll get for $16 is Dr. Pepper. So the average amount of time that it takes for a student to get a doctorate degree is 8.2 years of school. So imagine going to school for almost a decade. Racking up all that debt just to get a job that pays, what, like, two or three dollars above minimum wage? Are you kidding me? That was our slash choosing beggars. And if you like this content, then you can sponsor my podcast to unlock extra episodes. Also be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.